Book of Etiquette Volume I Part 13

The mother usually wears a reception gown, hat, and gloves. The women sponsors are similarly dressed while the masculine guests wear the prescribed outfit for afternoon receptions, the cutaway coat, etc., unless the christening takes place in the summer when light flannels may be subst.i.tuted.

THE HOUSE CHRISTENING

There is very little difference between a christening that takes place at home and one at church. The house should be decorated and a font may be placed in the drawing-room. The mother's gown is less formal than the one she would wear to the church but the other details are practically the same.

AFTER THE BAPTISM

After the ceremony is over and the youngster has been duly admired and sent back to the nursery, there may be a reception or tea or even a dinner or breakfast, according to the time of the christening, for the guests. If the baptism took place at church the guests may drive immediately from there to the home, allowing the automobile containing the mother and father to precede them by a few minutes. If it took place at home matters are simplified, for the guests may pa.s.s into another room or the font may be placed to one side.

If there is a breakfast or luncheon served the clergyman who performed the ceremony is invited to be present, and whether or not it is customary to ask a blessing he is requested to p.r.o.nounce one. He enters the dining-room with the child's grandmother, or if both grandmothers are present, with the elder.

GIFTS

Each person who is invited to the christening is expected to remember the infant with a gift of some sort. In view of the fact that there is usually nothing that he needs and that he is too young to appreciate anything, many people give for the future rather than for the present.

Sometimes a friend of the mother will give the infant daughter a silver spoon, adding duplicates each year after on its birthday or at Christmas until they form a complete set. Books which he will appreciate later may be given. Money in the form of gold pieces or checks is most appropriate and is one of the most popular of gifts.

Carriage and toilette accessories, jewelry, etc., are, of course, suitable but one should make sure that there is an actual need for them. Most people nowadays live in a limited amount of s.p.a.ce with neither a garret nor a cellar to store things in.

PART II

"_Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette which are merely the forms in which it finds expression, vary with time and place. A sincere regard for the rights of others, in the smallest matters as well as the largest; genuine kindness of heart; good taste and self command, which are the foundations of good manners, are never out of fas.h.i.+on._"

--_Samuel R. Wells._

CHAPTER I

INTRODUCTIONS

PURPOSE OF THE INTRODUCTION

The days of gallant cavaliers and courteous knights who bowed profusely and doffed their feathered hats to the very ground when introduced to ladies of the court are over. To-day, simplicity is the keynote in introductions--as in everything else. But the significance of those charming introductions of yore remains. We find that the introduction of to-day is still made and acknowledged with a certain measured grace and courtesy of manner. What it lacks in old-time picturesque gallantry it gains in a new friendliness that is in accord with whole-hearted warmth for which the Americans are famous.

Every day, in the social and business worlds alike, there is the constant need of introducing people correctly. But the correct introduction does not consist merely of making two strangers known to each other--perhaps just temporarily. To create an immediate friendliness between two people who have met for the first time, to do away with all hesitancy and embarra.s.sment, to create smooth and pleasant conversation, to make the strangers want to continue their acquaintance--that is the purpose of the correct introduction. And its achievement rests entirely with the man or woman who is the medium of introduction.

A great many people have the mistaken impression that an introduction is meant solely to make two people known to each other for the short time that they are in company together. The correct introduction helps to create friends.h.i.+p--the kind of friends.h.i.+p that lasts. It is not enough to exchange names. It is not enough to present one person to another, and then forget about it completely. The adroit introducer draws the strangers into conversation at once, and leads casually into channels that he, or she, knows are of interest to both.

To introduce people correctly is an art in itself, and like any other art, it requires constant study and practice before one becomes adept.

CREATING CONVERSATION

We have mentioned conversation as being an ideal means of establis.h.i.+ng immediate understanding between two strangers--or between a stranger and a group of guests. Let us consider first the best means to employ in creating conversation between two persons who have just been introduced.

Elaborate manner should be avoided. Simple words and phraseology are always most effective, especially when one's manner and tone are sincere. Brevity is also a virtue to be developed in introducing people. If a scientist and a student meet in your home for the first time, the student is presented to the older man. The host or hostess might introduce them in this manner: "Mr. Rogers, let me present Mr.

Brown, who is making a study of social science at Pennsylvania University." Naturally, an introduction of this kind would lead directly into a discussion on science--and both men would feel entirely at ease in each other's company.

