It is a Straight Road Vol 1 Chapter 1.19

Zhao Zi Huan brings Xu Zhi to his holiday home not too far from the Capital and gives her the master bedroom being his honored guest. It is where Zai Lin finds her, sitting on a bed so big that 3 people can lie on it with plenty of room to spare.

Zai Lin has shaved and is dressed simply like a commoner.  However, his movements and mannerisms are unmistakably elegant and belie his n.o.ble heritage.  “Da Gu Niang, you will be fine.  You are not suitable for any long-distance travel so I have arranged for Sun s.h.i.+ Yang to operate on you in this house as soon as possible.”  He looks at her expectantly.  “Da Gu Niang, are you not going to ask where I found Sun s.h.i.+ Yang?”

“Where did you find Sun s.h.i.+ Yang?”

His heart sinks at her pa.s.sive response.  When did she start asking questions only when someone prompts her to?  Has she mellowed or has her condition worsen more than he has expected?

Looking at her face, he can say that she has changed little appearance-wise.  While others may say that Xu Zhi is a peac.o.c.k who spent hours making sure that she appears young and beautiful, only he knows her secret.  The Xu Zhi he knows is singularly focused on learning and has no worries outside her books.  To such people with no worries, age has no meaning, and it is the reason why she looks pretty much the same after so many years.  “Da Gu Niang, did you know that I am not dead?”

“The reason for your so-called death, timing, and location do not add up.  But since you feel that you need to leave, I will not force you to stay.”

He knew from Jiang Jiu that Da Gu Niang has showed no sign of sadness at his “pa.s.sing” and this has been niggling him for years. But hearing the truth from is like a balm to his soul. As he looks at her in relief and concern, someone enters the room with a bowl of medicine.  The new comer brushes away Zai Lin’s hand on Xu Zhi’s and sits calmly besides her on the bed.

Zai Lin looks at the pair and sighs inwardly.  Zhao Zi Huan has built the mansion with pleasure in mind and his intentions are clear to any man who sees the size of this bed.  What is Zhao Zi Huan thinking to let Xu Zhi have the master bedroom when she is so sick? With such decadent sons, it will only be a matter of time before Xi Xuan collapse.

And as for Zhou Wen Wu – another sigh – only Xu Zhi has the audacity to keep a prince, ok, an ex-price as her kept man. He notes that Zhou Wen Wu has washed up and no longer looks so frightening with blood oozing from the cuts on his arms, waist and abdomen.  Earlier on, his wounds are so bad that Bai Hua nearly fainted at the sight and he has to get Sun s.h.i.+ Yang to tend to him first before tending to Xu Zhi.

Zhou Wen Wu reminds Xu Zhi to take her medicine and as she sips the brew, he gives Zai Lin a measuring look before turning back to Xu Zhi. “This bed is really big.  Come closer and lean on me.”

As she scoots closer, Zai Lin takes note of their familiar interaction and picks up the conversation thread where it is left off.  “Da Gu Niang, Sun s.h.i.+ Yang is someone I nurtured. “

Xu Zhi wants to lean forward to hear more but Zhou Wen Wu presses her back against him.  “Xu Zhi, where do you think you are you going? You can hear his reply equally well from here.”

As she settles back against him, he glares at Zai Lin.  “This Sun s.h.i.+ Yang you brought, can he really operate on a person’s head?”

Zai Lin only addresses Xu Zhi in his reply.  “I scouted a talented young man from a reknown medical family and let him specialize in treating head ailments. Besides oral remedies, I got him to try surgery too.  At the beginning, I let him practice on animals and after he became successful, he progressed to practice with corpses.”

Zhou Wen Wu:  “Has he ever operated on a living person?”

“If there isn’t, do you think I would dare to bring him here?  But given limited time and an even more limited pool of people with similar ailments, there havn’t been many chances for him to practice.  Most people who suffer from headaches like Da Gu Niang would rather die than risk having their head being cut open.”

“How high is her chance of survival?”

Zai Lin has no answer for this question and continues to address Xu Zhi.  “Da Gu Niang, rest a.s.sured that you will be fine so long as I am around.”

He wants to leave her for some much-needed rest but she stops him with a question.  “What are the first words that Ah Jiu said to me when we first met?”

