Le Cocu Part 20

That was a pleasure of which we determined to deprive ourselves. We mistrusted wedding breakfasts, which are about as amusing as an amateur concert or a parlor reading; we had made up our minds to go to the ball only, when Belan appeared in our apartment.

The little dandy bowed to the floor before my wife, which was not a difficult feat for him; then he shook hands with me and said with an air of triumph:

"Did you receive our invitations?"

"Yes, my dear fellow. First, let us congratulate you."

"I accept your congratulations with pleasure. I certainly have reason to be flattered by the preference accorded me. I had seventeen rivals, three of whom were millionaires who owned iron foundries, factories or coal mines; and two marquises, one of them with six decorations; but I beat them all; and like Caesar, _veni, vidi, vici_. We may rely upon you, may we not?"

"Oh yes, we shall be at your ball."

"And at the breakfast?"

"As to the breakfast, we cannot promise."

"Oh! I beg your pardon, but I insist upon a promise. It would be horrid of you to fail us. We have invited only a small number of people for the morning, but most select. Two of my wife's uncles, three cousins, and five aunts, all of whom are women of my mother-in-law's type. Great heaven! my mother-in-law has done nothing but weep since our wedding day was fixed; she drenches at least four handkerchiefs a day, and she doesn't let her daughter out of her sight. That embarra.s.ses me a little in my effusions of sentiment, but my time will come. However, you must attend all the festivities. I address my entreaties to you, madame; Henri will not refuse you."

Eugenie had not the heart to refuse; she glanced at me and we promised.

Belan thanked my wife and kissed her hand, then he asked me for two minutes in my office.

"Have you any lawsuit on hand?" I asked him when we were alone.

"No, but I want to consult you. Having just married a woman whom you adored, you will be able to tell me----"

"Tell you what?"

"I don't know just how to put it. You know that I have been, like you, a lady's man, never embarra.s.sed in a _tete-a-tete___. I was like a flash of powder."

"Well?"

"Well, it is very strange, but with Mademoiselle de Beausire, although I adore her, the effect is entirely different. It seems to me that I dare not squeeze the end of her finger. In short, I do not feel the slightest inclination to be enterprising. I confess that that worries me and makes me anxious; I don't sleep at night; and the nearer my wedding day approaches, the more apprehensive I feel."

"Ha! ha! Poor Belan! nonsense! don't be afraid! Real love, love that is too ardent, sometimes produces the effect which you complain of; but it does not last. And besides, what have you to fear with your wife? You are sure that she won't escape you. She isn't like a mistress, who often refuses to give you a second a.s.signation when she is not pleased with the first. With one's wife, what doesn't happen the first night, will happen the second."

"True; it might not happen till the eighth even. You make me feel a little easier in my mind. You see, Mademoiselle de Beausire--such a well-bred young woman as she is--isn't like a grisette. Oh! with a grisette, it goes all alone.--And then the mother-in-law is always there!"

"I imagine that she won't be there on your wedding night."

"Faith! I wouldn't swear to it. She does nothing but talk about not being parted from her daughter, and says that she can't sleep away from her. I believe that she means to sleep in a closet adjoining our bedroom."

"That will be very amusing for you!"

"It is that sort of thing that keeps going through my head and takes away my natural ardor. But no matter, between now and my wedding I will have everything I eat flavored with vanilla; I will even have some put in my soup. Adieu, my dear Blemont. We rely upon you. Your wedding was very fine, but just wait till you see mine. That's all I have to say."

Belan went away. So we were simply compelled to attend the breakfast; we had promised. However, perhaps it would be more amusing than we thought. Indeed, there are parties which are so tiresome that they are actually comical. The only remedy was to make the best of things; they say that there is a good side to everything.

Eugenie gave her attention to her dresses; for she must have two for that day. I urged her not to lace herself too tightly; you can guess why. A woman should think about being a mother rather than try to make herself slender; but that is what she often forgets.

