A Voyage to Cacklogallinia Part 2

In the Country, I was told his Seat far exceeded any of the Royal Palaces, tho' as yet not finish'd, and both his Furniture and Equipage were answerable; and he never travelled without a great Number of Servants, who join'd him a Mile or two without the Gates.

This great Person shewed me to his family, every one of which admired me as a most monstrous Production of Nature. My Master was rewarded, by being made _Nosocomionarcha_, or Paymaster to the Invalids, had the t.i.tle of _Quityardo_, which answers to our _Squire_, conferred on him, and was ever after a Favourite of the Minister. He sprung up immediately Nine Inches higher, grew considerably more bulky, and would eat you Three or Four _Cacklogallinian_ Chicks in a Day; for the Ministers, and those in Post, feed on their own Species, and not one of the poorer Sort is in any Security of their Lives, in case a hungry Grandee sets his Eyes on, and has a Mind to him. Nay, the slavish Spirit of the _Cacklogallinians_ is such, that many of them, thro' Folly or Superst.i.tion, will come in Bodies to the House of a Minister, and beg as the greatest Favour and Honour, they and their Families may be served up to his Lords.h.i.+p's Table; and I have seen the Fools, who had thus offered themselves, and been accepted, if there was not immediate Occasion for them, strut in the Streets with a Chain of Silver about their Necks, which they look'd upon as the greatest Honour; and when call'd for by his Lords.h.i.+p's Cook, run exulting, and offer their Throats to his Knife; tho' this Nation was, in Time past, the bravest, and the most tenacious of their Liberty, of any of the feather'd Race. But I have digress'd too far.

My new Master, or, more properly, Lord, order'd an Apartment and a Table for me, with a Tutor to teach me the Languages, by whose Diligence, and my own _Avidity_ of Learning, I began in Four Months to understand a great Part of what was said to me; and my Lord was so very much pleased at my Progress, that he gave my Tutor a Post, which raised him about Four Inches. My Lord forbore asking me any Questions concerning my self, till I was perfectly Master or the Languages, which I was in about Eleven Months.

He one Day sent for me into his Chamber, and accosted me in the following Words:

Probusomo (_which is, Monster of Nature, the Name he gave me_) I have suspended my Curiosity of enquiring whence, and how you came into this Kingdom, till we could perfectly understand each other, that I might not be troubled with an imperfect Relation: Now that you are Master of our Language, tell me of what Part of the World you are; whether you are of savage, or a civiliz'd Nation? if of the latter, what is your Policy, what are your Manners and Customs, and what Accident brought you hither?

I threw my self on my Face, and kiss'd his right golden Spur (for the Grandees saw off those which Nature has provided them, and subst.i.tute these in their Places) then rising, I answer'd, That I was of _Europe_, a Country so distant from _Cacklogallinia_, that I was near Six Moons at Sea, before I was cast on its Coast.

Why, _said he_, is it possible you can swim so long? for you being dest.i.tute of Wings, can have no other Method of pa.s.sing so vast a Water.

I told him we pa.s.s'd the Seas in s.h.i.+ps, and gave him a Description of them, but could not make him have the least Idea of what I meant, till the next Day, that I hollow'd, shap'd, and rigg'd a Piece of Cork, made Sails of fine Linnen, and brought it to his Excellency in a Bason of Water. I told him, we were a civiliz'd Nation, and govern'd by a King, who however did nothing without the Advice of his Great Council, which consisted of Grandees born to that Honour, and _Quityardo's_ elected by the People to represent them. That, to these Representatives the People had delegated the Power of acting for them, and entrusted their Liberty and Estates to their Probity; consequently nothing could be supposed to be done by the Prince, but by the universal Consent of the Nation, and the People could bear no Burthens, but what they voluntarily took upon themselves for the common Good.