Her uncharacteristic question catches Zai Lin by surprise and she repeats the question.

“In actual fact, I do not remember what he said to Da Gu Niang and you have no recollection of the encounter, it is perfectly normal.”

Zai Lin leaves the room and when the door closes behind him, Xu Zhi turns to Zhou Wen Wu. “I remember seeing you covered in blood.  A lot of blood.  Are you badly hurt?”

“Xu Zhi, do you want to look at my wounds?”

“Yes, I’ll take a look.”

Zhou Wen Wu takes the empty bowl from her hands and put it away before returning to her side. Taking stock of her slightly dazed eyes, he snaps. “Xu Zhi, have you gone daft? You would not have noticed how I look like in the past.  What is wrong with you today?”

Xu Zhi is lost in her own world of questions.  Why can she not remember what Ah Wu said to her when they first met?  Same goes for Jiang Jiu and Bai Hua.  She has an excellent memory but the extent of it does seem to include the people around her. All these years, they are just fixtures who are always there when she turns around and they enable things to happen. She has never given them much thought beyond that.  Since when has that changed?

At her vulnerable look, Zhou Wen Wu mutters a curse and leans forward to kiss her.  His sudden vigor cause her to topple backwards but before her head can land on the mattress, his hand is already cupping her head to make sure that she is not injured in the process.

The kiss is as fierce as it is thorough. It does not take her long to respond but Zhou Wen Wu senses her preoccupation and gets upset all over again.  He pushes himself up so her face is trapped between his arms and gnashes his teeth. “Xu Zhi, are you trying to pity me?  How dare you kiss me back when you have no feelings for me at all!  If this because of grat.i.tude, you… you…”

Unable to find the words, he bends down to bite her shoulder. It is extremely frustrating how little he can do to this woman! He cannot beat her or even verbally needle her for fear of triggering a headache. Even when he bites her, it must also be at intensity within her tolerance! Since when has he become so wimpy?! What is the difference between now and the past when he has to endure in silence just to stay alive in the palace?

And the worst part is, he is a willing party to all this! Other than calling himself cheap, he really does not know what other names to call himself.

“Xu Zhi, how do I remember the words I spoke to you when we first met? And why should you bother to remember? You only need to remember the person I am now so tell me, what is your impression of me at this very minute?”

To answer his question, she parts his collar to reveal the bandages beneath. “That you are a very energetic man. I cannot believe that you can have s.e.x in your brain when you are injured to this extent. Do you have excess blood? For someone over 30, you are really very easily aroused. Is it because you used to have a lot of woman?”

He darkens. “This is how you see me?!”

She digs her mind for a bit more history about him. “I remember seeing you at some of the court dinners I attended, and I also remember seeing you in and around the Capital. Although I cannot recall how you look like in the past, I remember thinking that you are one repressed individual. I know that you staged the coup because you know that Zhou Wen Cheng will not let you off when he comes to power and that you are only trying to beat him to it. You are like a moth throwing yourself at a flame and even if you know that it is suicidal, I know you are going to do it. This is just typical behavior of repressed individuals.”

“This so strange. I can a.n.a.lyze your actions but I cannot recall how you look like in the past or the words that you spoke to me. Why is this so?”

Zhou Wen Wu stares at her and after a long while, he starts laughing. To her consternation, he keeps laughing and when she glares at him, he shrugs off his top to reveal his bandages and wounds beneath. When her pupil narrows into slits, he asks blandly. “Does it pain you to see me like this?”

When she did not respond, he closes his eyes briefly before opening them again. “The answer is still no? Fine, it  does not matter; you are stuck with me and that is final. I have said that I will witness your ending and it is definitely not going to be now.   I can help you see how Zhou Wen Cheng will end up but in return, you must let me determine your ending.”

“It does not matter if you have no recollection of me or of our past interactions, but from now onwards, I want you to remember me clearly, including every word I say. You are not to forget.” He leans forward until their noses are nearly touching and his eyes glints. “Jiu Xing has told me about what you said in the carriage today. Can you repeat what is the ending you have planned for both of us? Where am I? In your grave. Where are you? Buried outside Xi Xuan. Outside Xi Xuan? Xu Zhi, you can carry on dreaming!”

