Kore wa Zombie desu ka? Vol 6 Chapter 4.6

VOLUME 6

Chapter 4: Part 6

After clearing these obstacles, we finally arrived in front of Tomonori’s room. Now, if there was an easy way to open automatic locks, then this world would be overflowing with thieves. So what should we do here…?

“Here I go.” Sera’s hair was back into a ponytail, and she was holding onto a green-colored sword. It was a thin sword, made from a leaf. Exactly what was she planning to do with that sword of hers…? Don’t tell me…

“Hiken, Tsubamegaes.h.i.+!”

A big sideways V was cut into the door. Next, Yuu gave the door a whack with what looked almost like a bathroom plunger, and the door instantly crumbled into pieces.

As expected… Sera could cut through a d.a.m.n door with a sword.

Like that, we were able to safely pa.s.s into Tomonori’s room. Her room was a corner room with kitchen, bath, and two bedrooms. None of the lights were on, and the entire room was enveloped in silence.

The room was completely dark, but through these goggles I could figure out where everything is. Wow, I really wonder how night vision goggles worked…

We walked on silent footsteps. We pa.s.sed by a table with plates that they had probably used to eat the meat and potato stew. This was Haruna and Tomonori we were talking about, so it wasn’t surprising they hadn’t washed the dishes directly after eating. I wonder why I got the sudden urge to go and actually wash those plates…

Sera grabbed the doork.n.o.b to the closet to her, and signaled me to search the innermost bedroom.

I dutifully obeyed and headed for that room. I opened the door casually and without a second thought. At this point, I really didn’t feel like playing pretend burglar anymore.

I mean, I had gotten three hundred bamboo spears in the a.s.s, and my leotard now had a huge hole there. Can you blame me for just not feeling it anymore?

I looked around the dark room. It was a plain, kind of boring room, the kind of room I couldn’t imagine a girl using. There were pro wrestling posters and some netting on the walls, into which someone had put basketb.a.l.l.s and soccer b.a.l.l.s and that kind of thing. I also saw a basket filled with baseball gloves.

And then, there was a huge fluffy-looking bed that looked like it belonged in a fancy hotel. Tomonori and Haruna were both in the bed, lined up and asleep. These girls sure got along pretty well.

It was already past midnight, and neither of them were zombies, so it wasn’t surprising that they’d both be asleep.

Okay, so where would they have put something like a scroll…? I almost felt like some RPG hero on a search quest as I looked around the room. Well, granted, it’s not like I’d just go around and barbarically break all the jars and vases though…

I opened up a dresser. The first drawer… then the second drawer… but all I found were clothes. Nothing like a scroll anywhere.

Actually, maybe I should borrow one of Tomonori’s jerseys? I mean, we might not be the same size, but it’d be better than going around wearing a leotard with a hole in the b.u.t.t portion.

Oh, the bottom drawer seemed to all be underwear. Hmm, why do girls have to roll all their underwear up before putting them away? Oh look, there are some black ones here too. Wow, that’s so unlike her…

Ahem. I’m here to find a scroll. Scroll scroll scroll. Doesn’t look like the scroll is here.

I looked over to the table, her bookbag, and the sofa… they were all pretty tidy. Hm, I wouldn’t have expected Tomonori to be so neat. I guess she didn’t wash the dishes because Haruna was here?

I then took a look at the two girls, looking oh so comfortable on that big fluffy bed.

Tomonori was wearing pajamas, while Haruna was in a tanktop. Haruna had kicked the feather futon away from the two of them, so neither were covered. Maybe that had made them cold, since both of their bodies were curled up. Also, it was pretty weird that Haruna slept in a tanktop and underwear even in the winter…

Hm? Now that I got a better look, I saw a scroll tucked up in between Haruna’s tank top…

It seemed that Haruna had hidden the scroll in between her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Hey hey, you had to have pretty big b.r.e.a.s.t.s to pull that off! I could understand if Tomonori did this, but it was pretty easy to spot the scroll when Haruna tried!

I slowly reached my hand out towards the bed. Creak. I froze. Did I wake them up?

