Sasami-san @ Ganbaranai Vol 1 Chapter 16

VOLUME 1

Chapter 16: Expedition to Ame-no-Iwato (Back Half)

Where exactly was I trying to go?

–

I flew out of my room with explosive force.

I could feel rage boiling in me with a force I had never felt before.

I flew out of my room still in my casual clothes, and rushed through the hallway.

I went down the stairs and headed for the entranceway. I was surprised. I was a hikikomori… but I could move around fine.

Ever since I was born, I was put through rigorous trainings at the shrine in order to heighten my spiritual abilities.

As a result, I could perceive it when G.o.ds were present, and was able to detect alterations (you could call it Spiritual Observation). But when the power of the Supreme G.o.d went to my brother, who had no spiritual powers, I couldn’t do anything but watch as he altered the world at a whim and turned reality into chaos.

My powers allowed me to separate what parts of the world were constant and what parts had been altered, and I just felt increasingly repulsed, not being able to adapt to a world which changed at the drop of a pin.

In addition, because the ruler of all the G.o.ds was now residing in my powerless brother, the G.o.ds felt more at ease to do what they wanted, which caused a frightening situation.

Apart from my own room, which I protected with spiritual barriers, every step I took sent a chill down my spine and nauseated me, to the point where I couldn’t even stand up. I cowered before the G.o.ds, feared the creation of alterations, and had no choice but to shut myself in.

I also wanted to be able to move around freely outside. I wanted to stroll around under the sun. I wanted to go to actual stores to buy things, to dress myself up fas.h.i.+onably and eat boldly at restaurants.

But that was impossible for me.

Just going to the bathroom on the first floor of our house made me dizzy and sometimes nauseous.

If I tried to go outside, I would probably faint from these horrible feelings.

For someone as spiritually sensitive as I was, the chaotic state of the world right now was just too much to bear.

I couldn’t even go to school, even though I had dreamed about doing so before.

I wasn’t a hikikomori by choice. I wasn’t missing school because I wanted to. I just couldn’t deal with the world. But the world was this messed up exactly because I had thrust the responsibility of holding the power of the Supreme G.o.d onto my brother, so I didn’t have the right to complain to anyone.

“Ugh…”

But… just for today…

Please… just for today… let me go outside.

The sarcoma coming out of my chest seemed agitated and wiggled around, but I had used some of the charms I had stolen from the shrine and pasted them to the sarcoma so it could no longer act up.

This house was too empty, and horribly cold.

On the living room desk, I found a farewell letter written by my brother.

I picked that letter up, and hugged it to myself without even opening it. I would read it while I was on the move. I could already imagine what he had written. He really had left. He really had gone back.

He had left me here by myself.

He had left me here, because he was trying to protect me.

“Oniichan, you idiot…!!”

I got to our entranceway, and put on my shoes. It was something I hadn’t done for a long time.

And then, I opened the door and flew outside. I could do this, I thought. My body felt better than it had ever before.

Maybe my brother had already reached the shrine, and was being advised by the people there on how to make the world a good place for humans again… so maybe things had returned to normal…

If the world was normal again, I wouldn’t feel nausea anymore, and would just be able to walk around outside normally… is what I thought.

But that was completely wrong.

Underneath the clear winter sun, I took a step out of our house.

I felt a shock to my head, almost as if I had gotten punched.

“…?!”

My legs fell limp, almost as if they had gotten torn off, and I keeled forwards.

The asphalt came cras.h.i.+ng into my face, and blood flowed from a scratch on my forehead.

I felt pain all over. It was like pins and needles were being stuck into me. It was almost hard to believe how much pain was attacking me from the outside, from the inside, from every angle and direction.

Nothing had changed in this world.

I was able to run this far only because in all my rage my sense of feeling had gone numb, and I was able to force myself here without actually feeling anything.

I gasped, almost suffocating, and my eyes began to tear up. I somehow pulled my face from the ground.