She gives him a once-over and reminds him matter-of-factly that he is the one who wanted to be buried in Xi Xuan so that he can be reborn into Xi Xuan in his next life, and he glares at her. “Listen up. I have been trying to prove Yuan Tu wrong all my life which is why I am so insistent that I must be buried in Xi Xuan where we know the name of all our mountains. But if you dare bury yourself outside of Xi Xuan, I will not let you off this lifetime or next, whether I am reborn in Xi Xuan or not.”

This is a surprise to her. “You mean you wish to be buried with me? If it is a few months ago, I would have thought that you hated me so much that you want to haunt me all the way to my next life. But can I take your words to mean that you like me so much that you are willing not to be reborn in Xi Xuan in your next life?”

He glares at her and without warning, he leans forward to kiss her again. The contact is rough, almost a mes.h.i.+ng of teeth, but it has the effect of melting her heart.

Her world has changed today. For the first time, she has experienced fear and the result is that it has shaken the foundation of things that she took for granted. People whom are just foggy shapes in the past, suddenly takes on definitive patterns and ident.i.ties. The world as she sees it, seems to suddenly blossom into focus. As she recounts the happenings of the day, her heart constricts and she tries to kiss him back.

However, he pulls back and growls. “Xu Zhi, I did not die after I staged a failed coup and I escape death once more today. You can say that my life force is strong and I have just given you some of it. You must pull through this hurdle and stay alive. The customs of my mother’s people always work and this will not be an exception.”

Xu Zhi ponders over his words. “So you are kissing me to pa.s.s me some of your life? You know, I have never heard of such a custom in my whole life. Are you sure there is indeed such a practice among your mother’s people?”

“If I say there is, then there is!”

“Hmm…” So he is starting a new custom? Well, everything must have a starting point somewhere and she has no serious objections whatsoever. She looks at him and she thinks to herself that his eyes look different today. She doubts that he realizes it, but his eyes that are so often filled with anger are uncharacteristically gentle as they look at her.

Zhou Wen Wu can feel his heart aching when she looks at him like this and he leans forward once more to kiss her on the forehead.

Huh?

“Did you kiss the wrong place?” Xu Zhi tries to recall if there is a practice of pa.s.sing life force between people by kissing the other’s forehead.

He sighs inwardly and pulls up his top without looking at her. “Yeah, I kissed the wrong place.”

From his stiff movements, Xu Zhi can tell that his injuries are quite serious. And yet he is still so… energetic? Man like him will surely live to a ripe long age and stand a good chance to see things beyond her lifetime…

He watches her as she gets lost in her thoughts and grimaces inwardly. For a prince to get sucked into such small love and affection while the woman he loves may not even remember what he has done for her… perhaps another word he can used to describe himself is p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c!

How can he tell her that his heart felt like it was being ripped from his body when he saw her falling off the stage? And that it only settled back in his chest when he sees her at the exit with Zhi Jin Wu. If it is a form of torture, the agony is probably the worst torture that any jailor could have devised and he is in no hurry to relive it again.

He looks on as she pushes herself up gingerly and presses her lips against his. Her motions are mechanical, completely devoid of any feelings but for some reason, he feels like his soul has just been stolen.

She loops her hand around his neck and whispers her promise. “Ah Wu, I am so glad that you are still alive. Wait for me to get better and when that day comes, I will do my best to understand the person that is you.”

 

 

 

As declaration goes, this is probably the most mundane, lukewarm promise ever made.  But if the woman is the kind whose purpose in kissing a man is to experiment, to use it as a subst.i.tute for aspirin, I guess I would be sobbing in grat.i.tude if I am in Zhou Wen Wu’s shoes at her words.

I remember the first chapter when Xu Zhi visited a particular down-and-out prince in prison.  Then, she has pusher aside his collar and marvel at the smooth expense of skin and commented that his jailor has not left any mark on his body when he has committed treason.  I find it particularly moving that he managed to escape unharmed physically then, only to suffer all sorts of scars for her, some of which are quite major.  Hopefully, our Da Gu Niang can come to appreciate his brand of loving and treat him better from henceforth.