The Eugenic Marriage Volume III Part 5

Try to see the point. Work for something,--something worth while, and when you have once begun never turn back. "Nothing-succeeds like success."

REST AND RECREATION--A young couple should find time for rest and recreation as well as for work. This part of the domestic problem should be carefully and systematically utilized, and just as faithfully carried out as any other part. Both husband and wife should partic.i.p.ate in these hours of enjoyment, and the husband should a.s.siduously try to make of these respites periods of real mutual benefit. No matter in what station of life one may be, it is always possible to find congenial means of pa.s.sing many happy and profitable hours together, if the spirit of companions.h.i.+p and mutual interest is kept alive. It is the incessant strain upon the nervous system that const.i.tutes the real danger of home life. The struggle to make ends meet; to keep the children neat and well fed; to look respectable; to provide clothing and education; to nurse the sick; to tolerate gossipy neighbors; to put up with ugly tempers; to meet the constant drain of society, business, politics and religion,--the wonder is that so few remain outside the lunatic asylums.

There are certain inevitable daily happenings in the life of every housewife that must be tolerated though they are not pleasant. A certain number of interruptions will come at the most inopportune moments. The children will come in with muddy feet and walk over the clean floor; some days the stove works splendidly, other days it acts as if it was crazy; the milkman is late to-day and too early to-morrow; some days the iceman comes, some days he stays away, and these are the days we want him most; the upstairs work is not quite done when cooking must be begun; the grocer forgot to send the b.u.t.ter; a dish or two will crack or break every day; doors will slam; the rain begins to fall just when the clothes are all hung out; baby needs nursing just when the pie must be turned; a visitor calls before the dishes are washed. These are inevitable. The cure does not lie in some impossible revolution. We must rest the nerves and take the strain off.

Try a nap in the middle of the day. Lie down and relax even if you do not sleep. In some countries this is a national custom. It should be a law in America. One cannot appreciate the amount of good that can be gained from one-half hour's sleep. Medically it is a wonderful rejuvenator.

Get enough sleep at night. Late hours in the home is a bad habit and a poor investment. It affects the health and the efficiency. One extra hour means all the difference between frayed-out nerves, exasperated dispositions and home peace and contentment. There is a certain fixed ratio between sleep and good nature that has been formulated into a law by psychology. Keep early hours and the whole complexion of life will improve.

When indoor work becomes irksome go out of doors, try a walk. Nothing will dissipate tired-out nerves quicker than a brisk walk. Every housewife should walk in the open air every day of her life. It is an absolute necessity if she hopes to retain her health and spirits. She will be in better shape and in a better mood to carry out her part of the daily programme.

Take a vacation now and then. Go to the seash.o.r.e or into the mountains.

When a housewife is run down and irritable; when the disposition comes to indulge in a lonely cry; when she wishes she had never been born; when the cook stove and the children are hysterical irritants; it is time for a day off. The husband should find time to take his wife into the country for a week end, even a day at the seash.o.r.e will work like magic.

Resting and recreation are necessary. If we do not recognize this fact, and adopt the habit as a preventative, we will be compelled to take it in an effort to cure a malady that has established itself as a consequence of the neglect. It, therefore, is a time and money saver, and it saves friction, and home, and maybe life.

LIFE INSURANCE.--Every young wife should insist upon her husband carrying life insurance upon his own life. She should make this a part of the prenuptial agreement. We would go further and state that a man who will not willingly agree to this is not a safe man to marry. The kind of insurance is immaterial, so long as it guarantees to the wife an adequate sum of money in the event of his premature death. The wife should regard the payment of the premiums as one of the necessities, and should personally know that they are promptly paid.

OWNING A HOME.--It should be the hope of every married couple to own their own home. It has been the regret of many, when in later years they have figured up the money which they have spent in rent, that they did not think of this plan earlier. Nowadays, it is possible to pay a very small sum down, and certain monthly payments, which apply on the purchase of a house. By beginning this way, when the family expenses are small, it is comparatively easy, and without any deprivations, to own the home outright in a few years. Many couples foolishly buy gaudy and unnecessary furniture, and live in more expensive homes than their means justify, in order to create an impression, when first married, which they later regret. If part of the money, which the young husband has undoubtedly saved,--or he should not marry,--was paid down on the purchase of a house it would be paid for before the extra expense which necessarily comes with children had to be met. The plan works to the advantage of the couple both ways, because, if no rent has to be paid out after a few years, the extra expense of children would not then be a hards.h.i.+p.

