Rebel Walking: Heaven Sent Part 3

She was adamant about not sharing, and I wasn't gone forty-five minutes before she filled the bed. f.u.c.k this.

I leave the door open, just as I found it. I peel out in the parking lot and drive around to find a place to crash. I will sleep in my truck tonight and then get the h.e.l.l out of this town in the morning. I park near the bridge at the river.

This place just brings back memories of holding her while we looked for Eaven. All of the stress of this f.u.c.ked up night starts to really get to me. I get out of the truck and begin to scream. I yell with everything inside me. I keep going until my throat is sore and I feel completely drained. I'm sure that is going to be great on tour for the first few days, but I don't care about anything right now.

I crawl back into the cab of my truck and reflect on everything that happened tonight. How could I have missed this? I felt like we were on the same page. I know she feels for me.

Surely she isn't an ice queen and this heartless. I can't believe I let her get to me like this.

She has ripped out my heart. I have slowly fallen for her over the last few months. I have turned away girl after girl because I only have my eyes set on her, a lot of good that did me.

I leave the river at 5:00 am and head to my house after not sleeping a single bit. I need alcohol. I will drink this morning and have fun on the tour. I won't let her ruin me, or my time on tour. This is supposed to be some of the best times of our lives and I'm beginning this trip with a f.u.c.ked up head. I need to get my head straight and cleared of Ivy.

I manage to grab what I need and go back to my truck and drink it up. The bus will be here in less than an hour. I use the entire hour to get lit. I toast every drink I take.

"To p.u.s.s.y! p.u.s.s.y that isn't Ivy's!" My thoughts s.h.i.+ft to her panties that I still have in my pocket. I pull the black strings out of my pocket and wrap them around my visor. I look at the decorated g-string and pour an even larger shot.

"To quiet girls without feisty mouths." This will be my new goal. I need girls with no personality because I don't need a challenge. I decide to forget the shot gla.s.s at this point and start drinking straight from the bottle.

"To the king!" Sure, I'll drink to the king, the queen, and anyone else I can think of at this point. Any one that can help s.h.i.+ft my thoughts away from her.

"What king?" I can't even think of a King right now. King Royal Crown will be the king I drink to. He and Jack are the s.h.i.+t anyway.

I'm trashed before I know it. I start singing songs about heartless b.i.t.c.hes and I feel a little better after each song.

Talon strolls out a little before the time that Luke should arrive.

"What up brother?" I say with pure clarity. He looks at me like I have five heads.

"What the h.e.l.l are you doing?

You're drunk the morning we're leaving for a twenty-four hour road trip. d.a.m.n it, Taron."

"Oh, it will be fine. I don't need anyone." He looks at me with more confusion than before.

"What did you do?"

"I just gave the best way I know how and what do I get? To look at a cowboy holding my s.h.i.+t! My s.h.i.+t! It is mine!"

"Ok. Just chill and rest this off.

I'll talk to you about it when you make f.u.c.king sense. I can't understand your rambling."

Talon pulls my bags out of the back end of my truck and puts them next to his. Holden bursts out the door just as the bus arrives. I see Eaven on the porch looking sad. Talon runs to her and they make me want to throw up. I had imagined that being Ivy as I left her apartment. I would have held her tight and a.s.sured her that I would be back. I would have reminded her that I would wait to get back to her and would have stayed focused on music and not p.u.s.s.y, unless it was hers.

"Time to roll!" I yell at Talon as I finish locking up everything. I toss my keys to Eaven and tell her to throw them in my room.

I claim the back end of the bus and flop down on the only bed worth lying on. This bus is much nicer than our party bus, but it still sucks a.s.s to ride in constantl y. This ride is going to be torture. I pull out my phone and look at the picture of Ivy and I from last night. It just p.i.s.ses me off. I throw my phone into the wall and watch it land on the floor.

"What the h.e.l.l, Taron. Break something and I will kick your a.s.s."

Luke barges in and tosses my phone back to me.

