The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 101

MEN. If you'll marry me, I've guineas not a few for you!

GIRLS. If you'll marry me, I'll take you in and du for you!

ALL. All this will I du, if you'll marry me!

Eh, but I do loike you!

Country Dance

(At end of dance, enter Constance in tears, leading Notary, who carries an ear-trumpet)

Aria--CONSTANCE

Dear friends, take pity on my lot, My cup is not of nectar!

I long have loved--as who would not?-- Our kind and reverend rector.

Long years ago my love began So sweetly--yet so sadly-- But when I saw this plain old man, Away my old affection ran-- I found I loved him madly.

Oh!

(To Notary) You very, very plain old man, I love, I love you madly!

CHORUS. You very, very plain old man, She loves, she loves you madly!

NOTARY. I am a very deaf old man, And hear you very badly!

CONST. I know not why I love him so; It is enchantment, surely!

He's dry and snuffy, deaf and slow Ill-tempered, weak and poorly!

He's ugly, and absurdly dressed, And sixty-seven nearly, He's everything that I detest, But if the truth must be confessed, I love him very dearly!

Oh!

(To Notary) You're everything that I detest, But still I love you dearly!

CHORUS. You've everything that girls detest, But still she loves you dearly!

NOTARY. I caught that line, but for the rest, I did not hear it clearly!

(During this verse Aline and Alexis have entered at back un.o.bserved.)

ALINE AND ALEXIS

ALEX Oh joy! oh joy!

The charm works well, And all are now united.

ALINE. The blind young boy Obeys the spell, And troth they all have plighted!

ENSEMBLE

Aline & Alexis Constance Notary

Oh joy! oh joy! Oh, bitter joy! Oh joy! oh joy!

The charm works well, No words can tell No words can tell And all are now united! How my poor heart My state of mind The blind young boy is blighted!

delighted.

Obeys the spell, They'll soon employ They'll soon employ A marriage bell, A marriage bell, Their troth they all To say that we're To say that we're have plighted. united. united.

True happiness I do confess True happiness Reigns everywhere, A sorrow rare Reigns everywhere And dwells with both My humbled spirit And dwells with both the s.e.xes. vexes. the s.e.xes, And all will bless And none will bless And all will bless The thoughtful care Example rare Example rare Of their beloved Of their beloved Of their beloved Alexis! Alexis! Alexis!

(All, except Alexis and Aline, exeunt lovingly.)

ALINE How joyful they all seem in their new-found happiness! The whole village has paired off in the happiest manner. And yet not a match has been made that the hollow world would not consider ill-advised!

ALEXIS But we are wiser--far wiser--than the world.

Observe the good that will become of these ill-a.s.sorted unions.

The miserly wife will check the reckless expenditure of her too frivolous consort, the wealthy husband will shower innumerable bonnets on his penniless bride, and the young and lively spouse will cheer the declining days of her aged partner with comic songs unceasing!

ALINE What a delightful prospect for him!

ALEXIS But one thing remains to be done, that my happiness may be complete. We must drink the philtre ourselves, that I may be a.s.sured of your love for ever and ever.

ALINE Oh, Alexis, do you doubt me? Is it necessary that such love as ours should be secured by artificial means? Oh, no, no, no!

ALEXIS My dear Aline, time works terrible changes, and I want to place our love beyond the chance of change.

ALINE Alexis, it is already far beyond that chance. Have faith in me, for my love can never, never change!

ALEXIS Then you absolutely refuse?

ALINE I do. If you cannot trust me, you have no right to love me--no right to be loved by me.

ALEXIS Enough, Aline, I shall know how to interpret this refusal.

BALLAD--ALEXIS

Thou hast the power thy vaunted love To sanctify, all doubt above, Despite the gathering shade: To make that love of thine so sure That, come what may, it must endure Till time itself shall fade.

They love is but a flower That fades within the hour!

If such thy love, oh, shame!

Call it by other name-- It is not love!

Thine is the power and thine alone, To place me on so proud a throne That kings might envy me!

A priceless throne of love untold, More rare than orient pearl and gold.

But no! Thou wouldst be free!

Such love is like the ray That dies within the day: If such thy love, oh, shame!

Call it by other name-- It is not love!

Enter Dr. Daly.

DR. D. (musing) It is singular--it is very singular. It has overthrown all my calculations. It is distinctly opposed to the doctrine of averages. I cannot understand it.

ALINE Dear Dr. Daly, what has puzzled you?

DR. D. My dear, this village has not hitherto been addicted to marrying and giving in marriage. Hitherto the youths of this village have not been enterprising, and the maidens have been distinctly coy. Judge then of my surprise when I tell you that the whole village came to me in a body just now, and implored me to join them in matrimony with as little delay as possible. Even your excellent father has hinted to me that before very long it is not unlikely that he may also change his condition.

ALINE Oh, Alexis--do you hear that? Are you not delighted?

ALEXIS Yes, I confess that a union between your mother and my father would be a happy circ.u.mstance indeed. (Crossing to Dr.

Daly) My dear sir--the news that you bring us is very gratifying.

DR. D. Yes--still, in my eyes, it has its melancholy side.

This universal marrying recalls the happy days--now, alas, gone forever--when I myself might have--but tus.h.!.+ I am puling. I am too old to marry--and yet, within the last half-hour, I have greatly yearned for companions.h.i.+p. I never remarked it before, but the young maidens of this village are very comely. So likewise are the middle-aged. Also the elderly. All are comely--and (with a deep sigh) all are engaged!

ALINE Here comes your father.

Enter Sir Marmaduke with Mrs. Partlet, arm-in-arm

ALINE and ALEXIS (aside). Mrs. Partlet!

SIR M. Dr. Daly, give me joy. Alexis, my dear boy, you will, I am sure, be pleased to hear that my declining days are not unlikely to be solaced by the companions.h.i.+p of this good, virtuous, and amiable woman.

ALEXIS (rather taken aback) My dear father, this is not altogether what I expected. I am certainly taken somewhat by surprise. Still it can hardly be necessary to a.s.sure you that any wife of yours is a mother of mine. (Aside to Aline.) It is not quite what I could have wished.

MRS. P. (crossing to Alexis) Oh, sir, I entreat your forgiveness. I am aware that socially I am not everything that could be desired, nor am I blessed with an abundance of worldly goods, but I can at least confer on your estimable father the great and priceless dowry of a true, tender, and lovin' 'art!

ALEXIS (coldly) I do not question it. After all, a faithful love is the true source of every earthly joy.

SIR M. I knew that my boy would not blame his poor father for acting on the impulse of a heart that has never yet misled him. Zorah is not perhaps what the world calls beautiful-- DR. D. Still she is comely--distinctly comely. (Sighs) ALINE Zorah is very good, and very clean, and honest, and quite, quite sober in her habits: and that is worth far more than beauty, dear Sir Marmaduke.

DR. D. Yes; beauty will fade and perish, but personal cleanliness is practically undying, for it can be renewed whenever it discovers symptoms of decay. My dear Sir Marmaduke, I heartily congratulate you. (Sighs)