Ships That Pass in the Night Part 14

She had a very gracious manner when she chose.

"You are looking much better, Miss Holme," she said kindly. "I cannot help noticing your face. It looks younger and brighter. The bracing air has done you good."

"Yes, I am better," Bernardine said, rather astonished that Mrs. Reffold should have noticed her at all. "Mr. Allitsen informs me that I shall live, but never be strong. He settles every question of that sort to his own satisfaction, but not always to the satisfaction of other people!"

"He is a curious person," Mrs. Reffold said smiling; "though I must say he is not quite as gruff as he used to be. You seem to be good friends with him."

She would have liked to say more on this subject, but experience had taught her that Bernardine was not to be trifled with.

"I don't know about being good friends," Bernardine said, "but I have a great sympathy for him. I know myself what it is to be cut off from work and active life. I have been through a misery. But mine is nothing to his."

She rose to go, but Mrs. Reffold detained her.

"Don't go yet," she said. "It is pleasant to have you."

She was leaning back in an arm-chair playing with the fringe of an antimaca.s.sar.

"Oh, how tired I am of this horrid place!" she said suddenly. "And I have had a most wearying afternoon. Mr. Reffold seems to be more irritable every day. It is very hard that I should have to bear it."

Bernardine listened to her in astonishment.

"Yes," she added, "I am quite worn out. He never used to be so irritable. It is all very tiresome. It is quite telling on my health."

She looked the picture of health.

Bernardine gasped; and Mrs. Reffold continued:

"His grumbling this afternoon has been incessant; so much so that he himself was ashamed, and asked me to forgive him. You heard him, didn't you?"

"Yes, I heard him," Bernardine said.

"And of course I forgave him at once," Mrs. Reffold said piously.

"Naturally one would do that, but the vexation remains all the same."

"Can these things be?" thought Bernardine to herself.

"He spoke in a most ridiculous way," she went on: "it certainly is not encouraging for me to spend another afternoon with him. I shall go sledging to-morrow."

"You generally do go sledging, don't you?" Bernardine asked mildly.

Mrs. Reffold looked at her suspiciously. She was never quite sure that Bernardine was not making fun of her.

"It is little enough pleasure I do have," she added, as though in self- defence. "And he seems to grudge me that too."

"I don't think he would grudge you anything," Bernardine said, with some warmth. "He loves you too much for that. You don't know how much pleasure you give him when you spare him a little of your time. He told me how happy you made him this afternoon. You could see for yourself that he was happy. Mrs. Reffold, make him happy whilst you still have him. Don't you understand that he is pa.s.sing away from you--don't you understand, or is it that you won't? We all see it, all except you!"

She stopped suddenly, surprised at her boldness.

Mrs. Reffold was still leaning back in the arm-chair, her hands clasped together above her beautiful head. Her face was pale. She did not speak.

Bernardine waited. The silence was unbroken save by the merry cries of some children tobogganing in the Kurhaus garden. The stillness grew oppressive, and Bernardine rose. She knew from the effort which those few words had cost her, how far removed she was from her old former self.

"Good-bye, Mrs. Reffold," she said nervously.

"Good-bye, Miss Holme," was the only answer.

CHAPTER XIV.

CONCERNING THE CARETAKERS

THE Doctors in Petershof always said that the caretakers of the invalids were a much greater anxiety than the invalids themselves. The invalids would either get better or die: one of two things probably. At any rate, you knew where you were with them. But not so with the caretakers: there was nothing they were not capable of doing--except taking reasonable care of their invalids! They either fussed about too much, or else they did not fuss about at all. They all began by doing the right thing: they all ended by doing the wrong. The fussy ones had fits of apathy, when the poor irritable patients seemed to get a little better; the negligent ones had paroxysms of attentiveness, when their invalids, accustomed to loneliness and neglect, seemed to become rather worse by being worried.

To remonstrate with the caretakers would have been folly: for they were well satisfied with their own methods.

To contrive their departure would have been an impossibility: for they were firmly convinced that their presence was necessary to the welfare of their charges. And then, too, judging from the way in which they managed to amuse themselves, they liked being in Petershof, though they never owned that to the invalids. On the contrary, it was the custom for the caretakers to depreciate the place, and to deplore the necessity which obliged them to continue there month after month. They were fond, too, of talking about the sacrifices which they made, and the pleasures which they willingly gave up in order to stay with their invalids. They said this in the presence of their invalids. And if the latter had told them by all means to pack up and go back to the pleasures which they had renounced, they would have been astonished at the ingrat.i.tude which could suggest the idea.

They were amusing characters, these caretakers. They were so thoroughly unconscious of their own deficiencies. They might neglect their own invalids, but they would look after other people's invalids, and play the nurse most soothingly and prettily where there was no call and no occasion. Then they would come and relate to their neglected dear ones what they had been doing for others: and the dear ones would smile quietly, and watch the b.u.t.tons being st.i.tched on for strangers, and the cornflour which they could not get nicely made for themselves, being carefully prepared for other people's neglected dear ones.