The two of them were still breathing slowly, so it seemed I was safe. I let out a sigh of relief, even though my heart was still racing.

At this point, I had raised every single “wake-up” flag in the world.

I mean, I was here in a leotard with my a.s.s bare, I had gone fis.h.i.+ng through Tomonori’s underwear drawer, and now I was reaching out to the two girls on the bed.

If this was a romantic comedy, then this would definitely be the point where the two of them would wake up and start screeching at me. But I wouldn’t make that mistake. I had quite a bit of confidence in my dexterity.

It’s said that when a master swordsman kills an enemy, he can do it so skillfully that the enemy won’t feel a bit of pain. I’ll take a leaf out of that book and get that scroll out without Haruna feeling anything…

I softly grabbed the scroll and began to carefully pull. It didn’t matter how much time I took, as long as I got what I came for.

Snake! Think back to all those games of Operation you played! (1)

I pulled on Haruna’s tanktop, and I got a glance at her nipples… wait, why wasn’t she wearing a bra?! Ugh, c.r.a.p! I could feel a line of drool come out… that drool… it was heading right for Tomonori’s cheek!

But, if I let go of that scroll at this point… w-what should I do?!

When things came to this… I steeled myself and forcefully pulled the scroll out.

Like a magician with a tablecloth, I managed to pull the scroll out clean as a whistle. The two girls didn’t show any sign of waking up. That was perfect. As I reveled in my own success, I began to wipe off the drool that was coming from my mouth…

But while I was doing that, I heard a strange chime coming from the other side of the door.

Hm? What was that? I was so distracted by that sound that I didn’t notice… didn’t notice that there was a string attached to the scroll. c.r.a.p… was this thing b.o.o.by trapped?!

“Agh!” The three hundred and first bamboo spear pierced into my behind.

Dammit, I really shouldn’t have tried to wipe off that drool. I watched as the drool flew through the air and landed right on Haruna’s ahoge.

I thought I heard a ping! somewhere as Haruna’s catlike eyes opened. It seemed like her ahoge was especially sensitive.

“Sera! Mission failed! Retreat! Retreaaaat!!”

I quickly turned my body around.

“Hiyaaaaaaahhhh!!”

A fierce jumping kick cracked through the dark room. To think she could launch a jumping kick like that without a running start… as expected from Haruna.

“Wait Haruna! I can explain!”

“I have a guy with his naked b.u.t.t wagging in the air, drooling all over me with night vision goggles while I’m sleeping. You really think anything you say is gonna make me not kick you in the face?!”

“… Yeah, you have a point there.”

Haruna twirled through the air before landing on top of Tomonori.

“Ugeh… nnnnn…”

She didn’t wake up. Well, I guess that was a relief.

Anyways, I broke out into a run to try and get out of there. But, I ended up stumbling on something.

It was a pile of rolled-up underwear. c.r.a.p, I had forgotten to close the drawers.

I really wasn’t used to these night vision goggle things, and so this happens…

I threw off some of the underwear that had landed on top of my head and ran out of the room.

“Sera! Sorry! They found me out!”

Sera came out of the front room and took one look at me… before holding her leaf sword over her head.

“I… never… thought… you were this disgusting!!”

She brought her leaf sword down, cutting through my skin and my leotard.

Wait wait wait! Did I have no friends left here?! No, I know! Yuu will surely understand! She’ll definitely be on my side…

I took a quick glance at the dining kitchen, and…

Well, Yuu was there. And she seemed to be happily digging into the meat and potato stew that Haruna and Tomonori had made.

Wait, what happened to her sense of “aesthetics”?!

Ah, I see now. That chime I had heard earlier was the sound of the microwave.

Well… mystery solved, I guess… In any case, maybe it was male instinct, but as I got a taste of Sera’s Tsubamegaes.h.i.+, all I could do was stand there and grip Tomonori’s underwear tightly in my fist.

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) The actual game referenced is “denryuu iraira bou,” a game which features similar “don’t touch the sides” game mechanics.