Withered Leaves Volume Ii Part 4

"As I descended the stairs still farther, I heard above me another surrept.i.tious chuckle, followed by cheerful laughter.

"During a sleepless night, the late occurrences impressed themselves with glowing characters into my soul--the intoxication of bliss, and the anguish of renunciation--and hastening down from a brightly-illumined hill, I followed a woman wandering through chasms from one dark abyss to another; her tattered robe caught on every thorn, but her beautiful form gleamed from the depths below.

"Two days pa.s.sed away in agonising excitement; I hoped Paulina in the meantime would have found leisure for calmer consideration; I, myself, adhered firmly to my given word, although I was aware that in the circle of my relatives who disapproved of my intercourse with the saints, of my connection with that beautiful woman, who was known to be one of the most zealous adherents of the much-abused creed, much annoyance would be caused, yes, that my father would perhaps refuse his consent altogether.

"Once more I visited the woman of what was truly my first love. I repeated my offer.

"She was friendly as ever, and welcomed me with the pious greeting of the community, and then said--

"'We will remain friends; I have spoken to him, the holy, the pure man; I have seen him with my eyes, he has taken me to his heart, he will teach and sanctify me, for he has pity upon my weakness. Then, however, I am to occupy a high position in the congregation; he recognises that in my inner being lies all that must call me to be a child of light.'

"She uttered it cheerfully, almost triumphantly, but I saw that this woman was lost to me for ever! I parted from her in despair.

"Since then I have never seen her again.

"When the secular powers interfered in the secrets of the new faith, when the leading preachers were summoned before the law, then the public voice spoke a verdict of condemnation upon all who belonged to that circle.

"Then I heard Frau Salden's name mentioned, whose guardians.h.i.+p of her child had been taken from her by the authorities, because a mother possessing such impious principles was not capable of bringing it up properly; I learned that she had banished herself to the greatest solitude upon her remote estate. I had contrived to have myself removed to the law courts of another province, but since that time the report of my partic.i.p.ation in that community persecuted me. My relations to Frau Salden certainly had remained a secret; but it was sufficient that I had been a member of that despised circle, in order to cause me to be constantly overlooked and kept back in the early part of my career. I therefore relinquished it entirely, and wandered through distant quarters of the globe, so as to escape from the reproaches of others and from my own memories of the past. After many years I returned home, and to my pained astonishment found that those occurrences which I had deemed long since buried, still clung to people's recollections. But that is not the worst. A cold hand has taken hold of the new spring that arose brilliantly before me, and all its verdure and blossoms are transformed into crackling, withered leaves; inevitably, mortally the past seizes me as if it were a Medusa's head! That is a blow to my very heart, and after I have once more let the pictures of my life pa.s.s quietly before me, I may now at last utter one cry of anguish, like a wounded hart, that pants in vain to refresh itself at the sparkling forest spring.

"Eva's mother is that Frau Salden, who once was my spiritual bride!

Thus the daughter can never become my earthly one; it is a calamity, it is my doom! No written law prohibits it; the world's opinion cannot condemn, as from it all remains a secret; but my irrefutable feeling rebels against it, it is impossible and I am utterly miserable that it is impossible."

With these words, Blanden had concluded his story. Without, the morning already lay sparkling over land and sea; Blanden started as a chance glance in the mirror showed him his own worn-out reflection.

Doctor Kuhl had merely interrupted his friend's tale now and again by a question or a remark, now he flung his finished cigar aside with the words, "The poor child!"

"And can you see no means of escape?" asked Blanden.

"No, one may bid defiance to laws, but not to one's personal feelings."

"Never have I been so helpless," cried Blanden, "so desperately helpless; I wander about like a criminal; I dare not approach either the mother or the daughter. May she learn the truth? What excuse is offered for my withdrawal, for behaviour that looks like a public insult?"

"Write a couple of lines to her now," said Kuhl, "but not all at once.

The dose would be too severe. Leave the rest to the mother. And now go and sleep, my friend; you need a few hours' refreshment. I will forget the follies of human life, and simultaneously with the fire of the young sun plunge into the ocean tide. Until we meet again!"

CHAPTER IV.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.

The mother, after a violent attack of spasms, had fallen asleep.

Eva watched beside her bed; torn, its flowers crushed and mingling with her dishevelled locks, the blue-bell wreath hung around her brow; as if in mockery, the music of the interrupted feast resounded from afar; an old clock on the wall ticked second after second, and to Eva it seemed as if with each second her age increased by days, with each half hour by years, as though her life were running down with the noisy mechanism of the clock.

She put her hand to her burning temples; yes she must have become old, very old, during that night!

And was her mother not still young and beautiful--still now even, as she lay there with distorted features, with scorching breath, with violent throbbings of her pulses, in fevered dreams?

