The Wish Part 22

"Martha's last letters sounded proud and full of joyful hope. Her fear seemed to have disappeared; she already revelled in the delights of approaching maternity.

"Then followed three days in which I remained without news, three days of feverish anxiety, and then at length came a telegram from my brother-in-law--'Martha safely delivered of a boy, wants you. Come quickly.'

"With the telegram in my hand, I hastened to my mistress and asked for the necessary leave of absence. It was refused me. I, in wildly aroused fury, flung my notice to quit in her face, and demanded my freedom instantly.

"They tried to find excuses, said I could not be spared just then, that I must at least make up my accounts, and formally hand over my management; the long and the short of it was, that by means of despicable pretexts they delayed me for two days, as if to make the dependant, who had always behaved so proudly, feel once more to the full the degradation of her humble position.

"Then came a night full of dull stupefaction in the midst of the sense-confusing noise of a railway carriage, a morning of s.h.i.+vering expectation spent amidst trunks and hat-boxes in a dreary waiting-room, where the smell of beer turned one faint. Then a further six hours, jammed in between a commercial traveller and a Polish Jew, in the stuffy cus.h.i.+ons of a postchaise, and at last--at last in the red glow of the clear autumn evening, the towers of the little town appeared in view, near the walls of which those dearest to me--the only dear ones I possessed in the world--had built their nest.

"The sun was setting when I alighted from the postchaise, between the wheels of which dead leaves were whirling about in little circles.

"With fast beating heart I looked about me. I thought I saw Robert's giant figure coming towards me; but only a few stray idlers were loafing around, and gaped at my strange apparition. I asked the conductor the way, and, relying for the rest upon Martha's description, I set forth alone on my search.

"In front of the low shop doors, groups were standing gossiping, and people out for a walk sauntered leisurely towards me. At my approach they stopped short, staring at me like at some wonderful bird; and when I had pa.s.sed, low whispers and giggles sounded behind me. A horror seized me at this miserable Philistinism.

"Not until I saw the town gate with its towerlike walls rise up before me, did my mind grow easier. I knew it quite well. Martha in her letters was wont to call it the 'Gate of h.e.l.l,' for through it she had to pa.s.s when an invitation from her I mother-in-law summoned her into the town.

"As I walked through the dark vaulting, I suddenly saw on the other side of the archway, framed as it were in a black frame, the 'Manor'

before my eyes.

"It lay hardly a thousand paces away from me. The white walls of the manor house gleamed across waving bushes, flooded by the purple rays of the setting sun. The zinc-covered roof glistened as if a cascade of foaming water were gliding down over it. From the windows flames seemed to be bursting, and a storm-cloud hung like a canopy of black curdling smoke over the coping.

"I pressed my hands to my heart; its beating almost took my breath, so deeply did the sight affect me. For a moment I had a feeling as if I must turn back there and then, and hasten away precipitately from this place, never stopping or staying till the distance gave me shelter.

All my anxiety for Martha was swallowed up in this mysterious fear, which almost strangled me. I rebuked myself for being foolish and cowardly, and, gathering together all my strength, I proceeded along the country road in which half-dried-up puddles gleamed like mirrors in the cart-ruts. Through the crests of the poplars above me there pa.s.sed a hoa.r.s.e rustling, which accompanied me till I reached the courtyard gate. Just as I entered it, the last sunbeam disappeared behind the walls of the manor and the darkness of the mighty lime trees, which spread from the park across the path, so suddenly enveloped me that I thought night had come on.

"To the right and left tumble-down brickwork, overgrown with half-withered celandine, jutted out above ragged thorn-bushes--the remains of the old castle, upon the ruins of which the manor house had been erected. An atmosphere of death and decay seemed to lie over it all.

"I spied fearfully across the vast courtyard, which the dusk of evening was beginning to cloak in blue mists. At every sound I started; I felt as if Robert's mighty voice must shout a welcome to me. The courtyard was empty, the silence of the vesper hour rested upon it. Only from one of the stable-doors there came the peculiar hissing sound which the sharpening of a scythe produces. A scent of new-mown hay filled the air with its peculiarly sweet, pungent aroma.

"Slowly and timidly, like an intruder, I crept along the garden railings towards the manor house, that seemed to look down upon me grimly and forbiddingly, with its granite pillars and its weather-beaten turrets and gables. Here and there the stucco had crumbled away, and the blackish bricks of the wall appeared beneath it.

It looked as if time, like a long illness, had covered this venerable body with scars. The front door stood ajar. A large dark hall opened before me, from which a peculiar odour of fresh chalk and damp fungi streamed towards me--through small coloured gla.s.s windows, placed like glowing nests close under the ceiling and all covered with cobwebs, a dim twilight penetrated this s.p.a.ce, hardly sufficient to bring into light the immense cupboards ranged along the walls. A brighter gleam fell upon a broad flight of stairs worn hollow, the steps of which rested upon stone pilasters. High vaulted oaken doors led to the inner apartments, but I did not venture to approach one of them. They seemed to me like prison gates. I was still standing there, timidly trying to find my way, when the front door was torn open and through the wide aperture two great yellow-spotted hounds rushed upon me.

