Dawn Of Ireland: Captive Heart Part 8

"What can I do, Bree? How can I undo all this hurt?

"As I said, it is not a matter of untying a knot, of letting the b.u.t.terfly flutter free from your hand. It is something to be done slowly and carefully, so the hearts do not break. How you do that is what will define you as a real person. As an adult woman and as a wife."

Adult. Wife. At last, after nineteen years of the imaginary fairy-princess life, I was being forced to see the vicious thorns under the soft-petalled rose. I thought I was teaching that lesson to others back when I was a willful sixteen-year-old playing warrior games. Now, somehow, I had to go back and undo the hurt I had caused. And if I did not do it right away, I stood to lose the one man in the world I loved beyond all others, the one whom I must never lose.

I sat on my golden pony, my chest caved in and my head down, letting the tears flow unabated. Brindl leapt from her horse and stood next to NimbleFoot. She reached up her hand and waited for me to take it. I grasped it hard.

I sat on my pony, connected to Brigid by a tight handclasp, waiting for her to speak again. At last she did.

"I have never been one to bore others with bright-eyed advice. I can only tell you what I myself would do, if I could."

"Tell me, a chara mo chro."

"I would give myself wholeheartedly to my husband-even more than I already do. No, I do not mean I would become fettered to him any more than I would chain myself to a table leg. I mean I would bind my deepest feelings to his own deep heart, so closely that there would be no s.p.a.ce to let another man in."

"And if I hurt-those other men?"

"Then that will be the result of wanting what they must never have. They grasped the apple that drove Adam from the garden. Then they must be content with only one beautiful woman-not you-while you love your heart's desire."

I looked at her and squeezed her little hand as hard as I could. "I must start right away, Bree. Liam is all my life, all my joy."

"Do it, a chara. I wish you unbounded happiness."

As soon as I got home, I saw Angus tethered at the haggard. When I unsaddled NimbleFoot I saw Liam standing quietly, head bowed, in the six-foot circle we had outlined with small river rocks behind our teach. His hands were at his sides, and his bata was thrust into the leather thong that held his breeches tight to his waist.

I could see right away that he was deep breathing, waiting for me to join him in the combatants' circle. I brushed NimbleFoot more quickly than usual, then approached my husband and stood three paces from him inside the circle.

I stood with my hands hanging at my side, the same way Liam was standing. I began to take in the tangy air that always swirled a bit faster, felt a little more chill, here by the river. As I always did, I tried my best to separate my deep emotional feelings for my husband from my sentiment as a dispa.s.sionate warrior. At that moment, he was a worthy opponent, nothing more. But nothing less.

He was standing so that neither of us would be looking into the setting sun, and I appreciated this small act of courtesy. I could not see his chest moving at all. His expert breathing was a tribute to my own training of him, for when we first began to practice together, he was captive to his own ragged breath, and I had won our matches easily.

Now we stood almost casually, not looking at each other at all, only breathing. At last I raised my head, and I slowly pulled my s.h.i.+llelagh from my belt. I saw that Liam had already drawn his weapon and that his deep brown eyes were riveted on me. We stood, each taking the measure of the other. I lowered my body, bending my knees until I felt the center of my weight holding me to the pliant earth beneath my feet, strong and steady, yet able to move with blinding speed. Liam had already done the same.

I watched his marvelous eyes fill with the wings of a graceful waterfowl, and I knew he saw me at that moment almost as a pure white swan, graceful, yet armed with a dangerous, k.n.o.bby bill common to all mute swans. The moment before he struck, I felt my own wings rising and my body thrusting forward like the great swans of Ravenscar, and I was on top of him. My hard bill in the form of a burnished cudgel struck across his neck-but softly, a pretend blow, a split second before his weapon found my own neck.

We stood in that posture, straining against the other's bata, until we both slowly lowered our weapons at the same time. I saw his eyes fill with a l.u.s.tful hunger that mirrored my own. Our cudgels forgotten at our feet, we drew into each other with a ferocity that would have astonished an onlooker, and we began to bite and suck each other's mouth and necks.

"Finn's thigh's, Cat, I will eat ye until ye cry stop." He gathered me up into his arms and took me inside, kicking the door shut behind him. He almost threw me onto the large bed, and he removed his brste with one practiced movement. Then he was kissing and biting me again--my neck, my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, my stomach, and I cried out his name. He pulled off my trousers, then my top, never seeming to lift his hot mouth.