I tried to at least crawl my way forwards, but it felt like something was pressing into me from above, and I was completely beaten. My face once again smashed into the floor.

I writhed in agony and screamed.

“Dammit…!!!”

I was too weak.

I was too foolish.

I couldn’t do anything.

If this was going to happen, maybe it would have been better if I hadn’t wished for anything in the first place.

To hope, to fail, to be frustrated… if that was all that was going to happen, what was the point?

Maybe I should have just remained a bird in a cage forever, and just stayed at that shrine until I outlived my use and died.

Wanting freedom… wanting a normal life… I was aiming way too high.

I got my brother caught up in all of this.

I betrayed all the people back home.

I had escaped out of my own selfishness.

And in the end, I hadn’t achieved anything at all.

–

“Heyo.”

–

As I lay p.r.o.ne, sobbing into the floor, I heard a voice from above me that was so carefree that I could swear it was mocking me.

When I looked up, I saw… as if it was the most natural thing in the world…

I saw someone there squatting down with a happy look on her face, almost as if she had dropped something cool by the roadside and was trying to pick it back up.

It was the eldest Yagami sister, Yagami Tsurugi.

“You alright…? Whoa, that looks painful. You fell right on your face didn’t you…? Geez, you’re a girl, you know? It’ll be trouble if you get a scar on your face… here, lemme see.”

She held out her hand to me. Even in all my agony, I managed to look at her straight on.

“Take a few deep breaths.”

I sat up on the ground, and Tsurugi began to stroke my back.

“Don’t worry. The world isn’t as scary a place as you think.”

I slowly breathed in, and out, and in, and out… and was shocked. Things suddenly became easier.

I greedily sucked in more air, and then tears began to fall in drops from my eyes.

Tsurugi smiled at me.

“Don’t cry. You did well.”

“I didn’t do anything…”

I stood up. I wiped the tears off my face and started walking again.

“I thought I could just keep on living without doing anything. I thought if I escaped from the shrine, I could be free and find happiness. For me… for oniichan… we would be able to go on without being hurt or used by anybody. But there was school, and managing everyday life… everything was just so annoying…”

Both tears and blood mixed together on m cheek.

“I left everything to oniichan, and I didn’t try to do anything at all. I just lazed around, and didn’t do anything. I could live an easy life because I tossed all my baggage away and forced it all on oniichan. Even the heaviest, most painful baggage…”

When I left Tsurugi’s side, I felt it get hard to breathe again.

I got dizzy, got nauseous… almost as if I had entered into another planet.

I staggered, but I clasped onto a guardrail and dragged myself forwards.

“I won’t forgive this. To think oniichan would dare take everything from me, accept everything, and then go off with all of that somewhere far away… I won’t allow it. All I’ve done is push things on him, but I’ve never truly given him anything… I’ve known that all along.”

Who was I yelling to?

Where was I going?

I didn’t really know myself.

“I’ll go get oniichan back… back into the palm of my hand.”

I wouldn’t forgive him for just deciding by himself to take everything far away.

We had run away to escape from the fate that had been forced upon us.

We were caged birds who had flown away, away from a life where we were being led around every day by someone else.

But despite that, I hadn’t made a single choice by myself, had taken full advantage of my brother, and had made him do everything for me. I had lived lazily like that up until now.

And so, now my brother had gone far away.

He was under the wrong impression that without him, I would be fine.

He had taken me seriously when I relentlessly called him useless, called him an idiot, called him a pervert… and had mistakenly believed that I would be okay even if he left.

I had to at least make sure he realized how wrong he was.

I loved my brother.

But we could never be joined together.

So I kept my true feelings a secret, and just tried to hide my embarra.s.sment…

I never wished for him to leave.

“You know, there’s a difference between ‘trying’ and ‘pus.h.i.+ng yourself too hard’… Sasami.”

Tsurugi caught up to me and took me by the hand.

“You’re still a kid, so it’s fine if you get a bit of help to go to places you can’t reach by yourself. That’s way better than never making it in the first place. You’re not taking advantage of anyone. Adults like us are happy when kids ask us to help them like that.”

