The Female Wits Part 11

Mrs. _Wellf._ I'll take care of it, I warrant you.

_Mars._ I knew 'twas a pleasing Errand.

_Enter Lady_ Loveall, _and_ Betty Useful.

_Mar._ Come Child, speak handsomly, this Part will do you a Kindness.

_Betty._ Why do those Eyes, Loves Tapers, that on whomsoe'er they are fixt, kindle straight Desire, now seem to Nod, and Wink, and hardly Glimmer in their Sockets?

_Mar._ Mr. _Praiseall_, is not that Simile well carried on?

Mr. _Prais._ To an Extreamity of Thought, Madam, But I think 'tis stole.

[_Aside._

La. _Lov._ Art thou the Key to all my Secrets, privy to every rambling Wish, and canst not guess my Sorrows!

_Betty._ No! For what Lover have ye mist, honest _Betty Useful_ has been the Contriver, Guide and close Concealer of your Pleasures: _Amorous_ the Steward, you know, is yours; the Butler too bows beneath your Conquering Charms, and you have vow'd your Wishes in your own Family shou'd be confin'd, who then of Worth remains?

La. _Lov._--Oh _Betty_! _Betty!_

_Mar._ Good Mrs. _Knight_ speak that as pa.s.sionately as you can, because you are going to Swoon, you know; and I hate Women shou'd go into a Swoon, as some of our Authors make 'em, without so much as altering their Face, or Voice.

La. _Lov._----Madam, I never knew _Betty_ sound well in Heroick.

_Mar._ Why, no Mrs _Knight_, therefore in that lies the Art, for you to make it sound well; I think I may say, without a Blush, I am the first that made Heroick natural.

La. _Lov._ I'll do my best. Oh! _Betty_! _Betty!_ Fear and Love, like meeting Tides, o'erwhelm me, the rowling Waves beat sinking Nature down, and Ebbbing Life retires! [_Swoons._

_Mar._ What d'ye think of that, Mr. _Praiseall_? There's a Clap for a Guinea: 'Gad if there is not, I shall scarce forbear telling the Audience they are uncivil.

_Prais._ Nor, Gad, I shall scarce forbear Fighting 'em one by one. But hus.h.!.+ Now let's hear what _Betty_ says.

_Betty._ Oh! My poor Lady! Look up, fair Saint! Oh close not those bright Eyes! If 'tis in _Betty's_ Power, they shall still be feasted with the Object of their Wishes.

_Prais._ Well said, honest _Betty_.

_Mar._ Nay, She is so throughout the whole Play, to the very last, I a.s.sure you.

La. _Lov._ Yes, he shall be mine! Let Law, and Rules, confine the creeping Stoick, the cold lifeless Hermit, or the Dissembling Brethren of Broad Hats, and narrow Bands; I am a Libertine, and being so, I love my Husband's Son, and will enjoy him.

_Mar._ There's a Rant for you! Oh Lord! Mr. _Praiseall_, look how Mrs.

_Betty_'s surpriz'd: Well, she doth a silent Surprize the best i'th'

World; I must kiss her, I cannot help it, 'tis incomparable! Now speak Mrs _Betty_, now speak.

_Betty._ My Master's Son just Married to a Celebrated Beauty, with which he comes slowly on, and beneath this Courteous Roof rests this Night his wearied Head.

La. _Lov._----Let me have Musick then, to melt him down; he comes and meets this Face to charm him. 'Tis done! 'Tis done! By Heav'n, I cannot bear the reflected Glories of those Eyes, all other Beauties fly before me.

_Betty._ But _Isabella_ is----

_Mar._ Now _Betty_'s doubting----Dear Mrs _Knight_, in this Speech, stamp as Queen _Statira_ does, that always gets a Clap; and when you have ended, run off, thus, as fast as you can drive. O Gad! Duce take your confounded Stumbling Stage. [_Stumbles._

Mr. _Prais._ Oh! Madam!

_Mar._ Hus.h.!.+ Hus.h.!.+ 'Tis nothing! Come Madam.

La. _Lov._ No more, he is mine, I have him fast: Oh! The Extasie!

_Mar._ Now Stamp, and Hug your self, Mrs. _Knight_: Oh! The strong Extasie!

La. _Lov._ Mine! Forever mine! [_Exit._

_Betty._ But you must ask me leave first; yes, I will a.s.sist her, for she is n.o.bly generous, and pays for Pleasure, as dear as a Chambermaids Avarice requires! Then, my old Master, why, I fear not him, he is an old Book-worm, never out of his Study; and whilst he finds out a way to the Moon, my Lady and I'll tread another beaten Road much pleasanter: My next Task must be to tempt Fasting, with my Lady's Beauty, this _Isabella_.----

_Enter_ Amourous _the Steward_.

_Am._ Did I not hear the Name of _Isabella_? _Isabella_, Charming as _Venus_ rising from the Sea, or _Diana_ descening on _Latmus_ Top too like _Diana_ much I fear; Oh _Isabella_! Where art thou! I loose my way in Tears, and cannot find my Feet. [_Exit._

_Mar._ D'ye mark! This was Mr. _Amorous_ the Steward, and he was transported, he never saw _Betty_. Look _Betty_'s surpris'd again.

Mr. _Prais._ 'Tis amazingly fine!

_Betty._ What's this I have heard? It makes for us; Mischief and Scandal are a Feast for them who have past the Line of Shame: _Amorous_ has a Wife, and _Isabella_ _Faustins_, work on together, work, work, on together work.

_Mar._ Now make haste off, Mrs. _Betty_, as if you were so full of Thought, you did not know what you did. Gentlemen and Ladies, how d'ye like the first Scene?

[_Exit_ Betty.

Mr. _Prais._ If your Ladys.h.i.+p swore, you might justly use _Ben Johnson_'s Expressions; _By Gad 'tis Good_!

_Mar._ What say you, _Calista_?

_Calis._ 'Tis beyond imitation. I never heard such stuff in my Life.

[_Aside._

_Mar._ Did you observe _Betty_ said her Master was finding out a new way to the Moon?

Mr. _Prais._ Yes marry did I, and I was thinking to ask if I might not go with him, for I have a great mind to see the Moon World.

_Mar._ And you shall see it all, and how they live in't, before the Play's done, here they have talked of the Emperour of the Moon, and the World in the Moon, but discovered nothing of the Matter; Now, again, I go just contrary; for I say nothing, and shew all.

Mr. _Prais._ And that's kindly done to surprize us with such a Sight.

_Mar._ Observe, and you'll be satisfied. Call _Fastin_, and _Isabella_, attended; that is to say, call Mr. _Powell_, and Mistress _Cross_, and the Mob; for their Attendants look much like the Mob. Mr. _Praiseall_, do you know where the Scene of this Play lies?

Mr. _Prais._ Gad forgive me for a Sot; Faith I han't minded it.

_Mar._ Why, to tell you the Truth, 'tis not yet resolv'd; but it must be in some warm Climate, where the Sun has power, and where there's Orange Groves; for _Isabella_, you'll find, Loves walking in Orange Groves.