Desire For Revenge Part 24

She was stunned to see from the clock on the television that it was gone midnight.

"You should have woken me earlier," she protested, muzzily.

"You must be shattered."

"Mmm...1 must admit the thought of sleeping on your settee isn't exactly enticing' She couldn't see his face, and his voice was lightly amused, nothing more, but all at once Sarah was overwhelmed by a mental image of the last time the two of them had shared a bed, and suddenly she wanted that experience again more than she wanted anything else in her life;

she wanted the intimacy and closeness of being held in his arms, supine and relaxed in the aftermath of love. She wanted the pa.s.sionate bite of his fingers against her skin, his mouth on her body. She moaned faintly and s.h.i.+vered, racked by the ferocity of her need.

"Sarah, there's nothing to be frightened of now." She felt Joss's arm tighten around her and knew that he had misunderstood the cause of her tremors.

Feeling weak and deceitful she clung to him pleading desperately, "Joss, don't leave..."

"I'm not going to." He stood up, lifting her as easily as though she were a child.

"I'll be right here outside your bedroom door. You'll be perfectly safe."

He carried her through into her bedroom, supporting her weight while he pulled back the sheet and duvet and then placed her gently on the mattress.

"I don't want to sleep here alone. Stay with me. Joss ...

please..."

In the darkness his eyes gleamed like a cat's, Sarah thought absently.

Every one of her senses was overpoweringly aware of him;

she wanted to reach out and hold on to him . never let him go, but already he was disengaging himself, his expression closed and shuttered, his thoughts hidden from her.

"I can't do that, Sarah." His voice was calm, kind almost, filling her with hurting, aching shame, as she curled away from him, turning her back on him, so that he wouldn't see the betraying s.h.i.+mmer of tears glittering in her eyes.

In a moment of weakness she had betrayed herself to him, offering herself and he had refused, gently, kindly . but it had been a rejection none the less. Pain made her whole body ache and desire for him made it burn. She had to fight not to plead with him to stay with her.

"You'll be quite safe," he a.s.sured her, pretending not to realise that her plea had sprung from desire and not fear.

"I'll be outside ... no.

one can get in. "

He was deliberately salving her pride, Sarah thought miserably, dissolving the embarra.s.sment from the situation, but even so she was tempted to plead with him again, to beg him to stay with her, to hold her. Almost as though he had read her mind he said quietly, "I can't sleep here in this bed with you, Sarah. You must see that."

Yes, she did see it. She saw also that whatever fleeting desire he had had for her was now gone. This was why he wanted her to leave Leichner & Holland, because he had wanted to avoid this type of situation. She wanted to cry out that she loved him, and to beg him to love her in return, but she knew that to do so would only be to embarra.s.s him. He was not an unkind man, despite what she had thought before. He was both caring and compa.s.sionate. If he hadn't been, he would not be here with her now. But it wasn't his compa.s.sion she wanted, she thought fretfully, as she heard her bedroom door closing behind him, it was his love. It was the very worst kind of torment to know that he would be sleeping just the other side of that wall and that she was forbidden to be with him. She closed her eyes and let the weak tears seep beneath her lashes. It was a long time before she finally fell asleep.

"Mmm ... well I'm glad to see you're looking very much better. I hope you feel as fit as you look. We've got a punis.h.i.+ng schedule of work lined up for this week, including a trip to Cannes. I've got to go and see Helene about her biography. We leave tomorrow afternoon."

Sarah was in Joss's office. Today was her first day back at work after the enforced break Joss had made her take following David's attack. She had spent the last four days with Jane and Ralph on their return from Menorca, and for once her elder sister had seemed disinclined to fuss or ask awkward questions.

Physically she felt fine, but emotionally. Only she knew how much she had dreaded facing Joss this morning. She had watched him with aching intensity while he was talking to her, waiting for some slight but unmistakable sign that he found her presence an embarra.s.sing nuisance, but so far she hadn't seen one, and now he was talking about the two of them taking a business trip to Cannes.

Before she could say anything. Joss continued, "I've had your stuff moved into the office off mine. For one thing it's larger than that cupboard you were using before and for another it's much more convenient to have my a.s.sistant within shouting distance rather than two doors away down the corridor."

