Heart's Passage Part 23

"That's the fourth year, yeah?"

"Mhmm. She was doing a government and economics degree."

"Makes sense," Jo said.

"She was a lot different from the person you see now," Cadie said wistfully. "Any cause that was going, Naomi was up for it. Student politics, homeless kids, gay rights, national and foreign policy...you name it, Naomi was campaigning for it. It was kind of mesmerizing to watch her in action. Inspiring, in many ways."

Jo nodded.

"She's the one who got me interested in politics. There used to be weekly debates and forums around the campus and Naomi was always one of the best speakers. I got involved as a volunteer and one Friday afternoon she noticed me." Cadie shrugged her shoulders. "That's more or less where it started."

"When did you decide to become a literary agent?" Jo asked.

"Oh, not for quite a while. We both come from pretty privileged backgrounds, so money wasn't really an issue for us, even early on. By the time I graduated, Naomi was done with law school and was practicing with one of the big firms in Chicago. It wasn't too long after that when she decided to make a career out of politics."

Jo noted the look of quiet sadness on the blonde's face. "Is that something you regret?" she wondered.

Cadie thought for a while before answering. "She was a good politician in those days," she said. "She went into it for the right reasons-I mean she really wanted to change things for people, you know?" Jo nodded her understanding. "And I was very happy to do my bit."

"So you worked for her?"

"Mhmm. For the first few years I worked full-time for whatever campaign she was running. I was the secretary, publicist, speech writer, and gopher all wrapped into one. It was fun." She smiled at the memories of rallies and victory speeches.

"So, when did it stop being fun?"

"Good question," Cadie replied. She rolled onto her stomach and flung an arm over Jo's chest, snuggling into the crook of the taller woman's arm. Mephisto appeared out of nowhere and curled up in a ball on Jo's belly. Both women reached out to stroke him, their fingers tangling together as they met.

"I guess I started to grow up," Cadie reflected. "I started wanting something for myself. By then Naomi was running for Governor." She sighed deeply. "She always blamed me for losing that one, even though she was by far the youngest candidate to try."

Jo looked down at the blonde sharply. "Why on earth would she blame you?" she asked.

"Because that was the first campaign I didn't work on full-time. I'd set up the agency by then and was working pretty hard to establish myself. Naomi felt like I wasn't doing what I promised to do back when we first got together."

Jo snorted. "s.h.i.+t happens," she muttered. "Life happens. People change and grow."

"I know," Cadie said. "But losing that campaign was the start of the big changes I started to see in Naomi. It suddenly became much more serious. Early on, when she was winning- and winning easily-politics was about helping people. She could afford to have fun with it. But later it became about making Naomi feel good. Her self-esteem became invested in winning, I suppose. I guess I kind of still feel guilty about that."

Jo squeezed the blonde gently. "Don't do that, Cadie," she urged. "You're not responsible for her happiness, I don't care how married you are." She felt the smaller woman go very still in her arms.

"My head know that," Cadie whispered. "But part of me feels like if I'd just stayed involved full-time then maybe the whole drugs thing wouldn't have happened."

Jo couldn't bear hearing the self-blame in the American's voice any longer and she pulled her up so they could look in each other's eyes. "Cadie, answer me a question?" She waited for the blonde's tentative nod. "Why did you feel the need to start your own business?"

Cadie blinked a few times as she searched for an answer, her eyes gla.s.sy as she cast her mind back, trying to recapture her feelings at the time. "It was like I was disappearing," she said softly. "I was the quiet, behind-the-scenes half of this thing called Naomi-and-Cadie. Everyone saw the politician, but n.o.body ever saw me. I can remember waking up one morning and knowing that if I didn't find something I wanted to do, I would just fade away to nothing."

Jo smiled at her. "So don't beat yourself up for doing something that was essential to your survival as a happy individual," she said, leaning forward to emphasize her point with a soft kiss on Cadie's willing lips. "And one thing's for certain, Naomi sure as h.e.l.l thinks of your happiness a lot less than you worry about hers."

