The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 61

.During this, GIRLS continue their chatter pianissimo as before, but listening intently all the time.

Did ever pirate roll His soul in guilty dreaming, And wake to find that soul With peace and virtue beaming?

ENSEMBLE

FREDERIC MABEL GIRLS

Did ever pirate Did ever maiden wake How beautifully blue loathed From dream of homely the sky, etc.

Forsake his hideous duty, mission To find her daylight To find himself break betrothed With such exceeding To lady of position? beauty?

RECIT--FREDERIC

Stay, we must not lose our senses; Men who stick at no offences Will anon be here!

Piracy their dreadful trade is; Pray you, get you hence, young ladies, While the coast is clear (FREDERIC and MABEL retire)

GIRLS: No, we must not lose our senses, If they stick at no offences We should not be here!

Piracy their dreadful trade is-- Nice companions for young ladies!

Let us disap--.

(During this chorus the PIRATES have entered stealthily, and formed in a semicircle behind the GIRLS. As the GIRLS move to go off, each PIRATE seizes a GIRL. KING seizes EDITH and ISABEL, SAMUEL seizes KATE.)

GIRLS: Too late!

PIRATES: Ha, ha!

GIRLS: Too late!

PIRATES: Ho, ho!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho, ho!

ENSEMBLE

(Pirates pa.s.s in front of (Girls pa.s.s in front of Girls.) Pirates.)

PIRATES GIRLS

Here's a first-rate opportunity We have missed our opportunity To get married with impunity, Of escaping with impunity; And indulge in the felicity So farewell to the felicity Of unbounded domesticity. Of our maiden domesticity!

You shall quickly be We shall quickly be parsonified, parsonified, Conjugally matrimonified, Conjugally matrimonified, By a doctor of divinity By a doctor of divinity, Who is located in this Who is located in this vicinity. vicinity.

By a doctor of divinity, By a doctor of divinity, Who resides in this vicinity, Who resides in this vicinity, By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor of divinity, of divinity. of divinity, of divinity.

RECIT

MABEL: (coming forward) Hold, monsters! Ere your pirate caravanserai Proceed, against our will, to wed us all, Just bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery, And father is a Major-General!

SAMUEL: (cowed) We'd better pause, or danger may befall, Their father is a Major-General.

GIRLS: Yes, yes; he is a Major-General!

(The MAJOR-GENERAL has entered unnoticed, on the rock)

GENERAL: Yes, yes, I am a Major-General!

SAMUEL: For he is a Major-General!

ALL: He is! Hurrah for the Major-General!

GENERAL: And it is, it is a glorious thing To be a Major-General!

ALL: It is! Hurrah for the Major-General!

Hurrah for the Major-General!

SONG--MAJOR-GENERAL

I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

ALL: With many cheerful facts, etc.

GENERAL: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus; I know the scientific names of beings animalculous: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's; I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous; I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!

Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

ALL: And whistle all the airs, etc.

GENERAL: Then I can write a was.h.i.+ng bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin", When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat", When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery- - In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy, You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.

ALL: You'll say a better Major-General, etc.

GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

ALL: But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

GENERAL: And now that I've introduced myself, I should like to have some idea of what's going on.

KATE: Oh, Papa-- we--- SAMUEL: Permit me, I'll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters.

GENERAL: Dear me!

GIRLS: Against our wills, Papa--against our wills!

GENERAL: Oh, but you mustn't do that! May I ask-- this is a picturesque uniform, but I'm not familiar with it.

What are you?

KING: We are all single gentlemen.

GENERAL: Yes, I gathered that. Anything else?

KING: No, nothing else.

EDITH: Papa, don't believe them; they are pirates-- the famous Pirates of Penzance!

GENERAL: The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.

MABEL: All except this gentleman (indicating FREDERIC), who was a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures to- day, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.

GENERAL: But wait a bit. I object to pirates as sons-in-law.

KING: We object to major-generals as fathers-in-law. But we waive that point. We do not press it. We look over it.

GENERAL: (aside) Hah! an idea! (aloud) And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected, and alone?

KING: Well, yes, that's the idea.