Forehead Kisses: Uncrushable Part 4

But when I went over to his house the other night, it seemed like he hated me.

Loathed me.

I didn't know what I said to set him off. Did he still love me? Did he despise me?

I didn't meet him by his cla.s.ses for the next few days. I didn't feel welcomed. Whenever I saw him around campus, girls were constantly trying to catch his attention or engage him in a conversation. Even though he brushed them off, I couldn't deny the jealousy I felt inside me. I wished they would just back off. Or better yet, I could tell them to back off.

My life without Liam was unbearable.

Our break up was entirely my fault. I said and did things I shouldn't. I didn't trust him when I should have trusted him above everyone else. My past dragged me down, making it hard for me to open up and let someone in.

Liam put me back together, healed the festering wounds under my clothes. He taught me that all men weren't cruel, that a large man didn't need violence to show his pa.s.sion. He showed me what it really meant to be loved.

And even though I wasn't giving up on him, I knew our relations.h.i.+p was over. After the way I hurt Liam, I didn't blame him for not trusting me. He didn't deserve that sort of treatment. I was a complete idiot. I had no idea why he loved me to begin with, but I obviously wasn't the right girl he should love. He deserved the perfect person, someone with a better head on her shoulders.

That wasn't me.

But I was tired of being scared. I was tired of being weak. I'd spent too much time fearing the world around me, afraid to dive back into it and put my life back together. And I couldn't depend on Liam to always be there to fix my problems, at least not after the way I treated him. While there was no doubt he was the person I was meant to share my soul with, life didn't always work that way.

I needed to let him go.

The idea made me sick, made me want to crawl into a ball and die, but I accepted it. I had numerous chances with Liam but I screwed them up. If he wanted to come back to me, he would have to make the decision on his own. I wouldn't pressure him either way, just like he did for me.

I was finis.h.i.+ng the last of my prerequisites for my credential program at the university, and I needed to complete my paperwork to be enrolled next year. I'd been delaying it because of my depression, but I couldn't keep moping around. I lost my parents and I'd been through h.e.l.l and back. I recovered from that and got back on my feet. And I would do it again.

"What are you doing?" Scotty said while he joined me at the kitchen table.

"Finis.h.i.+ng my application."

"For what?"

"The teaching credential at UCSD."

He nodded while he stared at the paperwork. "So, you want to be a teacher? That's your final decision?"

"Yep."

"Even though they get paid s.h.i.+t?"

I was sick of hearing this comment from everyone. "They receive other rewards that aren't tangible to money."

He c.o.c.ked an eyebrow. "That still sounds s.h.i.+tty."

"You should pursue your pa.s.sion because of enjoyment, not money."

"Well, Liam makes good money, so he'll take care of you if you can't pay rent."

The mention of his name made my heart break all over again, but I hid it from my cousin. "I don't need him. I can take care of myself. Plus, I own this house. I don't need to pay rent anyway."

He eyed me for a long while. "Are you and Liam not getting back together?" His voice turned serious, and the distant sound of disappointment came through.

"Not at this time."

"Like, forever?" he asked incredulously.

I didn't want to talk about this. I made my peace with it. "I made a lot of mistakes I wish I could take back, but living in regret won't change the past. I accept the consequences of what I did, and if Liam can't trust me again, I accept that too. I won't chase him and I won't fight for him."

"What happened to not giving up?"

"Who said I was giving up?"

He stared at me like I was crazy. "You just said you accept the break up."

"Just because I'm moving on doesn't mean I'm moving onto another guy. I don't want anyone else but Liam. That will never change."

He sighed then ran his hand through his hair. "I'll talk to him..."

"No." I shot him a serious look. "Stay out of it, Scotty. I mean it."

"Look, I know what you did was wrong, but it's clear that you both love each other. Just get back together already."

"Love doesn't work like that."

He sat back, brooding.

I placed my hand on his. "I appreciate how protective you are of me, but really, I'm fine. Don't worry about me and Liam."

"I'll always worry about you," he whispered.

"Well, don't. If you want to move out and get your own place, that's fine too. You don't need to stick around."

He smirked. "So I can have my bachelor pad again?"

"Whatever you want to call it."

"I'll think about it." I organized the papers then put them in the envelope. "I need to drop this off before the office closes."

He looked at his watch. "You better haul a.s.s."

"I will. Today is the deadline."

"Always a procrastinator..."

I rolled my eyes then grabbed my purse before I headed out.

After I dropped off the papers at the administration building, I walked back to my car, deciding to take the long way around campus. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. Home was just an empty sh.e.l.l, a hollow reminder of the rich and full life I had with Liam.

