Sasami-san @ Ganbaranai Vol 1 Chapter 6

VOLUME 1

Chapter 6: Give Me Chocolate (Back Half)

And so, in that way, I fainted…

The account which follows is not something I witnessed myself, but rather something I figure must be close to what happened.

It was hard to believe, it was unrealistic, and some of this was probably just my own fantasizing, so I really didn’t want to think too much about the possibility that such wildly extraordinary events actually happened.

“This is a bit of a problem…”

My brother was wandering about “Yaoyorozuya,” (1) a huge supermarket that catered to the townspeople of Amenonuboko.

He had gone back to the cla.s.sroom to fetch his briefcase, and was covering his face with it as he strolled around the supermarket. He was probably planning on going right home after that.

“Yaoyorozuya” was almost like a foreign supermarket in how pointlessly big it was and how confusing the layout was (it also reminded me of one of those places you would see people run to in movies when zombies attacked). The townspeople always complained about how they could never find what they were looking for in the store.

The store employees zoomed across the polished floors on roller skates.

“Hmm, I really didn’t know…”

My brother looked all around him and sighed.

Shelves packed with items for sale stretched out horizontally all around him, seeming to almost continue to infinity.

“It’s fine if this is the food section, but this should have been the consumer electronics section…”

It seemed that my brother had listened to me when I told him yesterday to buy lots of printer paper, and had dutifully decided to grab some while he was in the store.

“There sure are a lot of kinds of chocolates these days…”

In any case, the s.p.a.ce around my brother was enveloped with a sweet aroma.

He should have been on the floor where they sold computer goods.

But all the mice and keyboards, the software and computers, the motherboards and other standard computer goods…

All of it had been turned into chocolate.

“Ohh, some of these are pretty detailed too.”

My brother was quite impressed as he stared at the laptop computer next to him.

Everything from the small mouse to the keyboard to the screen was completely brown.

Even the interior seemed to have been reproduced out of chocolate, and it still retained some of the functions of a laptop. My brother moved the mouse and clicked on an icon, and a clip began to play on screen.

A little chocolate person was on screen. “Today’s weather is chocolate with some white chocolate, as well as double chocolate in some places…” he said, going on and on about strange things.

It was clear that something completely incomprehensible was going on, but my brother could not recognize this as an alteration.

Well, it wasn’t just my brother. Most normal people hadn’t realized that an alteration had taken place.

People like me who realized there was something strange going on were definitely in the minority.

“Alterations”… they would change the consciousness and thoughts of the people living in a specific area, and even go as far as to turn history and physical laws upside down.

Other than people like me, or people of the highest order like the Yagami sisters, most people wouldn’t feel that anything had changed at all or was even out of place, and would just continue to live their lives.

They would just adapt to these new bizarre circ.u.mstances while still holding on to their old memories and values.

“I’m going to buy lots of chocolate, give it to Sasami-san as a present, and then Sasami-san is going to turn to me all tsundere and go, ‘I can’t eat so much chocolate. Here, oniichan can have a little! D-Don’t get the wrong idea! I just don’t want to eat too much and get fat, alright?!’ … That way I will definitely be able to get chocolate from Sasami-san! Ufufufu!”

My brother mumbled some pretty pathetic things as he tottered about unsteadily.

“But having all these different kinds of chocolate here really makes it hard… which should I buy, which should I buy… which one would make Sasami-san the happiest? Ahh…”

My indecisive big brother would not make it back home for quite a while.

Of course, the three Yagami sisters had already realized that there was something wrong with the world.

Those girls were not normal beings in any sense.

I had a vague feeling that they weren’t normal, but until this “Valentine’s Day Tragedy,” I had no idea just how outrageously abnormal they were.

They weren’t just people who were “a bit strange.”

To be precise, I don’t even know if you could call them “people.”

It wasn’t like I had a perfect understanding of these alterations and of the three Yagami sisters.

That’s why I had looked into these things, studied them, and even written up reports on my findings. For a lazy person like me, I had put quite a bit of thought into figuring out those girls, but…

“Hnnggg…”

We were back in the “Production Club” clubroom.

In a show of bad manners, Tsurugi was lying down on top of the table playing on her portable game console. A pink-haired girl was looking at her from inside the screen with teary eyes, saying “Sorry… I still want to just stay friends with Tsurugi-kun.” Tsurugi sighed.

She turned her game console off and tossed it to the side. She began to grumble, seeming irritated.

“What should we do here…”

“It would not be very upstanding to just allow this to continue.”