I have never, _answer'd he_, read, that any of your Species was seen in this Kingdom before you; but it is certain you must have copy'd your Policy from us. But, said he, are all these Representatives publick-spirited, zealous for the common Welfare, Proof against Preferments, t.i.tles, and private Advantages? Have they always the Good of the Nation at Heart so far, as to prefer it to that of their Families? Do they sollicite the People to chuse them, or are they their free Choice? If the latter, what Amends do the People make to these Representatives, who neglect their private Affairs, to apply themselves to those of the Publick?

I told his Excellency, that I did not doubt their being such Men as he spoke them; that I was very young when I left my Country, and beside I was not born in a Rank which, had I been of riper Years, permitted me to meddle with State Affairs: However, I had heard from my Elders, that none were elected, till the King sent his Mandates to the several Provinces, ordering them to chuse the wisest among them to a.s.sist his Majesty with their Advice: And as the Interest of each Province in particular, and of the whole Nation in general, turn'd upon the Probity and Judgment of the Representatives, to whom an unlimited Power was delegated, it did not stand to Reason, that they would make Choice of any, whose Love for his Country, whose Sagacity and Honour they had not made Proof of; or at least, whose Life did not give them Hopes, that he would prove a real Patriot.

That they were the free Choice of the People, was plain, by the Backwardness shewn by those elected to undertake so weighty a Charge, which had no other Recompence than the Applause of the Publick, for the faithful Execution of their Trust. Another Reason which induced me to believe the Choice such, was, that the _English_, (of which Nation I own'd my self) were any one rich enough to bribe the Majority of a Province, and are too wise a People to entrust their Liberty to such a Person; for it's natural to believe, whoever would buy their Votes, would sell his own: But, that the Majority of a Province was to be brib'd, or that a free People would, on any account, risque their Liberty, by giving their Representatives a Power to enslave 'em, either by making the Prince absolute, and furnis.h.i.+ng him with Standing Armies, to maintain a despotick Power or else by selling them to Foreigners, could never enter into the Thoughts of a reasonable Creature.

_Has_, said he, (who smiled all the while I held this Discourse) _your Nation any near Neighbours?_ I answer'd, That, by the means of our s.h.i.+pping, we might be said near Neighbours to every Nation; but that our Island was separated but Seven Leagues from the Continent, inhabited by a warlike and powerful People. _Have you any Commerce with the Nations on the Continent?_ We are, said I, the greatest Dealers in _Europe_.

_Have you any Religion among you?_ We have, in the main, I replied, but one, tho' it is branch'd out into a great many Sects, differing only in some trifling Ceremonies, in Essentials we all agree.

Religion, _answer'd my Lord_, is absolutely necessary in a well-govern'd State; but do your great Men make any Profession of Religion? or, to ask a more proper Question, do they do more than profess it?

My Lord, said I, our great Men are the brightest Examples of Piety.

Their Veracity is such, that they would not for an Empire falsify their Word once given. Their Justice won't suffer a Creditor to go from their Gate unsatisfied: Their Chast.i.ty makes them look on Adultery and Furnication the most abominable Crimes; and even the naming of them will make their Bloods run cold. They exhaust their Revenues in Acts of Charity, and every great Man among us is a Husband and Father to the Widow and Orphan. They esteem themselves Stewards to the Poor, and that in a future State they are accountable for every Doit lavish'd in Equipage or superfluous Dishes. Their Tables are not nicely, but plentifully served, and always open to the honest Needy. At Court, as I have learn'd, there is neither Envy nor Detraction, no one undermines another, nor intercepts the Prince's Bounty or Favour by slandrous Reports; and neither Interest, Riches, nor Quality, but Merit only recommends the Candidate to a Post: A Bribe was never heard of there; which, together with the exact Justice practised, is the Reason that a Minister, after Twelve or Fourteen Years, shall die not a Doit richer than he was at the Entrance upon his Office: Nay, I've been told, that a Paymaster General of the Army, after he had past his Accounts before the Grand Council of the Nation, with a general Applause, found his Patrimony so impoverish'd by his Charity to Soldiers Widows, he was oblig'd to turn Merchant for his Support; but being unfortunate, he pet.i.tion'd for a small Government.

