Monday Begins On Saturday Part 25

"It's hard on the old man," said Roman. "See to it that you treat him more gently and warmly in the future. Especially you, Victor. You are always the wise guy."

"So why does he always pester me?" Victor hit back.

"'What did we talk about and where did we see each other . . . ?'"

"So now you know why he pesters you, and you can conduct yourself decently."

Victor scowled and started to examine the list of questions with a great show of concentration.

"We have to explain everything in more detail to him," I said.

"Everything we know. We have to predict his near future to him constantly."

"Yes, devil take it!" said Roman. "He broke his leg this winter, on the ice.

"It has to be prevented," I said decisively.

"What?" asked Roman. "Do you understand what you are saying? It has been healed for a long time. . .

"But it has not been broken yet-- for him," contradicted Eddie.

For several minutes he tried to comprehend the whole thing.

Victor said suddenly, "Wait a minute! And how about this? One question, my dear chums, has not been crossed out."

"Which?"

"Where did the feather go?"

"What do you mean, where?" said Roman. "It transited into the eighth.

And on the eighth, I had coincidentally used the furnace to melt an alloy. .

"And so what does that mean?"

"But I did throw it into the wastebasket. - . . I did not see it on the eighth, seventh, sixth . . hmm. . . Where did it go?"

"The charwoman threw it out," I offered.

"As a matter of fact it would be interesting to cogitate on that," said Eddie. "a.s.sume that no one incinerated it. How should it appear through the centuries?"

"There are items of more interest," said Victor. "For instance, what happens to Ja.n.u.s's shoes when he wears them to the day they were manufactured at the shoe factory? And what happens to the food he eats for supper? And again . . ?

But we were too tired to continue. We argued a little more, and then Sanya Drozd came along, evicted us from the sofa, switched on his radio, and got around to scrounging for two rubles.

"I need some bread," he droned.

"We don't have any," we replied.

"So it's the last you have; can't you let me have some .. .

Further discussion became impossible and we decided to go and have dinner.

"After all is said and done," said Eddie, "our hypothesis is not so fantastic. Perhaps the fate of Ja.n.u.s is even more astounding."

That would be quite possible, we thought, and departed for the dining room.

I ran in to Electronics to let them know that I'd gone to have dinner.

In the hall I b.u.mped into Ja.n.u.s-U, who looked at me attentively, smiled for some reason, and asked if we had met yesterday.

"No, Ja.n.u.s Poluektovich," I said. "We did not see each other yesterday.

Yesterday you were not at the Inst.i.tute. Yesterday, Ja.n.u.s Poluektovich, you flew to Moscow first thing in the morning." "Ah yes," he said. "It had slipped my mind."

He was smiling at me in such an affectionate way, that I made up my mind. It was a little presumptuous of me, of course, but I knew for sure that Ja.n.u.s Poluektovich was kindly disposed toward me lately, and this meant that no unpleasantness could occur between us now. And I asked softly, looking around cautiously, "Ja.n.u.s Poluektovich, may I be permitted to ask you one question?"

Raising his eyebrows, he regarded me thoughtfully for some time, and then, apparently remembering something, said, "Please do. One question only?"

I understood that he was right. It all wouldn't fit into just one question. Would there be a war? Would I amount to something? Would the recipe for universal happiness be found? Would the last fool die someday?

I said, "Could I come to see you tomorrow morning?"

He shook his head, and replied, with what seemed to be a touch of perverse enjoyment, "No. It is quite impossible, Tomorrow morning, Alexander Ivanovich, you will be called by the Kitezhgrad plant, and I will have to approve your trip."

I felt stupid. There was something degrading about this determinism, delivering me, an independent person with free will, to totally defined steps and actions outside of my control. And it was not a question of whether I wanted to go to Kitezhgrad or not. It was a question of inevitability. Now I could not die or get sick, or act up ("up to getting fired"). I was fated, and for the first time, I grasped the terrible meaning of this word. I had always known that it was bad to he fated to execution or blindness, for example. But to be fated to the love of the most wonderful girl in the world, to a round-the-world voyage, and to the Kitezhgrad trip (where, incidentally, I had rared to go for the past three months) also proved to be most unsettling. The knowledge of the future now presented itself to me in an entirely new light.

"It's bad to read a good book from its end, isn't it?" said Ja.n.u.s Poluektovich, watching me frankly. "As to your questions, Alexander Ivanovich . . . try to understand, Alexander Ivanovich, that a single future does not exist for everyone. They are many, and each one of your actions creates one of them. You will come to understand that," he said convincingly. "Very definitely, you will understand it."