Kagami was reading a book t.i.tled “A History of Gas Stoves: The Art of Controlling Propane and Butane”… was that book seriously that interesting? But she snapped the book closed and rubbed her drowsy eyes.

“Funyaa.” She yawned.

“This large a magnitude of an alteration has not happened since… since we began to observe Tsukuyomi Kamiomi. The entire world is being turned into chocolate. When taking into consideration the current rate of spread of the alteration…”

A mechanical clicking filled the air, and Kagami’s eyes emitted a faint light.

“In around seven hours, all j.a.pan will have been turned into chocolate.”

“All of j.a.pan? This isn’t going to affect places outside j.a.pan?”

“It won’t. In the end, Amaterasu is j.a.pan’s highest G.o.d, so I think the various G.o.dss of the various other nations will defend their territories against this. This alteration is limited to the nation of j.a.pan: its land, its territories, and the conceptions of j.a.pan that exist within the thoughts of its people.”

“Yeah, the scale is too big and we didn’t get any warning beforehand either. And if you think about where the alteration is striking… I guess the cause of it all has to be Amaterasu. Or no, that’s not really right. The origin of the alteration is all the ‘Myriad G.o.ds’ who submit to Amaterasu.”

“Umm, umm.”

Tama had been left behind in the conversation, and she raised her hand with a confused expression.

“W-What happened then? Don’t leave Tama out like that! Hmph!”

Seeing Tama near tears, Tsurugi just sighed.

“Ahh, I guess Tama still can’t really distinguish alterations. Kagami can just save the data for the correct state of the world and can compare the two, and I can just distinguish an alteration from my own past experience, but compared to that I guess Tama is a bit slow… well, whatever. I’ll explain it to you later, so just be a good girl for now.”

“Okay! Tama will be a good girl!”

Tama nodded energetically, and for some reason sat on her knees on the chair and quieted down.

Tsurugi watched Tama, a bit astonished, before hopping down from the table and lightly touching down on the ground.

“I get the feeling that this is the type of alteration where we could leave it alone and the world would eventually go back to normal… but in the really odd chance that the G.o.ds just aren’t satisfied, the alteration would just speed up and might start changing things in different ways… and from how big the scale of this alteration is, it might start bothering countries out of j.a.pan too. It’s annoying, but maybe we should settle all this before the overseas G.o.ds start trying to meddle.”

“Funyaa.”

Kagami widened her eyes.

“How unusual. Neesan is being proactive.”

“I wouldn’t try to interfere it I could help it. The G.o.ds are just doing what they want to do… but when the alterations get this big, no one knows how crazy things could get if we just leave it alone. Well, the physical laws are also getting changed along with everything else, so I really don’t think the world’s going to suddenly end or something…”

Tsurugi went over to the container that held the Production Club’s cleaning supplies, and she took out a long and thin, scarlet cloth bundle.

She casually gripped that in one hand and headed for the exit of the room.

“I mean, also, this alteration is just really stupid, and I’ve never seen one as ridiculous as this. The people who’ve had their consciousnesses altered might not see the difference, but I can tell that an alteration has happened, and I don’t think I can adapt to a world made completely of chocolate.”

And then, Tsurugi beckoned to her sisters.

“Kagami, Tama, let’s go. Just this once, we don’t need to think too hard about this. Just treat it like an accident… and let’s just clean it up as fast as we can.”

“But… is that even possible?”

Kagami seemed a bit uneasy as she walked towards her sister.

“What’s happening might be ridiculous, but its scale is quite large, so can we really do anything about it…?”

“Don’t worry, I have a plan. Just trust your sister. Come on, Tama, you get over here too.”

“T-Tama’s legs… they fell asleep…”

Tama was now in quite a pitiable state because she had been pointlessly sitting on her knees.

Even so, she tottered over to join her other two sisters. Tsurugi put a hand on the doork.n.o.b.

“Before we plunge into the center of the alteration, I’ll explain the plan simply to you two.”

Tsurugi began to write an incantation on the doork.n.o.b with her red pen, singing lightly about a “door to ev*rywhere” without even caring about copyright. (2)

“Kagami will be sitting out just this once. Unlike when the alteration is small or when we’re facing other humans, Kagami isn’t really suited for going against alterations that are this huge. But we’re going to definitely put Tama to work. Tama… you’re hungry, aren’t you?”

“Tama’s stomach’s so empty it’s stuck to her back!”

Tama raised her hands with all her might.

“Paparin gave Tama chocolates for lunch, but Tama’s chocolates were all eaten by her cla.s.smates! So Tama is really hungry!”

“I see. Then rejoice… you can eat as much as you want.”

