Monday Begins On Saturday Part 23

"Ar-rtles Pr-roject! Pr-rimitive! Hard wor-rker!"

"Fellows, he knows us all," said Eddie.

"Wor-rkers!" responded the parrot. "Or-rain pepper-r! Zer-ro! Zer-ro!

Gr-ravitation!"

"Amperian!" Victor said hurriedly.

"Cr-rematorium! Pr-remature r-rupture!" said the parrot, thought some, and added, "Amper-re-- meter!"

"Dissociated nonsense," said Eddie.

"There is no such thing as dissociated nonsense," Roman said pensively.

Victor snapped the catch and opened the dictaphone. "The tape has run out," he said. "Too bad."

"You know what," I said. "I think it would be simpler to ask Ja.n.u.s.

What sort of parrot this one is, where it is from, and in general-- "

"And who is the one to ask?" inquired Roman.

No one responded. Victor suggested listening to the tape again. At the very first words from the dictaphone, the parrot flew to Victor's shoulder and sat there listening with evident interest, making comments such as,"

Dr-ramba ignor-res ur-ranium," "Cor-rect," and "Kor-rneev r-rude!"

When the recording was finished, Eddie said, "In principle, you could compose a lexicon and a.n.a.lyze it on the machine. But this and that is clear even now. In the first place, he knows us all. That's astonis.h.i.+ng in itself.

It means that he's heard our names many times. In the second place, he knows about robots. And about rubidium. By the way, where is rubidium used?"

"In our Inst.i.tute," said Roman, "it certainly is'not used at all."

"It's something like sodium," said Korneev.

"All right for rubidium," I said. "But how does he know about lunar craters?"

"Why lunar in particular?"

"Do we call mountains 'craters' on the Earth?"

"Well, right off the bat there's the Arizona crater, and also, a crater is not a mountain, but a hole."

"Tempor-ral r-rip!" the parrot said.

"He has the strangest terminology," said Eddie. "In no way can I cla.s.sify it as general usage."

"Yes," agreed Victor. "If the parrot is always with Ja.n.u.s, then Ja.n.u.s busies himself with strange matters."

"Str-range or-rbital tr-ransfer!"

"Ja.n.u.s is not involved in s.p.a.ce," said Roman. "I would know."

"Maybe he was previously."

"Not previously either."

"Robots of some kind," Victor said sorrowfully. "Craters . . . why craters?"

"Perhaps Ja.n.u.s reads science-fiction," I offered.

"Aloud? To a parrot?"

"Mmm, yes.... "Venera!" said Victor, addressing the parrot "R-ruinous cr-raze!" said the parrot. It grew thoughtful, then elucidated, "Cr-rashed. Fr-ruitlessly!"

Roman got up and paced up and down the laboratory. Eddie put his cheek down on the table and closed his eyes.

"How did he appear here?" I asked.

"Same as yesterday," said Roman. "From Ja.n.u.s's laboratory."

"You saw it yourself?"

"Uhuh."

"I don't understand one thing," I said. "Did he or didn't he die?"

"And how would we know?" said Roman. "I'm not a veterinarian. And Victor is not an ornithologist. And, in general, this may not even be a parrot."

"What then could it be?"

"How would I know?"

"This could be an involved hallucinatory induction," said Eddie without opening his eyes.

"Induced how?"

'That's what I am thinking about now," said Eddie.

I pressed my eyeball with a finger and looked at the parrot. The parrot image split.

"It splits," I said. "It's not an hallucination.

"I said-- 'an involved hallucination,'" reminded Eddie.

I pressed on both eyes and was temporarily blinded.

"Here's what," said Korneev. "I declare that we are dealing with a suspension of the law of cause and effect. Therefore, there is but one conclusion-- it's all an hallucination and we should all get up, get in line, and depart singing to a psychiatrist. Form a line!"

"I won't go," said Eddie. "I have one more idea."

"What?'

"I won't say."

"Why?"

"You'll beat me."

"We'll beat you if you don't."

"So beat me."

"You don't have any idea," said Victor. "You are just imagining it. Off to the psychiatrist."

The door creaked and Ja.n.u.s Poluektovich came in from the hall.

"So," he said. "How do you do!"

We stood up. lie went around and shook each of us by the hand in turn.

"Dear Photon," he said, seeing the parrot. "He is not bothering you, Roman Petrovich?"

"Bothering?" said Roman. "Me? Why would he bother me? He is not bothering me, just the opposite. ..

"Still, it's every day-- " Ja.n.u.s started to say something and suddenly stopped. "What did we discuss yesterday?" he asked, wiping his forehead.

"Yesterday you were in Moscow," said Roman, with a strange submissive tone in his voice.

"Ah-h . . . yes, yes. Well, all right. Photon-- come here."

The parrot flew up, perched on Ja.n.u.s's shoulder, and said in his ear, "Gr-rain, gr-rain! Sugar-r!"

Ja.n.u.s Poluektovich smiled tenderly and went into his laboratory.

We looked stupidly at each other.

"Let's get out of here," said Roman.

"To the psychiatrist! To the psychiatrist," mumbled Korneev ominously, while we walked along the corridor toward his sofa. "Into crater Ritchey!

Dr-ramba! Sugar-r!"

Chapter 5.

Facts are always in plenty-- it's phantasy we lack. D. Blokhintzev.

Victor put the containers with the water-of-life down on the floor and we all flopped down on the sofa-translator and lighted up. After some time Roman asked, "Victor, did you turn off the sofa?"

"Yes."

"I keep having this or that nonsense popping into my head."

"I switched it off and blocked it," said Victor. "No, my good man,"

said Eddie. "And why not hallucination, after all?"

"Who said that it's not an hallucination?" asked Victor. "Didn't I suggest a psychiatrist?"

"When I was courting Maika," said Eddie, "I induced such hallucinations that I was frightened myself."

"What for?" asked Victor.

Eddie thought. "I don't really know," he said. "Probably out of high feelings."

"I ask: Why would anyone induce hallucinations in us?" said Victor.

"And then, we are not Maika, either. We are, thank G.o.d, magisters. Who can best us? Maybe Ja.n.u.s, maybe Kivrin or Junta. Perhaps Giacomo, too."

"But our Alexander is in the weak side," said Eddie in a diffident tone.

"So what?" I asked. "Am I the only one who is seeing things?"

"As a general proposition, we could run a test," said Victor, in deep thought. "If we had Sasha . . . you know-- "

"No, no," said I. "You will forget that for me. Aren't there other methods? Press on the eyeball. Or give the tape recorder to an uninvolved person. Let him listen, and discover whether there is a recording or not."

The magisters smiled pityingly.

"You make a good programmer, Sasha" said Eddie.

"Sprat!" said Korneev. "An embryo!"

"Yes, my dear Sashenka," sighed Roman, "I can see you can't even imagine what a really detailed, thoroughly induced hallucination is like."

Dreamy expressions suffused the faces of the magisters-- evidently sweet memories were evoked in them. I looked at them with envy. They were smiling, shutting their eyes in concentration. They were winking at an imaginary someone.

Then Eddie said suddenly, "Orchids bloomed for her all winter. They smelled of the sweetest scent I could think of."

Victor came out of his trancelike state. "Berkeleyans!" he said.

"Unwashed solipsists! 'How awful is my perception!'