Trespass. Part 19

Sometimes, when an episode episode came, there was darkness, walled in and complete, and no memory of anything afterwards. Other times, there were visions in that darkness, visions that took on sound and substance like an old-fas.h.i.+oned slide-show beginning, or even a film... and bits of these visions would be remembered... came, there was darkness, walled in and complete, and no memory of anything afterwards. Other times, there were visions in that darkness, visions that took on sound and substance like an old-fas.h.i.+oned slide-show beginning, or even a film... and bits of these visions would be remembered...

The sky is huge and filled with light: a wide screen of sky.

Audrun is standing under that sky, stringing up her runner beans, when she sees the black car go driving past her and stop outside the mas.

The Englishman Verey gets out and knocks at the door, but there's no one there. Aramon is out on the vine terraces, with his secateurs and his canisters of weed-killer and his bread and beer for lunch.

Audrun stops her work. She likes the thrill of it, suddenly, that she's here alone with the English tourist and can do what she wants with him. The land is hers should all have been hers, every centimetre of it and he's trespa.s.sing on it and she can taunt Verey with whatever comes into her mind.

She removes her green rubber gloves and puts them in the pocket of her overall. She walks quietly up the driveway, taking Verey by surprise. He's a nervous man, she can tell. He reminds her of a puppet, long and limp.

She introduces herself as Aramon's sister, owner of the bungalow. He gives her a disdainful look ('the bungalow owner... the one I'd like to obliterate...') then he remembers he has to be polite, so he shakes her hand. He tells her he's come back to look at the mas again. He gestures at the land around them. 'It's beautiful,' he says. 'And I love the silence here.'

She opens the door of the mas and leads him in. He walks slowly round the house. His glance is directed most of the time towards the rafters of the high ceilings. She's silent, following him from room to room, watching every move his body makes. She knows that he's imagining himself as the owner of the Mas Lunel, and she thinks how, if Bernadette were here, she'd smile her sweet smile and say quietly to him, 'No, I'm sorry, Monsieur, but I'm afraid you're wrong about that. This is my house.'

They go into Audrun's old room. Audrun hangs back, standing at the door. Verey opens wide the shutters and the room is flooded with sunlight and the sunlight falls on Audrun's bed and on the chest of drawers where she used to keep the disgusting girdles, hidden under her own sad clothes.

Verey opens the window and leans out. He raises his arms, as though to embrace the view down the valley. Then he turns to Audrun and says in his faltering French, 'If I bought the house... which I think I am going to do... would you work for me? I'm going to need somebody to keep everything clean...'

She stares at him, at this stranger in her room. She pictures herself getting down on her hands and knees, scrubbing floors for him, working till she's too old to work any more, lying exhausted in her bungalow, trapped behind the wall this man has built to keep her out of sight. And then she sees it come towards her exactly as she knew it would one day the idea that will set her free.

Audrun and Verey are walking towards the river now. Their progress is slow because Verey seems to need to walk very carefully over the tussocky ground. Gra.s.shoppers jump round their feet and he tries vainly to flit them away with a broken stick.

Audrun has Aramon's shotgun slung over her shoulder.

As they left the house, she took the rubber gloves from her overall pocket and put them on and then she s.n.a.t.c.hed the gun from the rack. Delicately, she inserted two cartridges into the firing chamber, admiring their perfect fit.

'Herons,' she said, as she hefted the gun.

'Herons?' said Verey.

'Yes,' she said. 'Devil birds, we call them.'

She didn't know whether this Englishman understood all of what she was saying, but she thought that this didn't really matter.

'There are still fish in the river,' she went on. 'Trout and grayling. When I was a child, we used to eat a lot of river fish. But the summers are too dry now. The fish die in shallow water because they don't get enough oxygen and then the herons come. They're like vultures. The herons just stand and wait and pounce. They're taking what's left of the fish in the Gardon. So they have to be culled.'

'Culled?' said Verey.

'Killed,' she said.

'Ah, yes. I see.'

'Whenever we go as far as the river,' she said, 'we always take a gun.'