Cadie nodded silently.

"Tell me about the drugs?" Jo asked.

"I don't really know if it's been going on for a long time and I just haven't noticed, or if it's a relatively new thing in her life," Cadie said sadly. "About halfway through her first term in the Senate-about two and a half years ago, I guess-she started coming home much later, taking more trips, having meetings at weird times of night... that kind of thing." She caught Jo's eye. "Don't get me wrong, US senators lead busy lives, at least while the Senate is in session, so I never really expected to see much of her. But this was a bit different. When she was home she was foul-tempered and on a hair trigger most of the time."

"Does she use at home?"

Cadie shook her head. "Not that I've ever been able to find," she replied. "To be honest, for a long time I thought she was having an affair. And then New Year's Eve happened and I realized that if she wasn't using drugs, she was at least condoning her friends' use of them, if not supplying them."

Jo's eyes widened. "What happened on New Year's Eve?"

"We were hosting a c.o.c.ktail party. Kelli was as high as a kite and told me that Naomi had made a never-ending supply of cocaine available to anyone who wanted it."

"Holy s.h.i.+t," Jo muttered.

"Yeah, that's pretty much what I said," Cadie answered. "She denied it, of course, and somehow managed to make it my bad for even suspecting it. And things have been pretty awful between us ever since."

"I'm surprised she didn't offer to cut you in," Jo muttered, increasingly irritated with the senator.

"I'm not," Cadie said. "She may have long since stopped knowing me, Jo, but on this subject she knew d.a.m.n well I would be immovable. Ever since-"

She stopped, silenced by the familiar lump in her throat whenever she thought of that time.

"Ever since what, sweetheart?" Jo asked softly, seeing that Cadie was lost in some distant and none too happy memory.

The blonde swallowed and lifted her eyes to the gentle blue ones of her companion.

"I had a brother," she almost whispered. The skipper caught the break in her voice and gathered the smaller woman up into the softest, safest hug she could muster. "His name was Sebastian and he was 10 years older than me," Cadie continued. "He was my best buddy." She smiled into Jo's neck and the dark-haired woman felt it and smiled with her.

"When I was eight and he was 18 he went away to college, but that last summer we spent almost every day together." Cadie sat up and faced Jo, beaming with the happy memories. "He was the sweetest guy, Jo. He would take me camping, and sailing on the lake. And he bought me an ice-cream every single afternoon on his way home from his summer job."

Jo grinned, captivated by the blonde's descriptions and the childlike glow as she recalled her sibling. "He sounds like a sweetheart."

Cadie nodded. "The last day before he went away to college, he gave me his high school letterman jacket, and told me that I would always be his best girl, no matter what. He wrote me a letter every week." She fell silent, drifting away again on the memories.

"What happened?"

Cadie sighed. "We don't really know for sure. He was at a fraternity party. One minute he was playing pool with some friends and the next...well, they said he sat down for a minute, and when they turned around to tell him it was his turn to play, he was dead where he sat."

Jo reached for Cadie again, pulling her close and wrapping her up tightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Cadie nodded.

"The coroner said there were high levels of LSD and other drugs in his bloodstream, though his friends always denied there were any drugs at the party. But apparently, that combined with the alcohol...he choked to death on his own vomit." Her voice caught again and she buried her face in Jo's t-s.h.i.+rt. "And... and... n.o.body knew what was happening to him. He never made a sound."

The tears came freely now, and Jo stayed quiet, rocking the smaller woman until the sobs subsided.

"Oh boy," Cadie sighed. "I haven't done that in a long time. I'm sorry."

"Shhh, don't be," Jo replied. "Thank you for telling me about him."

"He's a big part of me. And I want you to know everything there is to know," Cadie said, sniffling and dabbing at the damp patch she left on Jo's t-s.h.i.+rt.

Jo reached up and cupped Cadie's cheek with a gentle palm, picking up a tear on the tip of her thumb. "And I want to know everything," she murmured.

Cadie smiled wanly and leaned forward into Jo's touch until their lips were almost in contact. "I love you, Jo," she breathed.

