Switching Gears Part 15

CHAPTER 15.

Over the next week, all I do is train. After Cole told me he was sponsored, I made a goal to do everything I could to beat Whitney. And to show him Im good enough to beat her without his training.

I train so hard, I cant catch my breath.

Push myself harder than Ive ever pushed.

Every day, I wake up at six in the morning and go up to the trails to ride for an hour or two, then go home, shower, do another set of workouts to keep my stamina up, and pretty much stay in my room and strategize the rest of the time.

I dont see Cole. He texts me to see what Im doing a few times, but I tell him Im busy. I cant worry about him when Im supposed to be focusing on my race.

Kelsie rides with me a few times, but she knows how serious I am about this race so she lets me do my own thing. She knows when Im in the zone and leaves me alone.

I ignore my family. They know it. I know it. I feel bad about it, but this race means everything to me.

I want to win. I want to beat Whitney. Not just beat her to rub it in her face, either. I want to do it for me. And the more I train, the more obsessed I become.

After an especially hot day, I plow through my bedroom door, throw my biking c.r.a.p in the corner, and flop onto my bed. My body hurts, and Im sunburned and exhausted.

Someone knocks on my door then and I jump, my eyes flying open. I must have fallen asleep.

Come in, I croak and clear my throat.

Mom opens the door and comes inside. Hey. Hows it going? she asks.

Good. Sorry, really tired today. I rub my eyes and sit up, noting how gross I smell since Im still in my biking clothes.

Judging from your clothes, you went biking again?

Yeah.

Is there a day I can come watch you?

You cant really watch, Mom. You have to be on a bike yourself.

Maybe you could take me sometime.

I shrug. Maybe.

She sighs. I know youve been avoiding me, honey. Im sorry Ive made you so upset, I just I didnt know what to do. She meets my eyes. So, our girls night is next week. What do you want to do?

I shrug. I dont care.

Well, do you want to go do something? We could see that chick flick you wanted to see or get a pedicure or something.

I shake my head. Ive got a lot of stuff going on next week. Maybe we can rain check?

She hesitates before nodding. Sure. She gets up and makes her way across the room. You know Im still the same person, right? I havent changed, honey. You dont need to be afraid to spend time with me.

I nod and swallow the lump in my throat.

Dont stay in here all day. Ill make something for lunch, okay? So come upstairs in about ten minutes. It will be on the table.

Okay.

She closes the door and I lay back on my bed.

Guilt for being so distant gnaws at me. But as usual, I do nothing about it.

CHAPTER 16.

Race day. Its early. The sun hasnt come up yet, but of course Im wide awake. I turn over on my side and glance at the clock. Six in the morning. I dont have to be at the trail for three hours.

Curse my early rising genes.

I hear someone walking around upstairs, but I stay in bed, not wanting to have a conversation with anyone this early. The person walks in the bathroom and the door shuts right before the shower turns on. Dad, Im sure. The early riser I take after.

I pull out my phone and look at my email and a text from Kelsie. Nothing important. Instead of turning it off, a thought pops into my head. Mom. Her disease. After a second, I do something I should have done a long time ago: I type in early Alzheimers disease.

My finger hovers over the search b.u.t.ton and I take a deep breath before pus.h.i.+ng it.

A bunch of links pop up and I scan through them before clicking on one.

Early-onset Alzheimers Disease. Or Familial Alzheimers Disease. The correct term used for cases diagnosed before age sixty-five.

I frown as I scroll through the symptoms, recognizing a few Mom has experienced, now that I think about it.

Some symptoms of Alzheimers can be memory loss, challenges in problem solving, difficulty performing tasks, confusion, trouble speaking, misplacing things and forgetfulness, withdrawal from social events, mood swings. As the disease progresses, I read, the patient may not be able to care for his or herself and must be under twenty-four-hour care to avoid harm to self or accidents.

I look through the article. Words jump out at me as I read and I start to feel sick to my stomach.

Devastating effects on careers. Hard for family members to deal with. Young children suffer from parent not being able to care for them anymore.

Family suffers.

Hard for family.

Devastating for spouses and family.

Memory loss.

I turn my phone off and throw it toward the end of my bed before I lean back and stare at the ceiling.

I need to talk to someone.

And the only someone I feel comfortable talking to besides my parents is in this house.

I push the covers off my bed and head upstairs. I know Gavin is asleep, but I dont care. I sneak into his room and close the door behind me.

He doesnt even move.

Gav, I say as I sit on the edge of his bed.

He groans softly, but doesnt move.

Gav. I touch his bare shoulder and he shrugs it off and puts his pillow over his head.

Gavin.

He sighs and sits up after a few seconds.

I cover my eyes as he makes sure his blanket is wrapped around him. Do you really have to sleep in your underwear?

Yes. He rubs his hand over his face and looks up at me. What are you doing in here? Havent you met your quota for waking me up early this month? His voice is annoyed, but then he gets a good look at me and frowns. You okay?

I take a deep breath. Not really.

Whats wrong?

I shrug. Just worried about Mom.

Hes quiet for a moment. Me too. Did you talk to her or something?

No. I dont even know what to say to her. Im not meaning to avoid her, its just Hard. I know. Ive been avoiding her, too.

I looked up Alzheimers on the Internet. Its awful. Whats going to happen to her is not going to be good. I cant I cant even think about it. It makes my heart hurt. It makes me want to cry.

Dont cry.

I want to, but I hold it in for his sake. I wont. Im just scared.

Dont be scared, Em.

Emotion builds under the surface, and I fight to keep myself under control. What do we do?

He shrugs. We stick together. Act like everythings fine, I guess. At least until we get used to it. Im not sure what else were supposed to do. Everythings not fine, obviously, but I dont want to be all depressed all the time. You know? And Moms still Mom. We need to be there for her. We need to make her feel like were with her, not against her. Make her feel shes not alone. And Dad, too.

Yeah. I know. I stare at the floor, wondering how he can even pretend everythings normal and fine.

Hey. He reaches out and grabs my hand. Its gonna be okay.

How do you know?

Im your big brother. I know everything.

Instead of rolling my eyes, I wrap my arm around his neck and give him a hug. Thanks for being my big brother.

Didnt really have a choice I smack him in the shoulder and jump away as he tries to retaliate. Nice try.

Youre pretty spry in the morning.

I just have cooler moves than you. I touch the doork.n.o.b. You can go back to sleep now.

He pauses. Hey. Do you want to watch a movie or something later? I dont have to work.

Sure. That sounds great.

Im picking.

Of course. I smile and turn to leave.

Em. The softness of his voice makes me turn to face him again. If you need to talk, vent, whatever. Im here.

I smile back at him. I know.

CHAPTER 17.

A few hours later, Im getting ready for my race. The race. Me against my sponsored nemesis. I wonder if she knows I know.

Shes so going down.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I slide my hair back in an elastic, put a bit of mascara on so Kelsie doesnt kill me, and head down the hallway.

Where are you off to this morning?

Mom sits on the couch, a book in her hand. Im taken aback for a second; I dont remember the last time I saw her read a book.

Oh. Uh Im going riding.

Why?