Later I did indeed understand it.

But that's really an altogether different story.

Epilogue and Commentary A short epilogue and commentary by the head of the SRITS computing laboratory, junior scientist A.I. Privalov.

The subject sketches about life in the Scientific Research Inst.i.tute of Thaumaturgy and Spellcraft are not, in my view, realistic in the strict sense of the word. Nevertheless they possess certain virtues that favorably distinguish them from the a.n.a.logous works of G. Perspicaciov and B. Pupilov and consequently permit their recommendation to a wide circle of readers.

First of all it should be noted that the authors were able to perceive the situation and to distinguish that which is progressive in the work of the Inst.i.tute from the conservative. The sketches do not evoke the kind of irritation that one experiences when reading adulatory articles about the hack tricks of Vibegallo or the enraptured transliterations of the irresponsible prognostications from the Department of Absolute Knowledge.

Further, it is a pleasure to note the correct att.i.tude of the authors to the magus as a human being. For them, the magus is not an object of fearful admiration and adulation, but neither is he the irritating film fool, a person out of this world who is constantly losing his gla.s.ses, is incapableof punching a hooligan in the face, and reads excerpts from. Difterential and integral Equations to the girl in love. All this means that the authors had a.s.sumed the proper att.i.tude toward their subject. The authors should also be given credit for presenting the Inst.i.tute environment from the viewpoint of a novice and for not missing the profound correlation between the laws of magic and the laws of administration. As to the shortcomings of the sketches, the preponderant majority of them are the result of the fundamental humanitarian orientation of the authors. Being professional writers, they time and again show a predilection for the so-called artistic verity to the so-called verity of facts. Also, being professional writers, and just as the majority of writers, they are insistently emotional and pitifully ignorant in matters of modern magic. While in no way protesting the publication of these sketches, I feel nevertheless impelled to point out certain concrete errors and inaccuracies.

I. The t.i.tle of the sketches, it seems to me, does not correspond with their content. Using the t.i.tle Monday Begins on Sat.u.r.day, which is indeed a widespread saying among us, the authors apparently wished to state that the magi work without respite even when they are resting. In reality such is almost the case. But it is not evident in the sketches. The authors became excessively entranced by the exotic aspects of our activities and succ.u.mbed to the temptation to proffer the more adventurous and exciting episodes. The adventures of the spirit, which const.i.tute the essence of life in any magus, were given almost no expression in the sketches. Of course, I don't include here the last chapter of Part Three, where the authors did attempt to depict the labor of the mind, but based themselves on the ungrateful medium of a rather dilettantish and elementary problem in logic. (Incidentally, I had expounded my viewpoint on this question to the authors, but they shrugged their shoulders and said, in something of a pique, that I took the sketches too seriously.) 2. The aforementioned ignorance of the problems of magic as a science plays nasty jokes on the authors throughout the entire length of the book.

As, for example, in formulating the M.F. Redkin dissertation theme, they admitted fourteen (!) errors. The weighty term "hyperfield," which they obviously liked very much, is inserted improperly into the text over and over again. Apparently it's beyond their ken that the sofa-translator radiates not an M-field, but a Mu-field; that the term "water-of-life" had gone out of usage two centuries ago; that the mysterious apparatus under the name of "aquavitometer" and a computer by the name of "Aldan" do not exist in nature; that the head of a computation laboratory very seldom checks programs-- for which purpose there are programmer-mathematicians (of which we have two, whom the authors stubbornly persist in calling girls). The description of materialization exercises in the first chapter of Part Two is done in a repugnant manner: examples of wild terminology that must remain on the conscience of the authors include, "vector magistatum" and "Auers'

incantation." The Stokes equation has no bearing whatsoever on materialization and Saturn could in no way be in the constellation of Libra at that time. (This last lapse, particularly, is all the more unforgivable since I was given to understand that one of the authors is a professional astronomer.) * The list of these kinds of inaccuracies and incongruities could be extended with no great exertion, but I refrain from doing so, since the authors categorically refused to change a single item. They also refused to expunge the terminology that they did not understand: one said that it was necessary for the ambience, and the other-- that it adds color. I was, by the way, forced to agree that the preponderant majority of the readers could not distinguish the correct from the erroneous terminology, and also that no matter what terminology was employed, no reasonable reader would believe it anyway.

