The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 122

Scaphio: Phantis, you are not in your customary exuberant spirits.

What is wrong?

Phantis: Scaphio, I think you once told me that you have never loved?

Scaphio: Never! I have often marvelled at the fairy influence which weaves its rosy web about the faculties of the greatest and wisest of our race; but I thank Heaven I have never been subjected to its singular fascination. For, oh, Phantis!

there is that within me that tells me that when my time does come, the convulsion will be tremendous! When I love, it will be with the acc.u.mulated fervor of sixty-six years!

But I have an ideal--a semi-transparent Being, filled with an inorganic pink jelly--and I have never yet seen the woman who approaches within measurable distance of it. All are opaque--opaque--opaque!

Phantis: Keep that ideal firmly before you, and love not until you find her. Though but fifty-five, I am an old campaigner in the battle-fields of Love; and, believe me, it is better to be as you are, heart-free and happy, than as I am--eternally racked with doubting agonies! Scaphio, the Princess Zara returns from England today!

Scaphio: My poor boy, I see it all.

Phantis: Oh! Scaphio, she is so beautiful. Ah! you smile, for you have never seen her. She sailed for England three months before you took office.

Scaphio: Now tell me, is your affection requited?

Phantis: I do not know--I am not sure. Sometimes I think it is, and then come these torturing doubts! I feel sure that she does not regard me with absolute indifference, for she could never look at me without having to go to bed with a sick headache.

Scaphio: That is surely something. Come, take heart, boy! you are young and beautiful. What more could maiden want?

Phantis: Ah! Scaphio, remember she returns from a land where every youth is as a young Greek G.o.d, and where such beauty as I can boast is seen at every turn.

Scaphio: Be of good cheer! Marry her, boy, if so your fancy wills, and be sure that love will come.

Phantis: (overjoyed) Then you will a.s.sist me in this?

Scaphio: Why, surely! Silly one, what have you to fear? We have but to say the word, and her father must consent. Is he not our very slave? Come, take heart. I cannot bear to see you sad.

Phantis: Now I may hope, indeed! Scaphio, you have placed me on the very pinnacle of human joy!

DUET -- Scaphio and Phantis.

Scaphio: Let all your doubts take wing-- Our influence is great.

If Paramount our King Presume to hesitate Put on the screw, And caution him That he will rue Disaster grim That must ensue To life and limb, Should he pooh-pooh This harmless whim.

Both: This harmless whim--this harmless whim, It is as I/you say, a harmless whim.

Phantis: (dancing) Observe this dance Which I employ When I, by chance Go mad with joy.

What sentiment Does this express?

(Phantis continues his dance while Scaphio vainly endeavors to discover its meaning)

Supreme content And happiness!

Both: Of course it does! Of course it does!

Supreme content and happiness.

Phantis: Your friendly aid conferred, I need no longer pine.

I've but to speak the word, And lo, the maid is mine!

I do not choose To be denied.

Or wish to lose A lovely bride-- If to refuse The King decide, The royal shoes Then woe betide!

Both: Then woe betide--then woe betide!

The Royal shoes then woe betide!

Scaphio: (Dancing) This step to use I condescend Whene'er I choose To serve a friend.

What it implies Now try to guess;

(Scaphio continues his dance while Phantis is vainly endeavouring to discover its meaning)

It typifies Unselfishness!

Both: (Dancing) Of course it does! Of course it does!

It typifies unselfishness.

(Exeunt Scaphio and Phantis.)

March. Enter King Paramount, attended by guards and n.o.bles, and preced- ed by girls dancing before him.

CHORUS

Quaff the nectar--cull the roses-- Gather fruit and flowers in plenty!

For our king no longer poses-- Sing the songs of far niente!

Wake the lute that sets us lilting, Dance a welcome to each comer; Day by day our year is wilting-- Sing the sunny songs of summer!

La, la, la, la!

SOLO -- King.

A King of autocratic power we-- A despot whose tyrannic will is law-- Whose rule is paramount o'er land and sea, A presence of unutterable awe!

But though the awe that I inspire Must shrivel with imperial fire All foes whom it may chance to touch, To judge by what I see and hear, It does not seem to interfere With popular enjoyment, much.

Chorus: No, no--it does not interfere With our enjoyment much.

Stupendous when we rouse ourselves to strike, Resistless when our tyrant thunder peals, We often wonder what obstruction's like, And how a contradicted monarch feels.

But as it is our Royal whim Our Royal sails to set and trim To suit whatever wind may blow-- What buffets contradiction deals And how a thwarted monarch feels We probably will never know.

Chorus: No, no--what thwarted monarch feels, You'll never, never know.

RECITATIVE -- King.

My subjects all, it is your with emphatic That all Utopia shall henceforth be modelled Upon that glorious country called Great Britain-- To which some add--but others do not--Ireland.

Chorus: It is!

King: That being so, as you insist upon it, We have arranged that our two younger daughters Who have been "finished" by an English Lady-- (tenderly) A grave and good and gracious English Lady-- Shall daily be exhibited in public, That all may learn what, from the English standpoint, Is looked upon as maidenly perfection!

Come hither, daughters!

(Enter Nekaya and Kalyba. They are twins, about fifteen years old; they are very modest and demure in their appearance, dress and manner.

They stand with their hands folded and their eyes cast down.)