_As you say you have divers Sects of Religion, you must have Priests among you, pray what sort of Men are they?_ I answer'd, their Lives and Doctrine were of a-piece, their Example differing nothing from their Precepts: That Hypocrisy, Avarice, Ambition, litigious Suits, Lying, Revenge, and Obscenity, were Vices known to 'em by Name only: That they were a mortify'd Set of Men, who look'd upon nothing transitory worth their Concern; and having their Thoughts always employ'd on Meditations of a future Happiness, neglected every thing on Earth but their Duty; and for this Reason, they often became a Prey to Knaves, who slipp'd no Opportunity of spoiling them, knowing their Lenity such, that, if detected, they should not be prosecuted. I have been a.s.sured, that a Priest being told, such a Farmer had stole away a great many t.i.the Sheafs, the good Divine answer'd, _If he's poor, it's no Theft; what I have belongs to the Needy, and he takes but his own_. The Day after he sent him all the Corn he was Master of, and by this Act of Charity, wou'd have starved before next Harvest, if a Minister of State, in love with his Virtue, had not provided for him. And I myself knew one, who hearing black Puddings were a Preservative against pestilential Infections, and that the Plague was within Two Thousand Leagues of our Island, laid out his whole Patrimony in Puddings, and sent 'em to every Sea-port in the Kingdom.

_Have you Physicians among you?_ We have, said I, Men of extensive Charity, great Humility, profound Learning, without the least Tincture of Vanity. They are so very conscientious, that shou'd they prescribe for a Patient, and he recover before he had taken all the Druggs brought in, they will pay for those which remain, out of their own Pockets.

They never take a fee, but when they prescribe, tho' they visit you frequently, and never prescribe, without they see an absolute Necessity.

They a modest, that they attribute the Recovery of a Person to divine Providence, and are ready to accuse themselves of Ignorance or Negligence should he die under their Hands.

_Have you any Lawyers in your part of the World?_ Lawyers, said I, we have, but not more than necessary.

_You have then_, said my Lord, _very few, or are a litigious People.

What sort of Creatures are they?_ They are, said I, brought up many Years in the Study of the Laws, and pa.s.s a strict Examination, not only as to their Knowledge, but their Morals, before they are admitted to the Bar; which is the Reason, that we have no Tricks, no Delays, to weary and ruine the poor Client who has a Right, but no Money; they come directly to the Merits of the Cause, and never endeavour by their Rhetorick to put a fair Face on a bad one; and not one, if his Client does not deceive him, will appear on the Side of Oppression or Injustice; and if he is himself impos'd upon, when he perceives it, he will not defend the Wrong. This Care of examining into the Probity of the Students, and Candidates for the Bar, is the Reason our Lawyers are very near in as great Reputation as our Priests.

Do you know from what you have said, _Probusomo_, that I conclude your Statesmen Fools, and that you will soon fall a Prey to some other Nation; or you either very ignorant of your National Affairs, or a very great Lyar; or otherwise think me easily impos'd upon. I have been many Years at the Head of the _Cacklogallinian_ Affairs, under our August Master, _Hippomina Connuferento_, Darling of the Sun, Delight of the Moon, Terror of the Universe, Gate of Happiness, Source of Honour, Disposer of Kingdoms, and High Priest of the _Cacklogallinian_ Church. I have, I say, long, in Obedience to this Most Potent Prince, acted as Prime Minister, and to tell me, that such a one will baulk his Master's, or his own Interest, on the Score of Religion; nay, in his publick Capacity, that he believes one Word of it, or has Ears for Justice or Compa.s.sion, wou'd be the same thing as telling me, a Flatterer, in his Encomiums has a strict Eye to Truth, or that a Poet who writes in Praise of great Men, believes them really possess'd of the Virtues he attributes to 'em, and has no other View in his Epistle than that of edifying others, by shewing the bright Example of his Patrons. My Business now calls me to Court; the Emperor, as yet, has never heard of you: For whoever dares acquaint him with any thing, without my Permission, pa.s.ses his Time very ill. To Morrow, I'll present you to His Majesty.