3. The pursuit of the above-mentioned artistic verity (as expressed by one of the authors) and character development (as expressed by the other) has led to a considerable distortion of the images of the real people takingpart in the story. As a matter of general fact, the authors are inclined toward a certain belittlement of heroes and, consequently, some sort of believability has been achieved by them, possibly only in the case of Vibegallo, and to some extent with Cristobal Junta (I am not counting the episodic projection of the vampire Alfred, who indeed has emerged more successfully than anyone else). For example, the authors a.s.sert that Korneev is rude and imagine that the reader can construct an adequate perception of this rudeness for himself. Yes, Korneev is indeed rude. But it is precisely for this reason that Korneev, as described, appears as a "semitransparent inventor" (in the terminology of the authors themselves) as compared with the real Korneev. The same applies to the legendary politeness of B, Amperian. R.P. Oira-Oira is completely fleshless in the sketches, although in the very period described, he was divorcing his second wife and expected to marry for the third time. The adduced examples are probably adequate to keep the reader from lending too much credence to my own portrayal in the stories.

The authors had requested that I explain certain incomprehensible terms and little-known names encountered in the book. In responding to this request I have encountered definite difficulties. Naturally I do not intend to explain the terminology thought up by the authors ("aquavitometer,"

"temporal transmission," and the like). But I don't think it would be of much use to explain the real terminology when it demands extensive specialized knowledge. It is, for instance, impossible to explain the term "hyperfield" to a person who is poorly oriented in the theory of physical vacuum. The term "transvection" is even more pregnant and, furthermore, different schools employ it in different senses. In brief, I have restricted myself to commentaries on those names, terms, and concepts that are, on the one hand, fairly widely known, and on the other, have wide application and specific meaning in our work. Further, I have commented on some words that don't have a direct relations.h.i.+p to magic, but which, in my view, could confound the reader.

*True. (Translator).

GLOSSARY.

Afreet: A variation of the jinn. As a rule the afreets are well-preserved doubles of the most famous Arabian generals. At the Inst.i.tute, they are used by M.M. Kamnoedov in the role of armed security guards, as they are distinguished from other jinns by being highly disciplined. The fire-throwing mechanism of the afreets has not been well investigated and it is hardly likely that anyone will ever study it thoroughly, because n.o.body needs it.

Anacephalon: A congenitally deformed individual without brain or cranium. Typically, anacephalons die at birth or a few hours later.

Augurs-K: Priests in ancient Rome who foretold the future by the flight of birds and their behavior. The great majority of them were conscious confidence men. This applies in considerable measure to the augers in the Inst.i.tute, although they have now developed new methods.

Basilisk: Mythological monster with the body of a rooster and the tail of a snake, which kills with its gaze. In actuality, an almost extinct lizard covered with feathers and the precursor of the archaeopteryx. Capable of hypnosis. Two exemplars are maintained in the Inst.i.tute's vivarium.

Beczalel, Leo Ben: A well-known medieval magician, royal alchemist of Emperor Rudolph II. Brownie: A certain kind of supernatural creature inhabiting each occupied house, according to the imagination of the superst.i.tious. There is nothing supernatural about brownies. They are either magi who have sunk to the lowest depths and are not amenable to reeducation, or mixed breeds resulting from the unions of gnomes with domestic animals. At the Inst.i.tute they are under the administration of Kamnoedov and are used as unskilled labor.

Danaides: In Greek mythology the criminal daughters of King Danaus, who killed their husbands at his behest. At first, the Danaides were sentenced to fill a bottomless vessel with water. Subsequently, following an appeal, the court took into account that they were married under duress. This mitigating circ.u.mstance permitted their transfer to a somewhat less nonsensical occupation. At the Inst.i.tute they now break up asphalt wherever they themselves had recently laid it.

Demon, Maxwell's: An important element in the mental experiment of the great English physicist Maxwell. Intended for an a.s.sault on the second law of thermodynamics. In Maxwell's mental experiment, the demon is placed next to an aperture in a dividing part.i.tion between the two compartments of a vessel filled with moving molecules. The work of the demon consists of allowing fast molecules to move from one compartment into the other, and to slam the door shut in the face of slow molecules. The ideal demon is thus able to create a very high temperature on one side and a very low temperature on the other side of the part.i.tion, without doing any work, realizing a perpetual engine of the second order. But only very recently, and only in our Inst.i.tute, has it been possible to find and put such demons to work.