Tsurugi had used some kind of alteration to erect a barrier around us or something… because when I held her hand, it became strangely easier to breathe and move around.

Tsurugi happily led me forwards, and laughed as she always did.

“If you’re worried about family things, then ask me for advice. You might forget it sometimes, but I’m your homeroom teacher, ya know? Fufufufu.”

In the next instant, the scenery around me changed completely.

The scent of dry leaves.

In the time it took me to blink, everything around me had changed completely.

The completely normal houses around me suddenly turned into a desolate wintry mountain.

It was a place I was familiar with.

This was a remote corner of Kyushu… my clan’s territory, wasn’t it?

In front of my eyes was what almost looked like a samurai’s mansion… it definitely didn’t seem like a shrine at all. There was a moat, a high fence, and even a watchtower, making it clear that this place was prepared in case someone attacked it.

This was where the Supreme G.o.d was contained in order to maintain a world fit for humans… so it was natural it seemed like a durable place.

“Ohh, it’s really been a while since I’ve come here.”

Tsurugi continued holding me by the hand as she smiled and seemed to be enjoying herself.

Her words startled me.

“You’ve been here before…? To this shrine…”

“Well, let’s walk and talk. We gotta get there before it’s all over.”

Tsurugi was muttering a few strange things as she led me forwards by the hand.

There were a lot of big rocks and tree stumps in our way, which made it hard to walk.

I didn’t have many fond memories of the shrine, so the closer we got the more uneasy I felt.

But then, even though I was a bit late on the uptake, I finally realized something.

The shrine had been destroyed.

The gate had been smashed up, and the religious statues on that gate’s left and right had been destroyed from halfway up.

Those statues were equipped with modern weaponry and spiritual defenses which could repel any invaders… they were supposed to be quite frightening things…

When we took a step into the shrine grounds, an even more strange sight was there to greet us.

People who obviously belonged to the shrine based on their outfits were shaking in fear and running around, trying to escape.

Things exploded left and right… it was really like we were looking right at a battlefield.

I saw familiar faces from my family, people who I feared in the past, who were now panicking and praying to G.o.d while fleeing on all sides.

Something… was attacking the shrine?

Considering this shrine boasted extremely high defensive capabilities, to think it could be destroyed so easily… did an entire army come or something? No, this shrine was protected behind closed doors by the j.a.panese government, so there was almost no chance it was being attacked by the Self Defense Force or some foreign army.

So, what the h.e.l.l was happening…?

Or should I be asking, was this shrine seriously so weak that it could be getting smashed to bits this easily…?

I could feel the tension drain from my shoulders as Tsurugi began to whisper to me.

“You know, I could have destroyed this place at any time if I felt like it…”

It was hard to believe how much pressure was coming from that small body of hers, and I unconsciously held my breath.

“But ya know, they were taking care of the world and all those really annoying G.o.ds in my place. Sure, the humans are a bit harsh towards the other G.o.ds, but other than that they’re pretty good at managing the world. And I’d rather not have too many annoying things on my plate, so I just left everything to them…”

“You…”

At her words, I began to suspect something unbelievable…

“Don’t tell me…”

“A long time ago.”

There was an explosion close by, but Tsurugi just continued walking forwards lightly and began to talk.

“Before the history of man, in a time only described by myth, I was given the right to absolute control by the G.o.ds of creation Izanagi and Izanami, and was entrusted with the preservation of this land.”

This terrifying creature before me shrugged her shoulders and continued talking as if she was just speaking idle gossip.

“But the G.o.ds just acted how they wished, and they didn’t listen to anything I said. So I started sulking and locked myself in a cave behind a boulder, but I was forcibly lured out of there. So I just got fed up and transferred the Supreme G.o.d’s power to Ninigi no Mikoto.”

Ninigi no Mikoto…

He was the man that reshaped the world, a person of myth who stood midway between G.o.d and man.

