Second Plays Part 22

CHARACTERS

GEORGE MARDEN, J.P.

OLIVIA (his wife).

DINAH (his niece).

LADY MARDEN (his aunt).

BRIAN STRANGE.

CARRAWAY PIM.

ANNE.

The first performance of this play in London took place at the New Theatre on January 5, 1920, with the following cast:

George Marden--BEN WEBSTER.

Olivia--IRENE VANBRUGH.

Dinah--GEORGETTE COHAN.

Lady Marden--ETHEL GRIFFIES.

Brian Strange--LESLIE HOWARD.

Carraway Pim--DION BOUCICAULT.

Anne--ETHEL WELLESLEY.

MR. PIM Pa.s.sES BY

ACT I

(The morning-room at Marden House (Buckinghams.h.i.+re) decided more than a hundred years ago that it was all right, and has not bothered about itself since. Visitors to the house have called the result such different adjectives as "mellow" "old-fas.h.i.+oned," "charming"--even "baronial" and "antique"; but n.o.body ever said it was "exciting."

Sometimes OLIVIA wants it to be more exciting, and last week she let herself go over some new curtains. At present they are folded up and waiting for her; she still has the rings to put on. It is obvious that the curtains alone will overdo the excitement; they will have to be harmonised with a new carpet and cus.h.i.+ons. OLIVIA has her eye on just the things, but one has to go carefully with GEORGE. What was good enough for his great-great-grandfather is good enough for him.

However, we can trust OLIVIA to see him through it, although it may take time.)

(There are two ways of coming into the room; by the open windows leading from the terrace or by the door. On this pleasant July morning MR. PIM chooses the latter way--or rather ANNE chooses it for him; and old MR. PIM, wistful, kindly, gentle, little MR. PIM, living in some world of his own whither we cannot follow, ambles after her.)

ANNE. I'll tell Mr. Marden you're here, sir. Mr. Pim, isn't it?

PIM (coming back to this world). Yes--er--Mr. Carraway Pim. He doesn't know me, you understand, but if he could just see me for a moment--er--(He fumbles in his pockets) I gave you that letter?

ANNE. Yes, sir, I'll give it to him.

PIM (bringing out a letter which is not the one he was looking for, but which reminds him of something else he has forgotten). Dear me!

ANNE. Yes, sir?

PIM. I ought to have sent a telegram, but I can do it on my way back.

You have a telegraph office in the village?

ANNE. Oh yes, sir. If you turn to the left when you get outside the gates, it isn't more than a hundred yards down the hill.

PIM. Thank you, thank you. Very stupid of me to have forgotten.

[ANNE goes out.

(MR. PIM wanders about the room humming to himself, and looking vaguely at the pictures. He has his back to the door as DINAH comes in. She is nineteen, very pretty, very happy, and full of boyish high spirits and conversation.)

DINAH. Hullo!

PIM (turning round). Ah, good morning, Mrs. Marden. You must forgive my--er--

DINAH. Oh I say, I'm not Mrs. Marden. I'm Dinah.

PIM (with a bow). Then I will say, Good morning, Miss Diana.

DINAH (reproachfully). Now, look here, if you and I are going to be friends you mustn't do that. Dinah, _not_ Diana. Do remember it, there's a good man, because I get so tired of correcting people. Have you come to stay with us?

PIM. Well no, Miss--er--Dinah.

DINAH (nodding). That's right. I can see I shan't have to speak to _you_ again. Now tell me _your_ name, and I bet you I get it right first time. And do sit down.

PIM (sitting down). Thank you. My name is--er--Pim, Carraway Pim--

DINAH. Pim, that's easy.

PIM. And I have a letter of introduction to your father--

DINAH. Oh no; now you're going wrong again, Mr. Pim. George isn't my father; he's my uncle. _Uncle_ George--he doesn't like me calling him George. Olivia doesn't mind--I mean she doesn't mind being called Olivia, but George is rather touchy. You see, he's been my guardian since I was about two, and then about five years ago he married a widow called Mrs. Telworthy--that's Olivia--so she became my Aunt Olivia, only she lets me drop the Aunt. Got that?

PIM (a little alarmed). I--I think so, Miss Marden.

DINAH (admiringly). I say, you _are_ quick, Mr. Pim. Well, if you take my advice, when you've finished your business with George, you will hang about a bit and see if you can't see Olivia. She's simply devastating. I don't wonder George fell in love with her.

PIM. It's only the merest matter of business--just a few minutes with your uncle--I'm afraid I shall hardly--

DINAH. Well, you must please yourself, Mr. Pim. I'm just giving you a friendly word of advice. Naturally, I was awfully glad to get such a magnificent aunt, because, of course, marriage _is_ rather a toss up, isn't it, and George might have gone off with anybody. It's different on the stage, where guardians always marry their wards, but George couldn't marry _me_ because I'm his niece. Mind you, I don't say that I should have had him, because between ourselves he's a little bit old-fas.h.i.+oned.

PIM. So he married--er--Mrs. Marden instead.

DINAH. Mrs. Telworthy--don't say you've forgotten already, just when you were getting so good at names. Mrs. Telworthy. You see, Olivia married the Telworthy man and went to Australia with him, and he drank himself to death in the bush, or wherever you drink yourself to death out there, and Olivia came home to England, and met my uncle, and he fell in love with her and proposed to her, and he came into my room that night--I was about fourteen--and turned on the light and said, "Dinah, how would you like to have a beautiful aunt of your very own?"

And I said: "Congratulations, George." That was the first time I called him George. Of course, I'd seen it coming for _weeks_.

Telworthy, isn't it a funny name?

PIM. Very singular. From Australia, you say?