Belan's great day arrived. A carriage came for us, the coachman, and the groom behind, both dressed in apricot livery. I was compelled to admit that that feature already excelled my wedding, and I expected to see some magnificent things. We were to meet at Madame de Beausire's, where I had never been. It was an old house, on Rue de la Roquette. We pa.s.sed an old concierge; we ascended an old staircase, upon which rose leaves had been scattered profusely. I was sure that that was an idea of Belan, and I did not consider it a very happy one, for it nearly caused my wife to fall; but I caught her in time, and she said with a smile:

"We were married without rose leaves, my dear."

"Yes, my dear love; it was less romantic, but there was no slipping."

We entered an apartment of extraordinary height, on the first floor. It was so high that I could hardly distinguish the mouldings of the ceiling. We were announced by an old servant, who seemed to have been weeping; perhaps that was a custom of the house. We were ushered into an immense salon, where Belan, who was doing the honors, produced the impression of a dwarf amid a lot of Patagonians. We discovered a row of old faces, a sort of continuation of the tapestry of which Madame de Beausire had given me a specimen. The men were solemn, sententious and pretentious; the women stiff, affected and painted. There were a few people of our own set, but only a few. I concluded that Belan had not obtained permission to invite many of his acquaintances. The poor fellow did not seem at his ease amid the Beausire family; he was afraid to be jovial, he dreaded to be dismal; he hovered about his new kindred, who did not talk for fear of compromising their dignity.

The groom was delighted when we arrived; he felt more at ease with us.

"You will see my wife presently," he said to us; "just now she is with her mother, who is finis.h.i.+ng her toilet, weeping."

"What! is your mother-in-law weeping still?"

"Yes, my friend, that woman is a regular fountain."

"But what is she weeping for?"

"Grief at separating from her daughter. And yet she does not propose to separate from her, for she declares that she will sleep in the same room with us."

"In the same room? Ha! ha! that is rather strong."

"I swear to you that that is what she says. Indeed, I believe that she hoped that I would not sleep with my wife; but on my word, despite all my respect for Madame de Beausire, I refused to give in on that point, and I think that Armide was glad of it. But here come the ladies."

The bride entered, escorted on one side by an old aunt with a nose like a snail's sh.e.l.l, and on the other by her mother, who, with her tall, spare figure, her red eyes, and her leaden complexion, really looked like a ghost.

From the sighs heaved by those ladies, one would have thought that they were leading a second Iphigenia to the sacrifice. The relations came forward and delivered congratulations of the same style as their costumes. In the midst of it all, the bridegroom was the person to whom the least attention was paid. When he addressed his wife, she made no answer; when he turned to his mother-in-law, she took out her handkerchief and turned her back on him; and if he accosted any of the relations, they pretended to pay no attention to him.

We started for the church, each man escorting a lady; I gave my arm to my wife; for I did not see why I should deprive myself of that pleasure in favor of those creatures. We went downstairs, in the conventional order, Belan at the head, escorting his mother-in-law. The rose leaves produced a wonderful impression.

"This is lovely!" said an old aunt; "it's like a procession!"

"It's an idea of mine!" cried Belan; "I thought of it last night, while thinking of my wedding; and I am delighted that----"

Belan had reached this point in his speech, when a tall cousin, who was escorting the bride, slipped down two steps and fell, dragging the fair Armide after him.

Shrieks arose on all sides. Thank heaven, Armide had fallen decently, and had made no expose for the benefit of the company, which would have been most unpleasant for the husband, who hoped to be the first to behold her charms; and which would probably have made the mother-in-law sob anew.

The bride was quickly a.s.sisted to her feet, and the tall cousin rose una.s.sisted, uttering a most vulgar oath and exclaiming:

"The devil take the rose leaves! A man must be an infernal fool to scatter them on a staircase! I have hurt my s.c.r.o.t.u.m."

Belan was speechless with confusion at the accident due to his idea.

"Monsieur de Belan, you must have all this swept away," said the mother-in-law; and the bridegroom replied with a low bow:

"Yes, Madame de Beausire, I will look after it."

Our betrothed were united in a small church in the Marais. Nothing extraordinary took place during the ceremony, except that the mother-in-law used two handkerchiefs, and that Belan made horrible faces in his attempts to weep with her, but without success.