“I just told all the other G.o.ds ‘I don’t care anymore, so just leave the rest to this guy.’ You could say I retired. And then I hid. When G.o.ds hide from the world, it’s somewhat similar to dying. But well, I only meant to rest for a little bit…”

The fleeing denizens of the shrine didn’t seem to notice us. It was as if we had suddenly become invisible.

Or that we had become G.o.ds.

How difficult must it have been to take care of the world for thousands of years?

I could understand why Tsurugi had just gotten tired and fed up with it all.

She wasn’t some automatic program. She had a heart and could get tired or get angry… she had a “will.”

“I thought I would slowly get back into doing things myself when Ninigi no Mikoto died, but that guy found a pretty unexpected way to transfer the power of the Supreme G.o.d down to the next line.”

“Incest…”

“Exactly. Ties of blood. Ninigi no Mikoto had received full power from me, but also gave birth to offspring who were almost genetically identical to himself. Through channels of flesh and blood, the Supreme G.o.d’s power transferred to his offspring, and that has continued to the present day.”

Tsurugi stared into the distance nostalgically.

“And it’s not like I could just go up to him and say ‘Hey, what the h.e.l.l you doing? Give that power back to me.’ I was the one who forced it on him. And the world that the humans had created was pretty stable. Sure, they were a bit harsh on the G.o.ds, but the world was at peace. So I decided to just watch over them.”

This being who was once our land’s sun gave me a smile.

“It’s like you. You’re always keeping an eye on the person with the Supreme G.o.d’s power to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid. But you still push all the annoying things onto other people… and you don’t do anything yourself. But what’s unexpected is that everything still turned out pretty okay.”

“If you wanted the power of the Supreme G.o.d back, could you do it?”

I asked her the question that had been on my mind.

What if humans suddenly were stricken with greed and began to use the power to turn the world into a terrible state? If she couldn’t defend against that things would go to h.e.l.l. This irresponsible G.o.d had to at least have thought of that, right?

“Yeah, I can. I just lent this power to the humans. You could say they’re my representatives. I just have to tell them ‘Good work. It’s fine now,’ and the power will come back to me. But I’m seriously just tired of everything…”

Both body and soul, Tsurugi seemed to be implying. She rubbed her own shoulders, showing her age a bit.

“Even if I took the power of the Supreme G.o.d back from the humans, I would be too exhausted to keep it for myself. Instead, I’d bestow it upon a new will and deify that will as the new Supreme G.o.d. So it would be like having an official successor. And you know that person pretty well…”

Tsurugi pointed in a direction where big explosions were taking place.

It seemed that the shrine’s p.a.w.ns – low-level G.o.ds (most people would call them monsters) that they had under their control – were fiercely struggling.

Kappa, oni, a giant with a single eye (2)… all those irregularities were sent flying, and then completely disappeared. Almost as if they had been eaten.

“Thanks for the meaaal~~~.”

There was one person mowing down all these monsters, and who still had the time to be polite…

It was the third Yagami Sister, the enticing elementary schooler… Yagami Tama.

“… Her?”

I pointed at Tama, and Tsurugi nodded.

“Yeah. That’s a new G.o.d I gave birth to from my own being and raised as the next generation’s Supreme G.o.d. She was once a part of me, so I’ve been calling her my little sister… but if you want to be precise, she’s more like a daughter. I haven’t told her that yet though.”

I see.

If you read the myths you would know, but j.a.panese G.o.ds could use a piece of their own bodies to give birth to offspring. h.e.l.l, in the worst case, they could accidentally sneeze and then make children.

Geez, what a careless lot they were.

“Being a mom is pretty out of character for me, so all I told her is that the Supreme G.o.d Amaterasu gave birth to her. That’s why she calls Tsukuyomi Paparin. He has the Supreme G.o.d’s power inside of him right now, so she probably thinks of him as a parent.”

I didn’t really know how the concepts of “children” and “parent” worked when it came to the G.o.ds.

