The American Credo Part 3

--17

That the old ladies on summer hotel verandas devote themselves entirely to the discussion of scandals.

--18

That a bachelor, expecting a feminine visitor, by way of subtle preliminary strategy smells up his rooms with j.a.panese punk.

--19

That all one has to do to gather a large crowd in New York is to stand on the curb a few moments and gaze intently at the sky.

--20

That one can get an excellent bottle of wine in France for a franc.

21

That it is dangerous to drink out of a garden hose, since if one does one is likely to swallow a snake.

--22

That all male negroes can sing.

--23

That when a girl enters a hospital as a nurse, her primary object is always to catch one of the doctors.

--24

That the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.

--25

That a young girl ought to devote herself sedulously to her piano lessons since, when she is married, her playing will be a great comfort to her husband.

--26

That all theater box-office employes are very impolite and hate to sell a prospective patron a ticket.

--27

That all great men have illegible signatures.

--28

That all iron-moulders and steam-fitters, back in the days of freedom, used to get drunk every Sat.u.r.day night.

--29

That if a man takes a cold bath regularly every morning of his life he will never be ill.

--30

That ginger snaps are made of the sweepings of the floor in the bakery.

--31

That every circus clown's heart is breaking for one reason or another.

--32

That a bull-fighter always has so many women in love with him that he doesn't know what to do.

--33

That George M. Cohan spends all his time hanging around Broadway cafes and street-corners making flip remarks.

--34

That one can never tell accurately what the public wants.

--35

That every time one sat upon an old-fas.h.i.+oned horse-hair sofa one of the protruding sharp hairs would stab one through the union suit.

--36

That when an ocean vessel collides with another vessel or hits an iceberg and starts to sink, the s.h.i.+p's band promptly rushes up to the top deck and begins playing "Nearer, My G.o.d, to Thee."