As she and Verey came out of the mas into the sunlight, she glanced away to the left, to the path leading to the vine terraces just in case Aramon had decided to stop work and come back to the house. But there was no sign of him. Recently, toiling over his vines, he'd reminded her of a character in an old fairy tale, trying to spin straw into gold. But now she'd understood the terrible covenant he was trying to make: if Verey bought the mas, her brother wouldn't need to struggle with the vines, or indeed with anything at all ever again; into his hands would be placed all the gold he could ever wish for: more than his diseased frame would be capable of carrying.

Audrun and Verey go down through the ash grove where the leaves are yellowing and flying in the wind. Verey asks Audrun whether she would mind if once the mas belonged to him he planted a fast-growing cypress hedge in front of her bungalow.

A fast-growing cypress hedge.

The kind of thing a man contrives to block out what he can't bear to look on...

Audrun's hand tightens around the stock of the gun. She says sweetly, 'I understand about privacy, Monsieur Verey. There's nothing more precious. I, of all people, understand this.'

The Englishman nods and smiles. Audrun's noticed in Rua.s.se that many of the Britanniques Britanniques seem vulgar and rude, but Verey's a courteous man. And he wants to make a beautiful garden, he tries to tell her. His sister is going to help him, his adored sister, who's a professional garden designer. 'It will be my last project,' he says, ' seem vulgar and rude, but Verey's a courteous man. And he wants to make a beautiful garden, he tries to tell her. His sister is going to help him, his adored sister, who's a professional garden designer. 'It will be my last project,' he says, 'ma derniere... chose...'

'Yes?' she says with interest. 'Well, it's good to have something to hope for in the future.'

Down they go, side by side, through the lower pasture, then along the impenetrable, overgrown bank of the river to where, about a hundred yards further east, there's a narrow pathway made of stones. This pathway to the river, emerging opposite a deep pool, is a secret, Audrun tells Verey. It was laid down long ago by her father, Serge. He made it for his use alone, but sometimes he brought her here... He carried the heavy stones, one by one, with his own bare hands and pressed them into the earth.

'History...' says Verey. 'This region is very full of history.'

'Yes,' she says, 'You're right, Monsieur. We have difficulty forgetting.'

For a few moments, there's darkness now, a void.

Then, as if seen down a long, silent tunnel, Verey's face stares mutely at Audrun, his blue eyes, his sunburnt lips. He shows no surprise. His mouth doesn't open in a cry. It's almost as though he's already accepted what's going to happen, as though he were just murmuring to himself: So this is it after all. This is the way it ends... So this is it after all. This is the way it ends...

Verey falls backwards. Blood bursts around him and the crimson droplets hang there in the sunlit air. It's almost beautiful.

Then he lies in the water, with only his legs sticking out onto the little beach of s.h.i.+ngle. This sight fills Audrun's field of vision. It enthrals her. It is, she thinks, a thing almost perfected.

She lays the gun aside and moves slowly towards the body. She bends down and extracts Verey's car keys from the pocket of his trousers and places them carefully on a flat stone. The air all around her is suddenly silent.

Blood flows into the water; skeins of blood floating free and away in the bubbling torrent.

A thing perfected.

She takes off her overall and her skirt and blouse and her shoes. Then she modestly removes her nice white cotton underwear (not any hideous pink garment made of carbon disulphide from the old factory at Rua.s.se!) and walks naked into the river. All she wears are the green gloves. She pulls Verey's body towards her. She swims on her back, holding him under his arms, as though saving his life.

Now, she's swimming in the deep pool, where she played as a girl while Bernadette pounded her was.h.i.+ng on the stones. The cold of it is sweet and pure. And she knows that in the depths of the pool if you dare to dive down to where there's almost no light, to where weeds like flat eels spring up from the river-bed is a rock cavity, where, on very hot days, she would wedge a heavy ceramic jar, a jar made in the poteries poteries of Anduze, a jar that was almost round but not quite. of Anduze, a jar that was almost round but not quite.