He left the Room, and I retired to my Apartment, where none cou'd come at me, but who pa.s.s'd thro' my Lord's, which was Death to do, or even to fly within Twenty Yards of his House, without Permission. Nay, the proudest among them, and those of the highest Rank alight at his Outer-gate, and walk into the House.

The next Morning my Lord came into my Apartment:

"Well, _Probusomo_, said he, I intend this Day to present you to his Imperial Majesty; and tho' you are of a Species. .h.i.therto unknown in our Parts of the World, and are, for that Reason, look'd upon as a kind of Monster, as perhaps one of us should be, were we to appear in your Nation, yet I have observ'd some Points of Discretion in your Behaviour, and I begin to have a Kindness for you, for which Reason I intend to instruct you how to demean your self; and if you are wise enough to act and be guided by the Counsels I shall prescribe to you, while you are at Court, I can, in spite of your awkard Form, get you naturalized, and then perhaps may prefer you to some Charge in the Government, considerable enough to enable you to pa.s.s the rest of your Days in Ease and Plenty.

"You that don't know what a Court is (_proceeded he_) should receive some Idea of it before you enter there. You must first be informed, that Emperors do not always trouble themselves with the Affairs of State; for they sometimes pa.s.s their whole Lives in a continued Round of indolent Pleasures, while their Favourites govern all. I don't doubt but you have already made your Observation upon the servile Crowd who attend my Motions, who wait upon my Commands, with an Obsequiousness that perhaps is not practised in your Parts of the World, betwixt Creatures of the same Species, yet many of them hate me, as I do them,--perhaps you'll think this strange; but when the secret Springs of this Attachment to my Interest come to unfold themselves to you, which will soon happen, by the Observations I see you are capable of making, your Admiration will cease. However, I shall be a little particular in explaining some Matters to you, that you may thereby be the better qualified to serve my Interest.

"You must then know, that all this a.s.siduous Court is not paid to my Person, but to my Place. They know, that I not only hold the Reins of the Government in my Hands, but keep the publick Treasure under my own Eye, and that the Power of giving is only mine. It is not their Love, but their Avarice, that makes them thus obedient to my Nod; and the same Respect would be paid to the meanest of my Domesticks, were such a one put in my Place.

"Their Hatred to me proceeds from various Causes. In some it is Envy, because they think themselves affronted and injur'd by my great Rise, as knowing themselves to be of greater Consideration in their Country, and fancifying themselves themselves to be as well qualified by their Parts. Others again are out of Humour, because I do not comply with all their unreasonable Demands, their Luxury always keeping them necessitous. Some of these are such as have Parts enough to be troublesome; they are hard to be managed, and indeed are the most dangerous Creatures I have to deal with. There is a third Sort, who hate and oppose me, only because they love their Country, but these I don't much fear, for their Party is very weak at present.

"And since I am upon this Subject, I can't forbear observing to you, that were it not for the Luxury of some, and the Folly of others, I could never have stood my Ground so long, and executed those Measures which I have brought about; and happy it is for a Person in my Station (if he has any odd Measure in View) that many of the upper Rank should happen to be Fools; I have myself kept several Persons dancing Attendance after me, Year after Year, made them maintain in publick a.s.semblies, that Nine was more than Fifteen; that Black was White and a Hundred other things of equal Absurdity, only by promising to stick a parti-colour'd Feather in their Tails; and when this was done, it only made them the Scorn and Jest of every thing of good Sense: Yet it answered my Purpose, and did not hinder others of equal Folly from making Court for the same thing.