"Liam, Liam, never stop. Oh bite me, suck me, do not stop." I dug my nails into his arms, then his b.u.t.t. When he began to eat at my thighs, then between my thras.h.i.+ng legs, I wrapped my legs around his head while he feasted on me. I was bucking and arching my b.u.t.t, and somehow he kept sucking until the great wave crashed over me and I cried, "No! Stop, oh, stop!"

I lay with my legs still circling his neck, my groin pressed hard into his chest to still the throbbing. My chest heaved with the effort of catching my breath-not at all like a warrior. He gently pulled my legs from his neck and laughed softly, echoing my own thoughts. "Mighty warrior. Now ye can eat me." He began to knead my b.u.t.tocks, rubbing my thighs against his huge erection, until the rhythm and the hunger in his eyes made me flare with renewed desire.

"Come here, come here, let me suck you," I demanded, and I began to explore him with an intensity that I could hardly believe. He moaned and cried my name, and every sound made the fires burn more hotly between my legs, even up into my b.u.t.t. I was on top of him, trying to eat and swallow his mighty bata, then running my tongue down until I captured his t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es and sucked with a noisy, ravenous sound. I could not eat my fill, he made me want his body so much. Again he seemed to read my thoughts, and he seized me by the waist and guided me so that I enveloped him, deeper and deeper. Then I was using my legs, riding him up and down, until he cried out as I had. "Do not stop!" It seemed only moments before I felt his hot fluids shoot into me, then down the inside of my thighs, and I climaxed again with the heat and joy of it.

Afterwards, we lay close, stroking each other's tousled hair. "Ah, Liam, my love, you fill me so deep I am br.i.m.m.i.n.g over."

"That is how we made...baby," he said, so gravely that I began to laugh.

"Yes. Let nothing ever come between us except this growing baby-and only while it is still in my stomach."

"Fear agus bean cheile. Agus mac." Man and wife, he had said. And son. Then, for the first time, I agreed with him, in a place deep inside my heart. A son would be just fine with me, too.

Chapter 11:.

Future Tense Friday morning, well before dawn, I woke with the fierce compulsion to see Michael and tell him about going to Inishowen. If Murdoch were going on a booley to discover the hidden Isle of Captives, he would need Michael right away to take over the building of the homestead. What if Michael could not leave so soon? What if he and Brigid had made other plans? What of his work on my own brugh? Surely he could not just walk away. He would have to make arrangements so that the work could continue in his absence.

I looked over at Liam. He lay in the soft candlelight that always lit our large bed. His auburn and light brown hair spilled across his forehead as he lay on his stomach, his head facing me, his arms raised slightly above his head. One leg was lying across my own, pinning me to the bed. I eased it out, always uncomfortable with the feeling of being pinned like a specimen b.u.t.terfly.

My movement caused him to s.h.i.+ft, curling up somewhat, clearly needing to finish a dream. I wanted to stroke his soft hair, and I reached out a hand, then withdrew it. Let him sleep a while. Making sure the fire was burning brightly and the candles lit for Liam, I walked again down to the welcome waters of the Foyle.

This morning as the shock of the water roused my body, I felt rested and invigorated. Quite unlike yesterday, when I was tormented by demons of guilt, I felt that today could be the beginning of a new, happy life. Whatever I needed to do to make Liam happy, that I would do. I knew he would not require me to be servile or to give up my longing for adventure, so my promise to myself was an easy one.

The hard part would be dealing with Murdoch. I desperately needed to turn him softly, without hurting him, away from his unseemly feelings for me. As long as his emotions clung to me so closely, I would not be able to be near him-for Liam's sake as well as my own and Murdoch's, too. And yet he was about to undertake a booley for my sake, to find a dangerous lair of criminals. How could I not show him my grat.i.tude and friends.h.i.+p? I felt that any emotion from me would be misunderstood, the same way Torin had misunderstood me from the beginning.

I thought about Torin, back to the day we first met outside his father's mead hall in Tara. After Liam had been captured by unknown a.s.sailants, bludgeoned and thrown unconscious across his own horse, I journeyed to Tara to talk with King Leary and unexpectedly met Liam's brother. My heart was aching. I loved and feared for Liam with an anguish I had never known. And suddenly, in front of my very eyes, his virtual twin stood with his telltale crooked grin and his mocking eyes.

For a moment I lost all rational thought. Here was my lost Liam! But no, it was his older brother Torin. Except for having no beard and mustache, Torin was the image of his brother. Before I could s.h.i.+eld my emotions, Torin read the longing and love in my eyes as feelings for himself.

