Remix. Part 19

The song closes, the guitarist chucks a plectrum and the drummer launches his sticks. They spin towards the back of the crowd so that I finally, finally have an excuse to twist round and ...

... see that he's gone.

This is my chance. I should leave now, get away from whatever incredibly bad idea/fantasy kept me here. If Kaz were with me, she'd see me straight, but she isn't. She's away with Lauren, and without her to remind me of why I should be avoiding Stu, I find myself looking for him.

As I turn for the exit, I see him there, arms folded, watching me.

KAZ.

In hindsight, I'm glad that Ruby didn't come with us or she would be unbearably smug right about now.

Ivory Lace weren't great...

We're wandering the long way back to our spot on the hill, skirting the stalls that surround the Festblog "office" that's filled to bursting with people queuing up to pose with props in the photo booths. It's nearly four, but the sun's as aggressively bright as it was at midday and there's acres of pink and brown flesh on display. The air is filled with laughter and the smell of hot skin.

Lauren's in the middle of apologizing again for Ivory Lace's poor performance when her phone goes off. "Oh. It's Tom."

She looks at me and I give her what's meant to be a nod of encouragement, although she's already answering.

"Hey, you." The smile that breaks out across her face hurts my heart so much that I have to look away.

I cannot be here whilst she talks to him.

I rest a hand on Lauren's arm and point at the nearest distraction I can see the Unsigned Stage sitting on top of the hill, the white arc of the awning reaching out above the main thoroughfare with the stage tucked in the back, like an open oyster sh.e.l.l with a pearl sitting in its centre. Lauren nods that she'll find me when she's finished and I make my escape.

It's immediately clear why the band playing have yet to be signed. The lead singer's voice is too quiet and the rhythm guitar's ever so slightly out of tune which would be fine, if the person playing it wasn't also singing in several different keys. Loudly. I edge towards the front for a better view of the drummer, who seems like she's having fun at least. When the out-of-tune guitarist tells us that the next song is about someone in the audience, I look round to see if I can tell who it is by their reaction, catching the eye of the guy standing behind me. I smile shyly at the fleeting contact, then scan the rest of the faces. My eyes are drawn back to him and I realize with a jolt that he's still looking at me. Obviously my reaction to this is to turn away so fast that I hear the bones in my neck crunch. In the lull before the next (hopefully last) song, I sense someone stepping closer and hear a "Hi".

"Hi," I say. It's the same boy. Thick-framed gla.s.ses, the curls of his hair making a bid to escape the confines of the cut. He's about the same height as me, so my eyes can't help but meet his. Again.

I like a boy in gla.s.ses. It always annoyed me that Tom insisted on wearing contacts.

"Out of ten?" He nods at the stage.

"That depends. Was that last song about you?"

I hear a soft chuckle, then, "No. It wasn't."

"Maybe a four?" Which sounds a lot harsher than I'd usually go, but the singing is verging on painful. The boy laughs a happy huff of breath, which I think means he agrees. The songs ends and we all clap, and someone in the back cheers, but I'm not sure whether that's in relief.

"Are all the unsigned bands this bad?" I can't think of anything else to say to keep him talking to me it's refres.h.i.+ng to find I want him to.

"I hope not or the world will run out of new and exciting music."

There's an awkward silence, in which my phone starts ringing.

It's Lauren.

"Um. I've got to go," I say. "Nice to meet you." But I'm deliberately slow answering and the phone rings out.

"Nice to meet you too." He has a warm, easy smile and I like him more for it. "Although I'm not sure it counts as 'meeting' unless I find out your name."

"It's Kaz." I omit the usual "short for Karizma with a z" and hold his gaze as long as I dare before I start smiling at the ground like an idiot. I am very out of practice at noticing boys. And talking to them.

"Sebastian." He nods and I nod. "I think you should come back here in" he looks at his watch "one hour and thirty-seven minutes."

"Here?" I repeat, because I'm confused.

"Here." And he traces a firm cross in the dusty ground with the toe of his boot. "I've heard some pretty good things about the band playing then, definitely better than a four."

"One hour and thirty-seven minutes?" My smile feels different. Flirty, possibly, and I start walking backwards before it blows up in my face and I come out with something weird, like "Nice gla.s.ses!" the kind of compliment that sounds more like an insult.

Sebastian looks at his watch then up at me. "One hour and thirty-six."

And he matches my smile as I moonwalk my way into the suns.h.i.+ne, before I turn to hide the ma.s.sive grin that's breaking out on my face.

I set the timer on my phone for one hour and thirty-six minutes.

RUBY.

The game is on.

Neither one of us has mentioned last night, or our moment in the Grundiiz crowd. We're both playing each other now, standing by the poster-lined panels around the edge of the arena, away from the crowds.

Stu asks me to turn round so he can look at my faux-tattoo. He studies the pattern as if it's real, touching my jaw to tilt my head so he can see where the design tapers up my jugular. I wonder if he can see my pulse speeding up.

"It's cool."

"Thank you. I think so too."

The way he looks at me is unmistakable and he leans in close, saying nothing, watching me. Waiting. I can't stop thinking of all the things we used to do that brought us this close, my brain blocking out the fact that he gets this kind of close with a lot of girls.

Or maybe I haven't blocked it out. When it feels this good to be near him, maybe I don't care.

"What do you think's going to happen now?" he says.

"I don't think anything's going to happen." I keep my voice calm.

Stu smiles and there's a rush of breath as if he's laughing. "You really think I don't know what you're playing at?"

