Writing for Vaudeville Part 50

COMEDIAN: Let me see it. (COMEDIAN tears out page.) Den vat do you do?

STRAIGHT: You put her vaist around your arms--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: Den you squeeze it--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: She'll press her head upon your manly shoulder--

COMEDIAN: And den--

STRAIGHT: She looks up into your eyes--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: You put the other arm around her--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: You hold her tight--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: You turn down the gas--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: She sighs--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: You sigh--

COMEDIAN: And den?

STRAIGHT: Dat's the end of the book.

COMEDIAN: Is dat all?

STRAIGHT: Sure. What do you want for ten cents?

COMEDIAN: But vat do you do after you turn down the gas?

STRAIGHT: Do you expect the book to tell you everything?

AFTER THE SHOWER

A TWO-ACT FOR A MAN AND WOMAN

By Louis Weslyn

Author of "At the News Stand," "The Girl and the Pearl," "An Easy Mary," "A Campus Flirtation," Etc., Etc.

AFTER THE SHOWER

CHARACTERS

THE FELLOW THE GIRL

SCENE: A pretty country lane in One, (Special drop) supposed to be near Lake George. Rustic bench on R. of stage. When the orchestra begins the music for the act, the girl enters, dressed in a fas.h.i.+onable tailor-made gown, and carrying parasol. She comes on laughing, from L., and glancing back over her shoulder at THE FELLOW, who follows after her, a few paces behind. THE GIRL wears only one glove, and THE FELLOW is holding out the other one to her as he makes his entrance. He is dressed in a natty light summer suit and wears a neat straw hat.

THE GIRL: (As she comes on with a little run.) I don't see why on earth you insist upon following me.

THE FELLOW: (Lifting his hat.) I never knew why I was _on earth_ until I met you. (Waving glove at her.) Say, this is your glove--you _know_ it's your glove.

THE GIRL: (Laughingly.) It must belong to somebody else.

THE FELLOW: No, it doesn't. I saw you drop it. Besides, you are wearing only one glove, and this one matches it.

THE GIRL: (Stopping on right of stage near rustic bench and turning to face him, holding out her hand.) You are right. It _is_ my glove. I'll take it, please.

THE FELLOW: (Stopping to gaze at her admiringly.) No, on second thought, I'll _keep_ it. (He folds it up tenderly, and places it in the upper left-hand pocket of his coat.) I'll keep it right here, too,--near my heart.

THE GIRL: Oh, what nonsense! You've never seen me but three times in your life.

THE FELLOW: (Coming nearer her.) Yes--that's true. And you look better every time I see you. Say, you do look awfully nice this morning. n.o.body would think, from your appearance, that you belonged to a camping party here on the sh.o.r.e of Lake George. I guess that thunder storm last night didn't bother you a little bit. Why, you look as if you were out for a stroll on Fifth Avenue.

THE GIRL: (Aside.) Little does he know that I got caught in that shower and am now wearing my chum, Genevieve's, gown. (To him.) What a jollier you are! You look pretty natty yourself this morning, it seems to me.

THE FELLOW: (Aside.) This suit of clothes I got from Tommy Higgins has made a hit with her. I guess I'll just let her think they belong to me, and won't tell her that I got soaked in the rain last night. (To her, lifting his hat again.) I'm tickled nearly to death to have you say such complimentary things to me. It makes me glad I came on this camping trip.

THE GIRL: You belong to the camping party flying the flag of the skull and cross-bones, don't you?

THE FELLOW: Yes--all the boys are young doctors, except me.

THE GIRL: And what are you?

THE FELLOW: I'm the patient.

THE GIRL: Are you sick?

THE FELLOW: Love-sick.