Audrun takes a breath, submerges herself. She takes the body down with her, held in her arms. She reaches out to find the hollow in the rock.

As she jams Verey's head into the cavity, hearing the skull crack as the rock sc.r.a.pes it, as she binds the neck round and round with long fronds of weed and knots them and re-knots them, she remembers that, usually, there was lemonade in this jar, or sometimes sirop de menthe, sirop de menthe, but now and again, perhaps once or twice a year, for no reason that Audrun could determine, the jar was filled with cider. And when they drank it, all the world seemed sweet to them. but now and again, perhaps once or twice a year, for no reason that Audrun could determine, the jar was filled with cider. And when they drank it, all the world seemed sweet to them.

The child, Melodie, lay in her room.

This isn't my room, she thought. Not my real room. My room was in Paris. From my window, I could just see the tip of the Eiffel Tower. At midnight sometimes, I'd get out of bed to watch it p.r.i.c.kling with light.

Her mother sat on the bed and held Melodie's hand. She told her that tomorrow she was going to be taken to see a counsellor and the counsellor would help her come to terms with what had happened to her at the river.

'I don't know what "come to terms" means,' said Melodie.

'It means,' said her mother, 'that in time you'll be able to forget it.'

'No, I won't,' she said. 'I'll never be able to forget it.'

The counsellor was a calm, forty-year-old woman whose name was Lise.

Lise occupied a small room above a doctor's surgery in Rua.s.se. She sat very still, with her hands held in her lap. In Lise's presence, away from her mother and father, Melodie felt that it was all right to be angry. She told Lise how she'd been taken away from what she called her 'lovely life' and stuck in this other life, which was disgusting, where you had to keep your eyes closed for most of the time because there were so many things in it that you didn't want to see.

'What things don't you want to see?' asked Lise.

'Insects,' said Melodie.

'Yes. What else?'

'Everything,' said the child. 'Everything. I want to not see everything everything!'

Lise allowed a long silence to come into the room. At the window was a venetian blind and the sun, Melodie noticed, fell in peculiar, jerky stripes onto the floor and she thought, This is all wrong, too. Nothing is how it's meant to be in this place.

'Melodie,' said Lise, when this silence was over, 'do you sometimes see the man's body in the river?'

'It wasn't a man,' said Melodie, 'it was nothing.'

'I think it was a man. A drowned man.'

'No!' screamed the child, 'it was nothing! It was just a thing thing like a dead snake. It was all white and slimy. It was a gigantic silkworm!' like a dead snake. It was all white and slimy. It was a gigantic silkworm!'

Melodie began crying. She put her face in her hands.

Lise sat very still on her chair. She said gently: 'That man you saw had been killed. Another man had shot him. People die in the world. It's terrible but it's what is and so we have to accept it. Sometimes they die violently, like that person died. But then, after that, they're at peace, at rest. And he's at rest now, the man you saw in the river. He's absolutely at peace. And I'd like you to try to imagine that peace, Melodie. How d'you think it might feel?'

She couldn't answer. She thought words like 'peace' were meaningless.

Her own head was crammed with horror. It was so full of it, her skull was going to burst and then stuff would come out of it and slide down her neck or down her face and then the children in the school would stick their fingers into the stuff and run away and pretend to be sick.

Yuk! You're disgusting, Melodie!

Look at your head, Melodie! You've got ca-ca ca-ca coming out of your brain coming out of your brain.

Lise leaned forward and gave Melodie a tissue.

The little girl crumpled the tissue in her hand and threw it on the floor. She smeared her hands with her own tears and snot and held them up for Lise to see.

'This is what everything looks like now,' she said. 'Like this merde. merde.'

She refused to go to school.

She heard her parents whispering about this in the early evening.

'It doesn't really matter, at her age.'

'It's nearly the end of term anyway.'

'By September, let's pray she's all right.'

She went to where they were standing, drinking wine in the kitchen whose walls were made of stone drinking their wine as though nothing had happened. She ran at them and began beating at her father with her fists. The long-stemmed gla.s.s was jolted out of his hand and shattered on the tiled floor. Her mother tried to grab her, but she fought her off, fought them both with her fists and with her will, that could be as hard and black as the body of a scorpion.