Some of the dear ones were rather bitter. But there were many of a higher order of intelligence, who seemed to realize that they had no right to be ill, and that being ill, and therefore a burden on their friends, they must make the best of everything, and be grateful for what was given them, and patient when anything was withheld. Others of a still higher order of understanding, attributed the eccentricities of the caretakers to one cause alone: the Petershof air. They know it had the invariable effect of getting into the head, and upsetting the balance of those who drank deep of it. Therefore no one was to blame, and no one need be bitter. But these were the philosophers of the colony: a select and dainty few in any colony. But there were several rebels amongst the invalids, and they found consolation in confiding to each other their separate grievances. They generally held their conferences in the rooms known as the newspaper-rooms, where they were not likely to be interrupted by any caretakers who might have stayed at home because they were tired out.

To-day there were only a few rebels gathered together, but they were more than usually excited, because the Doctors had told several of them that their respective caretakers must be sent home.

"What must I do?" said little Mdlle. Gerardy, wringing her hands. "The Doctor says that I must tell my sister to go home: that she only worries me, and makes me worse. He calls her a 'whirlwind.' If I won't tell her, then he will tell her, and we shall have some more scenes. Mon Dieu! and I am so tired of them. They terrify me. I would suffer anything rather than have a fresh scene. And I can't get her to do anything for me.

She has no time for me. And, yet she thinks she takes the greatest possible care of me, and devotes the whole day to me. Why, sometimes I never see her for hours together."

"Well, at least she does not quarrel with every one, as my mother does,"

said a Polish gentleman, M. Lichinsky. "Nearly every day she has a quarrel with some one or other; and then she comes to me and says she has been insulted. And others come to me mad with rage, and complain that they have been insulted by her. As though I were to blame! I tell them that now. I tell them that my mother's quarrels are not my quarrels.

But one longs for peace. And the Doctor says I must have it, and that my mother must go home at once. If I tell her that, she will have a tremendous quarrel with the Doctor. As it is, he will scarcely speak to her. So you see, Mademoiselle Gerardy, that I, too, am in a bad plight.

What am I to do?"

Then a young American spoke. He had been getting gradually worse since he came to Petershof, but his brother, a bright st.u.r.dy young fellow, seemed quite unconscious of the seriousness of his condition.

"And what am I to do?" he asked pathetically. "My brother does not even think I am ill. He says I am to rouse myself and come skating and tobogganing with him. Then I tell him that the Doctor says I must lie quietly in the sun. I have no one to take care of me, so I try to take a little care of myself, and then I am laughed at. It is bad enough to be ill; but it is worse when those who might help you a little, won't even believe in your illness. I wrote home once and told them; but they go by what he says; and they, too, tell me to rouse myself."

His cheeks were sunken, his eyes were leaden. There was no power in his voice, no vigour in his frame. He was just slipping quickly down the hill for want of proper care and understanding.

"I don't know whether I am much better off than you," said an English lady, Mrs. Bridgetower. "I certainly have a trained nurse to look after me, but she is altogether too much for me, and she does just as she pleases. She is always ailing, or else pretends to be; and she is always depressed. She grumbles from eight in the morning till nine at night.

I have heard that she is cheerful with other people, but she never gives me the benefit of her brightness. Poor thing! She does feel the cold very much, but it is not very cheering to see her crouching near the stove, with her arms almost clasping it! When she is not talking of her own looks, all she says is: 'Oh, if I had only not come to Petershof!'

or, 'Why did I ever leave that hospital in Manchester?' or, 'The cold is eating into the very marrow of my bones.' At first she used to read to me; but it was such a dismal performance that I could not bear to hear her. Why don't I send her home? Well, my husband will not hear of me being alone, and he thinks I might do worse than keep Nurse Frances.

And perhaps I might."

"I would give a good deal to have a sister like pretty Fraulein Muller has," said little Fraulein Oberhof. "She came to look after me the other day when I was alone. She has the kindest way about her. But when my sister came in, she was not pleased to find Fraulein Sophie Muller with me. She does not do anything for me herself, and she does not like any one else to do anything either. Still, she is very good to other people.

She comes up from the theatre sometimes at half-past nine--that is the hour when I am just sleepy--and she stamps about the room, and makes cornflour for the old Polish lady. Then off she goes, taking with her the cornflour together with my sleep. Once I complained, but she said I was irritable. You can't think how teasing it is to hear the noise of the spoon stirring the cornflour just when you are feeling drowsy. You say to yourself, 'Will that cornflour never be made? It seems to take centuries.'"

"One could be more patient if it were being made for oneself," said M. Lichinsky. "But at least, Fraulein, your sister does not quarrel with every one. You must be grateful for that mercy!"