Switching Gears Part 31

His smile widens. Perfect. Now, can you wiggle your left toes for me?

I focus on my toes, telling my brain to make them move, and Im surprised when they do. Barely, but they do. I suck in a breath and raise my hand to cover my mouth. They moved, I whispered.

He pats my leg. I believe they did. Can you do your right foot?

I stare at them and smile as they move back and forth. Not as much as the left, but its enough to make my heart quicken and my eyes fill with tears.

Great job, Emmy. Youre making great progress already. Well start physical therapy as soon as we can and get you out of here. Sound good?

I nod and lay my head back on the pillow. I glance down at my toes again and wiggle them for good measure, which makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. Mostly because I never thought Id be able to do it again. Wiggle my toes. Something so tiny and simple. I think of how I took the use of my legs for granted every single day before the accident. Never again. Im going to be more grateful. About everything.

A few hours later, Im still reeling from the fact that Im starting to feel things again so soon. Mom and Dad cried, of course, and Im not gonna lie: I did too.

Cole hasnt been to see me yet, which makes my heart hurt, but Kelsie has. She came the morning after the accident a week ago and has been here almost the entire time since. Right now, she sits on the edge of my bed with ten different colors of nail polish in front of her. She studies my toes as she applies each color with a shaky hand, since her other arm is in a sling, and finally looks at me with a smile. Rainbow toes, she says as she paints my baby toe red.

I like them. I try to wiggle them again to admire them, and they move, just a little. I smile.

When I look up, Kelsies staring at my feet. She hesitates and swallows before meeting my eyes. Im so glad youre starting to feel them again. I cant even she trails off, and I grab her hand as she turns her head away from me.

I know, Kels. But Im going to be okay.

She nods, wipes the moisture from her eyes, and shakes her head while clearing her throat. Ill do your fingernails too if you want. She picks up the blue polish and grabs my hand to set it down in front of her, sliding some polish on my pinky.

That would be great. Im so bored here. Theres nothing to do.

I glance at the books on the table next to me. I can only read so much without giving myself a headache and having my eyes freak out. But the only way to let my spinal cord heal is to sit still. I cant wait to start physical therapy.

You heard from him yet? Kelsie asks.

I know exactly who shes talking about, so I shake my head.

He wont return my texts either. I wonder if hes okay.

I think of the last time I saw Cole. Just before they put me in the ambulance. He looked so broken.

Im sure he is, Kelsie says, though she doesnt look me in the eye.

I miss him and have to wonder why he hasnt come to see me. Maybe hes afraid of what h.e.l.l see. Maybe he resents the fact that I might not walk again and doesnt want to deal with it.

I dont know.

h.e.l.l come around, she says. She winces as she moves, her sling for her broken collar bone s.h.i.+fts a little.

You feeling better?

She laughs. Dont worry about me at all. Its just a flesh wound.

I raise my eyebrow. Not really. Its a broken collar bone. No flesh was injured.

True. Im fine though. Its feeling awesome. She gives me a shaky fake smile.

Ill bet.

Its crazy. The whole accident. Right?

I nod as she stares at my toes. Were lucky to be here, I say.

I know.

Have you seen Gavin today?

She looks up, a blush touching her cheeks. He was here earlier. I saw him in the lobby.

Why are you blus.h.i.+ng?

She avoids my eyes, but cant hide her smile. No reason.

You like my brother! I burst out laughing.

Her eyes widen and she almost falls off the bed. No I dont! Brothers are off limits. Especially when its your best friends brother.

I laugh again at her horrified expression. Its okay, Kelsie. If you two didnt notice each other, I was planning on getting him to ask you out anyway.

She stares at me, the corner of her mouth turning up. Really?

Yep.

Hes hot. That one.

Ew. Thats my brother youre talking about.

She shrugs. Youre my bestie so I get to tell you everything. Including how hot your brother is.

Gag.

She slides off the bed and puts the nail polish back in her bag. Im gonna let you rest for a bit since Ive been in here all morning. Ill see you in a little bit, okay?

Okay. I smile, but I really dont want her to go. Its so lonely here, stuck in a stupid, uncomfortable hospital bed with nothing but soap operas on TV. Thanks for the pretty toes. She reaches out to cover them with the blanket, but I shake my head. Leave them. Theyre cute.

Of course theyre cute. She smiles and heads across the room, but as she reaches for the door, it opens. My eyes grow wide at the person who enters, and my stomach flips.

Cole.

Kelsie gives him a quick h.e.l.lo, shoots me a look, and leaves us alone.

He lingers by the door for a second, his eyes on me only. Can I come in?

I cant talk, so I nod.

He walks over to the bed and pulls a chair next to it before sitting down. He reaches for my hand, but I pull it away. It takes him a second to recover from that rejection, but his eyes dont leave mine.

You didnt come, I whisper.

He sighs. I know.

Why?

He hesitates a moment before running a hand through his dark hair. He leans forward after that, reaching for my hand again. Truth. You scared the c.r.a.p out of me, Emmy.