"You think this is playing?" My lips are perfectly angled for a kiss.

"You're telling me it isn't? Standing just where I can see you in the crowd, one shoulder bare..." He gently brushes his little finger down from my jaw around the perimeter of the jagua. It takes everything I have in me to stop myself from trembling with excitement. "Wearing my favourite bra." The finger runs down from my shoulder to the top of my bra. The one I hairdryer-ed yesterday morning. A million years ago.

"What makes you think that's anything to do with you?" I catch his eye and go for a defiant glare. I'm not sure I pull it off I'm not exactly wanting to defy him.

"Nothing." His hand sweeps under the hem of my vest, fingertips gliding up to rest in the small of my back, all the time watching my face, searching for a response.

"What are you doing?" I whisper and the corner of his mouth curls up in a lazy, arrogant half-smile as he closes the distance between his mouth and mine.

And I give in. I want him so much so very much that I've run out of strength to deny it. I practically throw myself at him, ready to kiss him back, my hand tentatively s.h.i.+fting from the safety of my pocket towards the danger zone of Stu's body. All I can think about is what it will feel like to have his lips on mine and his tongue in my mouth and his hands on my body and I'm ready to give up the pretence when I feel him stop, his mouth resting on mine and I implode with wanting him.

Then he kisses me.

Days, weeks, a month and a half of carefully constructed defences are blown open and my hand is under his vest, gripping his skin and pulling him into me. His fingers press into my back, and his other hand comes down from its resting place on the boards to hold the back of my head and I can feel the rise and fall of his ribcage as he breathes hot and cold on my cheek- Until he takes a step back. No longer in my hair or on my back, both hands are now resting on either side of my face in a way I don't like. This is the way he would hold me before he said something I didn't want to hear.

"What are you doing, Stu?" My voice, which I want to be breathy and s.e.xy, sounds worried.

"Oh, you are so far from over me, whatever you pretend to everyone else." When he smiles it is a self-satisfied smirk and I want to punch him just as much as I want to devour him. I hate him and I want him and I wish I could not feel anything for him.

"What the f.u.c.k?" I shove him in the chest, but he doesn't move and I'm the one that bounces backwards. "You're the one that kissed me!"

"Ruby..." Stu frowns and gives me a patronizing smile. "We both know that's not true."

"You tricked me!"

"Can't trick someone into kissing you if they don't want to." He's grinning again and I want to slap him. "I know that look. Don't even think about it."

The one time I did slap him we had a ma.s.sive fight about how it is not OK for me to lash out at people. And I know it isn't. I don't want to lash out at people. I just want to lash out at Stu. There's no one else who makes me angry enough.

"You're such a s.h.i.+thead!" I hiss.

"But such a s.e.xy one." Stu edges closer and I push him away.

"Do you want me or not?" I snap, immediately regretting it. How am I just putting it out there for him to decide?

Stu shrugs, still grinning.

All my fight evaporates in an instant. Is this really all I am to him? Just a joke, a point to be proved, a score to settle?

Well, I'm not prepared to be any of those things. That kiss, no matter how good, how much I wanted it, is not worth what he's charging.

Saying nothing, I step round him, careful not to so much as brush against the hairs on his arm as I pa.s.s. I hear him say my name, a come on that follows me like an unwelcome smell as I walk away from him.

f.u.c.k him.

f.u.c.k. HIM.

21 * BOTHER

KAZ.

It's peaceful on the hill without Ruby to disrupt things something that I feel a little guilty for noticing. When I sent her a text to let her know that this was where we'd be, she replied with a picture of a peculiar-looking mole, which is vaguely promising. If she rejoins with some semblance of civility towards Lauren, I know I won't say anything more on the matter. The encounter with Sebastian and the feel of sun on my skin have put me in a forgiving mood.

People are standing as far back as the big screen, waiting for the act on the main stage, and Owen, Dongle and Anna are somewhere in the crowd, leaving more room for me, Lauren, Lee and Parvati. When Lauren goes to get a drink, I stay, lying back on the rug, my eyes shaded against the sun, letting the conversation wash over me, swelling in and out of the music that's started up. Tom told Lauren that Naj had only just got beyond triage, which means they'll be hours yet something I feel oddly glad about.

"Where's your pain-in-the-a.r.s.e sister anyway?" Parvati says to Lee, the pair of them stretched out across two blankets.

"Back off, Parvati," Lee says.

"Don't feel you need to defend her on my account," I rea.s.sure him.

"I wasn't." Lee is sitting up against the slope of the hill, his profile in sharp relief to the sky behind. I'm so used to him smiling all the time that seeing him sad is like looking at a different person. "Ruby's not having the best time of it."

For a moment I think he means this weekend and I'm about to point out that the root cause of that problem is Ruby herself even she would deny the Stu excuse I keep trotting out. But as I open my mouth to say this, Lee turns to look at me and I shut it with a hollow pop.

Lee isn't talking about Remix he's talking about the whole summer. When we put our pens down at the end of the final exam, everything was supposed to get better, but for Ruby things have only grown worse. First she had to hear about Stu, then deal with the fallout whilst I was away with the choir. Then her results came along and s.n.a.t.c.hed away the future Ruby had mapped out in her head.

Whatever happens next whether she wins the battle of wills against her parents and leaves Flickers for good, or comes back to resit Ruby won't have me to support her at school, nor Lee to fight her corner at home. Ruby has never looked forward to her brother leaving, but now it seems like it couldn't have come at a worse time.

Four days from now and he'll be gone, and Ruby will have to face her future on her own.

RUBY.