Eva gazed with infinite emotion upon the sleeping woman. All fond pictures of her childhood rose before her mind: she saw herself sitting at the window that looked out over meadow and river, her mother explained the pictures in her picture books; she still saw that lovely smile hover around those lips when they read aloud some merry verse which interpreted a gaily-coloured scene; then she saw herself with her mother in the evening light, in whose reflection the rafts glided along the river, and because everything was so beautiful and full of repose outside, and equally beautiful and calm her mother's countenance, she kissed and embraced that fondly beloved one with heartfelt fervour in a feeling of grat.i.tude that knew no bounds, as though she must thank her mother for the glorious evening, and for every joy in her young life.

Then she stood again before her doll's house; her mother came to her and joined in her play, hour after hour. Every doll had its name and its character, and they met with sundry wonderful little occurrences.

The daughter hung devoutly on her mother's lips, which chatted so merrily, and from which flowed such an inexhaustible spring of legends and fairy tales.

But when she prayed--and she prayed much--then the daughter might not disturb her. She always rose from her knees so mild and gentle, and her fervent eyes rested at those times with double happiness upon the beloved child.

Then gloomy days drew near, days of weeping and wailing. Eva wept too, she knew not wherefore, all was unquiet; everything moved around her as if in the flickering light of a scorching fire--but she could not tell whence the flames ascended. Cupboards were emptied, boxes packed; suddenly the hour of departure tolled--a never-to-be-forgotten hour filled with tears. How she rested upon her mother's heart, as though she could not tear herself away!

All these pictures pa.s.sed before her mind, as after a meeting which was even more terrible than once the parting had been, and equally inexplicable, she sat beside her mother's sick bed. But the fever appeared to diminish; she breathed more softly, more quietly; the lamp went out, the first streaks of early dawn peeped through the window panes.

And with the first beams of morning, holy thoughts filled the daughter's breast; thoughts of the pleasures of sacrifice, such as in the dawn of history often filled the b.r.e.a.s.t.s of nations.

Oh, could she make this beautiful unhappy mother happy; she would sacrifice her heart's blood for that mother, gladly meet death for her sake!

She folded her hands; every thought, every emotion, was a blessing upon her mother, who had suffered, must still suffer so much.

And in these thoughts she forgot herself; her own life appeared to her like an expiring light, and she did not lament it.

And yet, she could not but again and again recollect that unheard of, that mysterious event which had taken place, for which with convulsive struggles she sought some elucidation.

One thing she felt a.s.sured of--the happiness of her life was destroyed, and perhaps the darkness in which she was s.h.i.+pwrecked contained more consolation than an unnatural light which illumined the intricate paths of her doom.

And he--how miserable must he be! It was the same flash of lightning that had struck them both.

The mother stirred; did the first ray of the sun disturb her?

Immediately, Eva hung a dark shawl before the window, whose light curtains did not s.h.i.+eld them from the joyous light of morning.

Then, with sonorous strokes, the clock on the wall struck five. Frau von Salden awoke.

Her first glance rested upon her daughter; her mind was still half wrapped in dreams, in the twilight of consciousness, the bliss of purest maternal love was reflected in her features. She saw that daughter, of whom she had been so long deprived, before her in all her youthful beauty which was even enhanced by anguish; delusive dreams as they escaped formed a golden frame to this picture, or as light veils fluttered over it, and, enthralled by such a lovely present, her soul knew nothing of the past or future.

Yet it was but for a moment; then a sudden ray of perfect consciousness enlightened her. She rubbed her eyes; the veils of her dreams fluttered to the ground, and with a loud cry she threw herself upon her child's bosom, whom she pressed closely to herself amidst scalding tears.

"My poor, poor Eva!"

"Mother, I am not unhappy--I will not be unhappy! I have no cares--only be cheerful yourself!"

"You love him so much, so fondly! That love, I can feel it with you, is your whole life. Oh, curse me! My presence brings you evil! Curse me!"

"Never," said Eva, "for I know that you love me. How could I curse love?"

"How poor we are though, with all our love! There where we would bring salvation, we bring ruin. Our love is like a pious wish, a powerless breath, which, hardly has it escaped our lips before it is transformed by invisible powers into a poisonous blast. I came hither with the richest treasure of blessings in my heart, although not without anxious fear; and now I shower abundant ills upon your head."

"I do not yet know what happened," whispered Eva. "I only know that I see you again, that you suffer and are unhappy, that Blanden has resigned me; but it is not I about whom we must concern ourselves just now--only about you! What has grieved you so, shocked you? I hardly dare to think--he is your enemy!"

"Not so," said Frau von Salden, shaking her head; "you poor, good child."