But to Tama, the power of the Supreme G.o.d itself was a parent (which is probably why she had said “like Mamarin!” back when she was imitating a frog – she was comparing the Amaterasu who was lying dormant within my brother to the hibernating frogs), in which case she probably thought of my brother as a parent too, since that power rested inside of him.

“Right now, Tama has been eating a lot of G.o.ds and absorbing them to heighten her own divinity. She’s really very young, and she’s going to elementary school to match her age… but I made her in the image of what I felt the next Supreme G.o.d should look like, so there’s a pretty big mismatch there.”

“Ah, that’s why she looks so off for an elementary schooler…”

It’s no wonder her physical appearance and mental age didn’t match at all.

Tama had just been born, and she really only had the life experiences of an elementary schooler.

But unlike humans, who after they were born gradually went from baby to adult, G.o.ds mostly kept the same physical form forever.

That’s why Tama’s physical appearance seemed so out of place… you could say that you could feel a huge gap somewhere.

Tsurugi’s expression suddenly turned serious.

“Ahh, right, I used most of my body to make her, so that’s why I look like this, got it? I had a much nicer body in the past, okay? I’m not lying.”

The fact that she was trying to emphasize that was pretty suspicious though…

Could it be that she’s always been this puny?

After all, Amaterasu’s nickname had been “the Eternal Virgin.”

In any case, Tama seemed to have noticed us, and waved. “Ah, Tsurugi-nee! Sasami-oneechan!” she called. As I watched her, I threw another question out.

“Okay, so that explains how you and Tama are related… so what about Kagami?”

“Kagami is like Tama. She’s a ‘little sister’ or ‘daughter’ that I made by using a piece of my own being.”

I also caught sight of Kagami.

She was firing missiles and machine guns and all sorts of things, destroying the shrine physically.

What amazing firepower that was…

Maybe I could sense a bit of hostility in those eyes of hers as she attacked the shrine, but she really seemed to be taking this seriously. For a girl like her who usually seemed completely unmotivated, it was a rare sight to see.

“But she’s a bit special… I actually never meant to give birth to Kagami. A long, long time ago, I was attacked by a foreign enemy… and one part of my being was cursed.”

Foreign enemies.

In other words, G.o.ds from other nations.

“It was pretty gross to just let it stay there cursed like that, so I cut that piece off and threw it away.”

She made that sound like it was a completely natural thing to do…

“But then, some humans found that part of me and raised it themselves. And then, those evil-willed heretics took what was still just a slab of meat and built it as a robot built with spiritual energy. Almost her entire body is made of artificially created spiritual tools, or modern weapons.”

“So they took a G.o.d and made it into a robot…”

“Yeah. Humans have some nerve to go thinking of something like that.”

On the contrary, Tsurugi seemed almost impressed. She smiled and waved at Kagami.

“But I mean, she was once a part of me, so it was painful to see her getting used for crimes and causing trouble to society. So I confiscated her away from that evil organization. At that point, Kagami already seemed to have become self-aware, so I thought it would be a bit sketchy to just do away with her… and I decided to just raise her like that.”

”Like my own little sister,” Tsurugi seemed to mutter with great emotion under her breath.

“She was once just a cursed part of me, so her divinity itself is pretty low, but because she was tampered with so much by the humans, she’s equipped with a lot of spiritual tools and weapons. When it comes to human and physical phenomena, she’s a h.e.l.l of a force to be reckoned with. She could take on an entire army by herself. I don’t even know the full range of her abilities yet…”

“Alright, so that explains who you three sisters are…”

As I watched Kagami follow up with another round of sh.e.l.ling to destroy a watchtower, I asked another question.

“What exactly are you three doing here? It honestly looks like you lot just went off the deep end.”

“Fufufufu.” Tsurugi chuckled at me.

“We’re blowing this shrine up for you.”

“W-Why are you doing something like that-“

“Why exactly do you think we suddenly showed up around you and your brother?”

Tsurugi still remained holding onto my hand and stared right up into my eyes.