I did what I could to tell Torin to keep his distance-that I loved Liam. And yet the damage had been done. Every gesture of friends.h.i.+p became, in Torin's mind, a veiled signal of love. I appreciated his struggle to overcome his feelings, his reluctance to betray his feelings in any way. And so, thinking I was doing the right thing, I introduced him to the most beautiful woman I knew, the breath-catching Swallow Feather.

Even now, I was convinced that Torin loved Swallow. They would marry soon, and all of us could live normal, happy lives. And I knew that Murdoch, too, was drawn to the lovely Persimmon. My one mistake had been to play with other people's lives-to try to teach a heart, like a pony, to do tricks at my bidding.

That damage could not now be undone. But I could withdraw gently but firmly, leaving my friends to work out their emotions without me. If I could show them just how deeply I loved my Liam- He knew I loved it when he came up behind me, pressing his warm body against my cold back and b.u.t.tocks. Just then I felt his heat, and I thrilled when his warm hands cupped my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. His chin on my shoulder, he greeted me in his husky, breathy way. "Dia duit, a chuisle mo chro."

I put my hands over his own as they covered my cool b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "h.e.l.lo, I love you." I turned my head and then, slowly, turned my body, too, until my chest and thighs were close against his. We kissed, slow and deep, not with pa.s.sion but with the need to be as close to each other as possible.

After was.h.i.+ng each other, we walked hand in hand to our door. The sky was still dark, and the birds had not yet called out to the coming dawn. As Liam and I sat eating our stir-about, I told him my plans for visiting Michael this morning.

"Good, Cat. He leaves soon...he returns soon. Forget not, he makes a cart for Uncail Eghan first."

"Oh!" I had forgotten that Michael had told Owen his intention to build a special cart for him, one that could endure the often-rugged path to his destination and beyond. "That could take a while to build, Liam. I had completely forgotten."

"Me cousin can do anything," he said with a delighted smile. "He sets his mind-it happens."

"Do you want to come with me today, love?"

"Only if ye want it, Cat."

"Then no. I think our talk will be very boring."

"What of Murdoch? Did he meet the pretty woman?"

The mention of Murdoch spoiled my good mood, but I tried not to show it. "He did. I think he was smitten, Liam. He could not take his eyes from her. And Persimmon liked him, too."

"Is it...so easy, Cat? Change love from one to the other?"

"No. But it is a start, a mo chro. He has gone for years without knowing any woman at all. He needs a chance to let someone into his life. If not Persimmon, then another."

"But not you."

"No! Absolutely not, Liam. Not me." I reached out and stroked his cheek, running my fingers in his soft beard. "Even if I have to give up his friends.h.i.+p, he must and will change."

He caught my fingers in his mouth, then in his hand. "And if...if he does not?"

"Then I am sorry to say it, but I will have to make sure he stays far away. I think you and I will both know as soon as he begins to change. And I will let you be the one to decide-shall he stay close, or remain far away the rest of our lives?"

He caught my hand in both of his large hands and held it for a while. I waited, quiet, for him to consider my words. "I agree to it, Cat. I will know. Sure an' I will know, as well as ye."

And that was the first time in my memory that Liam had used the future tense of any verb. Yes, it was time for us to consider what lay ahead, as well as the present road before us.

Michael and I stood before a pile of s.h.i.+ning wood and a long, polished pole wrought from hard oak. "Ye see the first stage of Uncail Eghan's chariot. Brigid tells me the old heireannaigh, in the old traditions, called it a 'carpat.' But Owen's will not be a war chariot."

So it was to be a "chariot"-a vehicle for conquering heroes-and not an invalid's chair. Something stirred in my heart, and I laid my hand on Michael's arm. "Michael, I know before you complete it, this will be perfect for Owen and Moc, too."

"Aye, la.s.s, I hope so. The body needs to ride independent of the wheels. That is the difficult part. Me uncle needs to sit in comfort, even over the rocky terrain of the promontory."

"Um, Michael, I know you may be wondering why I am back so soon."

His eyes crinkled in amus.e.m.e.nt. "What? Just because ye stayed away for seven months? Then ye visit two days out of three?"

"Yes, well, I have news to tell you, both good and bad. Can we find a place to sit awhile?"

I followed him inside the finished round-house. He sat on the stairsteps leading to my future bedchamber, and I sat on the stairs below. "Start at the beginning, Caylith."

And so I did. "Mother stopped by right after Liam and I visited you two days ago..."