The screen is shattered. f.u.c.k.

"What's your problem? This is supposed to be fun, don't make me put you through anger management lessons."

I just glare at him. I will not be sharing my problems with this a.s.shole.

"I'll be fine. Just take care of your d.a.m.n self."

He leaves me and I check my phone to see if it still works. Oh, it does. The picture of us is more perfect than ever because now it's covered in cracked gla.s.s. Isn't that just ironic.

*Four*

Ivy The police finally arrive and I have to relive the situation over and over. I have to tell them that I had consensual s.e.x with Taron tonight and a rape kit will only show evidence of him. They take pictures of the marks on my wrists, back, and cheek. My cheek bone is swelling and the pressure is beginning to hurt.

They don't find evidence of how he entered the apartment, so they suspect he has a key. The only forced entry was the front door that Aiden busted through.

They won't let Aiden in the room with me when I give my statement. I feel disgusting and alone. I can't quit s.h.i.+vering and my stomach is twisted in knots. I get sick multiple times before they release me. Aiden is in the hall and hugs me the instant he sees me.

"I am so proud of you for going to the police. I am so sorry you had to do this alone. Should we call Eaven or her parents?"

"No, I don't want to worry them. I just want to go... I don't know where, but I want to leave here." I say through the little ounce of voice I have.

"I will take you to our apartment.

Macy will be there."

"I can't tell anyone about this, Aiden."

"What? You have to. You have to let them know what he did to you in case he comes around again."

"Can we talk about this in the morning? I just want to sc.r.a.pe this disgusting feeling off of my skin."

"Ok. We will talk in the mornin'."

"Thank you for everything."

"Always."

We get to his apartment and I am thankful that his sister, Macy, is already in bed. I am not ready to talk about it with anyone. He shows me the shower and I turn the hot water on all the way. I stand there and let my skin burn. I take some of his soap and the smell of man surrounds me.

I start to gag, so I jump out in time to hit the toilet before I throw up. My emotions take over and my tears begin rus.h.i.+ng again. I'm hugging the toilet and water is pouring off of me. I step back in the shower and crouch to the floor tucking my knees under my chin. I let the water beat all around me and I cry for what feels like an hour. The water is ice cold by the time I hear Aiden open the door.

"Ivy, I want to help you. I just don't know what to do." He continues in with a towel. He keeps his head bowed and never looks into the shower. G.o.d, why can't this be Taron. Why can't Taron be here helping me? I should have known he would be gone before morning without a single word.

Last night started so perfect. I try to think about the good side of Taron and remember how he felt when he wrapped me in his arms. I would do anything right now for his touch.

I barely have the energy to rise from my crouching position. Aiden hands the towel to me and helps me out once I'm wrapped up. I'm very unsteady and I have to rely on him completely to get me to the bed. He leaves me on the edge with the t-s.h.i.+rt and shorts. He leaves the room and closes the door to give me privacy. I feel so numb.

I stand to pull on my shorts and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

My flesh is red and blotchy, but somehow my face looks pale. I rotate each wrist and begin to realize how much pain he caused me.

"Ivy. Are you done?" Aiden opens the door and I look at his face through the reflection in the mirror. He looks at me with hurt, anger, disgust, but the worst is pity.

"Don't look at me. Leave me alone." I bow my head and try to cover myself.

"I'm not leaving you. Now get your clothes on." He turns his back to me.

I pull on his t-s.h.i.+rt and shorts.

Everything is extremely baggy and I feel slouchy. Can I possibly have any more emotions?

"Ok. I'm done." I stand there until he reaches me and guides me to the bed.

H e pulls back his comforter and sheet and then urges me to climb in. He tucks the covers over me and lies down on the floor right beside me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to be here for you and not cross any lines." He sits up on the floor and faces me. My face is on the pillow at the same level of his.

"Thank you." Tears begin to slip out again. I don't have the energy to sob anymore, but it doesn't take much to let the tear drops fall.

