John Bull Part 26

_Frank._ The first are, obedience to my father, sir; and, if I must proceed, I own that nothing, in my mind, but the amplest atonement, can extinguish true remorse for a cruelty.

_Sir Simon._ Ha! in other words, you can't clap an extinguisher upon your feelings, without a father-in-law who can sell you one. But Lady Caroline Braymore is your wife, or I am no longer your father.

_Enter TOM SHUFFLETON and LADY CAROLINE BRAYMORE._

_Shuff._ How d'ye do, good folks? How d'ye do?

_Sir Simon._ Ha! Lady Caroline!--Tom, I have had a little business.--The last dinner-bell has rung, Lady Caroline; but I'll attend you directly.

_Shuff._ Baronet, I'm afraid we sha'n't be able to dine with you to-day.

_Sir Simon._ Not dine with me!

_Lady Car._ No;--we are just married!

_Sir Simon._ h.e.l.l and the devil! married!

_Shuff._ Yes; we are married, and can't come.

_Pereg._ [_Aside._] Then 'tis time to speak to old Thornberry.

[_Exit._

_Sir Simon._ Lady Caroline!

_Lady Car._ I lost my appet.i.te in your family this morning, Sir Simon; and have no relish for any thing you can have the goodness to offer me.

_Shuff._ Don't press us, baronet;--that's quite out, in the New School.

_Sir Simon._ Oh, d.a.m.n the New School!--who will explain all this mystery?

_Frank._ Mr. Shuffleton shall explain it, sir; and other mysteries too.

_Shuff._ My dear Frank, I have something to say to you. But here comes my papa; I've been talking to him, Sir Simon, and he'll talk to you. He does very well to explain, for the benefit of a country gentleman.

_Enter LORD FITZ BALAAM._

_Sir Simon._ My Lord, it is painful to be referred to you, when so much is to be said. What is it all?

_Lord Fitz._ You are disappointed, Sir Simon, and I am ruin'd.

_Sir Simon._ But, my lord---- [_They go up the Stage._

[_LADY CAROLINE throws herself carelessly into a Chair. SHUFFLETON advances to FRANK._

_Shuff._ My dear Frank, I----I have had a devilish deal of trouble in getting this business off your hands. But you see, I have done my best for you.

_Frank._ For yourself, you mean.

_Shuff._ Come, d.a.m.n it, my good fellow, don't be ungrateful to a friend.

_Frank._ Take back this letter of recommendation, you wrote for Mary, as a friend. When you a.s.sume that name with me, Mr.

Shuffleton, for myself I laugh; for you I blush; but for sacred friends.h.i.+p's profanation I grieve. [_Turns from him._

_Shuff._ That all happens from living so much out of town.

_Enter PEREGRINE, JOB THORNBERRY, and MARY._

_Pereg._ Now, Sir Simon, as accident seems to have thwarted a design, which probity could never applaud, you may, perhaps, be inclined to do justice here.

_Job._ Justice is all I come for--d.a.m.n their favours! Cheer up, Mary!

_Sir Simon._ [_To PEREG._] I was in hopes I had got rid of you. You are an orator from the sea-sh.o.r.e; but you must put more pebbles in your mouth before you harangue me into a tea-kettle connexion.

_Shuff._ That's my friend at the Red Cow. He is the new-old _cher ami_ to honest tea-kettle's daughter.

_Frank._ Your insinuation is false, sir.

_Shuff._ False! [_Stepping forward._

_Lady Car._ Hus.h.!.+ don't quarrel;--we are only married to-day.

_Shuff._ That's true; I won't do any thing to make you unhappy for these three weeks.

_Pereg._ Sir Simon Rochdale, if my oratory fail, and which, indeed, is weak, may interest prevail with you?

_Sir Simon._ No; rather than consent, I'd give up every acre of my estate.

_Pereg._ Your conduct proves you unworthy of your estate; and, unluckily for you, you have roused the indignation of an elder brother, who now stands before you, and claims it.

_Sir Simon._ Eh!--Zounds!--Peregrine!

_Pereg._ I can make my t.i.tle too good, in an instant, for you to dispute it. My agent in London has long had doc.u.ments on the secret he has kept; and several old inhabitants here, I know, are prepared to identify me.

_Sir Simon._ I had a run-away brother--a boy that every body thought dead. How came he not to claim till now?

_Pereg._ Because, knowing he had given deep cause of offence, he never would have a.s.serted his abandon'd right, had he not found a brother neglecting, what no Englishman should neglect--justice and humanity to his inferiors.

_Enter DENNIS BRULGRUDDERY._

_Dennis._ Stand asy, all of you; for I've big news for my half-drown'd customer. Och! bless your mug! and is it there you are?

_Sir Simon._ What's the matter now?

_Dennis._ Hould your tongue, you little man!--There's a great post just come to your Manor-house, and the Indiaman's work'd into port.

_Job._ What, the vessel with all your property? [_To PEREG._

_Dennis._ By all that's amazing, they say you have a hundred thousand pounds in that s.h.i.+p.