“We G.o.ds are existences who are unable to manifest ourselves unless people are aware of us. We’re like dreams, or phantoms. Usually, we melt into the background, and our presences go unnoticed. And yet… we decided to come into your life and live out the same days as you. Why do you think that is?”

“W-Why, you ask…”

Wasn’t it just because they felt like it?

Almost as if she was overlooking my confusion, Tsurugi proceeded to make her statement.

“Think back to that time with Yamata no Orochi. That was a G.o.d you had created without even knowing it, because of an unconscious prayer you had. You wished for it, and he appeared like that. It’s the same for me, for Kagami, for Tama… at the core, we’re just conceptual existences without any physical form. We’re G.o.ds, after all.”

She smiled happily.

“But you wished for it. Wished for us Yagami Sisters. You wished for someone to be there to protect these peaceful days you were living… as allies, as neighbors, as friends. That’s what I believe. And so, we’ll work to protect that carefree life of yours.”

And so, the former Supreme G.o.d turned to a worthless miko and gave her a smile overflowing with childlike naiveté. She then made a declaration.

“For now, to get rid of any fears you might have about the future, let’s destroy this shrine… and then let’s get that idiot Tsukuyomi back, and return to that chaotic but fun life of ours. Let’s eat sweets, play games, have ridiculous conversations… that’s the world you desire, and we’ll do our best to make that world come to life.”

At her words, I nodded.

I really couldn’t judge exactly how much of Tsurugi’s words were true.

But that was indeed what I wanted.

Let’s go back.

Go back with oniichan.

Go back to those absurd, peaceful days I had come to love.

“Funyaa.”

Perhaps she was tired from raising such chaos, but Kagami let out a sleepy-sounding yawn and walked towards us.

“Neesan, this is quite troubling. We looked all around, but we cannot find Tsukuyomi-sensei anywhere. He definitely was headed for this place… but this place is both spiritually and physically locked down, and it’s difficult to search for human presences…”

“Tama can’t find Paparin either!”

Tama also came over with a troubled expression on her face.

“Tama was sure that Paparin was here… Tama can smell him. But, he’s not anywhere! Hmph!”

“……?”

I c.o.c.ked my head to the side. I had no idea what she was talking about.

My brother definitely was headed for this place, and I’m pretty sure he ended up getting here.

But they said they couldn’t find him anywhere.

It’s not like he could have just disappeared like smoke, so where was that idiot and what was he doing…?

I caught sight of a familiar girl wearing a cute red hakama (2) running around fl.u.s.tered and trying to escape. I quickly ran up to her… and asked her for information in a menacing tone.

“Hey, I need a few answers.”

“Eh? Q-Q-Quick, run away! I have no idea what’s happening! This fire, or earthquake, or monster invasion, or… h-huh? Whaa-?! Sasami-sama! You came back?!”

“Stop kneeling… can you just answer one question?”

I winced a bit at the sight of these people wors.h.i.+pping me way too much. But I still asked my question.

“Umm, where’s oniichan? I think he came back to the shrine, but…”

“Hueh? You’re talking about Kamiomi-san?”

The girl put a finger up to her lips, and thought for a bit, when…

Suddenly, it seemed like she remembered something.

“Ahh, now that you mention it, he did come back recently… but he was saying some ridiculous things about having the Supreme G.o.d’s power and wanting to be made into a shrine priestess in your place…”

She let out a graceful snicker.

“But that guy has almost no spiritual ability, so it’s ridiculous for him to have the Supreme G.o.d inside of him, isn’t it? And when they checked, as expected his divinity level was almost zero. So the family head… your father… he told him ‘Stop being absurd and get out! As punishment for kidnapping Sasami, you’ve been disowned by this clan!’ And then chased him out of here, I think?”

“……… Eh?”

How was that possible?

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) These are all famous j.a.panese monsters (youkai).

(2) A piece of traditional j.a.panese clothing which resembles a long skirt. Usually only worn by men.