"And the women's fiction list," Sarah asked dry-mouthed, "Who will be looking after that?"

"You, of course," Joss told her, frowning slightly.

"I thought I'd already made that clear, but now you will have full support from me, and I shall be the one dealing with the authors..."

"And my secretary?"

"Will still be your secretary," Joss told her still frowning.

"Lindsay could hardly cope with the output from both of us. Look, Sarah," he added coming out from behind his desk to study her, "I thought we'd talked through this thing of yours about the transfer of responsibility being a demotion. It's no such thing. On the contrary," he told her wryly, 'you'll find as my a.s.sistant that you gain a far wider scope of what's going on. In fact, I've got a couple of ma.n.u.scripts here I'd like you to read and make notes on for me.

They're novels destined for the general market if they reach publication, and I'd be very interested in a woman's view of them.

Both of them are faction novels one's written by a reporter I know very well, the other by an ex-politician. "

"What do you think of them?" Sarah asked him, picking up the ma.n.u.scripts from his desk, but Joss shook his head.

"Oh no. It's your view I want. unbiased by whatever I might think.

"Now about this trip to Cannes," he continued, changing the subject.

"Helene has run into problems with her biography, and she wants to talk them over with me. I was due a few days' holiday myself, and I've decided to combine the trip with a brief visit to a friend of mine who's working on a family history. He owns a small vineyard which has been pa.s.sed down through the same family since the time of Napoleon, so instead of flying out to Cannes, I thought we'd drive down, and call in on him on the way... You don't suffer from car sickness do you?" he asked when Sarah went pale.

She shook her head, unable to explain to him that it was the thought of spending several days travelling alone with him that had driven the colour from her face. She was surprised that he was willing to endure her sole company, she thought bitterly, especially in view of her feelings for him, but then Joss was man of the world enough to know how to defuse any potentially difficult situations that might arise between them. He had proved that that night at her flat. Her face flamed suddenly as she recalled the calm way he had rejected her.

"Sarah, are you sure you're all right?" He was standing in front of her, placing cool fingers against her hot skin, making it burn even more. She jerked tensely away from him, surprised to see the way his eyes darkened and his mouth hardened.

"I'm fine," she a.s.sured him huskily, trying to distract him by asking, "What time did you want to leave tomorrow?"

"Well we're booked on a late evening ferry, so no later than mid-afternoon if you can make it. We won't be gone for longer than a week, I hope." He frowned again.

"I'm extremely anxious to get this ma.n.u.script of Helene's finished. It should be quite a coup when it's published, and I'd like to see it on the shelves in time for Christmas."

Was his anxiety solely due to getting the book finished? Sarah wondered bleakly, or was it caused by a more personal interest in the actress? Reminding herself that it was none of her business, she listened while he told her that all their travel arrangements had been made, pausing only to ask her if her pa.s.sport was up to date.

For one cowardly moment she was tempted to lie and say that it wasn't, but this was now her job, she reminded herself, and she couldn't afford to lose it.

She spent the rest of the day checking through the post which had acc.u.mulated during her absence. Joss had dealt with all the urgent letters, and as she and Katy went through the rest of them Sarah grew tired of hearing her secretary sing his praises for his efficiency.

"Lucky you going to the South of France with him," Katy commented enviously.

"I wonder if he's involved with anyone..."

Refusing to respond, Sarah bent her head over the papers on her desk.

She knew the answer to that all too well and was searingly jealous of the blonde-haired actress.

The first thing she did when she got back to her flat that night was ring Jane and tell her she was going to be away for a few days. Then she got out her suitcase and packed what she hoped would be enough clothes to last the duration of their travels, mainly coolly casual T-s.h.i.+rts, shorts and skirts, and then on an impulse she couldn't quite define she added a sheer printed silk dress that flattered her tiny waist and full b.r.e.a.s.t.s, telling herself even as she did so, that she was travelling with Joss on business, nothing else . and moreover that his head would be so full of Helene he was hardly likely to notice what she was wearing.

Her portable typewriter and a good supply of notebooks and pens were added to the small pile, her wallet checked for credit cards, even though Joss had told her he was taking care of all the financial arrangements.