"Thus I have accounted with you why these People are subservient to me, while they hate me; but I have not given you the Reason on my Side for keeping up this Correspondence and Union with them, for whom I have as little Esteem as they can have for me. Then, in a Word it is, I can't do without them. This you'll easily comprehend when you understand the Nature of our Government; for you'll know, that this Power here is lodged in the many, not in the few: It is they who can abolish old Laws, and make new; the Power of Life and Death is in them, and from their Decrees there is no Appeal; and tho' I do all, and command all, nay, command even them, yet the Right is theirs, and they might exert it all times if they had Virtue enough to break off their Correspondence with me.

"Things being in this Situation, no doubt, you'll think my Establishment well fix'd; but I am not without my Fears and my Dangers, and there is no judging of the Power of one in my Station, by the Flattery that is paid him, for Flatterers take things frequently by outward Appearances; and notwithstanding my arbitrary manner of treating some Persons, my Safety is depending upon the Breath of others, and I am obliged to pay a more servile Court to some behind the Curtain, than is paid to me without.

"Those upon whom my Fate and Fortune depend, are the _Squabbaws_ of the Court (the Reader is to understand, that this is a Name for certain Females, who are maintain'd for the Emperor's Luxury and Pleasure, and always sojourn at Court) and it is to their Avarice that I owe my Grandeur, as well as its Continuance so long. There was a Time, when I foolishly mistook my own Interest so far, as by my Conduct to give some Offence to these _Squabbaws_ for which I suffered a severe Disgrace: I then endeavour'd to shelter my self among those who are stiled the Patriots, but they would neither receive me into their Counsels, nor put the least Trust in me. I had then Leisure to reflect on the Folly of this Conduct, and had Time to compute how much I was a Loser, by putting on the Mask of the Patriot and, I confess, it had such an Effect upon me, and gave me such an Aversion to Patriotism, that I could never prevail upon myself to do any thing for the publick Good ever since.

"I then immediately apply'd all my Thoughts towards making my Peace, and there fell out a Chain of lucky Incidents, which happily brought it about. One of these was the Death of several great Personages, who were too mighty for me at that time in Rank and Dignity, and whose Parts eclipsed mine in the Opinion of the Publick, tho' I always thought otherwise.

"Their Deaths were so sudden, that the Emperor was puzzled whom to chuse in their Places, (it being necessary they should soon be fill'd up) and he had but a very small Acquaintance among his People; so that he was under a kind of Necessity of throwing his Affairs into my Hands, I having the Reputation of being pretty well practised in certain Branches of his Revenues.

"I had Reason to suspect, that this new Preferment was not intended as a Favour, and that I was to continue no longer in this Station, than till some other Person more agreeable could be fix'd upon; but in order to improve the Opportunity, I apply'd my self strenuously to the Avarice of the _Squabbaws_, and gave with Prodigality; for I bore in Mind my former Miscarriages. This had all its Effect; they had never met with a Person so fit for their Purpose, and by these Arguments they began to be convinc'd, that if another should be preferr'd to my Place, they would be no Gainers by the Change.

"Since this good Understanding betwixt us, Matters have been so managed, that no Person has had Access to the Emperor, but thro' my Recommendation; so that my Enemies cannot fill his Ears with Complaints of my Administration; and whenever I observe any Person attempting to lay the State of Affairs before his Imperial Majesty, the _Squabbaws_, by my Instructions, are to insinuate into the royal Ear some Jealousies and Fears of that Person, that the Emperor may forbid his Admittance; so that he only sees with my Eyes, and hears by my Report.

"As this in a great Measure has render'd me safe against the Attempts of my Enemies, yet I can't deny but that it has encreas'd their Number, and furnish'd them with Matter to clamour against me; and these Clamours have possess'd the Publick with a kind of an Aversion to my Conduct, tho' they have not reach'd the Throne.