'Take me home!' she screamed. 'Take me home!'

'Ma cherie,' said her mother, 'this is your home now...'

It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It would never be her home. It would never protect her. It would never be her home. It would never protect her.

'I want to go home, to my home my home!' she cried louder, still trying to hit out at them with her fists and kick them and b.u.t.t them with her head.

'Mon dieu, Melodie, that's enough...'

It wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough. Not until she got it back: her room with its soft white carpet and its blue-and-white wallpaper, patterned with shepherdesses and fluffy blue sheep. And her walk to school, past the florist's shop and the patisserie and the optometrist's on the corner, to the school gates where her friends her real friends waited for her. Until then, until she got it all back, no matter what she did to punish her parents, it would never be enough.

Jeanne Viala arrived one afternoon.

Melodie was lying on the sofa watching daytime TV, holding her Barbie doll to her top lip, letting the feel of Barbie's silky hair against her skin soothe her into a kind of exhausted half-sleep. But when her mother showed Jeanne Viala into the room, the sight of her of the one person who cared about her in that school, the person who had carried her away from the river in her arms she flung her doll away and got up and ran to her and pressed her head against Jeanne's breast.

Jeanne's arms went round her and held her close. The child's mother slipped out of the room. Melodie began crying, but it wasn't the kind of crying which made her more and more angry; it was the kind that felt beneficial, like gulping some medicine you couldn't describe. And then the child understood that Jeanne was crying too and that this was how they needed to remain, holding tight to each other and crying until they were unable to cry any more.

Eventually, Jeanne wiped Melodie's tears and her own, and they sat down on the sofa and Jeanne picked up the doll and smoothed its golden hair.

'I came to ask,' she said after a moment or two, 'would you like to go with me to Avignon one day? It's a big city. A beautiful city, with lots and lots of people, like Paris, and it isn't very far away.'

Melodie nodded. She hadn't known any proper cities were nearby. She'd thought that what surrounded them for miles and miles beyond Rua.s.se were rocks and trees and rivers and flies.

'I thought we could go to hear an afternoon concert,' said Jeanne. 'I know you used to play the violin and you will again, because I'm going to find you a teacher. Do you think you'd like to go to a concert?'

'Yes,' said Melodie.

'Good. I'll get some tickets. Then, after the concert, I thought... if you wanted to... we could find a nice cafe and go and have cakes and chocolate milkshakes. Just the two of us. You and me. If it's OK with your parents. What d'you think?'

Melodie reached over and took her doll out of Jeanne Viala's hands and once again pressed Barbie's golden hair against her top lip.

'When can we go?' she said. 'Can we go tomorrow?'

On an October afternoon, Veronica stood in the graveyard of the Church of St Anne's at Netherholt, Hamps.h.i.+re, holding Anthony's ashes in a plastic urn.

It was one of those rare, sunlit days when the countryside of southern England seems to be the most beautiful place on earth. The graveyard was bordered by a dark yew hedge. Beyond this, to the east, was an old, majestic beech tree Veronica had known since childhood. Its leaves glinted amber in the brilliant light. Behind the church was a green meadow, where two bay horses were grazing.

Veronica was standing now beside two men she hardly knew: the vicar of Netherholt and Anthony's friend and executor, Lloyd Palmer. The three of them were staring silently down at Lal Verey's headstone, commissioned by Anthony.

Lavender Jane (Lal) Verey Beloved mother Born Johannesburg 1913 Died Hamps.h.i.+re 1977 At the foot of the slab which covered Lal's grave was a small, freshly dug hole. Here, the remains of Anthony would be placed deep down in the earth, not beside beside his mother, but resting at her feet. his mother, but resting at her feet.

This had been his wish, his will. But for a while, it had looked as though his will couldn't be accommodated. The graveyard at Netherholt was full, Veronica had been informed. Her brother would have to go into the 'overspill' cemetery behind the village hall.