What’s Your Gender, Princess? Chapter 4

【4】

Afterwards, I called in the trembling palace maids to help us wear our clothes, and I was still using a dark, cold, threatening tone of voice towards them based on Prince Wumin’s instructions: “What happened earlier?”

The legs of those few palace maids all went limp: “Nothing happened…”

I nod in satisfaction: “You’re dismissed. Oh, go to Princess Yangping’s and ask for a set of clothes. The more gorgeous it is, the better. Get a more looser one. Then, ask for jewelry, rouge, and stuff like that.”

This was obviously also what Prince Wumin told me to say. He said that people relied on clothes. Since we can’t bring out a suitably pretty clothes and jewelry in such a short period of time now, we could only use a borrowed one.

I was a bit puzzled: “I recall that you had several sisters, so why did you pick Princess Yangping specifically?”

Prince Wumin said: “Yangping is more simple, she won’t ask questions.”

“Why do I need a more looser one?”

“She has a great figure, if it’s too tight, your body won’t be able to support it.” Prince Wumin’s eyes contained a teasing smiling expression.

Frankly speaking, I really admired this trait of Prince Wumin’s. No matter what how big of a situation happened, he would instantly make it alright. Even though I’m not sure if he really didn’t care about it, but… just by looking at the expressions he displayed, it really makes one feel puzzled.

I nodded: “Having a big chest but no brain, has been a scientific law since ancient times.”

Prince Wumin laughed heartily: “There’s so much salt in your words.”

I stared at him.

Prince Wumin lazily said: “Having a big chest but no brain, is better than having a small chest and no brain…”

I stared at him again.

Prince Wumin said innocently: “I wasn’t talking about you.”

I couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge him and sat in palace while waiting for the palace maids to deliver Princess Yangping’s clothes. Prince Wumin was currently wearing his own simple white male garments. At this time, the weather had already become cold. He looked a bit cold as he sat there, and after thinking about it for a while, he withdrew back into his blankets.

Well, he’s taking care of my body, so I didn’t have any objections anyway. We just sat in silence like this for a while. Prince Wumin opened his mouth to talk: “Oh right, I still have to teach you what to do when you go to see my royal father. First, when you approach the dragon bed in my royal father’s chambers, your footsteps must be slow. Your body must be trembling, if you can cry, cry out loud. Then, kneel in front of my royal father’s bed, and say ‘My royal father’s illness that hurts him this much, this son is willing to replace him!’ —— Remember, you have to say it in a sobbing tone, and earnesty say it. You have to let the audience feel broken-hearted, and make them shed tears when they hear you…”

I interrupted him: “…how fake.”

Prince Wumin shrugged his shoulders with indifference: “If your royal father dies this fast, and if he had always been in such a half-dead state, you would also be like this.”

I shook my head: “When my royal father died, I never shed a single tear. I don’t feel anything for him, and he doesn’t need me to grieve for him.”

Prince Wumin nodded: “That’s a special exception. You don’t feel anything for your royal father, and he doesn’t need you to grieve for him, but I need to. At the moment, my uncle and I are comparing who has shed the most tears.”

I was somewhat hesitant: “But I can’t cry loudly.”

Prince Wumin thought for a moment, and fished out a sack from under his pillow. There were a few needles inside: “If you really can’t do it, then stab yourself with this.”

“…”

I slowly received the needle: “How about I stab you to death instead?”

“…”

Who knew that before Princess Yangping’s clothes and jewelry had arrived, I would hear a person outside yell out something like Princess Shengan. Prince Wumin’s complexion sank, and explained: “She’s my uncle, the King of Xiuyi’s daughter. She has always been in love with me…”

Once I heard that, I got it right away…

Originally, I thought it would be alright and that she would stand outside and wait a while. Who would’ve imagined that this princess would be so unruly. The whole journey here, she was pus.h.i.+ng, shoving, and b.u.mping into things. Without the person outside even getting to announce her arrival, she barged in. At this moment, Prince Wumin and I were face to face with each other, with several needles’ length of s.p.a.ce between us. Once I heard the outside noise, I quickly put the needles back under the pillow and was simultaneously knocked away by someone.

