The Poems of Jonathan Swift, D.D Volume Ii Part 11

I have it now--'tis plain enough-- Your hairy business is a m.u.f.f.

Your engine fraught with cooling gales, At once so like your masts and sails; Your thing of various shape and hue Must be some painted toy, I knew; And for the rhyme to you're the man, What fits it better than a fan?

A RIDDLE

I'm wealthy and poor, I'm empty and full, I'm humble and proud, I'm witty and dull.

I'm foul and yet fair: I'm old, and yet young; I lie with Moll Kerr, And toast Mrs. Long.

ANSWER, BY MR. F----R

In rigging he's rich, though in pocket he's poor, He cringes to courtiers, and c.o.c.ks to the cits; Like twenty he dresses, but looks like threescore; He's a wit to the fools, and a fool to the wits.

Of wisdom he's empty, but full of conceit; He paints and perfumes while he rots with the scab; 'Tis a beau you may swear by his sense and his gait; He boasts of a beauty and lies with a drab.

A LETTER TO DR. HELSHAM

SIR, Pray discruciate what follows.

The dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor, When young is often due to the vicar,[1]

The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight, Make up a bird very swift of flight.[2]

The dullest beast, when high in stature, And another of royal nature, For breeding is a useful creature.[3]

The dullest beast, and a party distress'd, When too long, is bad at best.[4]

The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears, Is good for partridge, not for hares.[5]

The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat, Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.[6]

The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air, Is that by which all Irishmen swear.[7]

The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues, Is a person very unfit for intrigues.[8]

The dullest beast, and a cobbler's tool, With a boy that is only fit for school, In summer is very pleasant and cool.[9]

The dullest beast, and that which you kiss, May break a limb of master or miss.[10]

Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills, Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills.[11]

The dullest beast, and eggs unsound, Without it I rather would walk on the ground.[12]

The dullest beast, and what covers a house, Without it a writer is not worth a louse.[13]

The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin, Of roast or boil'd, to the hungry is charming.[14]

The dullest beast, and what's cover'd with crust, There's n.o.body but a fool that would trust.[15]

The dullest beast, and mending highways, Is to a horse an evil disease.[16]

The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground, Will dress a dinner worth five pound.[17]

The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend, The cook-maid often has by the end.[18]

The dullest beast, and fish for lent, May give you a blow you'll for ever repent.[19]

The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer, Without it a lady should never appear.[20]

_Wednesday Night_.

I writ all these before I went to bed. Pray explain them for me, because I cannot do it.

[Footnote 1: A swine.]

[Footnote 2: A swallow.]

[Footnote 3: A stallion.]

[Footnote 4: A sail.]

[Footnote 5: A spaniel.]

[Footnote 6: A spur.]

[Footnote 7: A soul.]

[Footnote 8: A sloven.]

[Footnote 9: A sallad.]

[Footnote 10: A slip.]

[Footnote 11: A sparrow.]

[Footnote 12: A saddle.]

[Footnote 13: A style.]

[Footnote 14: A slice.]

[Footnote 15: A spy.]

[Footnote 16: A spavin.]

[Footnote 17: A spit.]

[Footnote 18: A skewer.]

[Footnote 19: a.s.sault.]

[Footnote 20: A smock.]

PROBATUR ALITER

A long-ear'd beast, and a field-house for cattle, Among the coals doth often rattle.[1]

A long-ear'd beast, a bird that prates, The bridegrooms' first gift to their mates, Is by all pious Christians thought, In clergymen the greatest fault.[2]