In introducing a gentleman to a lady, the same rule of mutual interest for creating conversation holds true. The hostess might say, "Miss Murray, allow me to present Mr. Smith, who stopped at the Palms last summer just before you arrived." Of course, the young people would immediately have something to talk about, and there would be no strained feeling of the sort that usually follows in the wake of a poor introduction. Or, if Mr. Smith is an author, and Miss Murray is very fond of reading, the hostess would say, "Miss Murray, I'm sure you will be pleased to meet Mr. Smith, who writes such charming fiction. You remember how much we enjoyed 'The Rose Garden.'"

A great deal depends upon the strangers themselves, whether or not conversation will move forward, but the hostess who has introduced them skilfully has certainly given them a pleasant opening.

WHEN TO INTRODUCE

"To introduce or not to introduce?" has often puzzled men and women of better society. It requires infinite tact, and also a certain keen knowledge of the world, to determine just whom one should and one should not introduce to one's friends.

This does not refer to home or private entertainments where everyone is an invited guest. In this case, the host and hostess make whatever introductions they deem necessary, being sure that a stranger is carefully presented to each guest. When the reception is a large one--a ball, for instance--the roof may serve as an introduction; that is, the guests may take it for granted that everyone present, being an invited guest, has already the endors.e.m.e.nt of the hostess. Thus they may address and converse with anyone they choose, without trespa.s.sing any laws of good conduct.

If a lady pa.s.ses two gentlemen, one of whom she knows, both raise their hats and greet her, but no introductions are made. If he stops for a moment--and it must be only for a very brief moment--he does not present his companion. Street introductions are bad form unless the little group joins forces and walks on together.

In the business world, introductions are made whenever a mutual acquaintance or friend is present. Business introductions are governed very largely by diplomacy, although the gentleman will make sure that his business introduction is just as courteous and graceful as his social introduction.

Granting that all your friends and acquaintances are of the very best society, it is quite safe to say that you may introduce two people to each other, or a group of people to one another, whenever you chance to be a mutual friend. Whether or not the acquaintances.h.i.+p continues depends entirely upon the people who have been introduced. It is certainly better form to introduce two people, even though you are in doubt as to their similarity of character and personality, than to have one of your friends--or several of them--feel slighted. There are few things more unkind and discourteous than to neglect introducing strangers to each other.

IMPORTANCE OF CARE

An awkward or haphazard introduction can not be effective. A common fault seems to be to mumble hurriedly over names--a very bad fault, indeed, as it leaves the strangers in ignorance as to each other's ident.i.ty. Names should be p.r.o.nounced carefully and distinctly, leaving no doubt whatever in the minds of those who are being presented to each other. To slur over names in haste or embarra.s.sment, is to create a strained and uncomfortable atmosphere.

As in everything else in good society, ostentation is extremely vulgar.

Deep bows, flourishes, and forced phrases have no place in the right sort of presentations. Brief, simple introductions, with a note of sincere cordiality, are certainly more impressive than much elaborate waving of hands and bowing.

SPECIAL INTRODUCTIONS

It is, of course, an established rule that a man should always be presented to a lady. But the rule does not hold true when a lady is presented to some gentleman of exceptionally high and distinguished position. Thus, if a lady is presented to the President of the United States, or to an ex-President, or prince, duke, or archduke, the gentleman's name is mentioned first. Another exception to the rule is when unmarried ladies are presented to important members of the clergy, such as the bishop or archbishop; here also the gentleman's name is mentioned first.

There is only one great exception to the rule that all unmarried women are presented to matrons: all women, no matter whether they are young unmarried women or elderly matrons, are introduced _to_ the wife of the President of the United States.

There are several exceptions to the rule that all young and unmarried men be presented to older men. First, there is the President of the United States, to whom all men, young and old, are presented.

Similarly, a host in his own home is always mentioned first. A member of a royal and reigning family is never presented to anyone unless it is someone of higher royalty; all introductions are made to him. A guest of honor at an entertainment is also given the distinction of having all guests presented to him.

WHEN THE NAME ISN'T HEARD

It very often happens, in making introductions, that one does not quite understand the name murmured by the one who is making the introduction.

There is absolutely no reason to become fl.u.s.tered and embarra.s.sed.

Simply smile or nod in acknowledgment, and say, "I beg your pardon, I did not catch your name." Or one might say, "I am sorry, but I did not catch the name." Profuse apologies are not good form; in fact, they are entirely out of place, for the fault lies completely with the man or woman who has made the introduction. Address yourself to the stranger, when you wish the name to be repeated, and make your request simply, directly and with calm dignity. Do not show either by haste or embarra.s.sment that you are ill at ease because the name escaped you.

Many times it is the fault of the people who are being introduced that they do not understand the names. They do not listen for them. It is one of the secrets of social success, if there can be anything secret about a thing so obvious, to be able to remember names correctly.

People in business realize this and salesmen devote special time to training themselves to remember the names of their customers.