To the Australian it felt like she was inhaling pure love, an intoxicating sensation. The kiss laid them both bare like never before. Jo felt herself opening emotionally as the contact between them deepened and intensified in a way that left her breathless and teary. When they broke off she hugged the blonde fiercely.

"Ohhh, Cadie, I love you, too," she said. "Ten days ago..." They pulled apart and looked at each other, both sporting disbelieving grins. "I didn't even know you. Now I'm struggling to know how it's going to be once you've gone again."

"Let's not go there," Cadie said quickly, silencing Jo with a finger across her lips. "We've got another week and a half. I don't want to think beyond that. At least not yet. Please?"

Jo nodded and Cadie moved to straddle the tall woman's hips, easing forward to be cradled in Jo's arms against her chest.

"I don't even want to get out of this bed," the blonde mumbled. "It's like our own little bubble of safety." Jo smiled at the a.n.a.logy, and squeezed Cadie closer. "It's chaos out there and I don't want to move."

"Mmm, neither do I," Jo replied, scratching under Mephisto's chin with her big toe.

For a few more minutes the couple just lay in each other's arms, watching the sun climb higher in the sky over the islands. This is bliss, thought Jo, closing her eyes against the hent, I want time to slow down so each second lasts a minute. I don't ever want to forget any of this. She lightly scratched Cadie's back in slow circles, feeling the blonde almost purring under her touch.

"That feels so good it ought to be illegal," Cadie murmured, kissing the hollow at the base of Jo's neck softly. Please G.o.d, don't let this be the last time I feel her arms around me. She felt Jo sigh deeply. "We have to get moving, don't we?"

"'Fraid so," Jo replied. "My bet is that Bill will show up any minute, and then there's Josh and Harding to visit before we head back to the Seawolf."

"d.a.m.n..."

A few hours later they were skidding across the waters of the Whitsunday Pa.s.sage in a water taxi, part of a fleet which ran people and cargo to and from the islands several times a day. Jo had chartered one especially to get her and Cadie back to the Seawolf, which was still anch.o.r.ed off the southern tip of Whitsunday Island. The couple sat in the spartan cabin, looking out salt-smeared windows at the pristine day.

The morning had been in steady decline since they'd left the house up on Shute Harbor hill. The hour we spent with Josh and his parents was awkward, but we all survived, Cadie reflected. It was the meeting with Harding that put Jo's mood into a spiral.

"So, he said you wouldn't have to testify for a while?" Cadie asked, turning to Jo, who had been very quiet behind her sungla.s.ses.

"Yeah, at least six weeks or so, he thinks," the tall skipper replied shortly. "Apparently Marco was still in surgery well after midnight and it's going to be quite a while before he's fit to sit up, let alone go through a trial." Her tone was grim and she kept looking out to sea, unwilling to look at Cadie.

"Stop it, Jo," the blonde said quietly.

"Stop what?" she replied absently, steadfastly watching a yacht away to their starboard side.

"Whatever it is that you're doing to yourself inside your head," Cadie said, reaching for Jo's arm and pulling her around to face her. "Stop it. You did what you had to do."

Jo snorted. "Right. And that included neutering the guy just for the sheer h.e.l.l of it? I don't think so." Jo jerked away from Cadie, stalking out of the cabin to the stern of the boat and leaning on the rail.

The blonde sighed and walked after her. She came up alongside Che taller woman and leaned back against the rail, focusing her eyes on the boat's only crewman who was up in the c.o.c.kpit above the cabin. "Jo, you told me this morning that Marco once tried to rape you. You couldn't have been much more than...what? Seventeen or 18?" She turned to see Jo nodding. "Do you really think you're the only young girl he's ever tried that with? Or that every other one he tried it with was as lucky as you were that day?"

Jo looked down into the water being churned by the boat's propellers, her thoughts swirling along with the wash. "So you're saying that he deserved what I did to him?" she asked quietly. "That's kind of Old Testament don't you think?"

