Tom, Dick and Harry Part 34

The meeting opened by my calling on Langrish to read the minutes, which he accordingly did.

"The inaugural picnic of the Ph.C.C. was held the other day. Present, all the usual lot and seven paupers. The president had chartered the _Sarah_ and _Firefly_, two of the vilest crocks at Jorrocks's."

"He said they were the best they had got," I explained.

"Shut up, or you'll be kicked out, young Sarah."

"I've a right to speak."

"No, you haven't--unless you hold your tongue."

"If I held my tongue, I couldn't possibly speak," I explained.

"Turn him out!" cried the paupers. Whereat I subsided.

"The paupers," continued the minutes, "had beastly little go in them, and ought to have had a meal of hay before starting (interruption), and will be badly kicked if they don't shut up. The _Firefly_ had the best of the race up." (Here there were most indignant protests from the crew of the gallant _Sarah_; and the question was argued out with some energy on the floor of the shoe-room before Langrish could proceed.)

"Nature was dressed in her most pristine colours, and the incandescent hues of the autumn leaves brought cries of enjoyment out of the mouths of the Ph.C.C, except the paupers, whose mouths were too full for utterance."

This paragraph was not likely to pa.s.s unchallenged. c.o.xhead impeached its grammar, Trimble its taste, and the paupers its accuracy, and a very heated argument ensued, at the end of which it was agreed to let the door stand open a few minutes to get rid of the dust.

"Arrived at Camp Hill, a flock of jibbering apes were discovered, headed by the president's arch-enemy. Brown iii."

"No, he's not my enemy," protested I. "I never said so."

"The minutes say so. They're more likely to be right than you."

"But I like d.i.c.ky Brown," said I.

"That sounds like poetry," said Warminster, "ho, ho!

"I like d.i.c.ky Brown, His cheek is so cool, And if I don't kick him You call me a fool."

"I can do that whether you kick him or not," said I, quite unmoved by this brilliant impromptu.

Here I was compelled to vacate the chair for a few moments, in order to discuss the matter further with Warminster. On order being restored, the minutes proceeded--

"The Philosophers soon made it too hot for these mules, and they were only allowed to stay on the ground as it amused us to see their idiotic sn.i.g.g.e.rs. The paper on 'Beauty' was rot, and invoked well-deserved hisses."

"Say that again," e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed the outraged Trimble.

"_That_! there you are," said Langrish hurriedly. But Trimble had more to say on the subject, and once again the meeting became warm and dusty.

"Order, please; let's hear the rest," said I, when both had been brushed down by their friends.

"As for Sarah's speech in reply, it was the drivellingest balderdash you ever heard. It made the club blush."

"That speaks well for it," I suggested mildly.

The meeting did not seem to know how exactly to take this, but concluded it was meant to be complimentary, and contented themselves with ordering me to "shut up" if I didn't want to be kicked out.

"Tempest (loud cheers) turned up presently and backed us up (cheers).

The baboons weren't in it in the sports. We pulled off the tug of war on our heads (cheers), and their speeches were even drivellinger than Trim's and Sarah's. (Interruption.) Just at the end a howling sneak and cad and outsider called Jarman came, and lagged us all, including Tempest. (Groans.) Our president behaved like a mutton-head throughout. Going home, the Philosophers led by several miles. The meeting then adjourned for extra drill in the gym. to-day, and mean to pay Jarman out." (Cheers.)

The patriotic sentiment with which the minutes concluded did away with any little difference arising earner is the evening, and they were carried unanimously.

It was then moved, seconded, thirded, fourthed, and fifthed, "that Jarman be, and is hereby, hung, and ought to be kicked."

It was further agreed, "that Tempest be elected an Honorary Philosopher, and be let off entrance fee."

Also, "that the town cads are about the biggest outsiders going."

Also, "that Trimble be requested to wash his face."

This last was not carried without some opposition, Trimble's amendment, "that you be hung," being lost only by a narrow minority. Finally it was resolved unanimously--

"That the Philosophers' Conversation Club make it hot all round for any one who doesn't want to kick Jarman or back up Tempest."

With which highly satisfactory piece of business accomplished, we adjourned to our own studies, and finally to bed.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

EXPLOSIVE MATERIAL.

It was plain to be seen that Tempest, although he had borne his humiliating penalty like a man, had been badly bruised by it. Not that he broke out into any wild rebellion, or tried to make for himself a party to avenge his wrongs; but he seemed to have either lost interest in his work as house captain, or to enjoy disturbing the sensibilities of his friends by a reckless indifference to its affairs.

The story of his "extra drill" had become public property in Low Heath.

Most of the fellows sympathised with him, but could not understand why he had not appealed to the head master. A few, a very few, suggested that he had come badly out of the business; but no one particularly cared to discuss the matter with him.

To Pridgin and Wales he insisted that it was no use referring to Dr England. The Head was bound to support his policeman.

"Why not get Redwood to take it up?" suggested Pridgin.

"Redwood! He wouldn't go a yard out of his way. What does it matter to him--a day boy? No, old chap, we can take care of ourselves. There'll be a return match one day!"

It concerned me to hear my old friend talk like this; still more to notice how he began to lose grip in Sharpe's house. No news flies so fast in a school as that of a responsible head boy being slack or "out of collar." And when once it is known and admitted, it takes a good deal to keep the house from going slack and "out of collar" too.

In our particular department the relaxing of authority was specially apparent. It destroyed some of the interest in our philosophical extravagances; for the dread of coming across the powers that be lends a certain flavour to the routine of a junior boy. It also tended to subst.i.tute horseplay and rowdyism for mere fun--greatly to the detriment of our self-respect and enjoyment.

On the whole, then, Sharpe's house had a heavier grudge against Mr Jarman than it suspected.

The worst of the whole business was that Tempest himself seemed not to see the effect of his att.i.tude on the house at large. He did not realise how much the juniors were impressed by what he said and how he looked, or how much his example counted with others of a less imitative turn. He looked upon his grievance as his own affair, and failed to give himself credit for all the influence he really possessed.

One curious result of the upset was that Crofter was now and then to be found in his fellow-seniors' rooms. He had blossomed out as an ardent anti-Jarmanite, and belonged to the party who not only vowed revenge, but was impatient at delay. Tempest's wrongs he seemed to feel as keenly as if they had been his own; and the insults put upon Sharpe's house he took to heart as warmly as any one.

Tempest could hardly help tolerating this effusively-offered sympathy, although he made no profession of liking it, and continued to warn me against having more to do than I could help with Crofter. Pridgin was even less cordial, but his laziness prevented his taking any active steps to cut the connection. Wales, on the other hand, though Tempest's chum, took more kindly to the new-comer, and amused himself now and again by defending him against his detractors.