"But as it is not possible, but that the Officers of State belonging to a great Emperor, of which there must be many in Number, must sometimes have Opportunities of talking with him, I have taken Care to prevent any Danger from thence, by chusing for those Posts Birds of the weakest Capacities, altogether ignorant of the Affairs of the Empire; for one in a high Station, who makes the publick Interest subservient to his own, will never be safe, unless he takes Care, that no Creature who acts with him, shall have any Sense except himself. I am not the first who have laid this down as a Maxim; some of my Predecessors began to practise it, as a necessary Piece of Self-Defence. 'Tis true I have carried it a little further than they, and with greater Reason, because I have not forgot in how bad a Light I stood when _Fowls_ of Parts sway'd the publick Counsels, with what Sagacity they saw thro' all my private Views and Designs, and with what Facility they brought about my Disgrace; and therefore, when I have discover'd in any of those concern'd with me in Business, a fine Discernment, and a Genius for great Affairs, I have from that Minute look'd upon such as dangerous, and for that Reason either procured their Disgrace, or under the Pretence of doing them Honour, prevail'd upon the Emperor to confer upon them the Government of some distant Province, where they are removed too far from the Imperial Counsels, to be able to do me any Harm.

"But to come nearer to my present Purpose; my Design of placing you at Court, is to serve as a Spy for me upon the _Squabbaws_; for my Enemies, who have tried in vain all other Means to overturn me, may perhaps at last attempt it that Way; and the Avarice of these _Squabbaws_, which has. .h.i.therto been my Support, may one Time or other (if I am not very vigilant) prove my Ruine. For if my Enemies should bribe them, to be privately introduced to confer with the Emperor, there is an End of my Reign; for I am not insensible, that his Imperial Majesty has no Personal Affection for me, and it is his own Ease and Indolence that hinders him from looking out for some other Servant to supply my Place; for Alterations cannot be made without some little Trouble.

"Be therefore vigilant for my Interest, as you value your own: Be always quick in your Intelligence, watch every Step and Motion of the _Squabbaws_, and acquaint me with every thing that pa.s.ses in their most secret Transactions. Let me know who are their Advisers, their Favourites, their Companions; but above all, be quick in informing me, if any Person should be admitted to confer with the Emperor; and if possible, hear what is the Subject of their Discourse. Your grotesque Form may recommend you to the _Squabbaws_; for Animals sometimes become Favourites amongst us, only for the Oddness of their Figure. They will say or do any thing before you, because they will never imagine you capable of making any Remarks; for the _Cacklogallinians_ have such a Notion, that no Creatures are endued with Reason like themselves.

"But it will be necessary to instruct you in the Manner of making your Address, when you enter the Court. You must remember then to pay your Compliments to the _Squabbaws_, before you do to the Emperor; and of these the _Vultuaquilians_ claim the Precedence to those of our own Nation, particularly the bulkiest. It is the Praftice here to do so, for the Emperor, as to what regards himself, is no great Lover of Ceremony. The Form of addressing these _Squabbaws_ has something in it very singular; but the servile Manners of the _Cacklogallinians_ to those in any Power has made it necessary to be comply'd with, and is the Cause that they now expect it. You must make a low Obeisance to the Ground, at which time they will turn their Backsides upon you, and spreading all the Feathers of their Tails, give you an Opportunity of saluting them behind. You will see the _Cacklogallinians_ of Figure and Rank pressing in, endeavouring who shall be first in kissing the Posteriors of these _Squabbaws_; and those upon whom they are graciously pleased to turn their Backsides, and spread their Tails, return highly satisfied, as if some extraordinary Honour had been conferr'd upon them; nay, I my self am obliged to do it in as obsequious a Manner as any other, every time I approach them."

When he had spoke these Words, a Servant came in to give him Notice, that the Coach was ready. He ordered me to put on my Mantle, and attend him: I did so, and he was pleased to do me the Honour to carry me with him in his Coach. In the Way, he discoursed me upon several Subjects.

