The American Credo Part 6

--77

That a Sunday School superintendent is always carrying on an intrigue with one of the girls in the choir.

--78

That it is one of the marks of a gentleman that he never speaks evil of a woman.

--79

That a member of the Masons cannot be hanged.

--80

That a policeman can eat _gratis_ as much fruit and as many peanuts off the street-corner stands as he wants.

--81

That the real President of the United States is J. P. Morgan.

--82

That onion breath may be promptly removed by drinking a little milk.

--83

That onion breath may be promptly removed by eating a little parsley.

--84

That Catholic priests conduct their private conversations in Latin.

--85

That John Drew is a great society man.

--86

That all Swedes are stupid fellows, and have very thick skulls.

--87

That all the posthumously printed stories of David Graham Phillips and Jack London have been written by hacks hired by the magazine editors and publishers.

--88

That a man like Charles Schwab, who has made a great success of the steel business, could in the same way easily have become a great composer like Bach or Mozart had he been minded thus to devote his talents.

--89

That the man who doesn't hop promptly to his feet when the orchestra plays "The Star Spangled Banner" as an overture to Hurtig and Seamon's "Hurly-Burly Girlies" must have either rheumatism or pro-German sympathies.

--90

That every workman in Henry Ford's factory owns a pretty house in the suburbs and has a rose-garden in the back-yard.

--91

That all circus people are very pure and lead domestic lives.

--92

That if a spark hits a celluloid collar, the collar will explode.

--93

That when a bachelor who has hated children for twenty years gets married and discovers he is about to become a father, he is delighted.

--94

That drinking three drinks of whiskey a day will prevent pneumonia.

--95

That every negro who went to France with the army had a liaison with a white woman and won't look at a n.i.g.g.e.r wench any more.

--96

That all Russians have unp.r.o.nounceable names.