The Best Bride Part 12

mandy walked at his side chatting about school and soccer practice. he liked the sound of her voice and her stories. he liked how she looked up at him and simply a.s.sumed he would keep her safe. she accepted him with the tacit trust of a child raised in a house full of love and security so where was the girl's father?

thinking of sam proctor sent a s.h.i.+ver of guilt slipping down his spine. as they crossed the street and he saw a restaurant up ahead, he had the urge to step inside and use the phone to call kyle at the station. it would be easy enough to tell his brother to back off. why did it matter who sam proctor was? but he pa.s.sed the restaurant without making the call.

they reached the post office. there was a short line mandy stood patiently, humming softly under her breath. he glanced down at her pretty face and beautiful blue eyes. eyes she had to have inherited from her father. he smiled at her. she grinned in return and reached for his hand. the trusting gesture twisted his heart. a stab of loneliness caught him off balance. it was going to be h.e.l.l when elizabeth and mandy moved into their own place.

when it was their turn, he approached the counter and collected elizabeth's mail. she was having her forwarded conespondence held until she had her own place. he resisted the temptation to flip through the stack of envelopes checking on sam proctor was one thing, reading her mail quite another.

"ready to go home?" he asked.

she nodded. "i had the best time, travis. i like doing things with you. my old friends did stuff with their daddies but mine was always busy. i like soccer, too: ' the slightly confused speech gave him the in he'd been hoping for. as they approached the car, he dug in his front jeans pocket for his keys.

"you haven't seen your daddy in a long time, have you?"

mandy shook her head. "mommy said he had to go away. my daddy left because he's big: ' she'd said that once before. what the h.e.l.l did it mean?

"big?"

she nodded. "i heard her say that once. mommy was on the phone. i was supposed to be in bed, but i got up for a drink of water. mommy said daddy was big. then she started to cry." mandy's mouth twisted into a frown. "i got scared and went back to my room. mommy and daddy fought sometimes. i could hear them: she handed him the bag then climbed into the front seat of his bronco. as he bent over to fasten her seat belt, she glanced up at him."

"it made mommy sad when he went away. it made me sad, too."

he could see that sadness in her eyes and felt like the lowest kind of sc.u.m for questioning her. to distract her, he bent over and tickled her.

"sad? no one is allowed to be sad in my car."

she twisted away and giggled. "is it a magic car, like the magic hugs?"

"absolutely. " he handed her the mail and closed her door.

after tossing the packages on the back seat, he climbed in and started the trock. mandy's good humor had been restored and she chatted happily. his mind reeled with curiosity my daddy left because he's big. elizabeth abbott, who are you? he signaled to turn out of the post office parking lot. frustration welled up inside of him. he drew in a deep breath. he wasn't going to get answers anytime soon. kyle might come up with something, or he might not. until then, he would just have to let it go. he liked elizabeth and found it hard to believe she was involved with anything shady. his gut trusted her, and he trusted his gut.

"look at the pretty dog," mandy said, pointing at a teenage boy walking a collie.

travis stopped at a red light and turned to look. mandy raised her hands to wave at the dog. the mail on her lap slipped off on the floor. he glanced at the light to make sure it was still red, then bent over and picked up the envelopes he told himself not to, but he couldn't help glancing at the address. it was a suburb of los angeles. he looked up a line, to the addressee. his teeth clenched together he flipped through the rest of the envelopes. a1most all of them were addressed to the same person: elizabeth proctor.

she'd lied.

elizabeth wiped the kitchen counter. again. it had been clean the last four times she'd wiped it. she was wasting time, trying to avoid the inevitable.

travis had put up a good front through the late afternoon and even into dinner. but she knew there was something wrong. she could see it in his eyes, hear it in the way he hesitated before answering her questions. he'd held himself apart from her ever since he and mandy had come home.

she looked around the clean kitchen, liking the way the cream-and-blue tiles complemented the bleached oak cabinets it wasn't a traditional kitchen, but it suited her, and the house. she would miss it when she left.

she walked over to the coffeepot and poured out two cups. sitting on the shelf above the sink was a stuffed yellow duck. the little creature seemed to smile at her, as much as a duck could smile. the gift had delighted her. only travis's seeming emotional distance distracted her from her pleasure. something was wrong and she was going to find out what.