Among other things, it came into his Head to enquire of me, whether, in the Parts of the World from whence I came, there were any such things as Poets. I gave him to understand, that we had several who had been famous in my own Country. He desired to know what kind of Persons they were: I answered him, they were the faithful Registers of the glorious Actions of great Men, whose Praises they sung, in order to stir up others, by their Examples, to the Practice of Vertue, and Love of their Country; and that as it required a great Genius, and fine Understanding, to be a good Poet, they were, for that Reason, highly caressed by the Great, and their Works so well paid for, that it was as rare to see a Poet poor, as a Minister of State grow rich by his Employment. This I said, as well out of Regard to Truth, as for the Honour of my Country. He appeared pretty much surpriz'd at this Account of our Poets, and told me theirs were of a different Character, and met with a different Fate; for they were but little regarded by any great Birds, except the Vain and the Silly, who wanted a little Flattery, for which they paid some small Gratuity, while they wou'd not accept of them as Companions; for it was not fas.h.i.+onable for those of Figure to converse with any thing inferior to them in Wealth or Quality, which was reputed to have Sense: On the contrary, when they receiv'd such for Companions, it was upon the Account of their being either _Buffoons_ or _Pandars_; and this he was pleased to say was the Fas.h.i.+on.

He also confess'd to me, that he himself never had any great Regard for that Sort of Persons, which he own'd he sometimes had Reason to repent; for he found that by their Verses and Discourses, they influenced the Publick very much, by whom they were look'd upon with more Esteem, than by the Courtiers; and that his Enemies had made a proper Advantage of his Contempt of them; for they had taken the most ingenious amongst them into their Party, and exasperated them against him; so that their Compositions had kept up a Spirit against him, and he had the Mortification of seeing the People always receive with Pleasure any thing that exposed and satyriz'd his Conduct. That indeed in his own Defence, he had imploy'd some others to chant his Praise; but they were such wretched Poetasters, and did it so awkardly, that their Performances prov'd more bitter Invectives than the Satyrs of the others; for whenever there happen'd the least Flaw in his Administration, he was sure to receive congratulatory Verses immediately upon it; and that was the Time they chose to proclaim the Happiness the Subject enjoy'd by his wise Management: And they carried this Matter to such a ridiculous Height, that there was not a Vice or a Folly, that either he or any of his Family were remarkable for, but they were prais'd for the contrary Vertues and Accomplishments.

By this Time we arriv'd at the Gates of the Palace; for the Coach being drawn by Six Ostriches, we were but a little Time upon the Way; and mounting the great Stair-case, without being any way molested by the People's Curiosity (for the Moment my Lord appear'd every Fowl of what Quality soever, clapp'd his Beak to the Ground, and did not alter that Posture till he was past) he bid me stay in the Anti-chamber till sent for, and went himself into the Presence. He had not been there five Minutes, before I heard that Door open, and a Jay with a strait-body'd Coat, which b.u.t.ton'd on his Breast, and thro' which his Wings and Legs pa.s.s'd, came hopping into the Room where I was, surrounded by the Courtiers, who view'd me with Surprize, but were so well bred as to whisper their Sentiments of me. This impertinent Jay peck'd 'em by the Legs, or pull'd 'em by the Crown-feathers, without Distinction: Nay, I saw some _Cacklogallinians_ of the great Order, whose Heads he could not reach, stoop to him, and beg he would do them the Honour to pull their Crowns. Every one shew'd him Respect, and made way for him to come up to me; he view'd me some time, and then peck'd me by the Finger; for he did not reach higher than my Hand, when it hung down. I returned the Compliment with a Wherret of my Fist, which knock'd him over, and had cost me my Life, durst any have struck in the Palace. There was a terrible Uproar, and I was apprehensive, that I should pay dear for my Resentment; but the Emperor to whom my Lord was then giving an Account of me, being inform'd, that the Impertinence of the Jay had caus'd the Disturbance, he order'd him to be carried to the Guard, that he should be lock'd up for three Days, and take two Purges and a Vomit (for Criminals not guilty of Capital Crimes, are punish'd by a Number of Vomits or Purges, which are more or less, according to the Vileness of the Fact) I was called into the Presence-chamber, where I made my Compliment as instructed, and then address'd my self to the Ladies, giving the Precedence always to the bulkiest, according to my Instructions. The first _Squabbaw_ whom I address'd my self to, was about Seven Foot round; her Crop hung within Six Inches of the Floor, which I have since learn'd is a particular Beauty; the Effluvia of her Body were extreamly strong, and oblig'd his Imperial Majesty, when she spread her Tail to me, to smell to an Aromatick Leaf.