THE CHEERFUL WIFE AND MOTHER.--How many happy memory pictures we see by simply reading the name,--the cheerful wife and mother,--we might call her the optimistic mother. No matter what we did as children, we were never afraid of her. She always saw the bright side, and if we did something wrong she never scolded angrily; she talked to us convincingly and made us slightly ashamed of ourselves. If we had any plan or project we took it to her, she listened, and she suggested, and before we knew it she had solved our problem and the plan was possible,--away we would go, enthusiastic and happy, to work out the details as she suggested, and shortly our "party was on its way." If any of us had an accident,--we didn't go home, we were afraid of a scolding,--the victim was rushed to her, she would wash the blood and tears away, bathe the wounded part, put on a bandage and then take the little patient up to her room. A cake and a story would soon have us feeling good and help us forget our pain. Oh! she was an angel to us. On rainy days she found a way to amuse us, our dirty feet didn't count, the floor was to be washed up anyhow. To keep in her good graces, however, we had to be reasonably good. She told us stories, and we soon found out that she didn't like a mean or stingy boy, and a boy or girl who would tell a lie she would not talk to for a week. Her stories always proved that the mean boy, or the bad little girl, or anyone who told lies, never had a good time, that no one liked them, and most everybody kept away from them, if they didn't stop being bad. She was a wonderful mother, and every boy and girl for miles around knew her and loved her.

And so it is that children soon learn who their real friends are. A home is what the mother makes it. Cheerfulness does not cost anything, and how much better it is if happiness abounds. You can get infinitely more of the confidence of a child by being gentle, and by showing that you have his or her real interest at heart. They will trust you more and rely upon your forbearance in the event of anything going wrong. As we boys and girls grew up the interest of the angel mother didn't cease; we met her often, and she would ask "how things were going." She knew exactly what each of the boys and girls was doing, and we always told her the truth, and all the truth. If anything did go wrong, she would know of it from one of the others, and she would "look up" the unfortunate one. Many times to my knowledge she has helped another mother over a crisis; when a boy was about to go wrong or showed a tendency to do some foolish thing. She did so because she "had a way" of getting round the boy, that even his own mother did not possess, and he would listen. A mother who can preserve her own cheerfulness under all circ.u.mstances is a jewel. The influence she wields is beyond estimation.

A radiant cheerfulness is something akin to Christlikeness, it is an inspiration. People who live together frequently feel out of sorts in the presence of each other without a feeling of compunction, without realizing that they are guilty of a social discourtesy. If there is in that home an optimistic, cheerful mother, how different the atmosphere is! The cross look, or the touchy word, is quickly observed and all the power of her infectious cheerfulness is brought into battle array and the discontent is chased away, the vitriolic spirit of quarrel, slumbering so near the surface, is made to feel ashamed of itself. It shrinks into the darkness, and we begin the day all over again, thankful that mother is so good, so considerate and patient.

It isn't exactly by the children that such a mother is best appreciated.

Father knows the real value of her cheerfulness. He knows just what it has meant in the past, and he knows what it means now. He can look back and he can recall many instances in which the optimism of his wife was the agency which turned the tide. He knows of many business deals wherein the cheerful advice of his wife changed his viewpoint and so changed failure into success. He can recall many instances during the early days of his business career when the outlook was gloomy and doubtful, when its success depended upon so small a matter as temperament and disposition, when the cheerfulness, the love and tact of his wife dispelled the gathering clouds, strengthened the wavering spirit and instilled new fight, new purpose, new hope, into the situation. Oh, yes, he knows that cheerfulness, and optimism, and tact, and love, have a definite economic value, but it cannot be estimated in dollars and cents. He knows they are an a.s.set in the domestic problem, but they are sacred, holy, consecrated.

Cheerfulness is such a potent reality that it has a definite, concrete value. Life is a product of environment to a very considerable extent.

Our surroundings very often dictate our att.i.tude, and temperamentally at least we radiate whatever spirit our environment generates.

HEREDITARY FEEBLE-MINDEDNESS[B]

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Here is the law. The blood of the father was tainted. For several generations it lay dormant, and then smote this little child, Bertha. It is the terrible, the inevitable law of heredity.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Not so much now, as years ago, is there intermarriage. It is fortunate, for the results of in-breeding are far worse in human beings than in animals; chiefly because of man's more highly developed nervous system.

New, pure blood above all things else is a re-energizing force which may go far toward eventually eliminating any trace of taint.

[Footnote B: "Feeble-mindedness; Its Causes and Consequences," G.o.ddard, The Macmillan Company.]