Dracula, Count: The celebrated Hungarian vampire of the seventeenth through nineteenth centuries. Never was a count. Committed a great many crimes against humanity. Was caught by the hussars and ceremoniously pierced with an aspen stake in the presence of a large a.s.semblage of people.

Distinguished for a tremendous power of survival: the autopsy disclosed one and one half kilograms of silver bullets in his body.

Gian Ben Gian: Either an ancient inventor or an ancient warrior. His name is always a.s.sociated with the concept of a s.h.i.+eld and is not encountered separately. (For example, it is mentioned in The Temptation of St. Anthony by Flaubert.) Gnome: Found in West European tales-- an ugly dwarf guarding underground treasures. I have spoken with some of the gnomes. They are in fact ugly and are in fact dwarfs, but as to treasures, they have never heard of them. The majority of gnomes are forgotten and considerably desiccated doubles.

Golem: One of the first cybernetic robots, made of clay by Leo Ben Beczalel. (See, for example, the Czech comedy The Emperor's Baker; its golem bears a good resemblance to a real one.

The Hammer of Witches: An ancient manual of instructions on interrogation of the third degree. Was developed and applied by the clerics especially for exposing witches. Has been rescinded in modern times as obsolete.

Incubus: A variation of resuscitated corpses, which have a tendency to enter into wedlock with the living. Do not exist. In theoretical magic the term "incubus" is used in an entirely different sense; as a measure of thenegative energy of a living organism.

Jinn: Evil spirit of Arabian and Persian myths. Almost all the jinns are doubles of King Solomon and the magi of his times. Used in military and political hooliganism applications. Distinguished by a repulsive character, gall, and total absence of a sense of grat.i.tude. Their ignorance and aggressive behavior is so unbearable that all are now imprisoned. Widely used in modern magic as test specimens. In particular, E. Amperian determined, based on material obtained from thirteen jinns, the quant.i.ty of evil that a nasty ignoramus can inflict on a society.

Levitation: The ability to fly without any mechanical contrivances. The levitation of birds, bats, and insects is well known.

Oracle: In the belief of the ancients, a means of communication by the G.o.ds with men: the flight of birds (used by augurs), the rustling of trees, the dreams of a prophet, and so forth. Also the place where prophecies were made. "The Solovetz Oracle" is a small dark room. It has been planned for several years to install a large computer there for minor prophecies.

Phantom: A ghost, a spook. In modern view it is a condensation of necrobiotic information. Phantoms excite a superst.i.tious horror, though they are entirely harmless. In the Inst.i.tute they are used for the verification of historic truth, although they cannot be legal witnesses.

Pythia: A priestess, a prophetess in ancient Greece. Prophesied after breathing poisonous fumes. Pythias do not practice at the Inst.i.tute. They smoke a great deal and restrict themselves to the study of the general theory of prediction.

Ramapithecus: In contemporary view, the immediate precursor of pithecanthropus on the evolutionary ladder.

Segure, Richard: The hero of the phantasmic story "The Mystery of Richard Segure," the discover of threedimensionai photography.

The Star of Solomon: In world literature, a magical sign in the shape of a six-pointed star, possessing powerful thaumaturgical properties. In the present time, as with most other geometrically based incantations, it has lost its potency and is useful only for frightening the illiterate.

Taxidermist: A stuffer of figures. I recommended this term to the authors because C.J. Junta becomes infuriated when called by that name.

Tertium: One-sixtieth of a second.

Upanishads: Ancient Hindu commentaries on the four sacred books.

Vampire: Blood-sucking corpse of folklore. In reality, vampires are magi who, for one reason or another, have taken the path of abstract evil.

The tried-and-true remedy for them is the wooden stake and bullets cast from virgin silver. In the text the word is used loosely.

Werefolk or Shape-Changers: People capable of turning into certain animals: such as wolf (werewolf), fox (kitzuneh), and the like. For some reason they excite horror in the superst.i.tious. V.P. Korneev, for instance, turned into a rooster when he had a toothache and immediately felt relieved.

Zombi (also Cadaver): Generally speaking, an unliving object: a portrait, statue, idol, scarecrow. (See, for example, Count Cagliostro byA.N. Tolstoi.) One of the first zombis in history was the well-known Galatea, the work of the sculptor Pygmalion. Not used in modern magic. As a rule they are phenomenally stupid, capricious, hysterical, and almost unresponsive to training. In the Inst.i.tute, unsuccessful doubles and doublelike colleagues are sometimes ironically called cadavers.

end.