The American Credo Part 16

--277

That Paderewski, during the piano-playing days, wore a wig, and was actually as bald as a coot.

--278

That lightning never strikes twice in the same place.

--279

That when a doctor finds there is nothing the matter with a man who has come to consult him, he never frankly tells the man there's nothing wrong with him, but always gives him bread pills.

--280

That, in a family crisis, the son always sticks to the mother and the daughter to the father.

--281

That beer is very fattening.

--282

That no man of first-rate mental attainments ever goes in for dancing.

--283

That a woman can't sharpen a lead pencil.

--284

That on every trans-Atlantic steamer there are two smooth gamblers who, the moment the s.h.i.+p docks, sneak over the side with the large sum of money they have won from the pa.s.sengers.

--285

That if one gets out of bed on the left side in the morning, one has a mean disposition for the rest of the day.

--286

That a woman who has led a loose life is so grateful for the respect shown her by the man who asks her to marry him that she makes the best kind of wife.

--287

That fish is a brain food.

--288

That street-corner beggars have a great deal of money hidden away at home under the kitchen floor.

--289

That it is advisable for a young woman who takes gas when having a tooth pulled to be accompanied by some one, by way of precaution against the dentist.

--290

That all girls educated in convents turn out in later life to be h.e.l.l-raisers.

--291

That a young girl may always safely be trusted with the kind of man who speaks of his mother.

--292

That a nine-year-old boy who likes to play with toy steam engines is probably a born mechanical genius and should be educated to be an engineer.

--293

That all celebrated professional humourists are in private life heavy and witless fellows.

--294

That when one stands close to the edge of a dizzy alt.i.tude, one is seized peculiarly with an impulse to jump off.

--295

That if one eats an apple every night before retiring, one will never be ill.

--296

That all negroes born south of the Potomac can play the banjo and are excellent dancers.