she carried the mugs carefully to the stairs and started to climb. travis was fitting cabinets in the big bathroom off the master bedroom. mandy had been in bed for almost an hour. her morning on the soccer field had worn her out. she had new clothes, thanks to travis's patience at shopping, and several new friends. life was good for the six year -old.

elizabeth walked down the hallway to the last door. like most of the rooms in the house, the master bedroom was vacant, the walls stripped of wallpaper, the hardwood floor in need of repair. but even empty and abandoned, it was a beautiful room. bay windows overlooked the back of the property, creating an intimate sitting area. there was a stone fireplace in the corner and a huge bathroom through the doorway at the far end.

she made her way over the stacks of supplies and tools. she could hear a file rubbing against wood.

"you ready to take a break?" she called. "or should i come back later?

"i can take a break."

"good." she entered the bathroom. molding for the ceiling lay stacked in the center. travis had told her he planned to do the master bed and bath in a victorian style. he'd even ordered a claw-footed bathtub. several cabinets stood around the oulside of the room. pipes stuck out from the wall.

travis sat in the middle of the floor, an open cabinet in front of him. he looked up as she entered. something flickered in his eyes. not pa.s.sion, not even interest. it was almost a fleeting hint of sadness, followed by a healthy dose of mistrust. she stopped dead in her tracks.

"what's wrong?" she asked.

"nothing." he blinked and the expression was gone, replaced by one she couldn't read.

her stomach tightened as worry made her gnaw on her lower lip. she handed him a mug of coffee. he took it and nodded his thanks, then sipped the steaming liquid. silence stretched between them. she didn't know what to say. apparently he didn't, either, because the room stayed quiet.

she walked over to the rolls of wallpaper and studied the rose-and-ivory pattern. she could feel travis's gaze on her back. what had she done?

"you didn't have to stay home tonight to keep me company," she said at last, still staring at the wallpaper.

"i've been neglecting the house." he picked up his file and went to work on the cabinet.

she wanted to believe that was all it was, but she couldn't. the knot in her belly was too big to be ignored.

"then tell me what's wrong. are you angry with me?"

the file clinked when he dropped it to the floor. she heard him stand up and move close to her. she drew in a deep breath and turned around.

he'd set his coffee on the cabinet and stood with his arms folded over his chest. worn black jeans hugged his strong thighs. his flannel s.h.i.+rt, rolled up to the elbows, had seen better days. the faded, soft fabric clung to him, highlighting his strength. when she gathered enough courage, she raised her head to look at his face. dark eyes revealed nothing, nor did the straight set of his mouth.

"i didn't deliberately look through your mail he said.

the knot in her stomach tightened. when he and mandy had come back with her mail, she'd had a moment's unease what if travis had noticed who it was addressed to? but mandy had proudly told herqthat she'd carried it all by herself. when travis hadn't said anything, elizabeth had a.s.sumed he hadn't looked.

"mandy kept it on her lap. when it fell off, i picked it up. it's all addressed to elizabeth proctor. there's a postcard from your parents, elizabeth. your own parents use sam's last name. why did you lie?"

she expected the shame. when the hot emotion flooded her, she had to fight to keep from ducking her head. she could feel the blush creeping up her cheeks. even in the soft iight of the bathroom he would be able to see her embarra.s.sment but she hadn't expected to feel such sadness and regret. travis had believed her. despite the evidence against her, despite his questions, he'd trusted her to be who she said she was. he hadn't pressed to know her secrets. he'd been there for her, a good friend, and now that was gone."

"i m sorry," she said slowly, gripping her mug tightly."

"i didn't want anyone to know. i couldn't tell you because i knew what you would think."

"what's the problem?" he asked. his eyebrows drew together. he unfolded his arms and held out his hands, palms up. "it's no big deal. people get divorced all the time. h.e.l.l, i'm divorced. why would you think anyone would care?"

"it's not that simple."

"what's not that simple? did he beat you? was he into men instead of women? dammit, elizabeth, tell me the truth: ' she'd always known it would come to this. she should have known the secret would get out. what would travis think of her when he knew? would he despise her? call her a fool? she shook her head. he couldn't say anything worse than what she'd already told herself.

