The Vicar's People Part 17

A VISIT UNDERGROUND.

"Well, boy!"

"Well, old gentleman!"

The old gentleman, to wit, Uncle Paul, very yellow, very clean-shaven, and carefully got up, seemed disposed to resent this bluff manner of address; but he swallowed his annoyance with a gulp, thumped his cane on the gravel, and went on,--

"Up early, then. The early bird gets the first pick of the worms."

"Yes, and stands the best chance of being caught by a prowling cat,"

said Geoffrey.

"Never mind; get up early and work. Be industrious, and save your money. That's the way to get on. Take care of the pennies; the pounds will take care of themselves."

"Nonsense!" replied Geoffrey. "While you are sc.r.a.ping for pennies, you are missing your pounds."

"Rubbis.h.!.+" said the old man, sharply. "Get up early, sir, and work.

Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, and wealthy, and wise."

"Which is duly proved, as _Punch_ says," laughed Geoffrey, "by the enormous fortunes acc.u.mulated, the health enjoyed, and the wisdom displayed by chimney-sweeps, and other people who rise before the lark."

"Why, you're a sceptic, sir," said the old man, showing his yellow teeth. "Do you know that's a time-honoured proverb?"

"Yes; but I don't believe in time-honoured proverbs," replied Geoffrey.

"Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, and wealthy, and wise, indeed!"

"And you are neither of the two last," chuckled Uncle Paul, "even if you are the first."

"Quite right, old gentleman," said Geoffrey, good-humouredly; "but I get up early on principle."

"Well, then, you didn't have too much wine last night?"

"No."

"Dine with Penwynn?"

"I did."

"Any one else there?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"A Mr Tregenna. Like to know what we had for dinner?"

"No?" roared Uncle Paul. "Hang the dinner, sir. Any one else there?"

"The new vicar."

"Hang the new vicar. The other fellow had some sense. He never asked me why I didn't go to church."

"Don't you go?"

"I? no. It's very odd," said the old man, grimly; "but I always have a fit of bile coming on about Sat.u.r.day night, and it lasts all Sunday. So you saw Tregenna?"

"Yes, I saw Mr Tregenna."

"Slimy serpent. Hang him."

"By all means, if you like," said Geoffrey, laughing, for the choleric ways and speeches of the old man amused him.

"What did you think of the daughter, eh?" said the old fellow, with a croak that was evidently intended to do duty for a chuckle.

"Very nice, sensible girl."

"Oh! you think so, do you?"

"I do certainly."

"Marry her," said Uncle Paul, giving him a poke with his cane. "Plenty of money. Couldn't do better."

"But she could," replied Geoffrey, laughing. "No, old gentleman, I'm not a marrying man."

"Or look here," chuckled the old man, "I can find you a wife. No need though, she'll fall in love with you herself without asking. Lovely woman, sir. Martha--Martha Pavey. Patty you know, but she's not plump.

He! he! he! Well matured and has a little income of her own. She isn't above forty-four. Good-looking once. Nice shaped mouth till she set up in it a couple of rows of enamelled tombstones to the memory of so many departed teeth. Looks hard and unkissable now. I laughed at 'em when I saw 'em first. Never forgiven me since, and she always looks at me as if she would bite. Poor thing! Thinks I didn't detect 'em, and goes about complaining of toothache."

"Poor woman," said Geoffrey.

"Poor fool!" snarled the other. "She thinks of nothing else but men."

"Woman's nature," said Geoffrey, "but I suppose it is the privilege of the old to be severe. You are old, you know."

"Devilish," said the other. "Ah, boy, when you lean your face on your hand, and can feel your skull easily through your skin, you may take it for granted that you are pretty old."

"Suppose so," said Geoffrey. "Going my way? No, I suppose not."

"How the devil d'you know where I'm going?" cried the old fellow, fiercely. "I am going your way, sir; I am."

"Come along, then," said Geoffrey, coolly.

"Where?" said Uncle Paul, who was thrown off his guard.

"I'm going underground."

"Bah! That's very clever, I suppose you think. That's modern sharp, fast wit, is it? I'm going underground when my time comes, sir, like a man, and perhaps that won't be till after you, sir."

The old man wiped his face upon his orange bandanna here, and looked fiercer than ever.