Writing for Vaudeville Part 14

For ten cents.

Note that the straight-man does not say, "with the eye, cane, umbrella--" and so on through the list. He says "With the eye, with the fan, with the cane--." There can be no mistake--as there might be if the items were enumerated swiftly. Each one is given importance by the "with the eye, with the fan." The words "with the" lend emphasis and a humorous weight.

STRAIGHT

Shut up. Now when you see a pretty woman coming along who wants to flirt with you, what is the first thing a man should do?

COMEDIAN

Run the other way.

STRAIGHT

No, no. This is the handkerchief flirtation. . . .

You see precisely what the subject of this particular point is because it is stated in unmistakable words.

STRAIGHT

. . .As soon as a pretty woman makes eyes at you, you put your hands in your pockets.

COMEDIAN

And hold on to your money.

Now this is a big laugh at every performance--a sure-fire laugh when it is well done. Note that it is the fourth line the comedian has after the specific point introduction, ". . .See--how to flirt with a handkerchief?" Now the line "Who wants to flirt with a handkerchief? I want to flirt with a woman," is not intended to be a real laugh-line. It serves as an audience settler, gives emphasis to the explanation of just what the book tells and helps to blend into the next line.

There's a first laugh on, "For ten cents." A bigger laugh comes on, "Run the other way." And the bigest--in this point-division-- on the third laugh line "And hold on to your money."

2. Blending into the Following Point

When you have a big laugh, you must make the next line carry you on smoothly into the succeeding lint. It matters not whether the points are all related to the same general subject or not--although we are considering here only the single-routine two-act--you must take great care that each point blends into the following one with logical sequence.

The line, "Who wants to flirt with a handkerchief? I want to flirt with a woman," helps in the blending of the point division we have just examined.

The straight-man's line following the big laugh line in that point division, "No, you take out your handkerchief," (biz. [1]) is another example of the blend-line. And it is the very first introduction of the peculiar style of business that makes of "The Art of Flirtation" so funny an act.

[1] _Biz._ is often used in vaudeville material for _bus._, the correct contraction of _business_.

3. The Use of Business

Let us continue in the examination of this example.

COMEDIAN

Suppose you ain't got a handkerchief?

STRAIGHT

Every flirter must have a handkerchief. It says it in the book.

Now you shake the handkerchief three times like this. (Biz) Do you know what that means?

COMEDIAN

(Biz. of shaking head.)

STRAIGHT

That means you want her to give you--

COMEDIAN

Ten cents.

The reason why these two words come with such humorous effect, lies in two causes. First, "ten cents" has been used before with good laugh results--as a "gag line," you recall--and this is the comedian's magical "third time" use of it. It is a good example of the "three-sequence mystery" which Weber and Fields mentioned, and which has been used to advantage on the stage for many, many years.

Second, the comedian had refused to answer the straight-man's question. He simply stood there and shook his head. It was the very simple business of shaking his head that made his interruption come as a surprise and gave perfect setting for the "gag-line."

Read the speeches that follow and you will see how business is used. Note particularly how the business makes this point stand out as a great big laugh:

STRAIGHT

. . .Den you hold your handkerchief by the comer like dis.

COMEDIAN

Vat does that mean?

STRAIGHT

Meet me on the corner.

COMEDIAN

Och, dat's fine. (Takes handkerchief). . . Den if you hold it dis way, dat means (biz.): "Are you on the square?"

This line reads even funnier than many laughs in the act that are bigger, but its business cannot be explained in words. It seems funnier to you because you can picture it. You actually see it, precisely as it is done.

Then the next line blends it into the next point, which is clearly introduced with a grin--is developed into a laugh, a bigger laugh by effective business, and then into a roar.

Point after point follows--each point topping the preceding point--until the end of the two-act is reached in the biggest laugh of all.

III. HOW AND WHERE TO END

The business of the two-act, which secures its effects by actions that are often wholly without words, makes the two-act more difficult to time than a monologue. Furthermore, even if the time-consuming bits of business were negligible, the precise timing of a two-act by the author is not really necessary.

Precisely as a monologist can vary the length of his offering by leaving out gags, the two-act performers can shorten their offering at will--by leaving out points. Hence it is much better to supply more points than time will permit to delivery in the finished performance, than to be required to rewrite your material to stretch the subject to fill out time. All you need do is to keep the two-act within, say, twenty minutes. And to gauge the length roughly, count about one hundred and fifteen words to a minute.

Therefore, having arranged your points upon separate cards, or slips of paper, and having shuffied them about and tried them all in various routines to establish the best, choose your very biggest laugh for the last. [1] Wherever that biggest laugh may have been in the sample routines you have arranged, take it out and blend it in for your final big roar.