This Prince, tho' of a very advanced Age, has been represented, both by the Reports of his Ministers, and others, as a Person of great Incontinency, in which I think he was injured; for tho' he pa.s.s'd most of his private Hours only in the Company of the _Vultuaquilian Squabbaws_ (so call'd from the Province where they were born) he did it, partly because of his long Accquaintance with them, and partly to hinder the too frequent Visits of the first Minister, who scarce ever came into his Presence, but to importune him, for new Grants and Promotions for Himself and Family; and as to the _Cacklogallinian Squabbaws_, he sometimes admitted them to please their Husbands and Relations, who flatter themselves with an imaginary Honour, to have their Wives and Daughters near him. I have good Grounds for what I advance; for I was Five Years in his Court, and frequently convers'd with his _Squabbaws_.

This won't I hope, be thought a piece of Vanity in me, when the Reader reflects, that I was look'd upon as a Monkey is with our Ladies.

The Emperor was highly delighted with the Present his Minister made him, and order'd all possible Care to be taken of me. My Lord told him I might be as useful to his Majesty as my Make was curious, for he found me very intelligent, learning the Languages with great Facility, and that it was possible I might be serviceable in extending his Dominions, by bringing that Part of the World, which my Species inhabited, in Subjection to his Imperial Majesty.

_Have they_, said the Emperor, _any Gold among them?_ I took the Liberty of a.s.suring his Majesty, that we were the richest Nation in the Universe; that by our Trade, which never was so flouris.h.i.+ng as at this Time, we brought in immense Quant.i.ties of that valuable Metal, and that we suffer'd none to be exported. _It may then_, replied his Majesty, _be worth our while, one Day to think of this._

The Emperor order'd me to be conducted to an Apartment, and Leave was given to all the _Vultuaquilian_ first, and _Cacklogallinian_ Quality, to see me the next Day. I had every thing I could wish provided for me, and a Month after I had been at Court, I had the Liberty of the Palace, and the Emperor would often call me into his Closet (as he found I was not ignorant in Arithmetick) to help him weigh and count his Wedges of Gold, and set down the Number, Weight and Value of each Piece; for this was a Diversion in which he amused himself.

This Prince was not very curious, for in the five Years I was in his Court, he scarce ever asked me one Question concerning the _Europeans_; nor was he in one Respect the Bubble of his Favourites, for I never saw him give one Piece of Gold to any of them, even the _Squabbaws_.

The Grandees, who perceived me grow in Favour so far, as that the Jay was turn'd out of Court for his Sawciness to me, which he redoubled after his having been confined, strove who shou'd shew me the most Respect, and make me the greatest Professions of friends.h.i.+p. They not only offer'd me their Purses, but even their Wives and Daughters, whom they often left with me and whose Immodesty has often put me to the Blush. Nay, a _Boutofallalian_, a t.i.tle answering to our Duke, told me, if I continued this Shyness, and would not do him the Honour to pa.s.s now and then an Hour with his Lady, he shou'd not take me for his Friend; and leaving her with me, he lock'd the Door.