"none of those things," she said at last. "sam proctor was already married when i met him. i didn't know, and he didn't tell me. sam was a bigamist: '

chapter nine.

if the situation hadn't been so sad and serious, elizabeth might have laughed. travis couldn't have looked more shocked if she'd stripped off all her clothes and started dancing around naked. the giggle in the back of her throat cracked and threatened to become a sob. she covered her mouth with her hand and turned away.

"you're the second wife?" he asked.

"y-yes: she cleared her throat. it didn't help. her legs started to tremble. she clutched at a stack of boxes of tiles, but the support wasn't enough. shame, bitter regret, pain and confusion flooded her. she didn't want to lose travis. not yet. she needed him to be her friend. now everything was lost.

she stopped trying to hold on and sank to her knees. the floor was cold through her jeans, but she didn't care. she clutched her arms to her chest and fought to stay coherent.

"i didn't know," she said, not turning around to face him. she didn't want to see the disgust in his eyes."

"i swear i didn't know. i should have, of course. i was stupid. young, naive. it was my fault for not questioning more. but i was barely out of my teens. things like that didn't happen to girls from like me. " she spoke quickly, as if by telling the tale fast he would be more likely to believe her.

"i met sam at a lecture, at college. my parents had wanted me to stay home and go to a local junior college, but i wanted to get away. they seemed so old and out of touch with everything. i was working and going to school part-time. there was this lecture. i saw his picture. he was blond and good-looking. when he spoke, it was wonderful the lecture was on staying motivated to achieve goals. he was very big on staying motivated." she paused to catch her breath.

"you don't have to tell me this," travis said quietly. he was still behind her. she didn't dare turn around; she couldn't. maybe if she explained it all correctly, he would understand. maybe he would know that she'd tried, really tried. she hadn't meant to make such a big mistake.

"i sat in the back because i was shy." she sniffed. "silly. i didn't have the courage to ask my questions in front of the group. there were probably two hundred people in the room. but afterward i went up to talk to him. there was a crowd, mostly women. they were older and well dressed. i was just a kid. when he spoke to me, i was enchanted. he looked at me as if i were something special. something different. that meant a lot. when he asked me to go for coffee... well, i couldn't refuse."

"elizabeth, don't."

"i have to. i have to make you understand." "

"i understand : '

"no, you don't: she looked up at him. shock still flared in his dark eyes. he sat on the edge of the cabinet staring down at her. his arms were folded over his chest. his body language told her he'd pulled back. the teasing man who opened his home to her was gone, replaced by a judging stranger.

"i was a late bloomer. i didn't know how to dress or act around kids my age. my parents didn't help. the clothes they bought me were inappropriate for school. too dressed up and conservative. i'd never had a boyfriend. sam was ten years older than me, but very hip and sophisticated. i was overwhelmed." she looked up at him and forced herself to smile. it felt a little shaky."

"you know how that is, travis. you've knocked your share of women off their feet."

"one or two," he admitted. "but i'm not judging you"

"yes, you are. of course you are. do you think i don't judge myself? i made it so easy for him." she closed her eyes remembering how eager she'd been for his kisses, his touch. she'd never been with a man before. sam was tender, teaching her the ways between a man and a woman. she'd fallen in love in a matter of days.

"he lived in seattle but commuted to la. on business a lot. i even visited him there, once, at his apartment: she opened her eyes and stared at her clenched fists. she tried to relax her fingers, but she couldn't. she was holding on to all of herself to keep from breaking down. it was overwhelming knowing what travis thought, what other people would think. knowing she'd been irresponsible and foolish and gullible. feeling hornbly alone. there was no one to turn to.

"i know now that apartment must have belonged to a friend. he was already married. he has two children with his real wife. a boy and a girl. when i got pregnant, i just a.s.sumed we'd be married. he'd never said anything about a wife. i never thought to ask. he said of course we would. he loved playing the odds. it was all a game to him. his dual life was exactly the kind of challenge he thrived on. i should have known."

"elizabeth, i don't know what to say."

"i don't blame you. i didn't know what to say, either. i lived with that man for six and a half years." she laughed, then stopped before the laugh turned into a sob. "i found out when the police knocked on my door in the middle of the night. they arrested him, right there in my living room. you know the funny part?"

he didn't answer.

