Second Plays Part 14

MISSIONARY (absently, without looking round). Come in! . . . As I was saying, my dear sir---- (The bird taps again. The MISSIONARY turns round annoyed) Can't you see I'm engaged----Oh dear, dear, dear, dear, dear!

(He clasps the CANNIBAL in his anguish, recoils from the CANNIBAL and clasps the ca.s.sowary. The three of them go off together, OLIVER and JILL following eagerly behind to see who gets most.)

(The PIRATES come back, each carrying a small wooden ammunition-box, and sit round in a semicircle, the PIRATE CHIEF in the middle.)

PIRATE. Steward! Steward!

STEWARD (hurrying in). Yes, sir, coming, sir.

CHIEF. Now then, tumble up, my lad. I would carouse. Circulate the dry ginger.

STEWARD (hurrying out). Yes, sir, going, sir.

CHIEF. Look lively, my lad, look lively.

STEWARD (hurrying in). Yes, sir, coming, sir. (He hands round mugs to them all.)

CHIEF (rising). Gentlemen! (They all stand up) The crew of the _c.o.c.ktail_ will carouse---- (They all take one step to the right, one back, and one left--which brings them behind their boxes--and then place their right feet on the boxes together) One! (They raise their mugs) Two! (They drink) Three! (They bang down their mugs) Four! (They wipe their mouths with the backs of their hands) So! . . . Steward!

STEWARD. Yes, sir, here, sir.

CHIEF. The carouse is over.

STEWARD. Yes, sir. (He collects the mugs and goes out.) (The PIRATES sit down again.)

CHIEF (addressing the men). Having pa.s.sed an hour thus in feasting and song----

(Hark! is it the voice of our dear MISS PINNIGER? It is.)

GOVERNESS (off). Oliver! Oliver! Jill! You may get up now and come down to tea.

CHIEF. Having, as I say, slept off our carouse---

GOVERNESS (off). Oliver! Jill! (She comes in) Oh, I beg your pardon, I--er---

(All the PIRATES rise and draw their weapons)

CHIEF. Pray do not mention it. (Polis.h.i.+ng his pistol lovingly) You were asking---

GOVERNESS. I--I was l-looking for a small boy--Oliver--

CHIEF. Oliver? (To 1ST PIRATE) Have we any Olivers on board?

1ST PIRATE. NO, Captain. Only Bath Olivers.

CHIEF (to GOVERNESS). You cannot be referring to my brother-in-law, hight Two-Toed Thomas, the Terror of the Dyaks?

GOVERNESS. Oh no, no--Just a small boy and his sister--Jill.

CHIEF (to 2ND PIRATE). Have we any Jills on board?

2ND PIRATE. No, Captain. Only gills of rum.

CHIEF (to GOVERNESS). You cannot be referring to Mrs. Crookshank, styled the Pride of the Pampas?

GOVERNESS. Oh no, no, I am so sorry. Perhaps I--er--

CHIEF. Wait, woman. (to 6TH PIRATE) Ernest, offer your seat to the lady.

(The 6TH PIRATE stands up.)

GOVERNESS (nervously). Oh please don't trouble, I'm getting out at the next station--I mean I--

6TH PIRATE (thunderously). Sit down!

(She sits down tremblingly and he stands by her with his pistol.)

CHIEF. Thank you. (to 1ST PIRATE) Cecil, have you your pencil and notebook with you?

1ST PIRATE (producing them). Ay, ay, Captain.

CHIEF. Then we will cross-examine the prisoner. (to GOVERNESS) Name?

GOVERNESS. Pinniger.

1ST PIRATE (writing). Pincher.

CHIEF. Christian names, if any?

GOVERNESS. Let.i.tia.

1ST PIRATE (writing). Letisher--how would you spell it, Captain?

CHIEF. Spell it like a sneeze. Age?

GOVERNESS. Twenty-three.

CHIEF (to 1ST PIRATE). Habits--untruthful. Appearance--against her.

Got that?

1ST PIRATE. Yes, sir.

CHIEF (to GOVERNESS). And what are you for?

GOVERNESS. I teach. Oliver and Jill, you know.

CHIEF. And what do you teach them?

GOVERNESS. Oh, everything. Arithmetic, French, Geography, History, Dancing----