The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 34

Enter JOSEPHINE; she rushes to RALPH'S arms

JOS. Darling! (SIR JOSEPH horrified.) RALPH. She is the figurehead of my s.h.i.+p of life--the bright beacon that guides me into my port of happiness--that the rarest, the purest gem that ever sparkled on a poor but worthy fellow's trusting brow!

ALL. Very pretty, very pretty!

SIR JOSEPH. Insolent sailor, you shall repent this outrage.

Seize him!

(Two Marines seize him and handcuff him.) JOS. Oh, Sir Joseph, spare him, for I love him tenderly.

SIR JOSEPH. Pray, don't. I will teach this presumptuous mariner to discipline his affections. Have you such a thing as a dungeon on board?

ALL. We have!

d.i.c.k. They have!

SIR JOSEPH. Then load him with chains and take him there at once!

OCTETTE

RALPH. Farewell, my own, Light of my life, farewell!

For crime unknown I go to a dungeon cell.

JOS. I will atone.

In the meantime farewell!

And all alone Rejoice in your dungeon cell!

SIR JOSEPH. A bone, a bone I'll pick with this sailor fell; Let him be shown at once At once to his dungeon cell.

BOATSWAIN, d.i.c.k DEADEYE, and COUSIN HEBE

He'll hear no tone Of the maiden he loves so well!

No telephone Communicates with his cell!

BUT. (mysteriously). But when is known The secret I have to tell, Wide will be thrown The door of his dungeon cell.

ALL. For crime unknown He goes to a dungeon cell!

[RALPH is led off in custody.

SIR JOSEPH. My pain and my distress Again it is not easy to express.

My amazement, my surprise, Again you may discover from my eyes.

ALL. How terrible the aspect of his eyes!

BUT. Hold! Ere upon your loss You lay much stress, A long-concealed crime I would confess.

SONG--b.u.t.tERCUP

A many years ago, When I was young and charming, As some of you may know, I practised baby-farming.

ALL. Now this is most alarming!

When she was young and charming, She practised baby-farming, A many years ago.

BUT. Two tender babes I nursed: One was of low condition, The other, upper crust, A regular patrician.

ALL (explaining to each other).

Now, this is the position: One was of low condition, The other a patrician, A many years ago.

BUT. Oh, bitter is my cup!

However could I do it?

I mixed those children up, And not a creature knew it!

ALL. However could you do it?

Some day, no doubt, you'll rue it, Although no creature knew it, So many years ago.

BUT. In time each little waif Forsook his foster-mother, The well born babe was Ralph-- Your captain was the other!!!

ALL. They left their foster-mother, The one was Ralph, our brother, Our captain was the other, A many years ago.

SIR JOSEPH. Then I am to understand that Captain Corcoran and Ralph were exchanged in childhood's happy hour--that Ralph is really the Captain, and the Captain is Ralph?

BUT. That is the idea I intended to convey, officially!

SIR JOSEPH. And very well you have conveyed it.

BUT. Aye! aye! yer 'onour.

SIR JOSEPH. Dear me! Let them appear before me, at once!

[RALPH. enters as CAPTAIN; CAPTAIN as a common sailor. JOSEPHINE rushes to his arms

JOS. My father--a common sailor!

CAPT. It is hard, is it not, my dear?

SIR JOSEPH. This is a very singular occurrence; I congratulate you both. (To RALPH.) Desire that remarkably fine seaman to step forward.

RALPH. Corcoran. Three paces to the front--march!

CAPT. If what?

RALPH. If what? I don't think I understand you.

CAPT. If you please.

SIR JOSEPH. The gentleman is quite right. If you please.

RALPH. Oh! If you please. (CAPTAIN steps forward.) SIR JOSEPH (to CAPTAIN).You are an extremely fine fellow.

CAPT. Yes, your honour.

SIR JOSEPH. So it seems that you were Ralph, and Ralph was you.

CAPT. SO it seems, your honour.

SIR JOSEPH. Well, I need not tell you that after this change in your condition, a marriage with your daughter will be out of the question.

CAPT. Don't say that, your honour--love levels all ranks.

SIR JOSEPH. It does to a considerable extent, but it does not level them as much as that. (Handing JOSEPHINE to RALPH.) Here -- take her, sir, and mind you treat her kindly.

RALPH and JOS. Oh bliss, oh rapture!

CAPT. and BUT. Oh rapture, oh bliss!

SIR JOSEPH. Sad my lot and sorry, What shall I do? I cannot live alone!

HEBE. Fear nothing--while I live I'll not desert you.

I'll soothe and comfort your declining days.

SIR JOSEPH. No, don't do that.

HEBE. Yes, but indeed I'd rather-- SIR JOSEPH (resigned). To-morrow morn our vows shall all be plighted, Three loving pairs on the same day united!

QUARTETTE

JOSEPHINE, HEBE, RALPH, and DEADEYE