Rebel Walking: Heaven Sent Part 11

Taron, the guy who will probably never settle down with one girl. The guy who literally has a panty collection from the girls that he has been with. How can I tell him about this? How can I keep this from him? My thoughts are all over the place as I begin to panic. What the h.e.l.l am I going to do?

"Ivy, everything will be ok. I promise. Just stay calm and we'll go over your options."

Options? That snaps my eyes from the line as I whip my head toward the door. "What do you mean options?"

"Come out here and I'll discuss them with you."

I hurry to open the door and just glare at her.

"Don't say another word. There are no options. This is a baby and I'll love it with everything in me. I may need to regroup and come up with a plan, but I will. Don't say a word about terminating or adoption. Those are not considered options to me."

"I understand. I just want you to remember those op.... um... are out there." She stops herself from saying option because my glare is enough to pierce right through her.

"Please just talk to me about something to help with the nausea. I'll work through the rest with the counselor." I won't be taking any unnecessary medicine while I'm pregnant. I'm so scared, but I'll get through this. My initial freak out is warranted and I know time will help me cope with the idea of becoming a mother.

She hands me a prescription to help with the nausea as she stands to leave. "Ivy, I'll check on you in a couple of weeks. You need to eat and drink plenty everyday. Your body has been through a lot lately. If you don't focus on yourself, the baby could be in danger. The amount of stress you are under alone is a worry for me."

"I will.

Thank you for everything." I know she irritated me, but she's just trying to cover everything with me. It's her job. I start to think of the nights that I drank with Taron and I start to worry even more.

I collapse on the bed and stare at the stick still in my hand. I'm going to be a mother. A tiny human will depend on me for everything. How the h.e.l.l can I be ready for a baby in eight or so months?

Aiden interrupts my thoughts when he opens the door. His eyes. .h.i.t my pregnancy test and shock hits his face.

He recovers quickly though and moves to the edge of the bed to look at me.

"You ok?"

"I will be."

"I'm here for you."

"I know."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"No."

"You have to."

"No, I don't."

"He's going to be a father, Ivy.

You can't keep a father from his child."

"Aiden I can't tell him right now.

He'll for sure walk away from the tour."

"You have to give him a chance to make that decision."

I look up at this guy who has been here for me in many ways and stare into his eyes with a look of how serious I am. "I will never tell Taron. I will do this on my own. End of discussion. I'm serious Aiden, end of discussion or I swear I'll leave and no one will ever see me again. I can do this. I'll figure it out on my own. I refuse to drag him down with me and a baby so that when she's three I will catch him with his d.i.c.k in someone and he'll leave without ever speaking to his child again."

He looks at me with sympathy, and not like I'm a crazy lunatic. He accepts me for everything I am. Who would have a thought a cowboy would become a great friend to me?

"I will be there for you. I just hate the idea of you not letting a father know a b o u t a baby, but I respect your decision."

"Thanks for everything. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."

"Don't even think about repaying me. You getting better and taking care of that baby will be my payment."

"Can you get this prescription filled? It will help with my nausea."

"Be back shortly." I watch him leave and fall back onto the pillow. My eyes drift asleep as a I look over at the stick that just changed everything.

Taron Emily calls me on my way back to the bus. We are supposed to pull out of town this afternoon so I have time to meet up with her. She will travel to the same location with Beckoning Reality tonight. Maybe I'll have her ride with me. I need distracted and right now some p.u.s.s.y is the best distraction I can think of. I detour the cab driver to her hotel and begin my way to her room.

Guilty feelings start to over-take me, but I push them back. I'm ignoring that s.h.i.+t.

I can't be faithful anyway. Not to mention the fact that I'm f.u.c.king single and it's not cheating when you're not taken.

She opens the door stark a.s.s naked. This is why I'm here. She is a no strings attached great f.u.c.king time. I take in the sight of her and begin to compare her to Ivy. Ivy's t.i.ts are so much better. Emily is skinny and flat everywhere. Ivy is curvy in all the right places. What the h.e.l.l! Now I can't even appreciate a naked woman begging for me to take her.

I step forward and smash my lips into hers. My kiss is a desperate attempt to get Ivy out of my head.

Her hands begin to pull at my s.h.i.+rt and quickly move to my jeans. I should be good in about two seconds. I should be ready to forget about Ivy and go for it.

She pulls down my jeans and begins to rub me up and down. I moan and try to pull it together. This is an easy lay. I've got this. I pull her in tighter and continue to kiss her with complete roughness. There is no tenderness in this kiss. Only rough desperation.

She falls to her knees and my breathing stops.

She looks straight at my d.i.c.k and starts to lean in for contact. I try to let her do it. I try to let her wet warm mouth wrap around me and help me release some of the tension, but I can't f.u.c.king do it. There's no way she will compare to Ivy, and I can't stomach the thought of her touching my d.i.c.k any more. I pull it from her hand and block her lips from touching it.

"Get up." She looks at me with confusion and doesn't move. Her hands drift up my thighs as she makes her way back toward it.

"Get the f.u.c.k up. I'm done."

