The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 130

Zara: Why, Arthur, what does it matter? When the higher qualities of the heart are all that can be desired, the higher notes of the voice are matters of comparative insignificance.

Who thinks slightingly of the cocoanut because it is husky?

Be- sides (demurely), you are not singing for an engagement (putting her hand in his), you have that already!

Fitz.: How good and wise you are! How unerringly your practiced brain winnows the wheat from the chaff--the material from the merely incidental!

Zara: My Girton training, Arthur. At Girton all is wheat, and idle chaff is never heard within its walls! But tell me, is not all working marvelously well? Have not our Flowers of Progress more than justified their name?

Fitz.: We have indeed done our best. Captain Corcoran and I have, in concert, thoroughly remodeled the sister-services--and upon so sound a basis that the South Pacific trembles at the name of Utopia!

Zara: How clever of you!

Fitz.: Clever? Not a bit. It's easy as possible when the Admiral- ty and Horse Guards are not there to interfere. And so with the others. Freed from the trammels imposed upon them by idle Acts of Parliament, all have given their natural tal- ents full play and introduced reforms which, even in Eng- land, were never dreamt of!

Zara: But perhaps the most beneficent changes of all has been ef- fected by Mr. Goldbury, who, discarding the exploded theory that some strange magic lies hidden in the number Seven, has applied the Limited Liability principle to individuals, and every man, woman, and child is now a Company Limited with liability restricted to the amount of his declared Capital!

There is not a christened baby in Utopia who has not already issued his little Prospectus!

Fitz.: Marvelous is the power of a Civilization which can trans- mute, by a word, a Limited Income into an Income Limited.

Zara: Reform has not stopped here--it has been applied even to the costume of our people. Discarding their own barbaric dress, the natives of our land have unanimously adopted the taste- ful fas.h.i.+ons of England in all their rich entirety.

Scaphio and Phantis have undertaken a contract to supply the whole of Utopia with clothing designed upon the most approved English models--and the first Drawing-Room under the new state of things is to be held here this evening.

Fitz.: But Drawing-Rooms are always held in the afternoon.

Zara: Ah, we've improved upon that. We all look so much better by candlelight! And when I tell you, dearest, that my Court train has just arrived, you will understand that I am long- ing to go and try it on.

Fitz.: Then we must part?

Zara: Necessarily, for a time.

Fitz.: Just as I wanted to tell you, with all the pa.s.sionate enthu- siasm of my nature, how deeply, how devotedly I love you!

Zara: Hus.h.!.+ Are these the accents of a heart that really feels?

True love does not indulge in declamation--its voice is sweet, and soft, and low. The west wind whispers when he woos the poplars!

DUET -- Zara and Fitzbattleaxe.

Zara: Words of love too loudly spoken Ring their own untimely knell; Noisy vows are rudely broken, Soft the song of Philomel.

Whisper sweetly, whisper slowly, Hour by hour and day by day; Sweet and low as accents holy Are the notes of lover's lay.

Both: Sweet and low, etc.

Fitz: Let the conqueror, flushed with glory, Bid his noisy clarions bray; Lovers tell their artless story In a whispered virelay.

False is he whose vows alluring Make the listening echoes ring; Sweet and low when all-enduring Are the songs that lovers sing!

Both: Sweet and low, etc.

(Exit Zara. Enter King dressed as Field-Marshal.)

King: To a Monarch who has been accustomed to the uncontrolled use of his limbs, the costume of a British Field-Marshal is, perhaps, at first, a little cramping. Are you sure that this is all right? It's not a practical joke, is it? No one has a keener sense of humor than I have, but the First Statutory Cabinet Council of Utopia Limited must be conduct- ed with dignity and impressiveness. Now, where are the other five who signed the Articles of a.s.sociation?

Fitz.: Sir, they are here.

(Enter Lord Dramaleigh, Captain Corcoran, Sir Bailey Barre, Mr.

Blus.h.i.+ngton, and Mr. Goldbury from different entrances.)

King: Oh! (Addressing them) Gentlemen, our daughter holds her first Drawing-Room in half an hour, and we shall have time to make our half-yearly report in the interval. I am neces- sarily unfamiliar with the forms of an English Cabinet Council--perhaps the Lord Chamberlain will kindly put us in the way of doing the thing properly, and with due regard to the solemnity of the occasion.

Lord D.: Certainly--nothing simpler. Kindly bring your chairs forward--His Majesty will, of course, preside.

(They range their chairs across stage like Christy Minstrels. King sits center, Lord Dramaleigh on his left, Mr. Goldbury on his right, Captain Corcoran left of Lord Dramaleigh, Captain Fitzbattleaxe right of Mr. Goldbury, Mr. Blus.h.i.+ngton extreme right, Sir Bailey Barre extreme left.)

King: Like this?

Lord D.: Like this.

King: We take your word for it that this is all right. You are not making fun of us? This is in accordance with the prac- tice at the Court of St. James's?

Lord D.: Well, it is in accordance with the practice at the Court of St. James's Hall.

King: Oh! it seems odd, but never mind.

SONG -- King.

Society has quite forsaken all her wicked courses.

Which empties our police courts, and abolishes divorces.

Chorus: Divorce is nearly obsolete in England.

King: No tolerance we show to undeserving rank and splendour; For the higher his position is, the greater the offender.

Chorus: That's maxim that is prevalent in England.

King: No peeress at our drawing-room before the Presence pa.s.ses Who wouldn't be accepted by the lower middle-cla.s.ses.

Each shady dame, whatever be her rank, is bowed out neatly.

Chorus: In short, this happy country has been Anglicized completely Is really is surprising What a thorough Anglicizing We have brought about--Utopia's quite another land; In her enterprising movements, She is England--with improvements, Which we dutifully offer to our mother-land!

King: Our city we have beautified--we've done it w.i.l.l.y-nilly-- And all that isn't Belgrave Square is Strand and Piccadilly.

Chorus: We haven't any slummeries in England!

King: The chamberlain our native stage has purged beyond a ques- tion.

Of "risky" situation and indelicate suggestion; No piece is tolerated if it's costumed indiscreetly--

Chorus: In short this happy country has been Anglicized com- pletely!

It really is surprising, etc.

King: Our peerage we've remodelled on an intellectual basis, Which certainly is rough on our hereditary races--