John Bull Part 18

_Enter DAN, with a Basket at his Back._

Dan, you devil! aren't you a beast of a waiter?

_Dan._ What for?

_Dennis._ To stay out so, the first day of company.

_Dan._ Come, that be a good un! I ha' waited for the company a week, and I defy you to say I ever left the house till they comed.

_Dennis._ Well, and that's true. Pacify me with a good reason, and you'll find me a dutiful master. Arrah, Dan, what's that hump grown out at your back, on the road?

_Dan._ Plenty o' meat and drink. I ha'n't had such a hump o' late, at my stomach. [_Puts the Basket on the Ground._

_Dennis._ And who harnessed you, Dan, with all that kitchen stuff?

_Dan._ He as ware rack'd, and took I wi' un to Penzance, for a companion. He order'd I, as I said things were a little famish'd like, here, to buy this for the young woman, and the old man he ha'

brought back wi' un.

_Dennis._ Then you have been gabbling your ill looking stories about my larder, you stone eater!

_Dan._ Larder! I told un you had three live pigs as ware dying.

_Dennis._ Oh fie! Think you, won't any master discharge a man sarvant that shames him? Thank your luck, I can't blush. But is the old fellow, our customer has brought, his intimate friend, he never saw but once, thirty years ago?

_Dan._ Ees; that be old Job Thornberry, the brazier; and, as sure as you stand there, when we got to his shop, they were going to make him a banker.

_Dennis._ A banker! I never saw one made. How do they do it?

_Dan._ Why, the b.u.m baileys do come into his house, and claw away all his goods and furniture.

_Dennis._ By the powers, but that's one way of setting a man going in business!

_Dan._ When we got into the shop, there they were, as grum as thunder.--You ha' seen a b.u.m bailey?

_Dennis._ I'm not curious that way. I might have seen one, once or twice; but I was walking mighty fast, and had no time to look behind me.

_Dan._ My companion--our customer--he went up stairs, and I bided below;--and then they began a knocking about the goods and chapels.--That ware no business o' mine.

_Dennis._ Sure it was not.

_Dan._ Na, for sartin; so I ax'd 'em what they were a doing;--and they told I, wi' a broad grin, taking an invention of the misfortunate man's defects.

_Dennis._ Choke their grinning! The law of the land's a good doctor; but, bad luck to those that gorge upon such a fine physician's poor patients! Sure, we know, now and then, it's mighty wholesome to bleed; but n.o.body falls in love with the leech.

_Dan._ They comed down stairs--our customer and the brazier; and the head baily he began a bullocking at the old man, in my mind, just as one christian shou'dn't do to another. I had nothing to do wi' that.

_Dennis._ d.a.m.n the bit.

_Dan._ No, nothing at all; and so my blood began to rise. He made the poor old man almost fit to cry.

_Dennis._ That wasn't your concern, you know.

_Dan._ Bless you, mun! 'twould ha' look'd busy like, in me, to say a word; so I took up a warming pan, and I bang'd b.u.m bailey, wi' the broad end on't, 'till he fell o' the floor as fat as twopence.

_Dennis._ Oh, hubaboo! lodge in my heart, and I'll never ax you for rent--you're a friend in need. Remember, I've a warmingpan--you know where it hangs, and that's enough.

_Dan._ They had like to ha' warm'd I, finely, I do know. I ware nigh being haul'd to prison; 'cause, as well as I could make out their cant, it do seem I had rescued myself, and broke a statue.

_Dennis._ Och, the Philistines!

_Dan._ But our traveller--I do think he be the devil--he settled all in a jiffy; for he paid the old man's debts, and the bailey's broken head ware chuck'd into the bargain.

_Dennis._ And what did he pay?

_Dan._ Guess now.

_Dennis._ A hundred pounds?

_Dan._ Six thousand, by gum!

_Dennis._ What! on the nail?

_Dan._ Na; on the counter.

_Dennis._ Whew!--six thousand pou----! Oh, by the powers, this man must be the philosopher's stone! Dan----

_Dan._ Hus.h.!.+ here he be.

_Enter PEREGRINE, from the House._

_Per._ [_To DAN._] So, friend, you have brought provision, I perceive.

_Dan._ Ees, sir;--three boil'd fowls, three roast, two chicken pies, and a capon.

_Per._ You have considered abundance, more than variety. And the wine?

_Dan._ A dozen o' capital red port, sir: I ax'd for the newest they had i' the cellar.

_Dennis._ [_To himself._] Six thousand pounds upon a counter!

_Per._ [_To DAN._] Carry the hamper in doors; then return to me instantly. You must accompany me in another excursion.

_Dan._ What, now?

_Per._ Yes; to Sir Simon Rochdale's. You are not tired, my honest fellow?

_Dan._ Na, not a walking wi' you;--but, dang me, when you die, if all the shoemakers shouldn't go into mourning.

[_DAN takes the Hamper into the House._