Cadie turned, looping her arm around Jo's and sliding her fingers into the dark-haired woman's hand. "Maybe so. But think about this. Even if he wants to ever try that again he's not going to be able to do much about it."

Jo looked down at Cadie. There's so much about that world she'll never understand. And I'm glad for that. I don't want her to know any more than she has to. "Rape isn't about s.e.x, Cadie," she said out loud. "It's about power. What he can't do with his p.e.n.i.s, he'll do with his fists, or his gun, or... or whatever he wants to use to beat up the next young girl he wants to break."

Cadie shook her head. "Not for the foreseeable future, Jo-Jo. You're about to put him in jail for a very long time." She leaned in and kissed the skipper softly. "Let it go, honey. It's over with, at least until you have to testify. Marco's an a.s.shole. And yes, I think he got what he deserved." She planted another resounding kiss on Jo's lips. "So there."

Jo couldn't help but smile at the blonde's efforts to cheer her up.

"That was nice of Bill to offer to stay at the house," Cadie continued, determined to get Jo's mind away from self-recriminations.

Jo accepted the change of subject graciously, pulling Cadie down on to the bench across the stern next to her and draping an arm across the blonde's shoulders.

"Mhmm. Can't really blame Josh's parents for not wanting him to go back there," she replied. "At least they seem to have accepted the burglary thing."

Cadie nodded. "Well it helped that Josh didn't go into too many details about just who rescued him."

"I think Harding might have had something to do with that. I'll have a good long talk with Josh when this trip is over," said Jo. That thought sobered them both and they fell silent. The only sounds were the rus.h.i.+ng wind, the m.u.f.fled sound of the enninc and the slapping of the boat's hull against the chop.

Jo looked around to get her bearings, realizing they were only a few minutes from rendezvousing with the Seawolf. "We don't have much time left, sweetheart," she said, turning to face Cadie and taking the blonde's hands in hers. "You ready?"

"No," Cadie said honestly. She sighed. "But I guess I will be if you kiss me one more time before reality hits."

Jo smiled and leaned closer. "I think I can manage that," she whispered, capturing the blonde's lips with her own and surrendering all her concentration to the kiss.

Cadie melted into the contact, trying to forget that it could be the last she shared with this remarkable woman. Instead she focused on the intense sensations.

They began tenderly, almost tentatively exploring each other, but soon they were lost in pa.s.sion, using their lips and tongues instead of words to convey the depth of their emotions. To Cadie it felt as if the world contracted around them, nothing else existing but the woman who held her close. Jo's lips were soft but insistent, her tongue gentle but s.e.xy, and her arms safe and strong.

Several minutes pa.s.sed as the kiss waxed and waned, moist and warm and filled with aching tenderness. When they finally broke off they both had tears in their eyes.

Cadie looked up into eyes so blue they rivaled the cloudless sky above them. She caught her breath raggedly. "I don't know how I'm going to survive the next 10 days, Jossandra," she said softly, trying to control the wobble she felt in her chin. "I don't know how-"

"Sshhh..." Jo took the blonde's face in her hands, green eyes blinking at her wetly. "We can do this, darling. We can." She felt a tear sliding down her own cheek, but didn't want to let go of Cadie to wipe it away. Instead the blonde reached up and brushed at it with a gentle fingertip. "Stay strong, my love. Things will work out."

Cadie couldn't speak, so she just nodded, holding Jo's gaze for as long as she could.

"Jo-Jo, we're coming up on the Seawolf" the water taxi's skipper yelled over his shoulder.

The look continued between the two women despite the interruption, but slowly they moved apart on the bench until their fingers were barely touching, invisible to anyone on the fast-approaching yacht.

"I love you, Cadie, never forget that," Jo said as the water taxi maneuvered to come alongside the Seawolf.

Finally their eyes unlocked and their fingertips brushed each other one last time as they turned to face the pa.s.sengers waving at them from the deck of the yacht.

"I'll never forget it, Jo," Cadie murmured under her breath to the skipper, even as she waved back and smiled at the others.

Chapter Ten.