My chest hurts again and I take slow deep breaths to calm myself. Cole, Im sor"

No. I dont want you to apologize for anything. You didnt do anything. It was all me. When I saw you trapped in the car, I freaked. Ive had nightmares about it. About you screaming my name and me not being able to help you. He takes a shaky breath. I couldnt get you out. Im so sorry. And then I didnt know how bad you were hurt until I saw you lying on the stretcher. You were so broken. He puts his head in his hands and shakes his head. After a second, he looks up, his eyes s.h.i.+ning with tears. Im sorry. Im so sorry this happened to you. You of all people dont deserve this.

I let his words sink in and bite my lip to keep from crying, too. Cole, Im going to be okay.

But your legs. He glances at my legs and I squeeze his hand so h.e.l.l look at me again.

My legs are okay. I glance down at my toes and wiggle them again. Theyre getting stronger. See?

What? A tear trails down his cheek, and my lip quivers. I never would have thought Cole Evans shed tears. Let alone in front of me. You can feel them? he whispers.

Yes. Its all I can say. I clear my throat to stop the emotion rus.h.i.+ng in.

He squeezes my hand so hard it hurts, but I dont break the contact. I thought He lets out a slow breath and shakes his head. Im so He sniffs and wipes away more tears. Youre going to walk again?

They said I have a good enough diagnosis that I might walk again. And you know how stubborn I am. I will walk again. And I swallow the lump in my throat and meet his eyes. I dont care how hard it is to get there, but Ill ride again, too. My voice cracks on the last word and a tear slips out. Im going to ride again so my mom can see me race. She always wanted to see me race, and I want her to be able to see me before before her disease takes over. I close my eyes and take a few breaths to calm my racing heart. Im going to walk again for her. I dont want her last memories to be of me in a wheelchair.

He nods and brushes his lips against the back of my hand. If anyone can do it, you can. He glances at me, emotion still swimming in his eyes. I know you can. I smile as he leans forward and gives me a quick kiss. And just so you know, Im not leaving you. Im with you one hundred percent. I didnt come this far to turn around and leave when things get tough. I want to be with you, Em.

I blink. He wants to be with me. Hes not Lucas. h.e.l.l never be Lucas, but hes Cole. My Cole. Good.

He smiles and touches my cheek. The small gesture is so tender I want to cry all over again. We need each other. You and me. Truths and all.

Yes. We do.

Also, I need someone around to fix my bike when it has problems.

So, thats all you need me for, huh?

He chuckles. Mostly. He glances at my toes. Those are nice, Marty. Real nice.

So its Marty again, huh?

One more time. For old times sake.

Right. We laugh as the door opens and my family plus Kelsie files into the hospital room. Mom holds an In-N-Out bag, and I start salivating as soon as the amazing smell hits me.

Looks like you were right, Gav, Dad says as he looks at Gavin and winks.

I frown. About what?

Gavin walks over and claps Cole on the back. We knew Cole and Kelsie would be here, so we brought some extra food.

So does that mean youre not mad if I hold your sisters hand? Cole asks.

Gavins eyes narrow on our hands, and then he shrugs. As long as she doesnt care if I ask out her best friend.

I cant help the grin spreading across my face. Ask away.

Already done. He smiles, though he looks embarra.s.sed.

Kelsie beams next to him and doesnt look embarra.s.sed at all.

As I look around at my family and my friends, I feel at peace. Everythings going to be okay. Even if it will take me a while to recover. Even if Mom loses more and more of herself. Her memories and thoughts. Were going to be okay. Because after all is said and done, well be together. We need each other. Were stronger together. Were family, after all. And Ive never been so proud about that truth in my entire life.

EPILOGUE.

The cool breeze caresses my skin as I stare out into the valley below. I pull my knees up to my chest and breathe in the scent of pine from the trees surrounding my spot. This moment right here. Right this second. Its perfect.

Cole brushes some loose strands of hair away from my face and I close my eyes and lean into him as he wraps his arms around me, marveling again at how perfect this moment is.

I never thought Id be able to come here again, but after a year of intense physical therapy and training, Im here. Im back. Im me again.

Mostly.

I think back on my year and remember all the small successes Ive made. Stand with help for one minute. Stand without help for one minute. Take two steps. Take five. Walk across the room. Walk at graduation. Get on a bike and ride down the driveway and back.

Ive done them all. Though, its taken time. And Ill never ever be the same, physically, as I was before the accident, but Im okay with that. Im happy and alive. Thats what matters.

You ready to head back down yet? Cole asks.

I shake my head as he kisses my temple, sending goose b.u.mps over my skin. Just give me a few more minutes. Then we can go.

He chuckles and settles his chin on the top of my head. Im not complaining. He squeezes me tight. Its nice up here today.

I know. I sigh and spread my legs in front of me. The legs I thought would never work again. I love it.

And I love you, he says, kissing my temple again.

I smile and lean into him. So much has changed. Im in love with a boy who loves me back. Ive finally let Lucas go, though h.e.l.l always be a part of my life. A part of me. You never forget your first love.

Cole kisses the top of my head. Kelsies gonna kill us if were late, you know. She made me swear Id get you back on time.