I told him the whole story-about the man Mama had seen, her brief story of her confinement, my own retracing of her anguished journey. I recounted my visit with Owen and my conversation with Murdoch about going on a booley. He sat with his elbows across his splayed legs, his head down, as I talked.

"This is where you enter the story, Michael."

He lifted his head, his eyes troubled. "I? An' how can I possibly fit into this sad tale?"

"Murdoch thinks you may be the man to take over the brugh construction on the bay while he seeks the island."

"An' how did he possibly think of me, young lady?"

"Perhaps because I told him I know of the perfect man to take over while he is gone. One who could not just oversee the building, but one who could create a homestead fit for a very king."

"Caylith, me friend. I told ye I could finish your new home in two or three months. If I go to the bay, I know not when ye and Liam-and the child-may have a shelter."

"It is worth the wait, Michael. If we could find the savages who-who did what they did, I would be glad to wait as long as it may take. Even if my growing child-or my large husband-has to sleep in the hay haggard."

Michael laughed, a short, bark-like sound that almost startled me. "That will not happen, colleen. I am already several steps ahead of ye."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"First, the ox carts have already left for the sand dunes. I expect them back in a week, perhaps a few days more. In the meantime, I have arranged to have a large kiln brought here to the site. As soon as the sand arrives, I will show me best lads how to make an' pour the sand, how to fire it, and how to fit the frames into the window holes. So while I am gone, the most important work can go ahead-as soon as we put in the windows, we worry not about the rain ruining the flooring once it is put down."

"All this you have done in a day?"

"All this what, Cay? I have given a few orders, I have set plans in motion. Even today, me crew will be working on frames for the window gla.s.s, so we can set them in easy once the gla.s.s has hardened."

"And you already have half a chariot."

"No," he smiled. "Just a pile of wood, a chara. The hard part is yet to come. I will need an expert smith right away."

"I know such a man-the very man who trades Latin teaching with Brigid at the school."

Michael rose from his place on the stairs, and I stood, too. "Ye know a man who beats metal at a forge yet recites Latin, too?"

I turned and walked down the stairs, Michael following me. Now it was my turn to surprise him. "One of my very oldest friends. Luke Smith from Vilton, my old villa town. Luke can fas.h.i.+on almost anything you can conceive."

"I would need nothing more than rims for wheels, four wheel hubs, reinforcement rings for the body-"

I waved my hand, not interested in the specifics of cart building. "Do you want me to introduce you to Luke?"

"I do, la.s.s. Right now, if ye please."

"Then perhaps you could stop by and visit Owen afterwards. You and he can talk about what he wants for his brugh."

He looked at me with wonder. "Ye have thought about this, colleen? This is not just a fleeting plan on your part?"

"It is as fleeting as my dream of pilgrims in currachs. Come, my friend. Let us ride to Luke's forge."

Michael rode his dappled gelding Breac-dark brown, its haunches dusted with light red freckles like Magpie's snub nose. I had not ridden to the site, so I walked alongside Michael and his horse as far as my own hay haggard where the horses were tethered. Soon, astride Macha, I was cantering the well-worn horse path that led to Luke's holdings and the church beyond and to the enclaves beyond that. Michael rode at my side.

Luke, not satisfied with the clay-and-wattle buildings of most of the pilgrims, had built his own home. A consummate craftsman, he had made it of pine and larch. It was not elaborate-just a small rectangular building under a spreading oak-but it blended into the surrounding forest as though it were meant to be part of nature's wonders.

We followed the sight of billowing smoke to Luke's large forge. As early as it was, Luke was already busy, just beginning to make a large fire. I set up a shout, and Luke emerged from the smith's shanty dressed in his leather ap.r.o.n.

It was unusual to see my friend without sweat streaming down his face and neck and his dark hair not tousled and stiff with his work. He walked out into the clear, warm morning, raising his arm and hand to me in greeting.

"h.e.l.lo! Cay, 'tis a joy to see you."

His wide, crooked grin made me smile, too. We hugged each other and I introduced Michael. Then we stood outside the forge for a few minutes exchanging pleasantries.

"Um, Luke, Michael has need right away for some metalwork. Let me say first that the work will directly benefit my own family-Liam and Michael's family-and it will bring us a step nearer to finding the men who torched our villa three years ago. So in a way, it will benefit me and Mama, too, and our old friend Brindl."

Luke's eyes were as wide as his vanis.h.i.+ng grin. "Truly? You have a way of finding those murdering barbarians? Can you tell me about it, Cay?"