The American Credo Part 11

--177

That the doughnut is an exceptionally indigestible article.

--178

That one captive balloon in every two containing persons on pleasure bent breaks away from its moorings, and drifts out to sea.

--179

That a workingman always eats what is in his dinnerpail with great relish.

--180

That children were much better behaved twenty years ago than they are today.

--181

That the cas.h.i.+er of a restaurant in adding up a customer's cheque always adds a dollar which is subsequently split between himself and the waiter.

--182

That it is impossible to p.r.o.nounce the word "statistics" without stuttering.

--183

That the profession of white slaving, in 1900 controlled exclusively by Chinamen, has since pa.s.sed entirely under the control of Italians.

--184

That every person in the Riviera lives in a "villa."

--185

That the chief form of headgear among the Swiss is the Alpine hat.

--186

That each year a man volunteers to take his children to the circus merely as a subterfuge to go himself.

--187

That all marriages with actresses turn out badly.

--188

That San Francisco is a very gay place, and full of opium joints.

--189

That an elevator operator never succeeds in stopping his car on a level with the floor.

--190

That they don't make any pianos today as good as the old square ones.

--191

That a man who habitually clears his throat before he speaks is generally a self-important hypocrite and a bluffer.

--192

That Maurice Maeterlinck, the Belgian Dr. Frank Crane, leads a monastic life.

--193

That whenever a vaudeville comedian quotes a familiar commercial slogan, such as "His Master's Voice," or "Eventually, why not now?", he is paid $50 a performance for doing so.

--194

That all Asiatic idols have large precious rubies in their foreheads.

--195

That when the foe beheld Joan of Arc leading the French army against them, a look of terror froze their features and that, casting their arms from them, they broke into a frenzied and precipitate flight.

--196

That the late King Edward VII as Prince of Wales easily got every girl he wanted.