The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb Volume IV Part 48

SECOND GENTLEMAN Phoo! that is the charm, Who is he? and What is he? and What is his name?--The man with the great nose on his face never excited more of the gaping pa.s.sion of wonderment in the dames of Strasburg, than this new-comer with the single letter to his name, has lighted up among the wives and maids of Bath; his simply having lodgings here, draws more visitors to the house than an election. Come with me to the parade, and I will shew you more of him. [_Exeunt_.]

SCENE.--_In the Street_.

(MR. H. _walking_, BELVIL _meeting him_.)

BELVIL My old Jamaica school-fellow, that I have not seen for so many years? it must, it can be no other than Jack (_going up to him_). My dear Ho----

MR. H. (_Stopping his mouth._) Ho----! the devil, hush.

BELVIL Why sure it is--

MR. H.

It is, it is your old friend Jack, that shall be nameless.

BELVIL My dear Ho----

MR. H. (_Stopping him_.) Don't name it.

BELVIL Name what?

MR. H.

My curst, unfortunate name. I have reasons to conceal it for a time.

BELVIL I understand you--Creditors, Jack?

MR. H.

No, I a.s.sure you.

BELVIL Snapp'd up a ward, peradventure, and the whole Chancery at your heels?

MR. H.

I don't use to travel with such c.u.mbersome luggage.

BELVIL You ha'n't taken a purse?

MR. H.

To relieve you at once from all disgraceful conjectures, you must know, 'tis nothing but the sound of my name.

BELVIL Ridiculous! 'tis true your's is none of the most romantic, but what can that signify in a man?

MR. H.

You must understand that I am in some credit with the ladies.

BELVIL With the ladies!

MR. H.

And truly I think not without some pretensions. My fortune--

BELVIL Sufficiently splendid, if I may judge from your appearance.

MR. H.

My figure--

BELVIL Airy, gay, and imposing.

MR. H.

My parts--

BELVIL Bright.

MR. H.

My conversation--

BELVIL Equally remote from flippancy and taciturnity.

MR. H.

But then my name--d.a.m.n my name.

BELVIL Childis.h.!.+

MR. H.

Not so. Oh, Belvil, you are blest with one which sighing virgins may repeat without a blush, and for it change the paternal. But what virgin of any delicacy (and I require some in a wife) would endure to be called Mrs.----?

BELVIL Ha! ha! ha! most absurd. Did not Clementina Falconbridge, the romantic Clementina Falconbridge, fancy Tommy Potts? and Rosabella Sweetlips sacrifice her mellifluous appellative to Jack Deady? Matilda her cousin married a Gubbins, and her sister Amelia a Clutterbuck.

MR. H.

Potts is tolerable, Deady is sufferable, Gubbins is bearable, and Clutterbuck is endurable, but Ho--

BELVIL Hush, Jack, don't betray yourself. But you are really ashamed of the family name?

MR. H.

Aye, and of my father that begot me, and my father's father, and all their forefathers that have borne it since the conquest.

BELVIL But how do you know the women are so squeamish?

MR. H.

I have tried them. I tell you there is neither maiden of sixteen nor widow of sixty but would turn up their noses at it. I have been refused by nineteen virgins, twenty-nine relicts, and two old maids.

BELVIL That was hard indeed, Jack.

MR. H.

Parsons have stuck at publis.h.i.+ng the banns, because they averred it was a heathenish name; parents have lingered their consent, because they suspected it was a fict.i.tious name; and rivals have declined my challenges, because they pretended it was an ungentlemanly name.