The Female Wits Part 3

_Pat._ Nothing but flattery brings my Lady into a good humour. [_Aside._ With your Ladys.h.i.+p's directions I might aim at something.

_Mar._ My Necklace.

_Pat._ Here's a Neck! such a Shape! such a Skin!----[_Tying it on._ Oh!

if I were a Man, I shoud run Mad!

_Mar._ Humph! The Girl has more Sense than I imagin'd, She finds out those Perfections all the Beau-mond have admired.--Well, _Patty_, after my Third day I'll give you this Gown and Pettycoat.

_Pat._ Your Ladys.h.i.+p will make one of Velvet, I suppose.

_Mar._ I guess I may; see who knocks. [_Goes out, and returns._

_Pat._ Madam, 'tis Mrs. _Wellfed_.

_Mar._ That ill-bred, ill shap'd Creature! Let her come up, she's foolish and open-hearted, I shall pick something out of her that may do her Mischief, or serve me to Laugh at.

_Pat._ Madam, you invited her to the Rehearsal this Morning.

_Mar._ What if I did? she might have attended me at the Play-house.----Go, fetch her up.

_Enter Mrs._ Wellfed _and_ Patty.

Mrs. _Wellfed_. Good morrow, Madam.

_Mar._ Your Servant, dear Mrs. _Wellfed_, I have been longing for you this Half-hour.

Mrs. _Wellf._ 'Tis near Ten.

_Mar._ Ay, my Impertinence is such a Trifle--But, Madam, are we not to expect some more of your Works?

Mrs. _Wellf._ Yes; I am playing the Fool again.----The story is----

_Mar._ Nay, for a Story, Madam, you must give me leave to say, there's none like mine; The turns are so surprizing, the Love so pa.s.sionate, the Lines so strong. 'Gad I'm afraid there's not a Female Actress in _England_ can reach 'em.

Mrs. _Wellf._ My Language!

_Mar._ Now you talk of Language, what do you think a Lord said to me t'other day? That he had heard I was a Traveller, and he believ'd my Voyage had been to the Poets Elyzium, for mortal Fires cou'd never inspire such words! Was not this fine?

Mrs. _Wellf._ Extravagantly fine! But, as I was saying----

_Mar._ Mark but these two Lines.

Mrs. _Wellf._ Madam, I have heard 'em already; you know you repeated every word of your Play last Night.

_Mar._ I hope, Mrs. _Wellfed_, the Lines will bear the being heard twice and twice, else 'twou'd be bad for the Sparks who are never absent from the Play-house, and must hear 'em Seventeen or Eighteen Nights together.

Mrs. _Wellf._ How Madam_!_ that's Three or Four more than the _Old Batchelour_ held out.

_Mar._ Madam, I dare affirm there's not two such Lines in the Play you nam'd: Madam, I'm sorry I am forc'd to tell you, Interruption is the rudest thing in the World.

Mrs. _Wellf._ I am dumb. Pray proceed.

_Mar._ Pray observe.----

_My Scorching Raptures make a Boy of Jove, That Ramping G.o.d shall learn of me to Love._

_My Scorching_----

Mrs. _Wellf._ Won't the Ladies think some of those Expressions indecent?

_Mar._ Interrupting again, by Heav'n!----Sure, Madam, I understand the Ladies better than you. To my knowledge they love words that have warmth, and fire, _&c._ in 'em.--Here, _Patty_, give me a Gla.s.s of _Sherry_; my Spirits are gone.----No Manchet Sot! Ah! the Gla.s.s [_Brings a Gla.s.s._ not clean! She takes this opportunity, because she knows I never fret before Company, I! do I use to Drink a Thimble full at a time?--Take that to wash your Face. [_Throws it in her Face._

_Pat._ These are Poetical Ladies with a Pox to 'em. (_Aside._

_Mar._ My Service to you Madam, I think you drink in a Morning.

Mrs. _Wellf._ Yes, else I had never come to this bigness, Madam, to the encreasing that inexhausted spring of Poetry: that it may swell, o'erflow, and bless the barren Land.

_Mar._ Incomparable, I protest_!_

_Pat._ Madam _Calista_ to wait upon your Ladys.h.i.+p.

_Mar._ Do you know her Child?

Mrs. _Wellf._ No.

_Mar._ Oh! 'Tis the vainest; proudest, senseless Thing, she pretends to Grammar, writes in Mood and Figure; does every thing methodically.----Poor Creature! She shews me her Works first; I always commend 'em, with a Design she shou'd expose 'em, and the Town be so kind to laugh her out of her Follies.

Mr. _Wellf._ That's hard in a Friend.

_Mar._ But 'tis very usual.----Dunce! Why do you let her stay so long?

[_Exit Pat. Re-enter with_ Calista. My best _Calista_! The charming'st Nymph of all _Apollo_'s Train, let me Embrace thee!

Mr. _Wellf._ So, I suppose my Reception was preceeded like this.

[_Aside._]

_Mar._ Pray know this Lady, she is a Sister of ours.

_Calista._ She's big enough to be the Mother of the Muses. [_Aside._ Madam, your Servant.

Mrs. _Wellf_. Madam, yours. [_Salute._

_Mar._ Now here's the Female Triumvirate; methinks 'twou'd be but civil of the Men to lay down their Pens for one Year, and let us divert the Town, but if we shou'd, they'd certainly be asham'd ever to take 'em up again.

_Calis._ From yours we expect Wonders.

_Mar._ Has any Celebrated Poet of the Age been lately to look over any of your Scenes, Madam?

_Calis._ Yes, yes, one that you know, and who makes that his pretence for daily Visits.