As I was walking, I noticed the billboard with flyers pinned into the wood. One notice caught my attention before all the others.

Are you a victim of domestic violence? Have you overcome your obstacles and separated yourself from the past? If so, the Alliance of Women's Protection is looking for a leader to host the weekly sessions, helping victims overcome their past with the support of others. Resumes will be accepted until the thirtieth.

I stared at the posting for a long time before I unpinned it and grabbed it. I survived the ordeal that happened to me, and here I was, back to a normal life. Without Liam, I wasn't sure if I would be here. Maybe I could be that to someone else, to help someone out of a situation they couldn't resolve themselves, to teach self-defense to women who didn't have a single person to help them.

Maybe I could spare someone from what happened to me.

I stuffed the notice into my purse and headed home.

Scotty was out for the night, probably picking up a girl to bring back to the house. Thankfully, he was always quiet and made sure I didn't have to see the bimbos he brought home. The last thing I wanted to do was play nice with a girl I knew I'd never see again.

Why waste my time?

But I was getting hungry, and I was craving a pizza from the Gaslight. I never went out by myself, but those days were over. I refused to live in fear. If someone wanted to mug me or cause me grief, I'd shove my car keys straight into their eye.

After I called in my order, I drove to the parking lot and sighed in sadness when I saw Liam's truck. I wasn't avoiding him, and honestly, I missed seeing him all week, but I didn't want to see the dozen of girls throwing themselves at him instead. I'm sure they were cornering him, doing everything they could to go home with him.

I really needed to stop thinking about it. He wasn't mine anymore and I needed to accept it. After all, we were here because I put us here. After a deep breath, I got out of my car then walked inside.

He was sitting at a table with the guys, his back to me. I didn't need to see his face to know it was he. I maneuvered to the back where the register was, not wanting to be noticed by anyone. I wore jeans and a t-s.h.i.+rt, not caring how I looked.

The worker came to me. "Pick up?"

"Keira," I answered.

"I'll grab that for you." He walked into the back, leaving me to stand at the counter.

I pulled out my phone and tried to find something to do. The last thing I wanted to do was make Liam think I was following him everywhere. I honestly just wanted to get my food and head back home so I could finish my resume.

"I know you from somewhere."

I looked up and saw a guy standing close to me. He wore washed out jeans and a t-s.h.i.+rt. Flip-flops were on his feet. He looked like a typical surfer. "I think you're mistaking me for someone else." I looked toward the back, hoping the guy would return soon.

"No..." He rubbed his chin. "You're in my calculus cla.s.s."

I sat in the front so I was ignorant to the rows of people behind me. "Dr. Pratley?"

"Yep." He smiled. "So, you're a math major too?"

"Yeah." Could he walk away now?

"What do you want to do with your degree?"

"I want to be a teacher," I said shortly.

"High school?"

"Yeah."

"Cool." He nodded. "I haven't decided yet."

I didn't ask.

The worker finally came back. Thank G.o.d.

"Twenty bucks even," he said.

The guy pulled out his wallet. "I got this."

Uh, I don't think so. "No." My voice came out harsh, making him still. "I can pay for my own food." I handed the cash to the worker, who took it away hesitantly and put it in the register.

He put his wallet back. "Maybe I can take you out another time?"

I had to remember that he'd been perfectly nice to me. He didn't deserve to be told off. "It takes a lot of confidence to strike up a conversation with a random girl in a bar, and I commend you for it, but I'm just not interested. It has nothing to do with you."

He nodded, the disappointment in his eyes. "You can't blame a guy for trying."

"No," I said gently.

"I'll see you around...what was your name?"

"Keira."

He extended his hand to shake mine. The quick movement caught my eye but didn't make me flinch.

After a moment of staring, I took it and shook his hand. "And yours?"

"Ryder."

"It was nice to meet you," I said politely.

"You too." He eyed my pizza then walked away.

I stood still for a moment, watching him head to the other side of the bar where his friends waited for him. Then I shouldered my purse and grabbed my pizza box. When I turned to walk out, a mountain was in front of me.

Liam stared at me, his hands by his sides.

I gripped the box and looked at him, unsure what to say. "I just came to pick up dinner." I wanted to explain my presence, that I wasn't keeping an eye on him.

He kept staring at me, his eyes dark. "You sharing that with anyone?"

"No," I said honestly. "I've been doing work all day and I just didn't have time to cook."

He nodded slowly, still blocking my way.

"Well, I'll see you around." I moved to step around him but he blocked my path.

"I haven't seen you lately."

My eyes moved back to his. "I've just been busy."