Fufufu. Tsurugi laughed.

The strategy meeting (sort of) had ended, and Tsurugi casually opened the door.

That door should have been the completely normal door of the Production Club in the club wing of Konohana Sakuya Academy… but almost as if s.p.a.ce and time had warped, that door now led straight outside.

Outside, into a brown world that had been pretty much completely turned into chocolate.

There were spots of white chocolate and strawberry chocolate, but the majority of it was just normal chocolate.

This incredibly normal town… the town in which I lived, had already been turned into chocolate candy. It was as if everything had been covered with light brown cellophane.

It might have been Valentine’s Day, but this was just a bit…

Anything and everything was chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.

The roads, the signs, the guardrails… the cars, the bikes, and even the vending machines… all the flats and apartment buildings that lined the road, all the way down to the leaves on the trees…

“It’s pretty obviously strange when you look at it…”

Tsurugi squatted and picked up an empty can that was lying by her feet. It was labeled nonsensically as “Chocolate Cola. Ingredients: chocolate extract, chocolate coloring, chocoleral, chocolate sugar, vitamin chocolate. Volume: 500 mL chocolate.”

Looking up at the sky, Tsurugi saw the clouds were even made of chocolate. How exactly were they staying in the air?

“Hwawaawawaaaa… ☆☆☆”

Tama’s eyes sparkled.

“This is all chawcolate? Waah, Tama, you know, umm, Tama reaaaaaaally likes chawcolate ☆! Hey hey, Tsurugi-nee! Can Tama eat this? But Tama might not be able to eat dinner anymore! Chawco, chawco, chawcolaaaate~~ ☆☆. Sweet, melty chawcolaate~~ ☆☆☆”

A bit amazed, Tsurugi stared at Tama as Tama began singing.

“You sure are pretty relaxed about it… but seriously, everything’s been turned to chocolate, hasn’t it… I’ve always wanted a house made of candy like in Hansel and Gretel, but when you see it in reality you really don’t feel like eating anymore… everything’s just chocolate. Who in the world would be able to eat this?”

Tsurugi walked along the soft chocolate road in her flip-flops.

“That’s Tsukuyomi’s house over there, right?”

Tsurugi pointed in the direction of the house that I shared with my brother.

Even this incredibly average house had been turned brown, from the walls to the garden.

“Why are we going there? The cause of the alteration is Tsukuyomi-sensei, isn’t it? And he appears to be at Yaoyorozuya. He still hasn’t gone home.”

Kagami strained her ears and relayed that information.

But Tsurugi just brought her sisters all the way to the front of our house.

“The alteration this time was not caused through Tsukuyomi’s will. Rather, the things around Tsukuyomi are just trying to make him happy. The best way to resolve this is to make it clear to the G.o.ds that their actions are pointless. Punching or killing Tsukuyomi won’t stop this alteration.”

“Hm…”

Kagami seemed to be thinking about something, but her usually sleepy eyes suddenly sharpened and she guarded herself.

“Neesan!!”

Kagami was looking right at our front door.

From within my house came an eerie sound, almost as if lava were flowing violently.

Something began to come into sight.

“I see it. Looks like an evil G.o.d is taking advantage of this alteration and is having a bit of fun with it… Kagami, stay back. This isn’t something you can deal with just through pure physical strength. Tama, rejoice. You can eat however much you want today.”

“Really?”

Tama put a finger on her lips, and yelled in pure, innocent glee.

In the next moment…

The door flung itself open, and a brown substance erupted outwards, almost as if in an avalanche.

Like some gigantic dragon, that substance attacked the three Yagami sisters and tried to swallow them whole.

“Chawcolaaaaate~~~ ☆☆☆”

Tama’s eyes sent out sparks as she jumped right into that torrent of her own will.

In the next moment… something inexplicable happened.

From where Tama had leapt in, the brown, chocolate-like substance began to twist and turn, and as if being dismantled, began to vanish.

It was being eaten. That was the only way to describe it.

“Of course, this is just a lower G.o.d of substance… compared to Tama’s divinity, he doesn’t even come close. If he tries to go against her head on he’s just going to be eaten. Pretty appropriate for him to become Tama’s meal.”

Chuckling, Tsurugi also rushed into the fray and chased after Tama. Kagami hurriedly kept up.

And thus, the three Yagami sisters set foot in my house.

Chocolate still endlessly came flying at them, but when the chocolate came in contact with Tama it just disappeared.

“Tama, only eat the things that actually attack us! If you start eating the walls or the floors the house is going to come cras.h.i.+ng down!”

“Okaaaay~~!”

