Fragments From France Part 9

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Yes, you are, one pound nineteen and elevenpence overdrawn, and that includes next month's pay"

c.o.x's.

When one feels rather in favour of floating a War Loan of one's own.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: This Muddy War.

"These 'ere staff cars do splash a lot, don't they, Bill?" (No answer.)]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Unappetising.

Moments when the Savoy, the Alhambra, and the Piccadilly Grill seem very far away (the offensive starts in half an hour).]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Fred's got leave!

That Leave Train

Second lieutenant Enoch Arden arrives on leave

Fred!

"The train was a bit late darling"

That "Leave" Train.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: One often hears the question:--

"What could Napoleon have done in the Great War?"

He could certainly not have gone in for this

It would have to be this, or nothing

Other Times----Other Manners.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Tourists, 19..?

"Remember this place, Bert?"

"Yes, it's where we used to chuck the fish to you, ain't it, Bill?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Alas! My poor Brother!

(_In this cartoon Captain Bairnsfather refers to the report that the corpses of German soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a Corpse-Conversion Factory for the purpose of providing fats for the Fatherland._)]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Can-Tank-erous.

"'Ere! Where the 'ell are ye comin' with that Turkish bath o' yours?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Curfew.

What particularly annoys Lieutenant Jones, R.F.A. (who thought he could get a better view from the belfry), is that irritating prediction which keeps pa.s.sing through his head, "The curfew shall not ring to-night."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: TAISEZ VOUS! MeFIEZ VOUS LES OREILLES ENSEMBLE VOUS eCOUTENT

On the "Leave" Train.

You will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our French Ally until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those "leave"

trains--six a side, windows shut, fifty miles to go, and eighteen hours to do it!]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Getting the Local Colour.

In that rare and elusive period known as "Leave" it is necessary to reconstruct the "Atmosphere" of the front as far as possible in order to produce the weekly "Fragment."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm--19..?

At midnight, an indignant, husky voice is heard to say: "B---- these blinkin' sandbags."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: George versus Germany.

Should Mr. Robey be at any time called upon to go to the Front, he must be careful how he does this: "I'm surprised at you, Ludendorff!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A Puzzle for Paderewski.

"It's a pity Alf ain't 'ere, Bert; 'e can play the piana wonderful."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "Subst.i.tutes" in the Field.

"I thought you said your uncle was a sending you an umbrella."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Leave.

Dep.: Paddington 2.15. Arr. Home 4.]