Dolly Reforming Herself Part 22

_Harry._ [_Kisses her._] Now, business, business! [_Takes up a bill._]

What have we here? Carchet, gantier et bonnetier, artiste--Hillo, here's another artist! In stockings this time. [_Suddenly._] I say!

_Dolly._ [_Frightened._] Eh?

_Harry._ [_Points to an item in bill._] Come now, Dolly--this is really too bad--this really is too bad!

_Dolly._ [_Frightened._] What?!

[_Getting off his knee._

_Harry._ One dozen pairs best silk hose, with clocks----

_Dolly._ Yes--how much does that come to?

_Harry._ Eleven pounds two----

_Dolly._ It does seem rather a high price, but----

[_Drawing up her dress and showing an inch or two of silk stocking._

_Harry._ You're wearing them about the house?

_Dolly._ I can't go about the house without stockings. And I put them on for your especial benefit. [_He utters a contemptuous exclamation._]

They're a lovely quality----

[_Drawing up her dress an inch or two higher._

_Harry._ I daresay. [_Turning away._] I'm not going to admire your stockings, or your ostrich ruffles, or your blue silk garters, or your motifs, or anything that is yours! It's too expensive!

_Dolly._ [_Dress an inch higher, looking down at her stockings._] It's the clocks you have to pay for----

_Harry._ I beg your pardon, it's the clocks I haven't got to pay for!

And don't mean to--if I can help it. Idiotic thing to go and put clocks on stockings--[_muttering_] d.a.m.ned silly idiotic----

_Dolly._ Ah! [_Goes to table, brings the hospital box and puts it in front of him._] Double fine this time.

_Harry._ What for?

_Dolly._ Naughty swear word, and getting out of temper.

_Harry._ Oh well--[_fumbling in his pocket_] I did say d----, but I didn't get out of temper!

_Dolly._ You didn't get out of temper?!?

_Harry._ Not at all. I'm quite calm. [_Sulkily puts a s.h.i.+lling in the box._] There! [_Seats himself at table._] Now we'll go quietly and methodically through the remainder---- [_Taking up a bill, looks at it, exclaims._] Good heavens!

_Dolly._ Good heavens what?

_Harry._ [_In a low exhausted tone with groans._] Good heavens! Good heavens! It's absolutely useless--Good heavens!

_Dolly._ But what is it? [_Coming up, looking over._

_Harry._ [_Points to bill._] Four more hats! Nine on the other bill--four more here. Thirteen hats.

_Dolly._ No, one was a toque.

_Harry._ But can you explain?

_Dolly._ Yes. You said yourself that Madame Recamier was horribly expensive, so I left her and went to Jacquelin's--just to save your pocket----

_Harry._ Never save my pocket again, please.

_Dolly._ Very well, I won't.

_Harry._ No, I daresay you won't, but I shall! I shall draw the strings very tightly in future. Save my pocket! [_He is walking about distractedly._] Save my pocket. [_Groans._

_Dolly._ Now, Harry, it's useless to take it in this way--you knew when you married me I hadn't got the money sense----

_Harry._ [_Groans._] I hadn't got any sense at all!

_Dolly._ Very likely not. But try and have a little now. What have I done? Run a little into debt, solely to please you.

_Harry._ Yes; well, now run out of it, and I shall be better pleased still.

_Dolly._ After all, running into debt is a positive virtue beside the things that some wives do!

_Harry._ Oh, it's a positive virtue, is it?

_Dolly._ A husband is very lucky when his wife spends most of her time running up a few bills. It keeps her out of mischief. I'm sure you ought to feel very glad that I'm a little extravagant!

_Harry._ Oh, I am! I am! I'm delighted!

[_He sits at table, takes out a pencil, hurriedly puts down the amounts of the various bills--she creeps up behind him._

_Dolly._ What are you doing?

_Harry._ I'm totting up to see how lucky I am! Forty-one, one, six---- [_Groans._] Ninety-four---- [_Groans._

_Dolly._ [_Has crept up behind him, puts her arms round his neck._] Now, Harry, will you take my advice----?

_Harry._ No.

_Dolly._ It's past eleven.

[_Trying to take the pencil out of his hand._

_Harry._ [_Disengaging her arms, speaking very sternly._] Will you have the goodness to let me have all your bills, so that I may know what help I shall need from my banker?