Writing for Vaudeville Part 89

VIOLA: I wonder if the dog is hungry?

MAYNARD: I'll go into the house and get him a bone. (Exits into house.)

(FELIX starts rubbing his dog's head against VIOLA'S hip. She screams and exits into house.)

(CHARLIE DOOLITTLE enters from Right.)

CHARLIE: I haven't seen Viola for half an hour, so I think I'll serenade her.

(Starts in singing chorus of song, "Only One Girl in This World for Me.")

(FELIX howls accompaniment. CHARLIE sees dog, who tries to grab him.)

CHARLIE: I'll get a pistol and shoot the beast.

FELIX: Gee, but he's got a nasty disposition!

CHARLIE: I'll return in two minutes. (Exits at right.)

FELIX: (Unfastening catch that holds him to dog-house.) And I will be gone in one minute. (Exits at Centre.)

(MR. MAYNARD and VIOLA enter from house.)

MAYNARD: Viola, I am worried.

VIOLA: What's the matter, father?

MAYNARD: I am afraid that Old Black Joe's mind is beginning to weaken. Sometimes he sits for hours babbling about the old plantation as it existed in the days of '61.

VIOLA: How strange!

MAYNARD: Only last week a celebrated doctor a.s.sured me that if Old Black Joe could but gaze once more on the old plantation as it looked before the War, his mental powers would come back to him as sharp and clear as ever.

VIOLA: I have an idea.

CHARLIE: (Appearing suddenly from Right.) Well, pickle it, because it's going to be a hard Winter.

(MAYNARD starts to chase CHARLIE, who quickly exits.)

MAYNARD: (To VIOLA.) What is your idea, daughter?

VIOLA: I propose that all the girls dress themselves as pickaninnies and indulge in the sports and pastimes of the South before the War, so that Old Black Joe will think he is once more among the scenes of his boyhood days.

MAYNARD: A great idea--and we'll put it into execution at once.

(A PICKANINNY NUMBER BY THE GIRLS LED BY VIOLA. When the pickaninny number is over, "Old Black Joe." ENTIRE COMPANY DRESSES THE STAGE and forms itself into picturesque groupings. Selections by a colored quartette can also be appropriately introduced.)

(Song, "Old Black Joe," by OLD BLACK JOE, company joining in the chorus.)

JOE: Bless me, am I dreaming, or do I see once more de old plantation?

MAYNARD: (Cordially.) The very same, Joe, the very same.

JOE: Why, it seems, Ma.s.sa, as if a heavy load is lifting from mah mind and de memory of things dat I'se forgotten dese fifty years am coming back to me.

VIOLA: Three cheers for Old Black Joe! (Entire company gives cheers.)

MAYNARD: And now, ladies and gentlemen, on the occasion of my birthday, I also have the honor to announce that Mrs. Wilson has this day consented to become my wife.

(MRS. WILSON steps forward from house and bows to a.s.sembled guests in a triumphant way, the guests coldly return her bow.)

(EDGAR TREMBLE enters from Centre.)

MAYNARD: What can I do for you, Mr. Tremble?

TREMBLE: Just one thing, and that is to give me the money you owe me. The mortgage I hold on your plantation for $50,000 is due today and, unless you hand over the money right away, I'll turn you out bag and baggage.

MAYNARD: (Pleadingly.) Won't you give me a few days longer to try and raise the money?

TREMBLE: Not a day, not an hour. I must have the money at once or out you go.

MAYNARD: (Wringing his hands.) I am a ruined man! (Turning to MRS.

WILSON.) But at least I will have the consolation of a true and loving companion. (MAYNARD reaches out for her hand, but she draws it away.) Why, what does this mean, Alice?

MRS. WILSON: I fear, Mr. Maynard, that I was never cut out to be a poor man's wife, so I ask you to release me from my engagement.

(Walks off stage at Right accompanied by the hisses of the guests.)

TREMBLE: (To MAYNARD.) As you evidently haven't got the $50,000 to pay the mortgage, the plantation becomes mine and I now order you all off the premises.

OLD BLACK JOE: Not so fast.

TREMBLE: (To Joe.) What do you mean by b.u.t.ting in, you black devil?

(Sarcastically.) Perhaps you've got the $50,000 to pay the mortgage?

OLD BLACK JOE: No, sah, ain't got no money, but somethin' in mah memory tells me dat I know where some money is hidden.

MAYNARD: (In surprise.) Why, what do you mean, Old Black Joe?

VIOLA: Yes, explain yourself.

OLD BLACK JOE: Well, sah, jes' after de War broke out your father went and hid $50,000 where de Union soldiers couldn't find it.

MAYNARD: (Imploringly.) Can't you remember where the money was hid, Joe?

OLD BLACK JOE: Let me think, Ma.s.sa, let me think.

VIOLA: Yes, Joe, try and remember.

OLD BLACK JOE: (With a sudden burst of light in his eyes.) I remembers now. He hid the money in dat old tree over dere.