As such, for the most part, this princess probably saw that Prince Wumin and I looked pretty close…

She shrieked, and took huge, exaggerated steps forward. She grabbed me: “Dear brother, how could you let this woman lie on your bed?!”

Dear brother? Err, weren’t you guys cousins…

But she still called him dear brother? Err, too scary…

Prince Wumin glanced at me, but didn’t dare to say anything. He quickly closed his eyes and pretended to be weak and delicate.

That Princess Shengan was still noisily pulling at my sleeve: “Dear brother, tell me what happened!”

I said: “Shengan, let go of my sleeve first…”

Princess Shengan shouted in displeasure: “Dear brother, you’ve always called me You’er, why did you just call me Shengan?!”

How should I know, Prince Wumin never told me this before!

I said with a head almost filled with sweat: “Uh, let go of me first…”

“I don’t want to!” Princess Shengan was indeed a serious rebel at heart. She stared at me with wide open eyes. Then she tugged at my sleeve, turned around to look at Prince Wumin, and just happened to meet Prince Wumin’s secretly peeping open eyes. Meeting the murderous look in her eyes, he closed his eyes again in fright… I seriously want to whip him. His transformation was really too fast…

What kind of thing are you? You saw me, but you actually didn’t make the proper courtesy?” Princess Shengan said as she looked down in arrogance, “Don’t think that just because my dear brother doted on you for a night that you’re extraordinary. Let me tell you, you’re nothing!”

Prince Wumin didn’t make a sound.

I didn’t make a sound either.

When Princess Shengan finished speaking, and n.o.body replied, she probably felt a bit embarra.s.sed, and started yelling again: “Hey, what’s wrong with you? I want you to salute me! Why are you still on my dear brother’s bed?!”

She stopped speaking, and then actually slapped forward.

That’s my face!

I quickly pulled back her hand: “You’er, if you have something to say, say it slowly…”

“You what er? Didn’t you call me Shengan before?!” Princess Shengan turned her head around and got angry at me.

“Err, Shengan,” I took her advice and said, “If you have something to say, say it slowly…”

Prince Wumin suddenly laughed out loud. Baffled, I looked at him and wondered what was so good about him. Immediately afterwards, Princess Shengan fiercely pushed me aside: “Feng Qingyan, you’ve gone too far!”

Feng, was West Yang Country’s royal surname. Looks like Prince Wumin’s name was Feng Qingyan. No wonder Princess Shengan kept on calling him dear brother…
(TL: Qing, in Chinese, was also an endearment between spouses)

I looked at this Princess Shengan in confusion, and didn’t know what I have done to have gone too far.

Prince Wumin had already stifled his laughter, but his body continued to unceasingly shake. It was evident that he was trying his best to endure it. When Princess Shengan saw him like that, she became even more angrier and stepped forward with the intention to push him.

Before I could even stop it in time, Princess Shengan had already stepped on a tile. It was the same tile, the same area where Prince Wumin and I left our bloodstains. We had just tidied it up this morning, so it was still wet. I saw her slip underfoot, and her entire person flew over. Prince Wumin quickly dodged to the side, and his clothes had also accidentally moved the pillow as well. Thus, Princess Shengan’s entire person perfectly fell on the spot where I concealed the needles…

After that, when Prince Wumin and I no longer heard any sounds of movements from after Princess Shengan fell over, I looked, and saw that both her eyes were tightly closed. Her forehead was brightly lit, filled with several long needles…

So horrifying, so scary, nice skills…

—-
alyschu: n.o.bility back then mostly were known by their t.i.tles. Prince Wumin’s real name is Feng Qingyan, whereas Princess Changyi’s name is Yun Jiao. It’s a pain to translate their t.i.tles into English because they’re so profound and would end up sounding long-winded so I didn’t. They usually go by their t.i.tles and were referred to by their t.i.tles so I didn’t want to translate their t.i.tles and make them sound too long and awkward.