One cheerful home will radiate, will send out into the world, certain definite, concrete influences which will encourage and stimulate, and strengthen and give new hope to every living thing it reaches. The atmosphere of cheerfulness will exert a specific influence upon every disposition within its zone. The children of a cheerful mother and home will radiate happiness, contentment and love. The husband of a cheerful wife will carry into life's struggle a more just, a more equitable, a more humanizing influence as a direct, concrete result of that cheerfulness, and who can tell into how many other homes the spirit of cheerfulness will be carried as a consequence of the justice, and equity, and charity of that husband and father? To return after a day's work and worry to a fireside, to a home, in which cheerfulness is the radiating element is to inspire contentment and peace and thankfulness.

Out of the joy of thankfulness, out of the satisfaction of peace, and the fulness of contentment, the kingdom of Heaven is born, and when human hearts feel like this they are living near the borderland of great possibilities. The cheerful wife and mother needs little advice. She does, however, need our love and the knowledge that we are true to ourselves and that we are fighting an honest fight. She will be happy in that knowledge.

THE INDIFFERENT WIFE AND MOTHER.--The home over which an indifferent wife and mother presides is a "happy-go-lucky" home. There is something radically wrong in the make-up of a woman who is wife and mother and who is indifferent. It is not a natural condition, and it is frequently a product of simple ignorance. Such a woman may be exceedingly amiable and charitable; she may take an active interest in church and social affairs, and may be regarded as a kind and model housewife. Her interests are outside the home, however, and since the home is a place of apathy and indifference she feels she must "keep busy" elsewhere. She is out of touch with her husband and his affairs, and the children "get along somehow." If they come in for meals and report for bed that is all "any one can expect." There is seldom any acute friction, because every one is indifferent and selfishly attends to his own affairs.

Such a home is devoid of the domestic atmosphere. The mother touch is lacking: sentiment and love have long ago taken wings: the temperature of the place is cold and forbidding. The children "exist" and may be healthy animals, but their souls are empty and there is no comrades.h.i.+p or affection in their make-up. They do not know what human sympathy means, and they either grow into successful machines, or indifferent citizens. As human beings they are failures. It would be astonis.h.i.+ng to know how many of this type of mother and wife the present strenuous age is producing. They are certainly on the increase, and the unrest, which is a growing characteristic of the s.e.x, is tending to still further increase this type of womanhood. The mother element is being subverted and in its place we find "Justice" with her scales, but with a marble heart.

These women do not realize that the citadel of motherhood is a sacred, holy citadel, and that its responsibilities cannot be met by a negative allegiance. A child's character, its training, its physical equipment, its mental development, its body and soul, its heredity and acquired instincts, its virtues and its vices, its environment, are all mothers'

cares, mothers' duties, mothers' responsibilities, and if they are neglected part of the eternal scheme is frustrated and recompense will be exacted. When a woman marries she a.s.sumes responsibilities which she cannot and dare not neglect. If she does, she will have to give an accounting of her stewards.h.i.+p.

The indifferent mother and wife does not fit. She is incompetent, she is one of nature's sarcasms. She is a mistake as a wife, as a mother, and as a member of society. She is not sincere or she would not be guilty of such fundamental injustice. As a human being she is a parasite, and in the Master's vineyard she is a weed.

HUSBAND AND HOME.--As sponsor for the welfare and efficiency of the family and the home, the wife and mother should occasionally give some thought to the husband and father.

William Muldoon, one of the greatest physical efficiency experts in this or any other country, who has intimately known hundreds of our great men in every walk of life, recently stated that American men to-day do not appear to have the same amount of physical endurance and nervous energy that men of forty years ago possessed. In other words, as a race we are degenerating. In his opinion the condition is due to the fact that commercialism has taken such a firm hold upon the American people that everything else is cast aside to make a success in business or profession.

This is a serious indictment coming from such a source and should be of intense interest to the wife and mother of to-day.

The over-worked business man, when he gets into the hands of the physician, is a neurasthenic. He has gone just as far as his vitality will take him. His mind is f.a.gged and worn out and will not concentrate.

He is nervous, irritable, and wretched. His appet.i.te is capricious, and he sleeps fitfully. For a few days he pulls himself together and plunges into work, but the effort exhausts him and he falls back further than before. He is unhappy and despondent, his viewpoint changes and the future looks uninviting and he loses his courage and his faith in himself. He hides all this from his family, he does not want wife and children to know that he is losing his hold. He even makes desperate efforts to keep fit while at home, and for a time he succeeds.

All this has been brought about by tremendous concentration of effort to do ten times as much work as he should do, and it has all been done in order to acquire riches and independence, not so much for his own sake as for his family's sake.