Tama gave an energetic response as she continued her “meal” with an expression of ecstasy on her face.

“I guess ‘Sasami-san’ is on the second floor…”

Tsurugi said my name.

The inside of the house looked like it had been submerged under an ocean, and was filled with a brown liquid, making anything and everything a jumbled mess.

It was even hard to judge where the stairs were just by looking.

“Neesan, over there.”

Unlike Tama, Kagami didn’t seem to be able to “eat” the chocolate, and as Tama defended against the chocolate avalanche, Kagami stood behind her and timidly pointed in a certain direction.

And yes, the stairs were certainly there.

Tsurugi nodded cheerfully.

“Alright! Tama! Make sure we’re not attacked from behind! Take the rear!”

“Okay! Tama will take the rear! Here she goes~~!”

Tama happily closed the distance between her and her sisters.

The three of them began to go up the stairs, with Tsurugi in the lead, followed by Kagami, and with Tama bringing up the rear.

Tama kept the chocolate which attacked at bay; it was almost like there was an invisible s.h.i.+eld just around her.

But the muddy torrent attacked from the front as well. Judging from just volume and force, the chocolate that attacked from the front was more violent.

But Tsurugi just held up the crimson cloth bundle she held in her hand (there seemed to be something long and thin in the bundle)… and just like with Tama, the torrent broke off and vanished.

“Hyaahh!!”

Tsurugi opened the door to my room, almost punching it down.

And almost like she was at the scene of a fire, an explosive fountain of brown erupted from the room, in quant.i.ties that were far beyond what they had seen before.

“As I thought, the root of the problem is here…!”

Tsurugi defended against the torrent as she reached her hand into the cloth bundle and pulled out its contents in the next instance.

It was a single j.a.panese katana.

Or rather… the design was definitely j.a.panese, but it was a rather old-looking, double-edged sword.

Rather than a weapon, it looked more like a work of art.

Tsurugi pulled the katana out of its scabbard, and the pristine blade glittered.

“You a.s.sholes… don’t think that just because she’s weaker now that you can take on this lovely Tsurugi-chan!”

Letting out an angry roar, Tsurugi swung her sword diagonally downwards from her shoulder.

A thunderous rumbling erupted, almost as if a fissure were opening in the earth, and the brown dragon closing in on Tsurugi splintered into pieces and vanished.

In the next instant, the state of the room became clear.

The ultimate source of the entire avalanche of brown… was the computer right in front of me.

The machine was still stubbornly spitting out waves of brown, and with a single leap Tsurugi closed the distance between her and my computer. Yes, my beloved computer number one, which I had spent money, time, and effort in building myself.

“Don’t waste my time, you d.a.m.n troublemaker!”

With a war cry, Tsurugi cleanly split my computer in half.

Her sword easily ate into my computer, cut through it, and destroyed it.

At the same time, Tsurugi turned around and shouted at Kagami.

“Kagami… project the world with your ‘mirror’!” (3)

“I thought my partic.i.p.ation was not needed… well, I suppose if an evil G.o.d showed up, then I have no other choice. Tama! Take neesan and get away from here!”

“Okay!”

Tama rushed up to Tsurugi like a wild animal, held her under her armpit, and broke through the window, leaping outside. When she made sure they had left, Kagami spoke more clearly and crisply than she ever had before. Both her eyes widened, with not even a hint of sleepiness in them.

–

“Human world, return to that form in which you were meant to be.”

–

In the next moment, a light erupted from Kagami’s eyes, and began to fill the brown world with color.

“Hmm. ♪ Humhmhmmm. ♪”

My brother walked along.

He was still surrounded by a world of brown.

A chocolate car drove along a chocolate road. Seeing the car, a chocolate cat dove off the chocolate road into a chocolate house, knocked down a chocolate potted plant, and was screamed at by a chocolate woman. But my brother had no way of detecting the alteration, and so he just continued to walk along as if this was the most natural scenery in the world.

“I sure bought a lot…”

He held his briefcase in his hand, along with a plastic bag (made of chocolate).

That bag was filled to bursting with both normal chocolates and abnormal chocolates.

He seemed to have remembered to buy the printing paper for me, but that paper was also made of chocolate.

“I wonder if this will make Sasami-san happy…”

That might have been the only thing my brother was thinking as he tottered weirdly up to our front door and entered the house.

If he judged the inside of the house based on what he had seen outside, he probably would have been really confused.

The inside was completely normal.

It was completely normal as judged by our usual, everyday standards.

There was no chocolate. The entranceway was completely normal, with not a stone out of place.

