New Comedies Part 12

_Hazel:_ Ah, when they are as long on the road as we are, they'll take things easy. _Mineog:_ Now all the kingdoms of the earth to go struggling on one wrong side or another, or to bring themselves down to dust and ashes, it would not break our friends.h.i.+p. In all the years past there never did a cross word rise between us.

_Hazel:_ There never will. What are the fights of politics and parties beside living neighbourly with one another, and to go peaceable to the grave, our selves that are the oldest residents in the Square.

_Mineog:_ It will be long indeed before you will be followed to the grave. You didn't live no length yet. You are too fresh to go out and to forsake your wife and your family.

_Hazel:_ Ah, when the age would be getting up on you, you wouldn't be getting younger. But it's yourself that is as full of spirit as a four-year-old. I wish I had a sovereign for every year you will reign after me in the Square.

_Mineog:_ _(Sneezes.)_ There is a draught of air coming in the window.

_Hazel:_ _(Rising.)_ Take care might it be open--no, but a pane that is out. There is a very chilly breeze sweeping in.

_Mineog:_ _(Rising.)_ I will put on my coat so. There is no use giving provocation to a cold.

_Hazel:_ I'll do the same myself. It is hard to banish a sore throat.

_(They put on coats. John brings in dinner. They sit down.)_

_Mineog:_ See can you baffle that draught of air, John.

_John:_ I'll go in search of something to stop it, sir. This bit of a board I brought is too unshapely.

_Mineog:_ Two columns of the _Tribune_ as empty yet as anything you could see. I had them kept free for the Bishop's speech and he didn't come after.

_Hazel:_ That's the same cause has left myself with so wide a gap.

_Mineog:_ In the years past there used always to be something happening such as famines, or the invention of printing. The whole world has got very slack.

_Hazel:_ You are a better hand than what I am at filling odd s.p.a.ces would be left bare. It is often I think the news you put out comes partly from your own brain, and the prophecies you lay down about the weather and the crops.

_Mineog:_ Ah, I might stick in a bit of invention sometimes, when I'm put to the pin of my collar.

_Hazel:_ I might maybe make an attack on the _Tribune_ for that.

_Mineog:_ Ah, what is it but a white sin. Sure it tells every person the same thing. It doesn't tell many lies, it goes somewhere a near it.

_Hazel:_ I spent a good while this evening searching through the shelves of the press I have in the office. I write an article an odd time, when there is nothing doing, that might come handy in a hurry.

_Mineog:_ So have I a press of the sort, and shelves in it. I am after going through them to-day.

_Hazel:_ But it's hard find a thing would be suitable, unless you might dress it up again someway fresh.

_Mineog:_ I made a thought and I searching a while ago. I was thinking it would be a very nice thing to show respect to yourself, and friendliness, putting down a short account of you and of all you have done for your family and for the town.

_Hazel:_ That is a strange thing now! I had it in my mind to do the very same service to yourself.

_Mineog:_ Is that so?

_Hazel:_ Your worth and your generosity and the way you have worked the _Tribune_ for your own and for the public good.

_Mineog:_ And another thing. I not only thought to write it but I am after writing it.

_Hazel: (Suspiciously.)_ You had not much time for that.

_Mineog:_ I never was one to spare myself in anything that could benefit a friend.

_Hazel:_ Neither would I spare myself. I have my article wrote.

_Mineog:_ I have a mind to read my own one to you, the way you will know there is nothing in it but what is friendly and is kind.

_Hazel:_ I will do the same thing. There's nothing I have said in it but what you will like to be hearing.

_Mineog: (Who has rummaged pockets.)_ I thought I put it in the inside pocket--no matter--here it is.

_Hazel: (Rummaging.)_ Here is my one. I was thinking I had it lost.

_Mineog: (Reading, after he has turned over a couple of sheets rapidly)_ "Born and bred in this Square, he took his chief pride in his native town."

_Hazel: (Turning over two sheets.)_ "It was in this parish and district he spent the most part of his promising youth--Richly stored with world-wide knowledge."

_Mineog:_ "Well able to give out an opinion on any matter at all."

_Hazel:_ "To lay down his mind on paper it would be hard to beat him."

_Mineog:_ "With all that, humble that he would halt and speak to you the same as a child----" I'm maybe putting it down a bit too simple, but the printer will give it a little shaping after.

_Hazel:_ So will my own printer be lengthening out the words for me according to the type and the letters of the alphabet he will have plentiful and to spare.

_Mineog:_ "Well looking and well thought of. A true Irishman in supporting all forms of sport."

_Hazel:_ What's that? I never was one for betting on races or gaining prizes for riddles.

_Mineog:_ It is strange now I have no recollection of putting that down. It is I myself in the days gone by would put an odd s.h.i.+lling on a horse.

_Hazel:_ These typewriters would bother the world. Wait now--let me throw an eye on those papers you have in your hand.

_Mineog:_ Not at all. I would sooner be giving it out to you myself.

_Hazel:_ Of course it is very pleasing to be listening to so nice an account--but lend it a minute.

_(Puts out hand.)_

_Mineog:_ Bring me now a bottle of wine, John--you know the sort--till I'll drink to Mr. Hazel's good health.

_John:_ I will, sir.

_Hazel:_ No, but bring it at my own expense till I will drink to Mr. Mineog. Just give me a hold of that paper for one minute only.

_Mineog:_ Keep patience now. I will go through it with no delay.