Now, a wife who fails to see the handwriting on the wall is no wife at all. Any wife who cannot tell, by a single look, exactly how her husband feels is not quite what she should be. Some women may question this declaration. They may regard it as a far-fetched indictment. The truth nevertheless is,--and all good citizens are thankful that it is so,--that if a man and woman live together for years, and during that time work together in sympathy and love, and share the burdens of life together, they grow toward each other; there is a psychic force that binds them so that when the clouds begin to settle over one the other promptly sees the mist and brings all her subtle skill and solicitude to guard and fight in the other's interest. The "two hearts that beat as one" are old hearts, hearts chastened by experience and mellowed by the sorrows and joys of life, hearts that have gone through the dark spots and the deep spots of affliction, and have loved and helped each other all through the long journey to sunset's old age. G.o.d never inspired a holier picture than the wrinkled face of a good old mother. The old eyes, with the peering promise of a near peace in them; the toothless mouth, whose words of cheer are records of the past; the wrinkled face, the sad token of human frailty; the gentle word of welcome which age trustingly bestows, all speak to younger hearts with hungry words, and we hope that their lot is one of peace and contentment and happiness.

A wife, therefore, who has shared the burdens of life honestly and willingly with her husband will promptly note when life's struggle is becoming dangerous to her helpmate.

The true wife will insist on rest, and quiet, and recuperation. No man has the right to sacrifice himself for his family and no family should dare to expect it. A wife should frequently inquire and find out what their success is costing her husband, find out the price he is paying.

No success is worth while if a man is undermining his health and strength to attain it. Men do it, however. American business men do it all the time.

Maternal sacrifice is admittedly the supreme or Christ-like instinct of the human race, and it has been accorded the glory which is its due, but the unsung song of father love is a more pathetic incident of this strenuous age than we are apt to believe. America is building a breed of men with a dual pa.s.sion, the pa.s.sion for riches, and the pa.s.sion to protect. The one is a wrong ideal, the other is a wrong principle. Ask any of the worn-out men who are inmates for the time being of the splendid inst.i.tutions in the country devoted to the recuperation of health: ask the medical superintendents of the large sanitariums; ask Muldoon; ask the busy men of big business why they keep in the harness after they have made enough to retire upon; why they strive and fight and sacrifice themselves, and you will be told that the force which impels them is the desire to protect, with ample fortune, wife and children, and those dependent upon them. The average well-balanced man of America is never happier than when he can give to his loved ones every comfort and luxury possible. He is willing to work and so sacrifice self to the utmost to consummate his ambition. The right kind of a wife will see that her husband is getting a square deal.

The right kind of solicitude and the right kind of argument will tend to divert her husband's attention away from business, to the advantage of all concerned. The children of America need closer fellows.h.i.+p with the fathers. We should read fewer tales of the profligacy of rich men's sons and less lurid accounts of the doings of the daughters of society. The sons of poor men would profit by a freer companions.h.i.+p with the more experienced father, and the daughters would be less apt to wander away from the fireside of a home that was knit together by the broader sympathy of father love.

The training and education of our children is far more important than storing up money for them to spend recklessly. We all need help and cheering words and encouragement to do justice to ourselves and others.

Nothing will inspire and stimulate youth more to achieve, to be clean in mind and body, and to succeed, than the knowledge that he is loved, and trusted, and has the implicit confidence of parents and of brothers and sisters. His pride is awakened, he would hate to fail, or to disappoint them, so he makes a conscientious effort to be worthy and to succeed.

The mothers are at the helm. They must be the harmonizing factor in the home, and they must bring their human s.h.i.+ps into safe harbors. The storms and the battles of life will only unite the crew together if the "captain" is the right "man" in the right place.

CHAPTER XXVIII

"All that I know, I owe to my mother."

Abraham Lincoln.

HOW WE CATCH DISEASE

We Catch Disease--How Germs Enter the Lungs--How Germs Work in the Body--The Function of the White Blood Cell--How an Abscess Is Formed--The Evil Habit of Spitting in Public Places--Sunlight and Germs--Why It Is Necessary to Open Windows--Facts About Tuberculosis--The Tendency to Disease--The Best Treatment for Tuberculosis--Consumption Is a Preventable and a Curable Disease--When Delay Is Dangerous--What to Eat and Wear in Hot Weather--Scientific Dressing--Drink Plenty of Water--What to Drink When Traveling.

A simple explanation of how we "catch" disease may be interesting and profitable. Let us take, for example, a case of consumption. In order to "catch" consumption it is necessary to breathe into our lungs the germ of consumption.