"i was going to leave him and get a divorce. the marriage - the whatever we had together-had been in trouble for a while. it didn't work with his separations. of course his already being married would have put a strain on things, too, if i'd known."

"elizabeth- "

"no, i know what you're thinking. any kind of moron could have figured it out. my G.o.d, in six years there should have been hundreds of clues. there were. i know there were: she couldn't look at him anymore. she stared at the loose tiles in front of her. one was plain cream with tiny flecks of rose. the other was the same cream background with rose-colored flowers in eaeh of the corners. the bathroom was going to be beautiful when he was done. she wondered if he would let her come and look at it then, or if he wouldn't ever want to speak to her again. she couldn't blame him. her friends had stared at her with disgust. most had stopped calling. the ones who had continued to speak to her had made her feel worse. she hated their pity. "i should have known. there i stood on my wedding day, so happy. i knew i would be the best bride, the best wife, the best mother. it was all a joke."

the colors on the tiles blurred. she heard a movement behind her. travis crouched next to her and grabbed her shoulders. "dammit, stop beating yourself up."

she stared at him, at his wavering image and only then did she realize she was crying. she raised one hand to her cheek. it was wet with tears.

"i told you," she whispered, her voice low and husky. "i warned you i wasn't who or what you thought."

"give me a break," he said impatiently."

"you made a mistake. so what? people make mistakes all the time."

"not like this: '

"hey, this isn't half as terrible as some of things i've been imagining: "you don't mean that: '

"elizabeth, you aren't the bad guy. you didn't do anything wrong: ' "

"except be stupid: ' he smiled slightly."

"that's not against the law: ' she pulled free of his grip. "you haven't thought this through, travis. it's not just about being stupid. i was never married. every doc.u.ment i have is a lie. i won't even bother with the details of what the irs had to say about this. we had joint property together. it's still not all straightened out. and my daughter-" her voice started to shake. "my daughter doesn't have a father anymore. i wasn't married when she was born. even her birth certificate is a lie. i love her more than anything, yet i might have destroyed her life. i only wanted the best for her and look what happened."

"i'm sorry."

he reached for her, but she pulled back. she leaned against the pile of tiles. "do you know what it's like having the police show up at your door at four in the morning? do you know what my neighbors thought or said the next day? sam was gone about two weeks every month. i used to wonder why he didn't want to buy a house. now i know it's because his other life would show up on the credit report. he didn't want me to go back to work, but thank G.o.d i did. when this all hit, i walked away with my daughter, my personal savings account and only what i'd paid for. i left behind everything else. i wanted to start over." the tears began to flow again. she felt her voioe getting thick, but she couldn't stop. she had to explain it all. "i didn't know. i swear i didn't know: '

"hush" he reached for her and this time she didn't have the strength to resist him. after months of carrying around her guilty secret she felt cleansed, having spoken the truth at last. she knew that travis would never be able to understand what she'd been through or look at her without feeling disgusted, but right now she couldn't deal with that.

he drew her into his embrace. he was warm and comforting, all the things her life lacked.

"don't touch me," she said, willing herself to fight, but not able to find the strength. "i'm incompetent. i ruined my life and mandy's, and-"

"never," he whispered. he rested her head on his shoulder and stroked her back. "never."

"it's true. i am. i'm-"

he silenced her with his kiss. his firm lips brushed against hers, his mustache tickled her skin. he tasted salty; then she realized it was her own tears. she clung to him, to his strength, letting herself believe that this was real. even for just a second, it was enough. his powerful body acted as a s.h.i.+eld from the horrors of her past. in his arms, she could forget her part in the debacle that had been her life. she could ignore how it had affected mandy, and caused them both to be cut off from friends and family. even her parents didn't know the truth. she couldn't face telling them.

she turned her face away, breaking the kiss. "i wish you didn't know," she said, inhaling the scent of his warm body, knowing he would soon remove his strength from her reach and she would be alone again. "i wish i didn't have to see the disgust and pity in your eyes."

he touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. "what do you see in my eyes?" he asked.

she saw the flames that had been there the last time they'd kissed. she saw compa.s.sion, and something she couldn't identify.