There was a day-to-day calendar, a s...o...b..x, and a decorative plant.

My brother sat himself down in the entranceway, took off his shoes, and leaving his briefcase behind, he went up the stairs with the plastic bag swinging from his hand.

“Sasamisaaan~~. Your oniichan’s home~~.”

He knocked on my door and waited for a while.

I almost never responded when he knocked anyways, so naturally my brother decided to open my door and come in.

The inside of my room was also completely normal.

There was only one inexplicable thing: the computer that had been cleanly split in half and was scattered on the floor.

Looking inside the machine, it was clear that the interior of the broken PC was also not made out of chocolate.

These absolutely normal things would still seem incredibly unnatural in this world that had been completely transformed into chocolate, but my brother acted like nothing was wrong and just looked around him.

“Sasami-san? It seems today is Valentine’s Day! It’s a day you give the person you like chocolates! It seems that normally it’s the girls who give chocolates to the boys, but my love transcends age and gender, so I didn’t think it was any problem and I bought lots of-“

And then, my brother was rendered speechless.

I was standing like a statue right next to my broken computer.

“S-Sasami-san…”

But my entire body was brown, having been turned into chocolate.

Everything, from my hair to my fingertips, had been completely turned into chocolate.

I couldn’t move even an inch; I was frozen to the spot with a happy expression on my face.

My brother gulped.

“I-I see…”

He seemed incredibly happy.

“I see now, I think I see now… Sasami-san! What you’re trying to tell me is ‘I am the chocolate!’ Am I right?! Your oniichan completely understands now! Alright then, your oniichan will grant your every wis.h.!.+ He’s going to lick you, and softly bite into you, and… and…”

My brother spouted some ridiculous nonsense as he came charging at me.

But in the next instant, my statue (I guess it was a statue?) began to tremble.

Don’t.

Screw.

With.

Me!!!

“Ugyaaaahhh!!!”

Letting out a scream that was completely unbecoming for a girl, I violently struggled.

When I did that, the layer of chocolate covering me on the outside began to crack and fall on the floor.

Ugh, dammit, my skin can finally breathe again!

“O-Ohhh…”

My brother let out a strange noise, because…

Because under the chocolate sh.e.l.l that was peeling off, I was completely naked.

I had tried to guard myself with all my strength against the alteration, but as a result only my body had escaped the effects.

The clothes I wore were out of the reach of my spiritual energy and completely under the control of the G.o.d of substance, so they had been transformed into chocolate, and were now peeling off.

Once I realized what was happening, I took one look at my spellbound brother, who looked like some religious believer who had just met his Messiah, and quickly took to covering my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and my lower body with my hands.

“Oniichan dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~!!!!!!!”

Letting out a yell that was completely unbecoming for a younger sister, I promptly kneed my brother in the face.

My body might have been weak, but there were times when a girl just had to knock someone out no matter what, even if it meant burning through all her life force.

“Aooo…”

My brother let out his death cry, sounding like he was fully satisfied with his life, before collapsing on the spot and lying there motionlessly.

I took heavy breaths, my body trembling, before covering myself with a big towel and opening the folding screen to the storage closet in the corner of my room.

And inside there was…

“…………” “…………” “…………”

Probably because my brother had come home earlier than expected, the three Yagami sisters didn’t have a chance to get out of the house and were happily stowing away in my storage closet.

“Ummmm……”

Tsurugi was red from ear to ear and was trembling from embarra.s.sment. The minute she saw me, she averted her gaze and began to speak.

“We… umm… h-had no choice?”

“Get. The. h.e.l.l. OUT!!!”

I blew up.

I picked up the metal bat that was right next to me. It was meant to protect myself against suspicious people (like a brother who couldn’t hold in his love for his little sister anymore), but today I would use it to beat those three Yagami sisters to h.e.l.l.

All while tears filled my eyes.

All while acting purely on impulse.

“Get out! Get out~~!! This is my house!!!”

–

And thus…

After various inexplicable events had thrown things into chaos and etched a lingering sense of embarra.s.sment in my maidenly heart, the curtain finally dropped on the “Valentine’s Day Tragedy” and the first large-scale alteration we encountered.

I would go into more details on these “alterations” and the method that the three Yagami sisters had taken this time to deal with them in a report I planned to write later.

“……”

I shuffled back into bed, pulling the futon covers over my head and stubbornly staying in bed.

I’m really tired, oniichan.

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES

(1) Yaoyorozu is the collective name for all the spirits in the s.h.i.+nto religion.

(2) Doraemon reference.

(3) In fact, “Kagami” means mirror in j.a.panese.