"What is wrong with you? I thought this is what you are here for."

"It is what I came for, but I just changed my mind." I step away from her. She is still on her knees. Naked.

Ready for anything, but it's doing nothing for me. Absolutely nothing.

I pull my jeans up and grab my s.h.i.+rt before I fly out the door. I'm more p.i.s.sed now than I was on my way here.

I need to think. I need a drink.

I find a bar just down the road and I'm on my third shot when Luke calls.

"Where the f.u.c.k are you?"

"Here."

"Where is here?"

"In a bar."

"I'm in. What's the name?"

"Nita's bar"

"On my way."

I hope he is not coming to f.u.c.k with me. I'm in no mood for his s.h.i.+t. I finish another shot and three beers before he walks in. He brought Lilly with him. I notice him watching her a.s.s as he walks behind her.

"Don't even think about it. I'll kill you first." Luke likes to play the field.

I'll be d.a.m.ned if he gets near her. s.h.i.+t, now I have to watch his a.s.s.

"What?"

"You want me to tell you?

Because I will tell you loud and clear."

"Nah, it's all good. You know how it is with the ladies."

"I bite my tongue when Lilly looks at Luke like he's a jack-a.s.s. Lilly probably doesn't need protected, but I make note to have a one on one chat with Luke about his role with Lilly.

We tip a few more shots back and Lilly starts smiling oddly at me.

"I'm sorry she left, Taron."

"Yea, me too. Nothing I can do about it."

"You could fight for her."

"Isn't gonna happen."

"Sure it isn't. I think once Dylan is caught she will be back around."

"She won't be back."

"You're here she'll be back."

She won't give up. Does she not know about Aiden? "She's in love with someone else."

"Riiiight, and you don't care about her either."

"I'm not talking about this."

"Sorry, just stating the obvious.

She loves you."

I decide not to argue with her. I hope deep down she's right, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

*Fourteen*

Ivy It's been a couple of weeks since we arrived at the cabin. My nausea us more under control with the medicine and I'm beginning to feel healthier. I've seen a counselor twice to talk about the attack. She seems like she'll be able to help me get my emotions in check. I'm very comfortable talking to her. She has even tapped into some of my childhood issues in the short time that we've worked together. I think she will be a crucial part of my recovery.

Aiden has been great. The poor guy refuses to sleep in the bed with me.

He's scheduled to go back home for a few days when I'm supposed to meet Eaven for dress fittings.

Holden has been on constant security detail, and some of his friends have taken turns helping. He has been working with the security on tour thinking Dylan will show up there, but he hasn't made an appearance that they can tell and the police haven't found him either. Holden is so d.a.m.n serious and I try to lighten him up here and there, but he doesn't budge.

I'm getting used to the idea of being a mom. I've decided to look for photography opportunities and try to build a larger client list. Eaven and I do pretty well with the people we have now, but with work it should be no problem to let it grow into a business.

I look over at Aiden on the floor as I tip toe past him. I hate that he insists on sleeping on the floor. I quietly finish in the bathroom and slip out of our room only to come face to face with Holden.

His eyes are easily drawn to Aiden on the floor since he is so much taller than I am. I pull the door closed quickly.

"Mornin," I say as I walk around his large stature.

"Let's talk over breakfast, Ivy. I need to ask you some questions about our trip to New York." I dread this conversation. I can feel that he's on to the fact that Aiden and I aren't actually together. How do I convince him?

"So you make your man sleep on the floor often?"

"No, he wasn't feeling well."

"I'm not an idiot. I can tell you guys aren't a couple by the way you act everyday around him, so why don't you tell me why you ripped my brother's f.u.c.king heart out?"

"You don't know what you're talking about and you'd never understand if I told you."

"Why don't you try me?" I contemplate my response. Holden knows. He can tell that I'm not happy. I miss Taron with a fierceness, and it's a daily struggle to get out of bed. I can't tell him about the baby, but I think he'll understand me walking away from Taron so that he wouldn't walk away from the band.

"I never meant to hurt Taron. I was dragging him down, and I couldn't live with myself if he would've walked away from everything they've worked so hard for. His head wasn't focused on the tour. I knew I'd be safe with Aiden." I stop talking when Taron's older brother looks at me with an almost identical look to the one that I've seen many times. He shoves his hands through his short hair in frustration.

"s.h.i.+t, Ivy. Why are you torturing yourself? I can tell you aren't into cowboy."

"This isn't about me, Holden. I won't drag him down with my drama only to have him resent me in the future for being the reason his life didn't turn out like he thought it would."

"I didn't see you doing this. This is completely selfless, and now I can't let my brother let you get away."

"You have no choice. I'm not going back to him. He's better off without me." I'm instantly saddened that our baby will never know her father. I turn quickly to reach for a gla.s.s hoping he missed the look on my face. I've never been able to hide my feelings. My face tells everything that I'm feeling in that moment. That's why I've avoided the mirror at all costs lately. I can't look at the sh.e.l.l of a woman. If I avoid the mirror, then I can forget what she looks like. I can be strong and focus on healing.