"I wish you would let me call Eaven."

"No. I don't want to talk about it.

Just let me be."

"I will be here for you the entire night. Just let me know if you need me.

Pretend that I am not here."

I roll over to face the opposite direction and the tears flow even harder. I start to have flash backs of Dylan forcing himself on me. This causes me to breathe heavy and I begin to hyperventilate. I feel like everything is closing in on me. I quickly sit up in the bed and try to catch my breath.

Aiden moves in behind me and slowly grabs my shoulders in a hug. I cringe when he surrounds me. I struggle for him to release me when he says, "Shhh Ivy. I won't let him near you, I promise."

I close my eyes and focus on breathing.

"You are safe. I will make sure of it." I want to feel safe in his arms. I know deep down that I am, but my heart is craving another set of arms to s.h.i.+eld me. He guides me to lie back in the bed and I finally succ.u.mb to the exhaustion of this night.

I wake up alone in the bed and I still feel an overwhelming numbness. I don't think I have any tears left to cry after last night. I move to get out of bed and find Aiden on the floor by my side.

This guy is so great. How come I can't force myself to fall for someone like him?

You can't help who you fall for.

All you can do is try to recover from the crash of the fall if they aren't there to catch you. I need to talk to Eaven this morning. I don't want her going to our apartment and worrying about me. I reach for my phone and see a missed call from her. I quickly send her a text.

Ivy: I'm at Aiden's. Don't go to the apartment. Where are you?

Eaven: At Talon's. What's wrong?

Ivy: I'll be there to talk to you soon.

Eaven: WTH is going on?

Ivy: I'll talk to you when I get there.

I roll over to the opposite side so I can step out of bed without disturbing Aiden. I pa.s.s the mirror on my way to the bathroom and stop to see the empty girl staring back at me. Her face looks sad and swollen. Her cheek is turning ugly colors and her hair is terrible.

I reach to brush my fingers over her cheek, stopping when my fingers smear prints on the mirror. I startle as I hear Aiden stir. I turn to see him watching me.

I make my way to the bathroom and try to pretend to care what I look like today. I decide another shower is needed. The memory of last night's shower comes to mind and I force myself to breathe through the initial heart rate increase. I find a trial size bottle of shampoo in a drawer that doesn't smell like man and attempt to scrub myself clean. I really need conditioner for my hair, but I will make do with what I have. I let the water run over my shoulders and relax my sore muscles.

I turn off the water and stop myself before I open the door. I decide in that moment that I have to be stronger than this. I will not be a victim. I decide that when I slide this door open, I will be moving on. I won't live in the past. I have done this before with my mother. I just close the awful door and walk through a new one. It's simple. Or so I tell myself. Taking a deep breath, I slide the shower door open. I notice the cool air brush across my skin and welcome the refres.h.i.+ng feeling of it.

I find a clip of Macy's and opt for the slouchy look over trying to fight these knots. I put Aiden's clothes back on and toss mine from last night in the trash. I know I wasn't wearing them at the time, but I don't want anything to remind me of last night.

Aiden is waiting by the door for the bathroom when I walk out.

"Good morning! Thanks for letting me stay last night. I really appreciate everything. I'm going to meet up with Eaven." I smile at him and start for the bedroom door.

"Don't you need a ride?"

"I guess I do." I can't even think straight. I am trying to act tough and over it and my mind is a mess.

"Let me shower and I will take you." He leaves me in the room alone. I force my mind to think about something pleasant. I immediately think of Taron, so I grab my phone to send him a text.

Ivy: How is the bus ride? Miss you already.

Taron: Really??

Ivy: Yes Taron: You're a piece of work Ivy: What?

Taron: Really?

Ivy: Yes, did I stutter?

Taron: No you were very clear.

Ivy: Is this you talking to me every day?

Taron: Beginning quote """""""I DON'T SHARE""""""" f.u.c.king end quote Ivy: Ok?

Taron: I'm done. Text cowboy.