"I uttered a cry. The monsters jumped up at me, snuffed at my clothes, and then raced back to the door, barking and yelling.

"'Who is there?' cried a voice, whose deep-sounding modulations I had so often fancied I heard in waking and dreaming. The aperture was darkened. There he stood.

"Red mists seemed to roll before my eyes. I felt as if my feet were rooted to the ground. Breathing heavily, I leant against the stair column.

"'Who the deuce is there?' he cried once more, while he vainly tried to pierce the darkness with his eyes.

"I gathered up all my defiance. Calmly and proudly, as I had bid him farewell years before, would I meet him again to-day. What need for him to know how much I had suffered since then!

"'Olga--really--Olga--is it you?' The suppressed delight that penetrated through his words gave me a warm thrill of pleasure. I felt for a moment as if I must throw myself upon his breast and weep out my heart there, but I kept my composure.

"'Were you not expecting me?' I asked, mechanically stretching out my hand to him.

"Oh, yes--of course--we have been expecting you every hour for the last two days--that is, we began to think----"

"He had clasped my hand in both his, and was trying to look into my face. A peculiar mixture of cordiality and awkwardness lay in his manner. It seemed as if he were vainly trying to discover traces of his former good friend in me.

"'How is Martha?' I asked.

"'You will see for yourself.' he replied. 'I do not understand these things. To me she appears so weak and so fragile that I tell myself it will be a miracle if she survives it. But the doctor says she is getting on well, and I suppose he must know best.'

"'And the child?' I asked further.

"A low, suppressed laugh sounded down to me through the semi-obscurity.

"'The child--h'm--the child----' and instead of completing his sentence, he gave the dogs a kick, which sent them tearing out of the house forthwith.

"'Come,' he then said, 'I will show you the way.'

"We went upstairs, silently, without looking at each other.

"'You have grown a stranger to him!' I thought to myself, and terror arose within me, as if I had lost some long-cherished happiness.

"'Wait a moment,' he said, pointing to one of the nearest doors. 'I should like to say a word to her to prepare her; the excitement, else, might hurt her.'

"Next moment I stood alone in a dark, high-vaulted corridor, at the further end of which the rays of the departing day shone in dark glowing flames, and cast a long streak of light upon the s.h.i.+ning flags of the flooring. Undefined sounds, like the singing of a child's voice, floated past my ears, when the draught caught in the arches.

"A low cry of joy, which penetrated to me through the door, made me start up. My blood welled hotly to my heart: I felt as if its rus.h.i.+ng must choke me. Then the door opened, Robert's hand groped for me in the darkness. Quite dazed, I allowed myself to be pulled forward, and only recovered myself when I had dropped on my knees at a bedside, burying my face in the pillows, while a moist, hot hand lovingly stroked my head. A feeling of homeliness, soft and soothing, such as I had not known for years, cajoled my senses. I feared to raise my eyes, for I thought it must all be lost to me again if I did.

"Like a blessing from above the hand rested upon my head. Supreme grat.i.tude filled my breast. I seized the hand which trembled in mine and pressed my lips upon it long and pa.s.sionately.

"'What are you doing there, sister--what are you doing?' I heard her tired, slightly veiled voice.

"I raised myself up. There she lay before me, pale and thin-faced, with dark hollows round her eyes, in which tears were glistening. Like a flake of snow she lay there, so delicate and so white; blue, swollen veins were traceable on her wan neck, and on her forehead, which seemed to s.h.i.+ne as with a light from within, there stood beads of perspiration. She was aged and worn since I had last seen her, and it did not seem as if the crisis of the birth alone had acted destructively upon her. But her smile remained the same as of old, that loving, comforting, blessing-dispensing smile, with which she helped every one, even though she herself might be utterly helpless.

"'And now you will not go away again,' she said, looking at me as if she could never gaze her fill; 'you will stay with us--for always.

Promise it me--promise it me now at once!'

"I was silent. Happiness had come upon me, burning like a fire from heaven. It tortured me, it hurt me.

"'Do help me to entreat her, Robert.' she began anew.

"I started. I had entirely forgotten him, and now his presence acted upon me like a reproach.

"'Give me time to consider it--till to-morrow.' I said, raising myself up. A dark presentiment awoke within me that here would be no abiding-place for me for long. Such happiness would have been too great for me, unhappy being, whom fate mercilessly drove among strangers.

"I saw that Martha was anxious to spare my feelings.

"'Till to-morrow, then.' she said softly, and squeezed my hand; 'and to-morrow you will have found out how necessary you are to us, and that we should be crazy if we let you go away again; isn't it so, Robert?'

"'Of course--why, of course!' he said, and with that burst into a laugh which sounded to me strangely forced. He evidently did not feel comfortable in the presence of us two. And soon after he took up his cap and showed signs of going off quietly.

"'Won't you show her our child?' whispered Martha, and a smile of unutterable bliss spread over her wasted features.

"'Come.' he said, 'it sleeps in the next room.'